Chapter five

"Mom!" I gasp quietly and turn to the gorgeous woman standing by the entryway. "Oh my Go-"

"Not that Lily!" She chastises with a small smile and beckons me into her open arms. "My you've grown so tall." She whispers beside my ear and I close my eyes, taking in her scent that somehow relaxes me even after this long.

"Welcome home Ira." The queen says and I take a step back, subtly drying the little tears that have managed to escape during our embrace. "I'm glad to have the both of you back home."

"I'm glad to be back," my mum says before walking over to the table. "Your Royal Highness," she acknowledges River's father who nods and gives her a small smile.

"How was your assignment?" He asks taking a roll of bread from the basket by his left.

"Hectic!" Yep, mom never sugarcoats much of anything unless it's for her own benefit. "It was very hard to get any information from them."

My mom was assigned to accompany a few of the king's royal soldiers to investigate mysterious murders and kidnappings on a small island by our east coast.

It's not the first time I've heard her complain about how hostile the community around that island is and how hard it is to be trusted as a stranger.

"We appreciate your services Miss Blue." The King says and my mum nods.

"I have to get going," I announce quietly and push my chair away to stand. "I have a meeting with Elle in a few."

"Did the police report come in?" River's father asks.

"Yes, we were able to identify that she wasn't assaulted by River. Her statement was inconclusive and inconsistent as well." I tell him.

There's more dirt we dug on her but River's parents don't need to know that their son's girlfriend was cheating on him.

"Then why are you meeting her lawyer?" His mother asks.

"To inform her of the possibility of a law suit against her client for defamation and false allegations." I tell them.

"Darling, do you need help?" Mom asks after swallowing her bite of a croissant.

"I'm okay mom," I tell her and smile. "Besides, you need all the rest you can get. You have bags under your eyes." I whisper the last part earning a horrified gasp that almost translates into a painful swat if I hadn't jumped away from her almost immediately.

"Not like you are any better," she grumbles quietly and turns her glare to the food in her plate. "I'll see you later," she shoves a spoonful into her mouth as if to dismiss me indirectly.

"Bye." I wave to my mom and bow to the two monarchs who seem more amused by our exchange before walking out.

****

"You've got to be kidding me!" I hiss and throw my phone haphazardly on the working table.

How daring does one have to be to post something that has been proven untrue even by her own legal team?

Sophia is just a devil with different shades of hypocrisy but all of them show the same grime of desperation underneath.

With a sigh, I close my eyes and slump on my working desk while trying to steel my resolve on letting River's legal team handle the rest of the mess.

It's not like I haven't exhausted my diplomatic best to try and steer things clear of the courts. We could have another Amber Heard drama as a bonus if I give up so...

"Marcello, seriously?" River bursts into my office making me jump and I glare at the unlocked door as if waiting for it to apologize for letting him in.

"What's wrong?" I ask him politely. I understand why he'd be grumpy for not sleeping well but I don't get why he has to steer his grumpy butt my way.

"You hugged Marcello in front of everyone. Do you know the type of rumors going round?"

"I don't know. Half of the things people say around here don't reflect on the events they speak about," I tell him as calmly as I can. Just because I hate him doesn't mean I don't respect his position. "You of all should know that."

"What's the deal between you?" He asks and looks like he is physically restraining himself from breaking something in the office while waiting for the answer.

"Apart from the fact that we're friends who grew up together in the palace?" I ask in a thoughtful tone before sighing, "maybe it's because he is tolerable."

"Tolerable?" River questions as if the word is the height of incredulity in his realm. "Really?" He challenges and I close my eyes.

"What's your deal with me? I would have thought you came here to ask about Sophia and what she's been posting all day since her lawyer left my office but your biggest concern is about a hug."

"I don't care about that," he says as if the matter doesn't directly affect him. "The hug on the other hand-"

"River, please?" I plead. We are not going to do this four years later. He doesn't get to act like a scorned lover and I don't get to feel like I'm guilty for something I didn't do.

His eyes soften and his tense form relaxes a little bit before he sighs and takes a seat on the couch by the window.

"Sorry." He tells me while eyeing the fields down below from the window. "I don't like this. You with Marcello, the stupid marriage my mother thinks I secretly like, the stupid shit wi-"

"River!" I scold before I can stop myself. "Don't cuss."

"Yes mom," he replies with a small smile that vanishes a second after it's appearance. "Marcello is at the top of my problems." He says pointedly for no reason.

"I fail to see the problem but it's just me not being a spoilt brat so I wouldn't know." I shrug and take a pile of documents I was supposed to be going through.

"I would spell it out for you but you'd shut me out and act like nothing ever happened."

"I feel like that's just you projecting on me. Last time I checked, I wasn't the one keeping distance after things went south."

He opens his mouth and closes it again, toying with the golden watch on his left wrist for a moment before his eyes cut to me.

"There's more to every action." He says gruffly before turning back to the window and I look down at the sheets if printed paper in front of me.

There might be more, but for someone who never saw fault before the said, action, the only reaction generated is hurt. And boy does it break you down till you can't break no more!

"I seem to have forgotten that," I tell him quietly. A moment passes before I look up.

"It wasn't your fault." My eyes water at that simple statement and I close them.

Something deep in my chest twists in a very painful manner, one that makes me feel like I have a bunch of knives twisting all at once.

With a deep breathe to calm myself, I open my eyes and lick my lips to ward off the dryness in my mouth while also deciding whether to ask the second question.

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"Ba-" River completely stops and his face pales as if he was going to say something totally unacceptable. "I should have explained myself." He says softly before standing up and walking to the front of my desk. "I regret everything. How do I make it up to you?"

I look at the desperation in his eyes and I feel like my heart is sinking lower and becoming heavier, weighing down my chest which in turn affects my throat's ability to work my voice box.

"I don't know," I whisper and sigh. Why am I whispering? This is my office and it is sound proofed. "Maybe you should stay away. Keep a little distance from me."

His knuckles turn white from how hard he grips the edge of my working desk and his stormy eyes roam over my face as if urging me to take back my words.

But I can't! I can't take back the only sincere request I've made since i got here. Asking him to stay away from me is literally the only thing I envisioned myself asking him when I came back here. If I am being honest, I almost begged not to be a part of his team.

"I can't do that." He says quietly, as if the thought hurts him. "Four years was long enough."

"Not for me." I tell him sharply.

Being rude or overly defensive is the only way I seem to push away people who have the potential to hurt me.

And no one can blame me at the moment, I have a first hand experience as to how much potential River has to hurt me. I can't have myself repeating the same mistakes.

"If there's nothing I can do to change it, it's fine. I hope you feel better with the distance." He says in a resigned tone before standing there for a minute as if waiting for me to say something.

When I nod dismissively, he works his jaw before bowing his head in defeat.

With a small rough smile, he walks away and locks the door behind him.

That's how I know he has no intention of ever begging me to come back to his life. Because as much as he always had a soft spot for me, his straws were thin and it wouldn't take them long before they snapped and he ended up snapping with them.

It should explain why he just up and left after we spend a whole night together. Maybe I changed in his eyes or maybe he changed in his own eyes but bottom line, it hurt like hell and I didn't want to go back there no matter how safe it seemed from afar.

But even as I stare at the locked door, I have a feeling that this was the last straw. No more begging, no more making me feel a tintsy bit special by pleading with me to come back into his life.

This just feels final.