503. Chapter 503

When she first started with the DEO, she stopped changing in front of Kara.

She stopped changing in front of Kara and she learned, expertly, how to not flinch, even when a movement – even the slightest one – caused her excruciating pain.

She learned, essentially, how to hide all her pain. Physical, emotional, psychological.

She learned, essentially, how to lie.

And she was good at it.

Beating polygraph-level good at it, telling all powerful aliens who have her securely kidnapped to go to hell-level good at it.

But Maggie Sawyer?

Maggie Sawyer broke all that down, in a way that DEO training had never quite prepared her for.

Because she found family in the DEO.

People – people other than Kara – to die for, or, as J’onn kept insisting on, to live for.

But that family had a mission together. Always.

Alex and Maggie?

Alex’s sole mission with Maggie is to be happy together.

And that is the most beautiful thing, and that is the most absurdly challenging thing, about being with Maggie Sawyer.

Because Maggie is a spectacular cop. She’d make a kickass agent.

But she also is teaching Alex – just by caring about her, just by loving her, just by making her coffee in the morning and kissing the back of her neck as they fall asleep entwined in each other’s arms at night – she is also teaching Alex to unlearn so much she’s learned at the DEO.

About barriers. About walls. About suppression and about ignoring her own pain.

Discounting it as insignificant.

Maggie Sawyer thinks Alex’s pain, no matter how small, is significant.

Deserves space and deserves healing.

And that is why Alex Danvers calls to let J’onn know she’s taking the day off to recoop from yesterday’s mission. And it’s why J’onn smiles in approval, in gratitude for what he knows to be Maggie’s influence, when he tells Alex he’s proud of her for taking care of herself.

Because yesterday’s mission involved bruised ribs and busted lips and a truly ungodly dose of stiffness for both of them.

And instead of ignoring it, Alex is drawing a bath for the both of them while Maggie lights candles. Both of them moving slowly.

Both of them partially groaning and partially chuckling when even the slightest movement shoots through their entire aching bodies.

And when they finally sink into the lavender-scented bath – sink into each other, Maggie laying between Alex’s legs, Alex playing idly with Maggie’s hair, with Maggie’s breasts, with Maggie’s shoulders and her stomach – Alex understands this whole not-shoving-down-your-feelings thing.

Because at first, she thought it was just about emotional feelings. And god, it is. But now she understands – like she understood the first time they kissed, the first time they grinded until she came, blushing bright red, on Maggie’s thigh, the first time Maggie slipped inside her with gentle, sure fingers – that the whole not-shoving-down-your-feelings thing is also about taking care of her body.

Letting herself rest.

Letting her eyes flutter closed and listen to the candles flickering, listen to Maggie breathing, listen to the slight swishing of Maggie’s fingers lazily skimming the surface of the water, lovingly tracing patterns of I-love-you in at least three different languages in the bubbles accumulated on Alex’s thighs.

Letting Maggie use their fluffiest towel to pat her dry when the bubbles eventually disappear, when they finally admit that it’s time to transition out of their bath.

Letting Maggie give her the best massage she’s ever had, and – after napping with Maggie half on top of her – rolling over to give Maggie the best massage Maggie’s ever had, complete with kisses to the back of her neck, to every vertebrae of her spine.

When they eventually flip on the latest season of Project Runway – “come on, Alex, they make that stuff so fast, and they come up with it on the spot like that, it’s pretty amazing!” – and melt into each other’s bodies on Alex’s couch, their couch, their couch, Alex thinks she truly understands the whole resting thing, now.

Because maybe her body is worth taking care of, after all.

The woman dozing peacefully in her arms certainly seems to think so.