chapter eighteen

"I'm totally fine!" I groan once more as River cuts me a scolding glare. I knew a few sneezes would ruin my day for about half an hour after my walk in the cold but I didn't think it'd be a thing to cause so much concern where River was involved.

"I'm not saying you look bad, but you should have put on a coat, barbie." River says a little bit more calmly as he squats before me.

When he places his hand on my lap I'm forced to sit a little straighter on the couch in my office and hold a shaky breathe from giving away how flustered I really am.

"It was very sunny when I chose this outfit, I promise I'm not careless." I'm gonna blame the hand on my lap from complaining about the nickname.

"Didn't you leave your house right now? You could have grabbed a coat on your way out when the weather changed." River's concerned frown makes my stomach dance in a weird way that spreads warmth all over me.

"I actually had breakfast with my mom and Max before I came to the office."

River's hand on my lap tenses as his eyes study my face with a worry that renders me even more breathless.

"Max is here?" he asks quietly and I nod with a frown, "Are you...-" he trails off for a second before his other hand reaches for my cheek, "Are you okay?" he asks quietly.

"Yes, I am." I answer as the frown clears away and is replaced by a very small smile. He of all saw my struggle accepting that Max was my brother when the truth came out at first. "We, uh, got to talk yesterday and I'm kinda happy he's around."

River smiles with a gentle look in his eyes that somehow makes me believe that he is proud of me somehow.

"You are happy, yeah?" he confirms in a small warm voice and I nod, trying to fight the breathlessness that stirs within me as he continues to brush his thumb across my cheek.

"Yeah," I reply with a breathy chuckle as I subtly try to expel air from my lung through the laugh.

"I'm here if you need to talk." something tells me that River is worried that I'm lying like I used to when I was forced to spend time with Max back when things were still awkward between my mom and my dad. But I'm really happy and at peace with the fact that he is my half brother and he was not at fault for the things my dad did to my mom.

"Okay." I say quietly.

River watches his thumb as it runs along my cheek and I see his eyes go to stare at my lips for a second before he returns his gaze to my eyes.

A moment of staring at me causes a small glint of pain or some sort of frustration to pass across his eyes before he sighs and pulls away from me completely, taking his warmth with him.

It feels awkward for a moment so I let my eyes trail all over the room before a sneeze causes me to hunch over and cover my nose with my elbow.

I should probably get myself some coffee to chase away the cold from my body.

"Lily-" River starts softly and I freeze.

He probably regrets the kiss and the sleepover. I should have really known.

"If it's really bad can you please not tell me?" I almost beg, feeling my eyes sting at the thought of having to accept that we might have crossed a line we shouldn't have. "At least not now." I mutter and walk to my desk.

"What?" River asks with furrowed brows before something clicks in his mind, "No! I don't regret kissing you yesterday. I was actually going to ask if I could keep doing it."

"I've already said yes, River," I try to hide my annoyance at how he keeps doubting that I want the same thing as him.

Damn it, I would want to do more than kiss if it wasn't for our pas-

River's lips knock the breathe out of me when he presses me against the desk and kisses the living daylights out of me.

It takes a moment for me to react but when I do, my first instinct is to ask for entrance into his mouth. I run my tongue over his lip and within a second our tongues dance and battle for dominance until I give in and let him take control.

His hands run along my sides until he reaches my waist and places me on my working desk, immediately stepping between my legs and forcing my legs to wrap around his torso causing my skirt to hike up.

When his hands stray up until he cups my butt he stops and buries his head in the crook of my neck, taking in as much air in his lungs as he possibly can to calm himself down.

His hands remain firmly pressed against my butt and I try to fight the hot surge that causes me to dampen between my legs.

"Ri-"

"Just a moment," he whispers against the skin of my neck making shivers run down my spine. "I want you wrapped around me like this everyday." he whispers causing my heart to race and hammer against my chest in an almost painful yet euphoric stupor.

"Really?" I laugh a little when he groans after I roll my hips against him. "Sorry." I whisper but don't really mean it.

"Do it again." he groans and I roll my hips again, causing the both of us to breathlessly groan out. "Stop." he begs when I go to roll my hips again.

"No." I tell him and push myself closer and press harder against him. "You get to kiss me and I get to hump you."

"I told you we can't just kiss when you get naughty," he laughs and presses me against him by grabbing my ass tighter, his erection slotting between my damp folds which causes me to moan while my nipples harden. "You won't regret this?"

"I might if you ask me again." I warn him playfully and roll my hips against him repeatedly.

Since my skirt has ridden up so far that it only barely covers my butt from behind and my flimsy underwear can do little to stop the full on contact of mine and River's erection, I'm a little glad his trouser is made of a thicker material that protects him from my wetness.

I'm not sure he cares though from how he groans out of pleasure when I increase my speed and leave a wet kiss on his neck.

I consider myself modest. The type that doesn't carelessly give into physical desire just because I'm aroused but with River I feel more bold and entitled. It's like I want to please him while pleasing myself.

"It would be so embarrassing if I came in my trousers Lily," River moans helplessly as I continue to seductively roll my hips, feeling myself on the edge as he is.

"Should I stop?" I ask genuinely, scared that when my orgasm comes I'll feel bad for chasing it in such a shameless way.

I might have been confident but now I'm worried. How will this look after we've both come down from our lust?

"Yes." he groans and gently pushes me away, placing his forehead against mine afterwards. "Can I help you finish off?" he offers after catching his breathe.

When his hand travels up my thigh it becomes a little hard to say no. Besides, letting him take care of the knot in my belly feels more appealing now that he is biting his bottom lip as he watches me intensely react to his touch.

"Yeah." I breathe out and close my eyes, throwing my head back when his thumb circles over my clit. "Riv-" he kisses me before I can say his name and immediately slides two fingers into me and curls them, causing me to moan like a deranged psychopath.

His kiss turns deep and passionate when I cry out his name in between pants and moans and his hand steadies me against the desk by the waist.

When I feel the coil in my abdomen start to spiral down to my core, River pulls his curled fingers from inside me making me groan in protest and then pleasure when his hot mouth replaces his hand.

I cry out his name and pull at his hair as I ride my orgasm while he laps at my wetness. Fiery convulsions of heat zap through me and blurs the edges of my vision for a moment before I come down from my high, my eyes closed as I try to breath enough air to sustain my bodily functions.

"My goodness!" I breathe out quietly as the realization of our scandalous acts of intimacy slaps me across the face making me run my hands through my hair and tug at it in pure shock and embarrassment.

River crashes me against his chest and kisses the top of my head.

"Don't do that to yourself," he scolds softly. "I am very pleased by what we did. Don't start doubting if it was the right thing to do."

I don't even think to question how he knows exactly what's going on in my head. I instead wrap my hands around him and press my forehead against his very muscular and impressive chest.

"We didn't cross a line?"

"Not on my side. Did we cross a line on yours?" he whispers while he runs a hand along my hair, trying to soothe and calm me.

"No." I breathe again at the feeling of his large warm palm pressing gently at the back of my head while the other runs along my hair repeatedly.

"You taste amazing!" he gushes and I press my head harder on his chest as if to erase the blush that creeps all over my neck and cheeks. "I missed you so much." he breathes as his hands tighten around me, making me feel warm and safe.

And I don't know what to think.

Was I not supposed to avoid any form of sexual contact between us except kissing?