call it love or fascination

I slept off while watching the movie, luckily I set an alarm for 5pm. I woke up, freshen up and dressed up for the party.

"Are you going to meet that guy before you go?

am i? that am still not sure, for now let me call my friend and ask if he's ready."

I called him and he said he wasn't ready and he thought I wouldn't be going since he knows me well

"what does he mean he knows you well and thought you wouldn't be going?

parties! me, parties and me before today were never put in the Same conversation.

why?

I told you I always wanted my life to be quite, I didn't even want to be noticed anywhere I go.

I feel suffocated when I get noticed too much because I fell insecure. I question a lot of the eyes watching me wanting to find out what they want from me, how do they see me and what they think of me, all their thoughts about me I want to know but at the same time I don't want to know because opinions really could be dangerous.

so haven't you looked at other people before?

I have

do you also ask them how they feel when you look at them?

no

so then what's the difference?

each person is different, maybe they are bold to face all the eyes that looks at them.

I look at them because I also want to ask how they feel. if I see them feel more comfortable, confident with the eyes looking at them. I wanted to ask how they do it because for me anytime they look at me I feel like they have found a secret of mine that I want hidden so I hide or call it shy away.

you said you and party were never in the Same conversation so what changed?

the birthday guy literally begged me to come and did inform me a month before his birthday so I had to go.

My friend told me that he will call me when he is ready so I meet him and together we will go to the party.

I sat on my bed waiting for his call but it didn't come, 10 minutes past, I took off my dress, sat on my bed and watched movies still waiting for his call but never came.

when it was 6pm I heard my phone ringing.

I thought it was my friend but it was him, the guy I met.

he called to ask whether I was on my way so that he could meet me but I told him I wasn't ready yet so I will call him when I set off.

an hour past and my friend called that he is ready and that I should set off.

i got dressed and I set off.

Aren't you going to call the guy?

no I won't.

why?

I don't know

you will pass his house before you reach the road to pick a car to the place right?

so?

what will you do when he sees you?

I don't want to think about that now.

as I was nearing his house I wanted to walk quickly to avoid him but.....