My heart jumps to my throat when I catch a familiar scent. 
Why does it appear around me so often these days? 
I turn around looking for the owner frantically but I can't spot them. 
-
"How do you know me?" 
"How can I not?" 
"You're quite popular, I'm not, so I had no idea you'd be into me." 
"I'm not into you. I just like making friends." 
"Yeah sure, like you haven't been practically undressing me with your eyes." 
"I have not been doing that!"

Sillage

I sit on the chair next to my kitchen counter with a cup of hot chocolate in my hand, zoning out. I've been repeating this for the past two days. Not even a second of sleep and not eating at all. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't. I feel like everything is just a blur, nothing makes sense without her. I was done crying by yesterday evening, now it's just weird. The funeral was yesterday, it still doesn't feel real. 


All five of us have been the same. Miserable. 


Jim? He tried to starve himself but Jae caught on yesterday. Who am I to say? I've been doing the same. It feels empty. Should I have listened to her when she wanted me to back off? 


Do I regret being with her? No, never, but what now? 


thirty nine