615. Chapter 615

She doesn’t go straight for the liquor cabinet when she gets home, and Alex doesn’t know whether it breaks her heart more or makes her grateful.

Because Maggie’s been trying to get Alex to drink less when she’s upset, so Maggie’s doing the same thing to make it easier for her, and Alex couldn’t be more moved.

But she doesn’t want tonight to be about her.

This isn’t about her.

Because she misses Jeremiah – she has all kinds of feelings about Jeremiah – and she misses J’onn and she misses Kara, but god, the agony in Maggie’s eyes.

The decades of pent-up grief. Of not being good enough.

Of being something to be tossed onto the side of the road.

Something to be ashamed of.

“When I went after my father, I told you I had to go alone,” she says, softly, as Maggie crashes down onto the couch next to her, in front of her. As she takes her hands and wishes she could take her heart into her hands and stitch it back together, piece by piece.

Maggie nods, and Alex shakes her head. “And you told me you had to do this alone.” Maggie nods again. Alex tilts her head.

Maggie laughs dryly.

“You get that from me, Danvers.”

Alex smiles. “Somehow, Maggie, it feels like I get all the best things in my life from you.”

Maggie both smiles and scoffs, and the sound breaks Alex’s heart. Again.

“My point was, you had to go say goodbye alone, and I… I understand that. I respect it. But Maggie, this next part? This part where you’re home now, and you process, and you… you do whatever you need to do to… to grieve? To be proud of yourself? Because you should be proud of yourself, you know… This next part? The rest of our lives, learning and coping and healing? You don’t have to do this next part alone, Maggie.”

Maggie just stares.

But her eyes are welling with tears, and Alex kisses each of her knuckles without breaking eye contact.

A tear slips down Maggie’s face so fast Alex can’t wipe it away before it lands in her lap.

“I love you,” Maggie chokes out, and Alex tries not to sob.

“You too. Forever.”

Maggie smiles and coughs down tears. “Nerd.”

“Your nerd.”

“Danvers – “

“Maggie. You don’t have to shut me out.”

“You have your own father pain, Al – “

“Oh, and there’s someone in our family that doesn’t?” Alex interrupts, and Maggie tilts her head and thinks and laughs.

Hard.

“God, you’re right, it’s all of us, isn’t it?”

They put their foreheads together and they laugh until they’re not sure if they’re laughing or crying.

Until they are sure.

Until Maggie’s chest starts wracking so hard so goes completely silent, and Alex knows. She knows and she kisses her hair and she pulls her into her lap and she rocks her back and forth and side to side.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” she tells her, and Maggie sobs, and sobs, and sobs.

She sobs until she hiccups and she sobs until her entire body aches.

She sobs until Alex’s shirt is soaked through and she sobs until she can barely catch her own breath.

“Alex, I’m sorry,” she croaks, and Alex is having none of it.

“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Hey. Hey, look at me,” she pleads, and her index finger gently touches Maggie’s chin.

“Hi,” she smiles softly when their eyes meet, and Maggie’s frown intensifies.

“Sweetie, no, why are you crying?”

Alex starts, because she didn’t realize she was.

“I…” She gives the only answer that rings true. “Because you’re my soul, Maggie. When you cry, I cry.”

“I just… I know I’m good. Without him. And I told him that, I… I don’t need anyone but you, Alex. I just… I’m good, you know? Alone. And better with you. I just… I wish that made it stop hurting, I wish… I wish I didn’t want to be good enough.”

“Maggie Sawyer, you are always good enough. You… you are more than good enough, you – “

“No, but Alex, he’s right. He’s right, what he said. About this country, about… about building a damn wall, about hating…” She sighs and presses her forehead to Alex’s and wonders, not for the first time, if she’s relieved or burdened by dating a woman who tries to understand, but doesn’t in her bones.

“Yeah, he is,” Alex says, and Maggie’s heart leaps. “But he’s not right about you, Maggie. He’s right about… about racism, and about homophobia, and about what happens when they collide in the same person’s body, but he’s… he’s not right about you, Maggie. Because you are brave and powerful and kind and generous and so damn smart, so I know you know this, babe: you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You are everything to be proud of, and you are nothing to be ashamed of. Not when you were fourteen, not now, not ever.”

Maggie looks away and more tears slip down her face.

Alex kisses them away and Maggie sniffles.

“But what if… what if you – “

“What? Suddenly realize that you’re not everything I’ve ever wanted? Because you are, Maggie. Everything. You’re everything. Everything I’ve ever wanted and nothing I ever dreamed I could possibly have, possibly deserve. You are smart and tough and so, so beautiful, Maggie Sawyer, and I could not be more honored to be looking forward to a lifetime of firsts with you.”

Maggie trembles. “Even if I messed up our party with all this – “

“You didn’t mess anything up. Nothing. You understand me? You’re perfect, Maggie. I adore you. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone, and I… you make me whole, Maggie. I’m in love with you, and I want you, and I will never stop loving you, and I will never stop wanting you. I will never stop choosing you, Maggie Sawyer. Because you will always be everything I want and everything I need and everything that I love with every part of my being.”

“Alex Danvers, did you just write your vows?” Maggie flirts softly, but happily.

Happily, because maybe, just maybe, she’s finally enough for someone.

Because she’s certainly, finally, enough for herself.