Towards the Night Towards Transwomen

Towards the Night Towards Transwomen By Meilinda Moten Rumbiak

My name is Rheynaldo, I am the eldest of three children who are all boys. I am married and have two daughters who are twelve years old named Lyly and whose sister is nine years old named Nancy.

My son Nancy has had a heart defect since birth, so to take care of him needs attention and enough money for treatment.

In the first years of our marriage, we were very happy and harmonious. Everything we do together. Even simple eating and drinking make the atmosphere of the house very happy.

However, with the arrival of the first child, then the second child, the needs in the family also increased.

Quarrels and misunderstandings often occur, because of family economic problems. My wife rarely goes out at night and comes home drunk. This has even become a habit for him. Went out at night and didn't care about our two kids.

One night my wife was picked up by a rich man, and that was the last night I saw her, because before, she was no longer in news, gone like a passing wind. Go without saying goodbye, like a wife to her husband, or just kissing the foreheads of her two children.

This is where all the impossible stories begin. A lonely life, sad and alone in taking care of two daughters, without a definite job and economic difficulties.

I spent my days doing what I could, as a construction worker or street sweeper to earn a penny to eat and buy medicine for my sick daughter Nancy.

Hunger and thirst often whack me. Trash cans are the best choice to get a little leftover food that is thrown away as a stomach block. "Let me eat the leftovers, as long as Lyly and Nancy can get good and healthy food," I mumble.. talking to myself.

One day, very early in the morning, a friend named Othniel came to visit my house. Othniel was a naked and burly man. As far as I know, Othniel is not married because he prefers to live alone. Othniel is a good friend, but we haven't seen each other for a long time. While telling the story, I served Othniel a cup of hot coffee. There was laughter between us because we haven't seen each other for a long time, and many changes have occurred in each other's lives.

I told the story of my marriage, and Othniel was silent while leaking out the window. Maybe he felt what I felt. I thought... I don't know... We continued the conversation...

"So, there's a friend who's looking for some workers, do you want Rhey?" asked Othniel.

"If you want, you can come with me now," continued Otniel.

"What job is Niel?", asked. But Othniel answered with a smile that made me curious.

While thinking about what kind of job it is, and finally with curiosity. I'm getting ready to go with Othniel to the friend's house mentioned earlier.

On a fairly long journey, we boarded a bus that was crowded and dusty. With a faint smile on my lips, my thoughts drifted, if I were accepted to work, I would do the job to the best of my ability. Being a worker you can trust and with all my strength I'll do as long as Lyly and Nancy can get a decent living. Can eat well, get an education in a good school and as much as possible I will provide for their needs. In fact, by buying dolls or just taking them for a walk while eating ice cream. Ah... I fantasized too much... hahaha.. funny and happy feelings mixed in my chest...

We arrived at a dirty, shabby, and dusty place. We still have a long way to go. On the left and right sides of the road, there are piles of used goods belonging to beggars. They have no family, not even a permanent place to live.

Seeing the life of the beggars, this pity arose, "Could I be like them?" Ah.. all these things didn't happen to me. What a pity for the lives of street beggars. My heart cries when there is an old woman who stumbles around looking for a place to lean on. Life is really cruel.

When we arrived at a house whose building was already fragile with a roof that almost collapsed and the lighting was very poor, it was seen in some rooms that were only covered with curtains. "What is this place, Niel?" I asked Otniel, without answering Otniel continued to walk into a room that was rather narrow and arguably clean and tidy.

"This is my friend Rhey's place", "She is the owner of this border house, her name is Madam Cicil", continued Otniel. I was silent in a thousand languages.

We are invited to sit, at the far left of the room, this is a special room for Madam Cicil's guests. We were served a welcome drink.

With the sweetest smile and sexy dress, Madam Cicil introduced herself while extending her hand to me, "Introduce me madam Cicil", I took her hand and said my name is Rhey.

His eyes never left mine. I'm a bit embarrassed and embarrassed because I'm not used to that kind of attitude especially since I just met him.

"Where's your house Ray?" asked Madam Cicil, but I understood the question which was just small talk. I smiled without answering. "This is where I help not a few people, and until now they are living like humans with the sufficiency that can make them happy," said Madam Cicil without me asking for information.

I noticed Madam Cicil's expression as she spoke. With a sad look, "Starting from here their life story, some are happy, but some are dying".

For a long time, no words came out of Madam Cicil's mouth. Looks like he was reminiscing about that time...then Othniel reminded him by asking a friend of theirs named Shasha. "How is Shasha now madam?" asked Otniel. "Oh Shasha is very good, now she is living happily with her same-sex partner and lives in a developed city in another area," said Madam Cicil with a smile.

After going through a long story, Madam Cicil asked me to be a night worker for her, Yah... to be a trans woman.

At first, I refused, because I was not used to the job which I considered dirty and disgusting. But with the persuasion from Othniel and Madam Cicil, plus I needed a job, I finally agreed to the invitation on the grounds of trial and error.

Since I was about to start a new job I ventured to ask, "what about my share?" because I don't have shoes or other accessories that I don't have. "Hmmm ... starting tonight, you can work," said Madam Cicil. "I will prepare your needs." "You will live with me here," said Madam Cicil. Oh no!.. my mind refused it. Suddenly an employee of Madam Cicil came and asked for a room key. Here several rooms are specifically rented out for lonely guests by booking one or two night workers in a room.

Stunned not knowing what to do "Rhey, I'll go first," said Otniel. "Oh no I'm coming with you, my children are waiting at home". Anxiety started to overwhelm me... Lyly... Nancy... my thoughts were only on them.

With a little coercion and a promise to Madam Cicil, that tomorrow I will come after first talking to my two children, Madam Cicil finally allowed me to go home.

My soul rebelled, but I don't know what to do... refuse..? is there another job for me? Taking the offered job, how is life going to be? Oh god, help me to choose...

The following night after meeting Madam Cicil, I was no longer Rheynaldo. The beginning was just trial and error, I finally got lost in the nightlife. My nature and body are male but I was forced to live a life that was initially trial and error by becoming a trans woman.

People like to call me "Madam Rheyce" which means sweet Rheynaldo. The twists and turns of life lead me to have to walk down the aisle after aisle which is long, dirty, and slum, yes just for life.

Night after night I passed, and I finally got used to my work. I have been immersed in a dark life. I left my two children to earn money.

At the beginning of my job, once a week I went home to see how the children were. Even though I work as a trans woman, I can pay for a maid to take care of my two children, especially Nancy who is sick.

Catlyn is the name of my babysitter. A middle-aged woman who is very patient and loves my two children. Catlyn's husband was a carpenter, and they had no children.

Catlyn comes in the morning, cooks, washes, and takes care of my sick daughter Nancy. Catlyn will return to her house at seven o'clock in the evening, where Lyly and Nancy will get ready for bed.

All the needs of the children, as well as Nancy's treatment, I entrusted to Catlyn by giving her some money at the beginning of the week, as well as her wages.

In addition to the money I earn to pay for the needs and treatment of the children, I also try to buy illegal goods called shabu-shabu. From the very beginning, try again...

The more I drift away, I use methamphetamine to fill my daily life. I think using meth gives me a feeling of calm, and peace, and I don't care about the things that don't matter in my life.

From the beginning that once a week I went home to see my daughter Lyly and Nancy, I ended up rarely coming home. A month...Two months..., Even more, I thought it would be better to just send money for the children's needs to Catlyn because I was afraid that Lyly and Nancy would see a big change in me.

Year after year I go, well it's still the same, I'm still in the nightlife. I never see my friend Othniel again because he moved to another area with a gay man. And Madam Cicil is no longer young, often sickly and neglected.

"Rhey", called Madam Cicil.

"I want to talk to you, may I?" "Yes madam, how is it?"

"Look Rhey, I want you to replace me to take care of this border house, I feel like I can't stand this disease anymore." With an old age without relatives, Madam Cicil is very fragile "Oh don't talk like that Madam, I and my friends can help you in difficult times, but for the responsibility you give, I can't afford it, Madam". "No Rhey, of all my men, you are the one who deserves to replace me." "Would you like it?"

With a gentle nod, I agreed to Madam Cicil's request, but my heart couldn't afford it because my burden would increase.

After three weeks I replaced Madam Cicil's position, one cold morning, we found that Madam Cicil was lying dead. Go with the pain to the Creator. Gone with a thousand memories in his long sleep.

Since Madam Cicil's departure, I have lived as Madam Rheyce, the owner of a border house with many night workers. Sometimes, I feel tired and bored with this kind of nightlife. I wanted to leave this life like this, but the more that urge arose, the more I couldn't avoid it.

One cold night in early December. There is a deep longing for my daughters Lyly and Nancy. My thoughts on them are very disturbing. Anxiety filled the space of my heart and mind. "How are they doing?" I haven't been home in a long time to see them. Is Nancy much better? How about Lyly's school? Ah... this thought is very disturbing.

Unconsciously I stepped into the cold and lonely road, and finally I arrived at the door of the house. I knocked on Catlyn's door and hurriedly opened the door when I called her name. With a sad face and looking very tired, Catlyn said that my son Nancy's illness was getting worse.

"In the last few days, Nancy no longer wants to eat and take medicine, because her body can't take it anymore."

I hugged Nancy's limp body helplessly, with sad eyes "Nancy dear, look at papa's son!" papa loves Nancy... "Nancy misses papa," Nancy said almost inaudibly. "We're going to the hospital, honey."

I got in the car and took Nancy to the nearest hospital. Help from the hospital was very fast after seeing Nancy's condition. Nancy's medical devices were installed and immediately taken to a special treatment room.

I kept Nancy unconscious all night. There is pain in the chest. It's been so long since I left Nancy, it turns out that her condition is getting worse. "Nancy, papa says you want" I whispered in his ear.

Catlyn walked into Nancy's treatment room and handed her a slip of paper, Little boy wrapped in nudity

Stumbled to cry at the pity of not understanding

There's a stump there

There's dust and roar there

Child moaning

Crying at the deep sobs of silence Muttering with stale lips

"Daddy I miss you!" Make papa from Nancy.

My tears flowed profusely, "Nancy papa dear, get well soon, son". I hugged Nancy who was still unconscious. Oh, Nancy my son... no more words, only regret.

In confusion, I asked Catlyn where Lyly was. "How long has Lyly not been home for today?" answered Catlyn. Where is he going? Who with? Oh god, it's all my fault. What should I do? Not working, what about the life of me and the children? Accepting this job offer made things worse. Oh god, help me. "Lyly...Nancy..." Papa did all of this for you baby!"

Catlyn startled me by shouting, "Doctor, please! Doctor please!" Sam ran out of the room. I noticed that Nancy's chest didn't move. His heart was beeping like a siren. "Nancy..." I mumbled.

Doctors and nurses pumped Nancy's chest, no reaction. Pumping again and again. The sound finally stopped "Nancy, don't leave papa's son, papa loves Nancy" There was no stare and no words from Nancy, there was only a small smile on her lips. My Nancy has gone, far left behind a thousand memories in her sweet dreams.

I had to be strong so I could take care of Nancy to her final resting place. I put on the best white clothes, I tied her long hair, and that sweet face smiled at me. "Nancy, today is papa's last day with you son".

After Nancy died, Catlyn also wanted to say goodbye. Catlyn wants to stop working at my house. "I have nothing more to do, Rhey. Nancy had gone far and Lyly never came home again. I want to spend the rest of my day gardening with my husband, may I Rhey?". Still, politely Catlyn asked and hoped that I would grant her request.

For a while, I didn't answer Catlyn's request. Still thinking, who will take care if I go to work? How about Lyly who hasn't come home to this day? I'm trying to keep Catlyn working for. In the future, I'm looking for a replacement for the chili sauce. Catlyn agreed.

My cell phone rang, "Hello, is this with Madam Rheyce? This is from the hospital, can you come right away?" 'What is it?" "Why?" frantically I drove the car to the hospital called. On the side of the hospital bed, I saw one of my men lying covered in blood, with clothes that were not intact.

"Why you Tian? What happened?" "Last night I was booked by a man who used a luxury car. After haggling, I finally agreed on the asking price, and we headed to a deserted park. It turned out that in the back of the car, there were already three male friends."

"At that time, I also refused their request to serve four men, because at the beginning of the agreement I was paid only for one man". "In the end, they raped me, beat me, and threw me out of the car, without paying a penny." "I was unconscious until finally, I was here," she said while crying.

No words came out of my mouth, only deep sadness seeing Thian's condition. This is nothing new that we experienced at Embroidery House. Often there was violence and even murder, well because maybe we were just not considered normal humans, so they did what they wanted.

I remember when I first started working, there was a friend named Hera, who was booked by a man for a few nights at a hotel, but what happened? After several nights at the hotel, there was a bad smell from the hotel employees. They broke down the locked door and found two rotting bodies. Hera and the man had died a few days ago, from an overdose.

"Excuse me, is this with Madam Rheyce? We will soon take care of our patient named Thian, is madam willing to buy medicine and equipment at the pharmacy?

This is the recipe." I immediately took the doctor's prescription and went to the pharmacy to buy medicines for the treatment of Thian's wounds.

Grinning in pain, the nurses cleaned Thian's blood and wounds. Sewing the parts of Thian's body that were allegedly slashed by sharp objects. Due to what happened to Thian, he was treated for four days and allowed to go home.

The next night, I gathered all the employees, who told me a lot about their ups and downs. I feel sorry for hearing their stories, but what can I do, this is our job to support the family.

There are some of them whose parents are sick and need money for treatment. Some pay for their younger siblings to go to school, are responsible as children and have an older brother in the family. Well ... their fate is not far from me.

I advise them to be more careful in receiving guests, so that bad things don't happen to them later. While talking like that, I tried to be strong, but my heart was broken. I remember my son Lyly, is he home yet? Is it at home with Catlyn? Or is he somewhere? Who with? Lyly, papa misses you, dear!"

"Madam's coffee", Tania served me a hot cup of coffee, which interrupted my thoughts on Lyly. "Oh, very nice Nia.. thank you!" I gave Tania the sweetest smile while taking the hot coffee she gave me.

There were jokes and laughter between us. Conversations about work or guests who come, even about their longing to change life in the future for the better.

It didn't feel like it was late at night. I advise them to take a break and thank them for their advice and opinions.

I lay down this body, feeling tired and bored whacked me. I tried to close my eyes, but couldn't because Lyly's face danced in my eyes.

I got up, took a leather coat, and put it on, I walked out of the room, slowly but surely where I was going, well... home. I drove the car to the house which is quite a distance away. I turn on the radio as a traveling companion. The street lights were shrouded in fog, a sign that the night was getting colder. Remembering our conversation earlier, someone suggested opening a small salon for aging employees or establishing a hydraulic garden, and the proceeds could be sold. Yes... because night workers like us will gradually become meaningless with age. Guests prefer young and sexy workers.

I'll consider their suggestion, it's a good thing, considering that some employees are not young anymore, and have no family to support them. When it comes to capital, I

have little money, rather than spending my money just to buy methamphetamine, I'd better agree to their proposal. Rent a good place, and buy tools to open a small salon for them.

Or should I buy a little farmland and plant seeds so they can farm? Or open a small shop that sells daily necessities? Our life is not always like this. Their suggestion is very good. Maybe at first, there were not many customers in the salon, or the plants in the garden needed harvest time, or the small shop was still empty of buyers. It's okay, we still need to try, so that life can change. I'll talk to them again.

The car I was driving entered the narrow alley leading to the house. I parked the car in front of a trash can and walked briskly.

Seen from afar, it looks like the house is deserted. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer, a sign that Catlyn wasn't there. I opened the door slowly, unlocked and turned on the light. I looked around the room, There are old photos that are just memories. The old chair I always sit on when I get home from work while enjoying a glass of hot coffee made by my wife. There's the smell of raindrops falling slowly making my dreams go further, I suddenly remembered my son Lyly "Lyly where do you love Lyly...Lyly" I called out to him. But there was no sound of reply. I entered room after room looking for Lyly but I couldn't find her. Agitated and restless. Where's my Lyly? How long has he been out of the house? Are you still at school? Many questions in my mind. But I'm patient, maybe my Lyly will be home soon.

The clock on the wall shows three in the morning. My Lyly didn't come home. Anxiety enveloped me. No tears fell. This feeling of longing suddenly swells. While muttering "Lyly honey where are you kid?"

I grabbed the cell phone, I tried to call Lyly, but there was no sound on the other side. I tried again to contact some of his friends, but all the answers didn't calm me down.

This restlessness is getting more and more, this heart is not calm thinking about where Lyly is. I stepped out of the house, and I asked everyone I met, "Have you met my Lyly?" every time my head shakes, it makes me more anxious and desperate. "My dear Lyly, papa misses you, come home son" these tears fell profusely. My heart is fragile, my life is shattered, "Lyly forgives papa son!" I looked down ashamed to curse myself for being negligent in being a father.

A pair of skinny and dirty legs, standing in front of me, I looked up to an old beggar who was always begging along the dark alley "I know where your Lyly is, come with me!" I grabbed the old, frail hand, I couldn't wait to go to the place where my Lyly was. I walked beside the old man down the long path, in the dim light of the

morning. We walked down the aisle of an abandoned locomotive, which used to be used to carry coal or raw metal in the 1500s, which made its first voyage around 1825 on a ship, just like the old grandfather's story.

Together with the Old Man, we walked down the aisle after aisle of the locomotive which was about 122 meters long with a feeling of impatience, I wanted to run as fast as I could but my legs couldn't move. I feel tired of this chest, how heavy the burden of life that I have to bear.

Entering the last locomotive car, from a distance the song How Great Thou Are faintly sounded. With a furrowed brow, I glanced at the Old Man as if to ask what place is this? But the Old Man looked down as if he was keeping something a secret.

Slowly but surely I entered the gate of the locomotive. From behind the scrap metal supporting the door, I saw small benches lined up like a class or a place of worship, yes..., I think it was a place of worship, because there was a pulpit, a small cross, a holy book, and a woman like a nun praying, and a group of young people folded their arms and bowed their heads in prayer. Then in the corner of the bench was my Lyly. "Lyly" I muttered, there in the corner of the bench, my Lyly looks cute with two pigtails wearing a clean light green dress, folding her arms across her chest.

I don't know what my Lyly is praying for. What was Lyly talking about with her God? "That's Sister Pathricia, she's the one who gathers the children in this area to worship, take care of them, and give them spiritual lessons!" "In the locomotive on the right is where the boys live, and on the left is for the girls. Together with Sister Pathricia", the old man continued "I don't think you should scold your son, this place is very good for his personal growth since you left night workers!". "Catlyn knows where Lyly is, but she's afraid to tell you"

I walked away from the old man. "Your papa is dirty and despicable Lyly!... Do you still deserve to call me papa? Whereas I never taught you good things, Lyly..."

Many stories are experienced by humans, such as the story of a thousand and one nights, but not with me. There's nothing I regret because my job is like this, what I regret why should I try? In the end, I have to choose like the human ego can judge me because I am currently in two difficult choices....

Sometimes a person does bad things, not because he is a criminal, but because he is forced by life....

Meilinda Moten Rumbiak