702. Chapter 702

She’d panicked, and Maggie understood panic.

She’d blamed herself, and Maggie had her own intimate relationship with guilt.

But her panic, her guilt, had bubbled over into making Maggie feel like she was disposable; making her feel like she was a mistake.

So when she told Alex she gets one, that’s all she meant.

She gets to make her feel like she’s a mistake once.

Not again.

Because she’s been here before: the pushing away and the pulling back.

And it happens once, she can chalk it up to panic and guilt and inexperience.

More than that? It’s a pattern, and it’s one she’s not going to loop herself into again.

So she tells Alex she gets one, but that’s not what Alex hears.

Alex hears that she needs to be perfect, or else she and Maggie are done.

So she does what Alex Danvers always does; she throws herself into research.

Researching how to be the best girlfriend on this or any Earth.

And it doesn’t stop at research; it bleeds into her every movement, her every decision.

Because when Alex Danvers commits to something, dammit, she’s going to do it right.

Especially when she’s on probation. When she’s already marred her record, and she has to be perfect from hereon in to avoid excruciating pain.

It doesn’t take Maggie too long to notice.

How quick Alex is to offer to cancel on Kara. How overly apologetic she is when she has to interrupt their morning to go in to work. How every date she plans is expensive and elaborate.

And at first, she thinks Alex is just being Alex.

So she encourages her to not cancel on Kara; to spend time with her sister.

She assures her that she understands the grind of their jobs, and of course she shouldn’t worry about having to head in to work.

And she makes sure to tell her how much she enjoys their dates, but that she’s also perfectly happy to stay home and cuddle with bad TV and takeout.

But it’s not until Alex starts crying when Maggie’s taking longer than usual to orgasm that she realizes the depth of the pressure she’s putting on herself.

“Hey, hey, babe, come here,” she sits up, untangling her fingers from Alex’s hair and encouraging her to crawl up from between her legs so she can kiss her lips.

“No, I’m sorry, I can do better, I – “

“Hey, whoa, Alex, I love what you’re doing. You’re amazing. Your tongue is amazing, your fingers…” She bites her lip as she trails off before shaking her head and cupping Alex’s face in her hands. “Talk to me, sweetie.”

But Alex shakes instead of talks, and then Maggie thinks she understands.

And she feels like she got punched in the gut. Or worse.

Alex licks her trembling lips and speaks, then, because Maggie had asked her to.

“I can’t make you come so I’m not being a good enough girlfriend, and if I only get one then that means you’ll leave and I don’t want you to leave and – “

“Alex, babe. No, that’s not… I’m sorry I wasn’t clear enough. Sweetie, you’re incredible, and you’re an amazing girlfriend, but I don’t lo – I don’t like you because you perform perfectly. I… I’m with you because you’re you, Danvers. That’s what’s perfect about you: you. Not… not actual perfection, you know?”

“But – “

“I didn’t mean you don’t get to make mistakes, Alex. I meant…” Her voice gets small, now, because suddenly it’s going to become about comforting her, not about comforting Alex. And that’s uncomfortable territory for her. To say the least.

“I meant, you can make mistakes, of course you can, Alex. But I meant… just don’t make me feel like I’m a mistake you made.”

There’s a beat of silence, and Alex’s eyes fill with fresh tears. “Maggie, no,” she whispers, taking Maggie’s face between her hands, now, and kissing every part of her face that she can.

“You could never be a mistake I made, or a mistake everyone else made. You’re brilliant, Maggie, and I… you could never be a mistake. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’m so sorry.”

“And I’m sorry I made you think – “

“You didn’t make me think anything. I interpreted.”

“I could have chosen my words better – “

“Are we…” A mischievous grin starts forming on Alex’s mouth now, even as they kiss comfort onto each other’s lips. “Are we both arguing that it’s not the other’s fault when we could go back to the very important business of making you come instead?”

Maggie’s eyebrows shoot up as her breath hitches and kisses Alex soundly.

“Sounds like extremely important business indeed, Agent Danvers. Back to it then, hm?”

They both dissolve into a puddle of giggles and cuddles instead, which turns out to be absolutely perfect.