761. Chapter 761

There wasn’t the vocabulary for it, growing up.

At least, there wasn’t vocabulary for it that Kara and Alex had access to. And without something to call it – without knowing how to explain it – both the Danvers kids were at a loss.

“Do you want me to not call you my sister?” Alex had asked after the sun set on the first day Kara got catcalled while walking down the street.

“What?” Kara had nearly crashed into the ceiling in surprise at Alex’s question. Or, not surprise. Maybe… fear. At what might come with it.

Fear, and a whole lot of exhilaration.

“I mean, not that you’re not family, Kara, you know I’d never mean it that way. I just… you seemed uncomfortable with those jerks catcalling you, obviously, but not… not for certain reasons. You seemed upset because of the way the were boys and were treating you like a girl. And I know you think I don’t pay attention sometimes when you tell me about Krypton, but I do, and I know our social stuff is different here, so – "

"I didn’t have a sister on Krypton. I wasn’t anyone’s sister. So you’re my first real association with it. So I like it. Being your sister."

Kara didn’t respond to the rest of what Alex was saying, what Alex was implying. They both knew why, but Alex didn’t push it. She just let it hang between them, and let Kara know that it was okay when the conversation came up again. Which, she figured, it inevitably would.

Sure enough, it would come up over the years before countless first dates where boys expected certain things from Kara, from Kara’s body. Alex would have suggested exploring dating women, but that gave her a swirling pit deep in her own stomach, for some reason, so she avoided it.

Until, of course, there was Maggie.

And by the time there was Maggie, the Danvers kids had added some vocabulary to their repertoire.

Dysphoria being one of them; the one they used, only between themselves, and with Winn, because Winn understood perfectly, when Kara liked the shape of their own body, but couldn’t stand the way people reacted to it, which made them feel differently about it, which made mirrors and clothes and even their superhero name an impossible thing to navigate and then everything would spiral and then…

Alex used the word in front of Maggie, once.

Kara and Maggie had long since overcome their jealousy, their awkwardness, their possessiveness of Alex; something about Alex almost being tortured to death and having to work together to save herwould do that.

So Alex casually referring to Kara’s dysphoria in front of a relatively new person didn’t even register as a blip for Kara. Until they noticed the soft, knowing way that Maggie was tilting her head at them. They knew that look. It was one their sister had adopted on many occasions, since the two of them started dating.

And while it made Kara huff in faux exasperation, it also spun a web of hope in the deep depths of their belly; because maybe Maggie knew, maybe Maggie could give them some choices that they’d been too scared to research.

"What, Maggie?” they asked, their voice dropping Supergirl-deep, and Maggie chuckled.

“You’re cute, Little Danvers, you know that?"

"Maggie, what? I know your thinking face. That was your thinking face."

Kara gestured at her with chopsticks that they’d skewered through four potsitkcers: a potstickabob, they and Alex had started calling the heavenly treat years ago.

"Out with it!” they demanded, and Maggie rolled her eyes, savoring the new, tender lack of tension between them.

“Just… you ever think maybe you might be nonbinary?"

Something about the word – they’d heard it before, researching everything they could when Alex first came out, but they’d been focused on Alex, then, not on themself.

Hearing it now, focused on them… something odd happened to their stomach. Something odd, and something beautiful.

"Not until right now,” their answer was soft. “Except… except maybe I’ve thought it all along, with no word for it. Just a feeling like…"

They thought for a moment that Maggie might supply a word, but she didn’t. She just waited, patiently, like Kara imagined she had when Alex had stumbled her way out of the closet. Alex held Kara’s hand, stroking her thumb over the back of their hand.

"Just feeling like,” they started again, taking courage from their sister and one day, they hoped, sister-in-law. “Not quite right. Or… like Supergirl isn’t wrong, exactly, maybe, but it’s not… complete. Like it’s missing about a million qualifiers, and like every day when people… they’re not seeing what I see when I look at me. Or… what I feel, when I look at me."

They hadn’t expected to cry. They hadn’t expected to collapse into their sister’s waiting arms, to have Maggie kiss their hair and tell them, just like Alex, that she’s proud of them.

They did, expect, though, a fresh order of potstickers and pizza to accompany what was sure to be a long, long night.

And that’s exactly, heavenly, what they got.