Chapter 5

The wind caressed my skin and chin so easily that I couldn't help but lean back in my seat and let it all in.

Seeley's car was more comfortable than I had expected it to be. But for starters, I shouldn't have expected anything.

The backseat was covered with comics and notes, giving me the feeling that he has been spending a lot of time in his car lately.

It wouldn't be surprising if he has, most boys I have known were in love with cars and long drives. I never knew what was so exciting about it until now.

The sun was almost blinding me but the sight of it was more than worth it. The road in front of us disappeared into nature as an endless chain of houses blurred around us.

Seeley put on his sunglasses and rested his left arm on the rolled window.

"Should I ask?" Seeley asked after ten minutes of silence.

I lowered the radio and put my sunglasses on top of my head.

"You mean… Should you ask what just happened?" I asked and he gave me a quick glance before turning right.

"Yes."

I crossed my legs and dropped my hands into my lap.

"Don't need to ask." I replied dryly. "My mother just tried to embarrass me and tried to change my mind about going for a holiday that you've been planning for months now. Suddenly, you showed up and since we know that you aren't my mother's favorite, she didn't want to miss a chance to irritate you until you decided to leave me home."

It sounded so raw and ridiculous which only made me more embarrassed since this was how my life has been. My mother threw a tantrum over something, we'd fight then she'd act like I was the piece of shit who ruined her day.

"That sounds… harsh." Seeley didn't know what to say.

"Would you believe it if I told you that this was one of her better days?" I tilted my head to the side and Seeley narrowed his eyes.

"Really?"

"She could have been so much worse." I said without any remorse. I wasn't planning on telling him the worst kind of things she'd said or done but I wanted him to know that he's gotten away quite easily, compared to what could have happened.

Maybe it was just about to get worse when Seeley decided to finish his lovely chat with my mother and stood up from the table.

"I can only imagine." Seeley rubbed his temples.

"Yeah." I looked out the window, my hair flying into my eyes as I faced the wind once again.

"So, what's next?" He asked, staring at the road.

I gave him a questioning glance before asking.

"Next?"

He nodded and rubbed his jaw.

"Yes, I mean after this summer." His eyes met me for a brief second. "You get a job and work as much as you can so that you wouldn't be home?"

That indeed was my plan after this summer. But hearing from Seeley's mouth made it sound childish and desperate.

"Probably." I shrugged. I've gotten used to working over shifts until I was about to collapse so I wouldn't meet my mother for days.

I had been exhausted like hell but I had peace and silence. And if it wasn't the best thing then I didn't know what it had been.

"Until I saved enough money to move away, I don't have much of a choice." I said, trying to sound casual but I didn't succeed.

Which was why he looked at me probably when the light has turned red and he had to stop the car.

"You do." He said in a firm tone.

I almost laughed at his weak comeback.

"Easier said than done." I dropped my head against my seat with a huff. "I can barely pay my part of the rent this summer too. Do I look like who shits money?"

Seeley sighed and leaned forward, his eyes dropping to the road.

"We all have a choice to make a difference."

"But these changes require time." I added and he pressed his lips together.

I didn't understand where his curiosity had come from but I had the decision that it was my turn now.

"What about you, Mr. Drewitt?" I asked in a bright tone. "Got huge plans for the future? You'll be against the world all by yourself?"

He forced a smile onto his face which looked like a frown more than an honest smile.

"No, I don't want to be all myself." Seeley rubbed his knee and leaned back.

I should have known better than to say something so casual. Of course, he wouldn't be alone, he's got a pretty girlfriend who would have his back.

"Right, my bad." I nodded. "It would be two of you against the world then."

He twisted his head towards me with a scoff at me.

"You really want to do that now?" Seeley asked with an arched eyebrow.

I knew I shouldn't push his buttons but it was the only way I could get the suffocating weight off my chest. Suddenly his car seemed smaller and more crowded than it already was.

That was when I realized that my kitchen wasn't small at all at home. It has been Seeley's presence and stillness that made me feel like a caged animal with no air.

"You started it," I pointed at him. "I just wanted it to return the kind favor."

Seeley gave me a tired look and started to tap his fingers against the wheel.

"Don't be like that, you have better chances than I ever would." I tried to brighten his mood by bringing his girlfriend up.

"Because I have a driver's license?" He asked, unsure or ironic about my answer.

"Because you are not alone." I reminded him with a small smile. I could only hope that he was treated right, he deserved it after everything.

"Neither are you." He said and I arched an eyebrow.

"Oh, right, I have a dysfunctional mother who tries to make my life better while making it worse." I joked. Sometimes I couldn't realize that sarcasm helped so much by coping with a too strict household that's been nothing but full of expectations.

"That's one way to put it." Seeley said. "But I meant that… you still have us. And if you'd make that decision that we could be there for you… Maybe not right from the neighborhood but we would manage… I'd be there for you, any time."

His kind words made my stomach turn into a knot. Not only because it felt great to hear those words but because they came from someone who knew me for years.

And spending years of trying required some feedback. Even if it was bad.

I felt more than lucky that it was the opposite this time.

It's been so long since he has been honest with me and I enjoyed it maybe more than I should have.

I shouldn't have screwed things between us six months ago. I hadn't thought that it would change almost everything.

And now I was left with a bittersweet feeling in my mouth whenever Seeley was around me.

"This is the part where you say you'd be there for me too." he blinked at me.

I let out a laugh and shrugged.

"Well, according to ninety percent of our class I am nothing more than a heartless bitch." I said. "I've got to live up to my name."

Seeley smiled but also shook his head at me.

"We graduated and you still think that those idiots' opinions mean anything?" he asked.

I wanted to say no but hearing them talking about me behind my back all the time really did a number on me.

"I don't." I shook my head, trying to convince not only him but also myself.

"Hell no." He replied right away. "You always cared more about other people's opinions than your well-being. You've got to stop that shit, Heds."

"Don't you think I'm trying?"

"Try harder then." he said and I sighed.

"How fucking smart you really are." I said. "Why didn't you get into college?"

Seeley didn't seem to be offended or affected by my remark at all.

He clearly has gotten used to my attitude over the years.

"This summer is about to let the past four years go." He changed the subject. "Just loosen up a bit."

Easier said than done, Mr. Drewitt.

I watched him carefully for a few seconds while his gaze was lost in the road ahead of us.

"How do you do it?" I asked, my voice small and curious.

He turned his head to me, with no sign of his previous annoyance or frustration.

"Do what?"

"Act like everything is so easy." From what I've heard and known, he didn't have an easy life either.

Yet he was the one most of the time to tell us to calm down and move on. I could only imagine all the dissatisfaction that's been building up inside of him. Sometimes the basketball team was pushing his buttons too if he missed a shot in practice.

And he never raised his voice at anyone. He always swallowed the weight of other people's harsh words and he still had peace inside of him.

How could he do it?

I knew for sure that if someone was pushing my buttons it would only take minutes for me to blow up and lash out.

That was one of the main reasons why I was called a heartless bitch who didn't understand sarcasm or Pixie.

Considering the skyscrapers in our class, also being the best players on our basketball team, I was short and full of life.

"It's not easy." he answered after a short pause. "But after a while, it just becomes a habit. IGnoring every negativity in your life."

He rubbed his shoulder with his right hand and winced but just as quickly his face darkened the quicker it all disappeared.

"Too much practice?" I asked.

"Why are you asking?" Seeley asked with no expression on his face.

I pointed at his shoulder and he dropped his gaze to his forearm before leaning against his seat.

"Something like that." His voice was low and numb.

I narrowed my eyes at his tone but decided to not push it. Even if something else happened, I doubted that he would gladly tell me about it.

Probably some asshole bumped into him during practice.

"Just don't wear yourself out." I advised as if I knew anything about sports.

"Easier said than done." He echoed my words from earlier and my lips curved into a small smile.

"Look who's talking now." I gently nudged his arm while he tried to hide his smile.

I couldn't help but let my smile grow wider while I took his cloudless face in. Maybe this ride won't be such a disaster as I had expected it to be.