9. Who You Run Toward

It wasn’t a conscious decision of Eddie’s. He just drove and let his body take him where it did. Which was Steve’s front door. And now that he was there, he couldn’t help but regret ringing the doorbell, but he’d done it before he had time to think.

The longer Steve took to answer the more fidgety Eddie got. By the time the door opened, Eddie was bouncing anxiously in place. He stilled when he saw Steve, for some reason feeling surprised, unable to find what to say despite a million thoughts swarming his head.

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, taking in Eddie’s demeanor. “Uh, hey… What’s up?” It took so much of Eddie’s concentration just to move his jaw, he couldn’t find any words.

“Who is it, Steve?” A woman’s voice came from somewhere inside, and immediate regret flooded Eddie.

“U-uh, just a friend!” Steve called back. This seemed to be enough for whoever asked, as Steve stepped out and closed the door. “Sorry, my parents are here. What happened?” Apparently it was obvious something happened, though Eddie supposed he wasn’t doing much to hide it.

Eddie’s brain blustered to a start. “A lot… I guess,” he offered, meekly trying to keep his tone lighthearted. “Sorry, I didn’t expect your parents to be here,” he shook his head, not able to look anywhere other than his shoes. “I should… leave,” he took a step back.

“No–” Steve held up an urgent hand. “I mean, don’t leave. Just…” he looked back at his door, clearly trying to work something out in his head. He turned to Eddie, determination in his eyes, “Give me a minute. Stay here.” Eddie nodded timidly, Steve immediately disappearing back into his house and closing the door.

It was quite a few minutes before Steve returned, and Eddie started to wonder if he should just leave. But eventually Steve opened the door again, and at the entrance of his house was… a lot of different things Eddie didn’t expect.

For one, a fuck ton of blankets and pillows. (That was something Eddie had also learned about rich people: they always have an absurd amount of blankets and pillows.) There were also two backpacks that looked packed to the brim, a lantern, and a small portable stereo.

Eddie was so stunned, for the smallest fraction of a second he forgot why he drove there in the first place. “This is where you explain, Harrington,” he said quietly, still worried he couldn’t talk above a certain volume without ripping into a scream. If he had the mental stamina to smile, he would’ve.

“Well, you’re a man who defies odds, Munson,” Steve gave a light smirk before bending down to pick up a backpack. “Out of all the days you could’ve picked to show up on my doorstep unannounced, you chose one of the rare times my parents are home.” He punctuated his sentence with a teasing smile, shrugging on the backpack. Which was apparently heavy, given Steve’s slowed movement. “Now help me load this shit into the back of your van.”

Eddie was still buffering as Steve picked up a stack of blankets, but soon hurried over to open the back of his van. They finished putting the rest of the stuff in the van in silence, which Eddie was grateful for. His limit of not losing his mind while speaking was quickly being reached.

He was headed for the driver’s seat when Steve stopped him with a scolding noise. “Uh-uh. Not happening, Munson. No offense, but I don’t want you drivin’ me around when you’re all… twitchy.” Eddie thought about protesting, but he didn’t have the energy. He handed over his keys with a small sigh before heading around to the passenger side.

Eddie was already strapped in when Steve paused outside the driver’s door. “Oh, one sec. Forgot somethin’.” He walked to the back of his car, opening it up and pulling out a bat and the bag of baseballs. Steve also grabbed something from up front, shoving it into his jacket pocket before Eddie could see what it was.

Eddie raised his eyebrows at Steve as he lightly tossed the items into the back of the van. “We’re going to ball log?”

“We gotta come up with a better name than ‘ball log’,” Steve responded as he sat down. He let out a cleansing sigh before turning to look at Eddie with his full attention. “And yes.” He started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

“Your parents don’t care?” Eddie checked the clock on the dash. “Kinda late.”

Steve scoffed. “Trust me they do not care,” he murmured, before adding, more upbeat, “Which is good for us.”

Eddie nodded, the reality of what his night had been starting to sink back in. Steve seemed to be waiting for Eddie to speak on his own accord, but Eddie didn’t think he had the fortitude to. At some point, Steve appeared to have realized this as well. “So…” He started. “You gonna tell me what happened?” His tone was uncertain yet curious.

“Would you believe me if I said it was just to smoke weed?” He jested dejectedly, watching the road ahead of them.

Steve let out a quiet snort. “No chance.”

“Right. Didn’t think so,” Eddie responded flatly. “Thought I’d at least try.” He saw Steve glance at him in his peripheral vision, and even without fully seeing it he knew what look he was giving him. You’re dodging the question.

Eddie let out a long sigh, but his hands were trembling at even the thought of recounting everything. Definitely couldn’t begin to relay whatever the fuck was going on inside him. He needed more space for this. Ground beneath his feet. “I think I wanna wait until we get there,” he hated how small his voice sounded.

“Okay,” Steve said, glancing over at Eddie momentarily. “Do you wanna listen to music or something? Ball log is kinda far.”

“Yeah,” Eddie blinked a few times, the fog in his head mucking up his response time.

“Reach into my pocket,” Steve commanded, Eddie giving him a wildly confused look. Steve glanced over, giving him an unimpressed face. “My jacket pocket. I only got three tapes, but I brought them just in case. Ya know, if you want something different from your… chaos music.”

Eddie reached into the pocket closest to him and found, sure enough, three tapes. The one on top was The Visitors by ABBA. He held it up to Steve with a raised eyebrow.

“ABBA?” He breathed a laugh, Steve giving him an unamused face.

“Listen, it was an impulse buy,” Steve said seriously, Eddie outright laughing, which made him get more defensive. “Seriously. I had just gotten the car, and I just wanted something to listen to– They’re the start of the alphabet–”

Eddie snorted hardily at this. “This is definitely making me believe you, keep going,” Eddie said as he put the ABBA tape in his lap, examining the next one.

“I don’t gotta prove myself,” Steve muttered with a dismissive wave of his hand.

The next tape had a white piece of paper with writing as the only cover. It read “To: Steve” with “Max’s Mix” underneath in purple marker. Eddie smiled, small but genuine. “Thoughtful,” he commented. “Considering she and Dustin are your number one bullies.”

Steve smiled lazily at this. “Yeah, well. Guess we all show our love differently, or whatever,” he said noncommittally. Eddie put Max’s tape in his lap as well, looking at the final one.

He felt warmth bloom in his chest as he stared at the Christmas present he’d gotten Steve last year: Hot Space by Queen. He remembered feeling bad because all he’d gotten him was the tape, but Steve got him a new watch. Apparently Steve remembered his last one broke when Carver chased him into Lover’s Lake. Eddie was wearing it now. In fact, he wore it every day. It’s his only watch, afterall.

“Be honest, how much have you actually listened to this?” Eddie teased half heartedly, still feeling low battery.

“Considering it’s one of three 8 tracks I keep in my car, I’d say pretty often, Munson,” Steve said back, smirk tugging his lips. A full-fledged smile stretched Eddie’s own face, reminding him that he could still form one. It was a needed reminder.

He put the Queen and ABBA tape in his center console, popping in Max’s mix. “What’s with all the stuff, anyway? How long are you expecting to spend at the ball log this late?”

“Well, like I said, you decided to cash in on that peace promise the one time we wouldn’t have peace,” he ragged lightheartedly, “So I had to improvise. We’re turning your van into a metal tent on wheels for the night.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows, immediately thinking of having to sleep in jeans. “I didn’t bring anything to sleep–”

“Jeez, Munson,” Steve took a moment to smile over at Eddie in amusement. “Someone needs to show you how to let go of control. Relax. Humor me, let me be in charge.” He fixed Eddie with a look before returning his gaze to the road. Eddie stared at him with a tight-lipped, hesitant smile. But eventually he sighed and collapsed back against his seat, settling in for whatever Steve had planned. They listened to Max’s mix in a comfortable silence on low for the rest of the ride. Eddie pointedly didn’t think about what he said he’d do next time he saw Steve. There was already… too much.

Instead of parking on the road, Steve carefully drove Eddie’s van into the clearing before cutting the engine with the ball log behind them. “C’mon,” Steve said quietly, popping open his door. “We got setting up to do.”

Eddie followed Steve to the back of his van, opening the doors and– actually listening to Steve’s request– let the other man take the lead. Steve put essentially everything that wasn’t a pillow or blanket on the ground before climbing in the van, having to hunch over. He lined the sides of the van with a copious amount of pillows, concentrating them in a small wall behind the backs of Eddie’s seats. Once this was done, he looked at Eddie, who felt mildly useless just watching him work.

“‘Kay, help me lay the blankets out,” Steve said as he hobbled over to the folded blankets. “The goal is for our backs to not feel like we slept in a van tomorrow,” he gave Eddie a lopsided smile. Eddie’s lips twitched upwards in the slightest. They layered the floor of the van in blanket after blanket. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing, but it certainly wasn’t painful to sit on by the time they were done.

Steve bent down and turned on one of the camping lanterns he brought, setting it on the edge of the open van. He picked the other one up before giving Eddie a playful smirk. “Be right back…” He said in a spooky voice, wiggling his fingers for added effect before jogging off.

A light came on in front of the log, bottles already set up on top. Steve headed back to Eddie, who was sitting on the edge of the open van. It actually wasn’t that dark, considering the moon was nearly full and they were far from the treeline, but the lamp still helped. The stars were surprisingly bright out here, though he supposed it wasn’t saying much compared to the light pollution of town.

“So,” Steve breathed as he arrived back. There was no playful smile on his face, seeming hesitant to speak. Eddie swallowed, looking at his feet hanging off the van. “Still need a minute?” He wasn’t rushing, merely asking in earnest.

“I don’t think I’m ever gonna wanna say it out loud,” Eddie gave a meek, humorless laugh. “So I might as well do it now.” He ran his hands roughly over his face with a long sigh. Steve sat next to him, shoulder to shoulder.

Eddie currently felt like he was going to blink out of existence at any second, and the touch reminded him he was still corporeal. Steve crossed his arms loosely, he and Eddie seeming to stare into the same spot on the ground.

He took a deep breath, trying to force as much volume into his voice as possible, but he could barely muster more than a whisper, “My parents disowned me.” It felt so foreign in his mouth, to his ears. Carried so much weight yet, somehow… none at all.

Steve was looking at him now, his eyes wide in Eddie’s peripheral. He couldn’t stomach seeing his face, no matter what it wore. “Eddie… I…” It was the kind of thing that rendered others speechless, Eddie knew that. He didn’t expect Steve to have anything to say. He didn’t know what he expected to gain from telling Steve. Eddie just knew he wanted to.

“I’m sorry, Eddie,” he said finally, sounding in disbelief himself. A solid but comforting hand snaked up his back, Steve resting his hand around the back of Eddie’s neck. He lightly massaged Eddie’s neck, slowly.

Eddie gave a weak shrug and shook his head in defeat. “It’s okay,” he whispered, even quieter. He felt like crying, felt it welling up inside him like an impending monsoon. But the tears never fell. Instead, he leaned into Steve more.

“No,” Steve said firmly, shaking his head. “I-It’s not okay. How could they do that to you?” Eddie rarely saw Steve mad, but the look on his face was one of pure disgust.

“Uh, well,” Eddie said shakily. “Technically, it’s because of Carver.” Steve’s movements stopped as he stared at the side of Eddie’s face, eyes indignantly wide.

“Carver?” Steve echoed. “What the fuck did he do?”

“Threatened them, apparently,” Steve rolled his eyes, but it was a full head movement, the hand not on Eddie coming to wipe over his mouth in disbelief. Eddie noticed one of Steve’s legs was now bouncing, moving the both of them a bit. He began rubbing Eddie’s neck again as he faced him once more, waiting for him to continue. “They… don’t feel safe being related to me, or something,” Eddie shook his head again, dropping his gaze even further.

“That’s fucking bullshit,” Steve spat. “I’m gonna kill Carver.”

“Honestly, it’s not even worth it. This would’ve happened eventually,” Eddie said bitterly, face downturned in a frown. “This was just the excuse they decided to go with.”

“Eddie–”

“No, it’s true, Steve,” Eddie insisted, brows knitted tightly together as he still avoided Steve’s face. “There wasn’t… any one reason why my parents hated me. It wasn’t like I did anything specific, it was just… everything about me. All of it,” he gestured flippantly with one hand before letting it fall back in his lap, “Went against everything they valued. Whether it was D&D, heavy metal, how I dressed,” Eddie sighed, voice wavering. “Being gay,” he sucked in a harrowed breath. “Just one disappointment after the other, far as they were concerned.

Eddie fiddled with his rings, twisting one around repeatedly. “I uh, I live with Wayne because they found out I was selling weed at fourteen,” he snorted lightly. “Was trying to save up to move out as soon as I could. But they, uh… just kicked me out instead. In reality, though, I knew they always thought something was different about me. Ya know, from when I was younger, and didn’t know there was… somethin’ to hide.” Eddie shrugged but his shoulders stayed tensed up, his voice croaking in the slightest as he finished the sentence.

“They’re fucking idiots, Eddie,” Steve’s hand moved from Eddie’s neck to tussle his hair, resting on the back of his head. Eddie loosened again, though not entirely. His entire being felt clenched. “You deserve more than them.”

Eddie couldn’t help but scoff bitterly. “Whether I deserve it or not seems irrelevant. The whole town already wants me dead.”

“Then fuck the whole town–”

“That’s easy for you to say, Harrington!” Eddie’s voice came out louder than he intended, but now that he was yelling he was feeling the anger. His words began to spill out of him. “What’s the fucking point in anything if everyone thinks I’m a fucking murderer?” He spat the words with so much vile, abject disgust that it took his whole body to do so. He stood up then, curling his hands in the air as if doing so might pull free some way to make all of this stop.

Eddie began to pace as he spoke. “I might as well have lost the trial the way this town treats me. I only got a job at the video store because of Robin, and people avoid me like the plague or track me down because they think I’m some– some fucking sick freak, who kills people in the worst way– and, on top of that–” Eddie balled his hand into a fist and hit his leg for emphasis, still unable to meet Steve’s eyes as he poured himself out to the ground. “I can’t even fucking blame them!”

Eddie held his arms outstretched widely before both hands raked through his hair. “I have no excuse as to why I didn’t kill her. I can’t even be that fucking mad at Carver, because he thinks I killed his girlfriend in the most–” Eddie sucked in a sharp breath as he stopped his pacing. When he spoke again it was strained, “Horrifying, gruesome way. In a way that makes it impossible to fathom a human being could do it, but it must be, because what else is there…?” Eddie trembled in place, his eyes staring somewhere far away from the clearing entirely.

“I saw it,” Eddie whispered, simple and shaky. “And I never stopped seeing it.” His eyes met Steve’s for the first time. The world around him seemed to halt as he rasped in a tiny, microscopic voice, “I thought she was gonna be my friend.”

But Steve must have heard it, because a look crashed over his eyes, mostly of pain. Eddie didn’t have long to see it, as almost immediately Steve wrapped his arms around him. The dam inside Eddie finally broke as Steve clutched him tightly, one arm over his shoulders and the other around his side. Eddie cried almost silently into Steve’s shoulder, fisting his shirt into his hands. Though his sobs were quiet, they racked Eddie’s entire body.

Steve rubbed circles over his back, tucking his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck when a particularly harsh heave rippled through him. “Look, I don’t know what to say, Eddie,” he lifted his face just enough to speak, softly in Eddie’s ear. “But you got people on your side,” with their proximity, Eddie heard him swallow. “You got me on your side.”

Eddie hugged him tighter, burying his own face into Steve’s neck, his crying finally subsiding. “Thanks, Steve,” he murmured into his skin. They just stood there for a moment, embracing each other, but it wasn’t awkward for even a second. Even with Eddie knowing what he would tell Steve next time they saw each other.

Eddie initiated the pull away, and that’s when he saw Steve’s eyes were red and glassy. At some point, he must have been crying as well, though Eddie didn’t know when. Steve ran a hand through his hair, clearing his throat as he seemed to think about something. Eddie raised a curious eyebrow.

Steve had one hand on his hip, the other stroking his chin as he narrowed thoughtful eyes on Eddie. “Think you need something to let off some steam,” he walked over to the van, grabbing the two bats (one Eddie still had from that day with Jason, and the other being Steve’s) as well as the bag of baseballs.

“I could barely hit the target when I wasn’t a mess,” Eddie countered, wiping his eyes with his hands. “Don’t think I’m gonna have much luck now.”

“Don’t know ‘til you try, now do you?” Steve smirked, tossing a bat at Eddie, who thankfully caught it. Eddie rolled his eyes, the faintest smile on his face as he walked a few paces closer, Steve in tow with the ball bag. Once they were roughly where they stood last time, Steve dumped the baseballs between them. “Alright, you get a few warm up shots and then we’re competing, Munson.”

“Such a jock,” Eddie muttered teasingly. Steve lightly shoved his shoulder with a smile.

“Start swingin’. You want a jacket you can actually move in?” Steve asked.

“Oh, what? Is it not good form to hit baseballs at trash in a leather jacket?” Eddie mocked with as much energy as his lagging body could muster.

“Hey, I just don’t want you saying I had an advantage,” he plucked the brown windbreaker he was wearing between his fingers briefly.

“Whatever you suggest, teach,” Eddie started lining up his ball for his first practice swing, Steve retreating to the van. He tossed the ball directly up in the air and took a swing, missing his first time. And his second. “Damn, I forgot this was actually hard,” Eddie muttered to himself.

“Here,” Steve said as he jogged back over, holding out a yellow crew neck. Eddie recognized it, of course. He wore it frequently, but it was also what Steve was wearing the first time Eddie went to the Upside Down. Well, he wore it that day. He was mostly shirtless for the actual Upside Down bit. “If you’re capable of wearing something other than black, denim, or leather.”

“Ha ha,” Eddie said dryly, dropping the bat and taking the sweater. He shrugged off his jacket and vest before also dropping them to the ground, tugging on Steve’s crewneck. Eddie was instantly surrounded by Steve’s cologne and whatever he put in his hair. Overall, a sweet and musky scent that made a calm wash over Eddie.

“Thanks,” he said, pulling his hair out from inside the sweater. Steve just stared at him. Eddie, partially in order to compensate for his creeping blush but mostly because he couldn’t help himself, said, “Don’t let my ravishing good looks throw you off your game, Harrington. I might just win this little competition of yours.” With that he picked the bat back up, lining up another shot.

“In your dreams, Munson,” Steve scoffed. He watched as Eddie took a few more practice swings, giving tips or teases as he pleased. Once Eddie started consistently hitting balls, and even hit the targets, they recollected the baseballs. Steve set up a few more bottles to replace the ones Eddie hit, and the competition started.

Eddie got twenty tries to hit as many bottles as he could, and Steve got fifteen, to make it more fair considering Steve was an expert. He had to give it to Steve, it was the perfect distraction. Between the competitive nature of the two of them and their messing around, Eddie found himself laughing and distracted nearly the entire time.

Even as the competition finished (Steve winning as predicted,) Eddie found his mind wandering back to Wayne’s news less and less. Though it was still there. In the silences. The pauses in conversation, no matter how brief. But Steve was helping.

“I can’t believe you missed so badly we lost a ball,” Steve chuckled.

Eddie knocked his shoulder against his scoldingly, but he was smiling himself. “Way to kick a guy when he’s down, Stevie.”

“You still did better than last time,” Steve commented. “But I guess that wasn’t hard to do.”

“You’re brutal,” Eddie scoffed in amusement as they both crawled into the van, Steve discarding the extra lamp in the front seat. Eddie leaned on the pillows propped up against the seats. Steve was crouching over one of the backpacks, pulling out a few bags of chips before he let out a triumphed “Aha!” He produced a six pack of beer before coming to sit next to Eddie. The interior of the van was smaller with all the pillows, so they had to sit close, legs and arms pressed against each other.

“What if the cops come and we gotta leave?” Eddie asked, unsure.

“Munson,” Steve scolded playfully. “Told you to relax. I’ve slept out here in my car a few times, no one really goes through here. Plus, we got a few trees covering us.” It was true. While the trees between them and the road were few, leaving the street partially visible, if you didn’t turn off onto the small clearing you likely wouldn’t notice a car there at all. “Don’t drink if you don’t wanna, but we’re fine. I promise,” he looked at Eddie as he said the last part, taking on a more serious tone as he held his gaze.

Eddie was already focusing on something else he said, however. “You sleep out here by yourself?”

Steve shrugged as he pulled a can free, offering it to Eddie. He accepted, cracking it open. “Sometimes. When my parents are home and I need space.” He got his own can and opened it, placing the rest of the six pack next to him.

“You don’t talk about them a lot,” Eddie noted, inspecting Steve as he took a sip of his beer.

Steve shrugged again. “There’s not much worth saying, I guess.”

Eddie’s brows creased a bit. “What’s worth saying, then?” He asked gently, aware he was treading on rocky ground. Steve’s parents were clearly a subject he didn’t like indulging in, and he’d already made this a wildly emotional night for the man. When Steve seemed to hesitate, Eddie rushed to add, “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, it’s fine,” Steve said simply, taking a sip of his drink. He pursed his lips, staring out of the van into the clearing, where blue moonlight shimmered on dewy grass. “You know how I said they travel so much because they’re rich and they can?” Eddie nodded.

“Well… it’s basically confirmed that it’s… to get away. From me,” Steve pressed his lips into a tight line as he looked down at his can, finger tracing the rim idly. “I mean, I kept them happy enough for a while. Between basketball and swimming, it kind of made up for the bad grades. But… I dunno. After everything started and I’d… seen what I’d seen. Fought for my life– for other peoples’ lives… The little I was doing to keep them neutral to my existence was a lot harder to keep up.”

Eddie pressed his shoulder more into Steve’s. Steve pressed back. He continued to stare into his lap or out at the field, not looking at Eddie since he’d started talking about his parents. He scoffed, the humor behind it bitter. “I mean I couldn’t exactly explain that I’d been fighting monsters, or tortured by Russians. They never really cared who I was before everything, but once I stopped trying as much, it was like I had no…” Steve shook his head, searching for a word. “Worth. My mom tried to suggest I work for my dad, and I considered it for a while.”

“Why didn’t you do it?” Eddie asked.

“Because I could tell he hated the idea,” Steve snorted dryly. “Before everything he wanted it, but… I guess I quickly fell from ‘nuisance’ to ‘fuck up’ in his eyes. Probably just didn’t wanna deal with me.” Steve said all this as if it weren’t incredibly cruel. As if he were only recounting a rough day. A pang shot through Eddie at the dejected look in his eyes.

“You’re not one, by the way,” Eddie said gently. Steve met his gaze with a questioning expression. “A nuisance. Or a fuck up.”

“Maybe not,” Steve said simply, looking out at the clearing again. “But they’re still right. I have… no fucking idea what I want to do with my life.”

Eddie snorted at this. “Harrington, we’re twenty. And while everyone else was figuring out what they wanna do for the rest of their lives, you were killing monsters and keeping the people you loved alive.” Steve seemed unconvinced as he nodded, and Eddie wasn’t having it.

“I’m serious, Steve,” Eddie said as he readjusted to face Steve more, the arm that had been against his angling so he could rest his hand on Steve’s shoulder. This completed his goal of gaining Steve’s attention, looking at Eddie with rounded eyes.

“I don’t see anyone care about the people they love the way you do. Not often, at least. I mean,” Eddie shook his head, trying to find a way to convey such an important message so it would sink in. “You always know how to get me out of my head. I see how much you do for the kids and how much you mean to them. If someone you care about needs help, you don’t quit until you can find a way to help them.”

Eddie felt like he was rambling, and also like he could gush for hours more about all the amazing things that made up Steve. Instead, he ended with, “Anyone can learn how to be a lawyer, or a fuckin’ scientist. Sure others might be better at it than some, but if someone wanted it enough they could do it. But what you have,” Eddie tightened his grip on Steve assuringly, voice quieting down in sincerity. “That can’t be taught, Stevie.”

Steve’s attentive eyes flicked back and forth between Eddie’s, lips slightly parted as he examined whatever he saw. Eddie just hoped he took what he said to heart. Steve’s searching expression gave way to an almost sheepish smile. “Thanks, Munson,” and then for the second time that night Steve was tussling Eddie’s hair. He held his head in place, giving him a playfully stern look as he said, “Noted. But tonight’s not about me.”

He removed his hand from Eddie’s head, placing his beer at the edge of the van as he got up and crawled so he could open the center console. Eddie leaned to the side so Steve wasn’t smothering him as he searched for what he wanted.

When he sat back down, he grabbed the small stereo, the Queen tape in hand. “Prepare to be relaxed,” he popped in the tape and sat up again, Eddie chuckling as he had to lean over once more. The beginning of ‘Staying Power’ played softly from the boombox that Steve placed in the seat behind them. Grabbing his beer, he collapsed next to Eddie again.

Steve held out the can with a coy smile. “Cheers, to Eddie Munson.” Eddie gave him a skeptical look, not raising his own drink. Steve rolled his eyes humorously. “C’mon, can’t leave me hanging. It’s bad luck.” He jostled his beer a little.

Eddie snorted. “Don’t think that’s how that works, but whatever,” Eddie said, holding his gaze as he clinked the cans together. “Cheers.” The plucky guitar and Freddie Mercury’s silky voice filled the van as they both threw back a long gulp.

“Gotta ask,” Steve started after a moment of drinking in comfortable silence. “This put me any higher on the list?”

Eddie laughed at this, having expected a serious question. “You’re really not giving up on that, huh? You’re a stubborn man.” Eddie arched his brow playfully at him before taking a sip.

“I like to think of it more as ‘resilient,’” Steve stated.

“Delusional, too,” Eddie noted, Steve knocking his shoulder against Eddie’s, though he had to pull back first in order to do so. “Guess this’ll get you to number three.”

“Oho,” Steve said with an enthusiastic grin. “Making big jumps this time. Not gonna lie, was kinda hoping this would get me to number one.”

“Whoa!” Eddie exclaimed sarcastically, grinning back. “Slow your fuckin’ roll, Harrington.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Steve held up his free hand in defense. “That was a lot to ask.”

“A lot to ask,” Eddie repeated, unable to stop smiling at Steve. “That’s a highly sought after position.”

“And I know this,” Steve shook his head at himself, feigning disappointment but being betrayed by a chuckle. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” Eddie finished the rest of his beer, now having to be the one to lean into Steve’s space as he dug around in the front of the van. He noticed that Steve made no effort to lean away, Eddie’s middle hovering mere inches from his face.

He produced a plastic bag from a gas station, sitting back down. “Trash,” Eddie jostled the bag before disposing of the can. Steve took a final swig and tossed his own in as well. Eddie lightly threw the bag behind them, into the seat.

“By the way, apparently Vickie has some job interview right before the party, so I offered to pick her up and meet you guys there,” Steve informed, which reminded Eddie of something.

“Speaking of. You wanna borrow the jacket for Zuko?” Eddie nodded at his jacket and vest at the edge of the open van.

“Was actually gonna stick to just the shirt.”

“Slut,” Eddie coughed. Steve raised his eyebrows at him.

“Don’t pretend like you’re not excited,” he smiled arrogantly. Maybe if Eddie had more tenacity, and the night hadn’t worn him down to his bones, he’d turn his head. Hide the worst of his blush and not let himself indulge in the way Steve was looking at him. As if Eddie were some fantastical image that he couldn’t wrap his head around, nor get enough of.

It would be so easy to lean in. To look at Steve’s lips and grab him in both hands. And maybe if this were the night he told Steve, he would have. However, the idea of dumping his feelings on the man after he just unloaded his fucked up family history… it made Eddie cringe internally with guilt. It was too much to burden him with. Regardless, he couldn’t stop himself from stealing a glimpse at Steve’s lips. But it’s all he allowed himself.

Steve’s brows creased in the slightest, and the action was enough to remind Eddie that tonight was not the night. Eddie cleared his throat and severed the tension, looking at his hands as he fiddled with his rings again. He could still feel Steve staring at him, but he refused to look back.

“For fuck’s sake, Munson,” Steve loudly huffed out, his head thumping back against the seat behind them. Eddie looked at him in confusion, an agonized expression on Steve’s face. Steve sat up straighter suddenly, gesturing emphatically as he said, “I can’t take it anymore!”

Steve was speaking in his kids-are-stressing-me-out tone, raising his voice but not aggressively yelling. His eyes were wide and feverish as he looked somewhere in front of him. “I haven’t felt this insane since the first time I saw a demogorgon.” All Eddie could do was continue to stare at him, getting the feeling that Steve was about to start rambling; what he always did when he was frustrated.

“I cannot get a fucking read on what you think of me. I mean seriously, you pushed me to my limit. I find out I like guys–” Eddie’s eyes bulged so large he was sure they’d fall out of his head. He waved his hands about as he spoke, a sure sign of pent-up energy he’d apparently been holding. “And even though it still scares the shit out of me to think about, you have driven me so far up the wall, that I have to fucking say something.”

Eddie was starting to wonder if tonight was even real. “What are you saying?” His eyes were glued to Steve, even in this moment not letting his hopes run away with him before he knew for certain what was happening.

“One minute we’re all over each other and you’re looking at me the way you do–” The way you do, “And the next it’s like you can’t stand the sight of me. I have nothing to compare…” Steve shook his head, gesturing flusteredly to the general vicinity. “This, to.”

All the sounds around them seemed to be sucked out of existence as his frazzled, crushingly earnest eyes finally met Eddie’s. “Are you into me or not, Eddie?”

Eddie opened and closed his mouth a few times, brain so overloaded that he couldn’t settle on a response. So he went with his only discernible instinct.

He grabbed Steve’s face in both hands and crashed their lips together, Steve immediately pushing back so much that it almost knocked Eddie backwards. Steve’s lips didn’t leave his for a second as one hand gripped Eddie’s waist, the other roughly cupping the side of his face.

Eddie felt drunk, eyes shut as he let Steve overflow him. His smell, his skin, the taste of his lips. Sweet and tinged with beer. It felt as if a light was glowing from deep in Eddie’s core, and if he were to open his eyes it would be bright enough to illuminate part of the clearing.

The hand on Eddie’s face threaded its fingers into his hair, Steve seeming still unsatisfied with the nonexistent space between them. Meanwhile, the hand on his waist was begging for him to move closer as well, though their positioning didn’t really allow for that. To make up for it, Steve licked at Eddie’s bottom lip. He barely had time to open his mouth before Steve’s tongue was invading it, Eddie grunting in appreciation. His head spun.

But the inability to deepen the kiss began to frustrate him. Eddie broke free, being filled with pure delight as he saw a low-lidded Steve wantonly chasing his lips. He downright pouted at Eddie, and the latter thought he might as well have been rapidly ejected into space.

The grin on Eddie’s face was coming from a place he’d never felt before. Like what one wears while looking at something full of mystery and wonder, something with unlimited possibilities. Looking at Steve was like staring into the center of a supernova.

Their faces were barely inches apart as Eddie took in the sight in front of him. Steve’s lips were pink and pupils blown impossibly wide. Eddie’s hands were back to delicately holding Steve’s face, as if worried he might somehow destroy such a beautiful sight. One thumb traced Steve’s jaw, the other brushing over his cheekbone. He wanted to commit everything about this moment to perfect memory.

Steve’s hand in his hair softened as he let it cascade down the side of Eddie’s neck, eyes following his exploration as it drifted to his shoulder. He languidly stroked Eddie’s shoulder before looping two fingers into the neck of not only Steve’s sweater, but his shirt as well, tugging it down a bit. Steve watched with heavy lids as he ran his thumb along his collarbone, giving special attention to where it jutted and dipped in the center of his throat.

One of Eddie’s hands dropped enough for him to lightly place his knuckles under Steve’s chin, gently tilting it up so he would look at him again. With Steve looking up at him through his lashes like that, all doe-eyed and pleading, Eddie felt weak in the knees even while sitting.

He had made Steve look at him for a reason, but it was long forgotten as Eddie slowly pressed their lips together again. This kiss was just as deep, but now slow and savory. Despite the carnal desire growling inside him, he took his time as he moved their lips almost lazily. Eddie decided then and there he wanted to try kissing Steve in a million different ways.

Steve pulling again on his waist reminded him of why he’d stopped their kiss in the first place, and he broke it once more. “Munson,” Steve breathed a complaint, tugging a smile to Eddie’s face.

“I can’t touch you how I want like this,” Eddie explained in a whisper against Steve’s lips, who wasn’t allowing more than an inch between them. Steve’s hand clutched his waist tighter, driving Eddie to his limit. “Lie down,” he commanded, pride surging through him at the blush it brought to Steve’s face. Eddie withdrew himself enough for Steve to lie down, eyes wide in anticipation as he watched the former.

With a coquettish smile, Eddie slung his leg over Steve, effectively straddling him. Steve’s hands immediately went to Eddie’s hips, pushing him down needily. Eddie bit his lip to stay quiet, but in this position there was no hiding how turned on he was. Even through his jeans, he could tell the situation was the same for Steve.

And dear god he could not handle Steve looking up at him like that, eyes wide and lips parted in an impishly fascinated smile at Eddie’s reaction. Eddie shook his head lightly as he took Steve’s jaw in one hand, firmly but not hard, squishing his face lightly. “Patience, Stevie. What would everyone say if they knew you got hard just from making out?”

“You act like I can’t see you, Munson,” Steve’s words were slightly distorted due to Eddie’s hand grabbing his face. Steve’s eyes flicked to Eddie’s groin, hands taking a detour to travel up Eddie’s thighs, slow and taunting.

Eddie held himself up with his free hand as he leaned down, directing Steve into another kiss. As Eddie’s hips rolled so he could deepen the exchange, Steve’s hands traveled to his ass. He gripped Eddie roughly with both hands, causing him to groan into Steve’s mouth.

Deciding to let his greed win, Eddie moved his lips from Steve’s mouth to his jaw. He placed kisses down Steve’s neck, reveling in the needy way Steve ran his hands over Eddie’s sides.

“Jesus Christ, Eddie,” Steve panted out, tilting his head back more as Eddie seemed to hit a sweet spot. He got to work sucking, satisfaction washing over him as Steve’s breath fluttered. “Really been holdin’ out on me.”

Eddie pulled away from Steve’s neck momentarily, “Am I making up for it?” He smiled playfully, ducking his head back to the spot he was working on.

Steve gave a weak snort. “I dunno, why don’t you keep going so I can see if it’s working?” He teased.

“Mmm…” Eddie hummed skeptically into the crook of Steve’s neck. He moved down a bit on Steve, placing a leg between his. To which Steve instantly spread his wider, pulling down impatiently by the hips. “I’d say it’s working.” Eddie rolled his hips onto Steve’s harder than before, relishing in the way Steve’s head fell back, mouth parting in a groan. He made a vow that he’d find every way he could to get more sounds like that from Steve.

“But, uh…” Steve sounded suddenly uncertain, causing Eddie to pull up from where he had been sucking kisses onto his neck. Steve sighed as his eyes flicked between Eddie’s a few times. “Look. I wanna keep going crazy badly-- trust me,” he scoffed dryly, eyebrows twitching in emphasis. “But you’ve had… a really insane night,” Eddie glanced away at this, swallowing. “I’d feel like an asshole if we did anything more.”

Eddie let out a long, contemplative sigh as he lowered himself to lay on top of Steve, holding himself up only enough to see him. Steve had a furrowed brow. “I really wanna ignore the fact that you’re right,” he said disappointedly.

Steve chuckled. “Yeah, I sorta have this whole thing about not sleeping with emotionally vulnerable people. Kinda lame, I know,” he said sarcastically, earning a small laugh from Eddie. He dropped his forehead onto Steve’s chest as the laugh dwindled away, then turned his head to let it rest on Steve. They laid in a comfortable silence, Steve running his fingers through Eddie’s hair idly, lulling him into a sort of trance.

After an indeterminate amount of time, somewhere between five and thirty minutes, Eddie pushed himself off of Steve. “I’m gonna change.”

“You can use the van,” Steve said, crawling out and tossing one of the backpacks closer to Eddie. He shut the back, and Eddie was left to dig through the clothes. He settled on the shorts (almost normal-sized, surprisingly), opting to keep on his shirt and Steve’s sweater. Steve seemed to have thought of everything, including toothbrushes and toothpaste. He grabbed the paste and one of the brushes and popped open the back of the van, hopping out.

“All yours,” Eddie said. Steve pulled out a water bottle from the other backpack, tossing it to Eddie and promptly unbuckling his belt, not bothering to close the van doors. Eddie rolled his eyes, sitting at the edge of the van with his back to Steve. “Tease,” he muttered as he started brushing his teeth, not having to look to know Steve was smirking.

“You can look now, prude,” Steve’s amused voice came from behind him. When Eddie turned around Steve was only wearing gray sweatpants.

“Jesus, aren’t you gonna be cold?” Eddie assumed Steve wouldn’t make things harder since their mutual agreement to not go farther, but it was apparent that wasn’t the game they were playing.

“Good thing I have you to warm me up,” Steve said matter-of-factly, starting to move everything that wasn’t a blanket or pillow into the seats behind him, allowing for more space. Eddie turned away again, still not content to give Steve’s ego the boost of seeing his face redden. When Eddie finished brushing his teeth Steve started on his, rushing to finish and close the van doors behind him.

“Yeah, that’s what clothes are for, Harrington,” Eddie chuckled as Steve hurried to crawl under the blankets next to him. “Staying warm.”

Eddie wasn’t lying down, but he wasn’t fully sitting up either, reclined against the pillows. Steve didn’t hesitate to tuck himself into Eddie’s side, his head leaning back against Eddie’s shoulder. “Ya know, technically, we’d both be warmer if we were naked,” he noted, a stupid grin splitting Eddie’s face at how ridiculous Steve was.

“Think that would make our little agreement a lot harder,” Eddie mused, his fingers carding into Steve’s hair. Steve turned into the touch, an arm wrapping around Eddie’s middle. A tingle exploded through Eddie’s entire body. He continued to massage Steve’s head and play with his hair.

Steve’s hand trailed over Eddie’s ribs, fingers splaying and exploring the area leisurely. Eddie’s free hand came to rest on Steve’s bicep, loitering over the bare skin and simply taking in the feel of Steve. As he looked down at the man sprawled over him, he was filled to the brim with overwhelming adoration. Not just for Steve, but for this moment. This beginning. Beginning of what? He didn’t know, but he’d never wanted something to stay so desperately. Eddie was so happy it scared him.

He didn’t know what he and Steve were, but for one night of his life he stopped letting himself worry about what would happen next. Tonight, Steve was here, and he couldn’t go a second without draping himself all over Eddie. In the end, they didn’t smoke, but frankly Eddie didn’t need it. This feeling was so new, and so all-encompassing. He felt far from sober as he drifted off to sleep, Steve more on top of him than the blankets underneath them.