chapter forty seven

when Joan got back to the room Nick was not on his bed, she placed the bowl of water down and just then she saw him coming out of the bathroom with water splashed on his face

"Nick are you ok" she questioned

no he wasn't when he woke up and he didn't see Joan he went to the bathroom room to see if she was there, but when he got there and saw himself in the mirror, he felt there was blood on his face

"Joan can't see me like this" he said as he washed his face, but then his dream surfaced and he kept on washing his hands

"no Joan can't see this, no she can't, no she shouldn't!! I am not a murderer! it wasn't my fault, she would understand, of cause she will" he said as he kept on washing his hand, he looked at himself in the mirror again and tears fell, he looked down

"no...no! not Joan I can't lose Joan" he said as he kept on shaking his head just then he heard sound from the room, that must be Joan. he thought so he went out.

when he came out and saw her

"this is my truth, I can't lose her too. she became my smile, joy, happiness, sadness and obviously my life. the reason I keep on going is because I have her and if I lose her I die, and I want to live, I want to leave badly for my parents and for you Joan, for you, cause you're my ticking bomb. so don't leave me, stay. will you stay if I ask you to? will you be closer more than ever if I ask you to? will you be my breath and give me a reason to breathe? will you take me as I am and pull me towards salvation and redemption? please answer me so I won't lose my mind, please give me hope" he thought to himself as he walked towards her and he looked at her

"Nick you're still sick and you need to rest" Joan said as she tried to move to adjust his pillow and help him to bed, he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him into a hug.