640. Chapter 640

It’s the “see you around, Danvers” that does her in.

It’s the full circle that makes her resolve break.

It’s the look in Maggie’s eyes when she tells her that she’ll be a great mom that makes her step toward the door after Maggie closes it.

That makes her realize she never wants another door shut between them again.

“Maggie, wait,” she stumbles out the door, and Maggie stops without turning around.

“Alex – “ she tries with a warning in her voice, because she might break if Alex gives her any room, any option other than leaving and trying to pick up her shambles of a life.

Again.

“No, Maggie, you… you asked if I can give up all… all this. Us. And I… I know I said I could, but I can’t, I can’t, I – “

Maggie still doesn’t turn to face her. Still can’t. But she takes a deep breath, and she speaks.

“Danvers, this is what a breakup feels like. Even breakups that aren’t amicable. It feels like the earth’s fallen out from under your feet and if the person doesn’t stay, you’ll fall and shatter.”

Her voice falls and shatters, and her body nearly does to. But she swallows and makes herself keep speaking. “But you made your decision. And I want what’s best for you. And that’s… that’s not me.”

“You’re wrong,” Alex begs, the pleading in her voice for Maggie to turn, to look at her, clear in her voice.

“Danvers,” Maggie warns, and Alex dives.

“Stay with me. I’ll… we can get a dog. We’ll get a dog. And… and we’ll be really cool aunts to Ruby, and to whatever kids Lena and Kara might wanna have, and… and god, can you imagine taking care of tiny Winns and little James’s if they ever wanna have kids?”

Maggie turns, finally, with a pained grin and red eyes.

“You don’t want that, Alex. You don’t want to be the… the cool aunt. You want to be a mom.”

“I want to be your wife,” Alex reaches for her, and Maggie is in her arms before she can resist.

“You said I’m all the family you need, and Maggie, I don’t want to stop being your family just because… just because you don’t want kids. I… I can have a kid and you don’t have to have parental responsibilities, but we can be together. People do that. Or… or we can get a dog, like I said, and go from there… I don’t want a kid any time soon, so it… I… I don’t want to lose time with you. The years we can have – “

“But won’t that just make it worse? When you decide it’s time for you to have a kid?”

“That’s always an argument, Maggie. It’ll be more painful to fall in love, to let someone in, to… to kiss the girls we wanna kiss.”

They both sob slightly, but it’s in each other’s arms, now, their foreheads pressed together, Maggie’s bag dropped at her feet.

“I’d rather take the risk. I can’t lose you. I can’t… I can’t lose my family. You’re my family, Maggie, and you’re enough. I want you, Maggie Sawyer. I’m in love with you. Please stay. Please.”

Maggie steps back and tries to swallow. It takes several tries.

Alex waits with her heart in her throat.

“You can’t go back and forth about this, Alex. We can’t… we can’t do this where I’m not enough and then I am and then I’m not – “

“No. No, Maggie, that’s not what… you almost died. Remember? And then you kissed me, because life is too short? And then… and then I almost died, and that’s when we said I love you. And then, just now, I was watching you leave, and I… I don’t want you to. Please?”

“So you’re saying we need near death or near breakup experiences to bring us to next levels in our relationship? Because you forgot that you also proposed right after this massive war…”

“Yeah, we’ve gotta work on that, don’t we?”

They laugh, and it’s wet and it’s exhausted and it’s anguished. It’s hopeful and it’s drained and it’s full of rich, rich love.

“Please come inside and… and we’ll put our rings back on. Please Maggie? Please.”

Maggie tilts her head. “It is a pretty nice ring you got me, Danvers.”

“Maggie,” Alex blushes and begs.

“I am so in love with you,” Maggie whispers, somber now, serious now, into Alex’s lips right before she kisses them, right before she kisses her like she’s never kissed her before, like she’ll never kiss her again.

But now?

Now, she will, she will, she will.