579. Chapter 579
If she hadn’t been so stupid as a teenager, he never would have found out.
If she hadn’t been so careless – if she’d just listened to Alex in the first place – he never would have found out.
He never would have spent a year stalking her sister, and she never would have had to cut into her own body with her damn credit card, and she never would have nearly drowned and she never would have nearly…
She didn’t die.
She didn’t.
But she almost did.
And even if all that other stuff wasn’t her fault – what happened when she was a teenager, coming out as Supergirl, all that – even if that wasn’t her fault, not listening to Maggie was squarely on her shoulders.
Because Maggie was right.
A hundred percent right.
Kara never looked before she leaped.
And sure, she could fly.
But no amount of flying could take back the fact that her leaping had almost gotten Alex killed.
That her leaping had been what triggered the water to start flooding, that transformed the cage into a tank.
That transformed a terrifying holding cell into a veritable torture chamber.
Her sister had survived that.
Her sister had held on through that.
She shouldn’t have had to. It was all Kara’s fault.
So she pulled back. She pulled back and she retreated into herself, into her job at CatCo and into her role as Supergirl. Into Lena. Into a destructive relationship.
She told herself it was what Alex would want.
Alex had wanted to talk to Maggie alone, not Kara.
Maggie was with Alex when she woke up, not Kara.
She told herself she was pulling away from Alex because that’s what Alex wanted.
Maggie. Not Kara.
And that was fine. That Alex wanted to spend so much time with Maggie. She couldn’t imagine being that in love and the other person not knowing and…
She brushed thoughts of Lena out of her mind.
But really, the thing that kept her away from Alex? If she were more honest with herself than she ever was with the DEO-mandated therapist?
Was that she couldn’t stand to look at her sister anymore.
Because she’d seen her sister’s nearly dead body floating in freezing water.
And it had all been her fault.
She couldn’t imagine the terror Alex had gone through.
And it had all been her fault.
Some sister she was.
So she told herself she was surprised when there was an almost aggressive knock at her door, and she x-rayed through to see who it was, and it was Maggie.
She told herself she was surprised, because she’d expected Maggie to be happy to have extra time with Alex.
But really, if she were honest with herself?
She wasn’t surprised at all.
She sighed and she dragged her feet to the door, because she knew from the sound of the knocking that Maggie wouldn’t stop until she answered.
“Aren’t you supposed to be with Alex?” she asked by way of greeting, and she found herself almost intimidated by Maggie’s arched eyebrows.
“Aren’t I supposed to… you’re supposed to be with her, Kara. It was Sisters’ Night, and you cancelled. Again.”
“So she could be with you, I thought you two would be happy to – “
“Save it, kid. You gonna let me in or are we gonna have this talk in the hallway?”
“What talk?”
“This one.”
Maggie blew past Kara into the apartment, and Kara blinked and adjusted her glasses several times before shutting the door and following her.
“Maggie – “
“Listen, Kara, I get it. I do. Sometimes I can’t look at her, because all I see is her dying, her trapped. Sometimes she wants to have sex and I – I’m sorry, kid, but you have to know it’s not just you – and I can’t, because any sound she makes, sounds that used to be my favorite sounds in the world – sorry – just sound like I’m hurting her, now. But Kara, I’m working it through. I’m talking to her about it. Well, some of it to her, because she has her own healing to do, too, and I don’t want to interfere with that. But I’m working it out, Kara, with her. Not away from her. She needs you. And I think you need her. So listen, any problem you’re having, I guarantee you that you’re not alone in it, but you can’t just – “
“And you can’t tell me what I can and can’t do, Maggie, okay? You can work it out with her because none of this is your fault! But it’s mine, Maggie, do you understand what that feels like, what it’s like to try to look her in the eyes when I’m the reason she was tortured, the reason my own sister almost died?”
“Kara – “
“I didn’t listen to you, okay, and I should have. I should have, but I didn’t, and then the water, and I – “
“The water? Kara, are you… you were trying to save your sister’s life. But me, I should have seen all this before the water, before the elevator, I… Kara, he was stalking us. Some entitled white man with no training was stalking your sister, and me, for an entire year and I didn’t know? I’m a detective, Kara, I’m in the science division, I should have noticed, I should have – “
“And Alex is a DEO agent, Maggie.” Kara’s voice was soft, then, more forgiving, then, than it was when she’d been talking about herself. “You have to live your lives, both of you, without constantly looking out for bad guys. Otherwise you’ll… you’ll always be at work, and even at home, you’ll never be home. It… it’s not your fault, Maggie, just like it’s not Alex’s.”
“Okay, whatever, maybe. But it’s not your fault either, Kid Danvers. But if you feel like it is, you need to tell her. You need to tell her, and cry with her, or do whatever you need to do with her, because you need each other, Kara.”
“Did you just… call me Kid Danvers?”
“Didn’t you tell me they had a Kid Flash over in that other universe?”
“Well, yeah, but I’m not – “
“Yes you are.”
Kara sighed and smiled for the first time in what felt like ages.
“Yes, I am.”
“So, go on, get out of her. Sisters’ Night.”
Kara gulped and took off her glasses to clean them, a luxury she was glad she could now do in front of Maggie.
“Can I make a request?” Kara asked, her voice small and just this side of intimidated.
“Course you can, Kid Danvers.”
“Can you stay? Can Alex come here, and it’ll… it’ll be the three of us, for tonight?”
Maggie fought her own tears. It didn’t help that she saw them reflected in Kara’s eyes, too.
“Sure. Sure, Kara. Let’s call her and tell her to bring all the pizza and potstickers in the land.”