Chapter four || Brylan’s POV

'Two...three...four.' I mumble before wiping the sweat off my forehead. Running to hit the ball, I only end up tripping over a rock and skidding in the floor.

Slowly I get up before looking at my knees, I see graze marks across the both of them. Groaning in frustration I limp towards the electronic machine, turning it off before sitting on the bench beside it.

Most Sundays I make my way to the school courts for extra volleyball practice. I've been playing since I was thirteen since I used it as a destresser from my parents which I was never fond of.

As much as I love my parents since they're my parents the pressure they put on me is suffocating and at times I feel myself choking.

They expect nothing less than perfect and it completely destroyed my self perception. I feel like life would be better if I was smarter or cooler or as pretty as 'it girls' like Lilah. If I could live up to their expectations even for ten minutes I'd be happy.

So I started playing volleyball.

It was the one thing I was good at and the praise my parents gave me when I would bring home a medal or trophy is the only time I see them proud of me.

The only time I see them like me for me.

Grabbing out my bandages I wrap both my knees before picking up my duffle bag heading to my car.

Reaching the car I open the passenger seat tossing the bag in before grabbing the hair tie off my wrist, tying my braids up into a high ponytail to get it out my face. I'm most likely going to head to Alex's place after this since I usually go there after practice to cool down, plus he lives ten minutes closer to school then me so I take a quick shower there sometimes.

Hopping in the driver's seat I turn on the radio before starting up the car. Driving out the car park I look over at the caribbean dancing doll stuck on the surface above my dashboard. My grandma had made it for me and sent it over to the states from the caribbean so I could have it, it's probably one of my favourite things since it's all I have left of her.

Hearing my phone ring I pull over before picking it up seeing Alex's contact ringing so answer, 'hey Al,'

'you coming over this week or you're good?' He asks as I hear music playing through his phone, he must've been studying.

'yes i'm heading over right now.' I respond putting the phone on speaker then placing it in the cup holder before turning back onto the road.

'good because I cleaned up a little for you.' He laughs as I hear him stop playing, 'text me when you arrive.'

knocking on the front door I rock on my feet awkwardly before Alex opens it. Looking up to see him because i'm five foot three and he's six foot he smiles letting me in.

I walk through the hallway, opening his bedroom door before dropping my bag on the ground. He walks in after me sitting on the floor next to his guitar.

Walking back out I walk down the hallway entering the bathroom. I always enjoyed the smell in his house since it reeked of lavender essential oils. Turning on the shower I begin to undress taking in the smell as it brightens my mood before hopping in the shower.

Alex grew up with two moms so he was always surrounded by femininity which is why he got along more with girls than guys. Although he stayed masculine he shows feminine/motherly characteristics from time to time as he's very sentimental and gentle.

Making him very different to the majority of the guys in our year level since he sticks too himself and doesn't really go for girls because they're 'out of his league' which in my opinion is a cop out. Alex doesn't struggle with his physical appearance he's very attractive and gets compliments quite often and is always hotter than his crushes but refuses to listen when he's told so.

Which is something I guess we have in common as we both doubt ourselves. I know that because I made a pros and cons T-chart on him a couple months back.

I made the chart because I was weighing out if I should tell Alex that i've liked him since freshman year or not. But they were too many cons so I kept it to myself as always, the last thing I needed was to get emotions mixed up in our friend group.

It's my fault for liking someone I shouldn't like in the first place.

Finishing showering I turn off the water grabbing a towel and drying myself off. Sighing I wrap it around myself before opening the door. Allowing the steam to exit the room.

I head towards Alex's, room walking right in and opening his closet. Unfazed Alex looks up before looking back at his guitar, it's not the first time i've randomly walked in with nothing but a towel. I tend to forget to bring clothes with me into the bathroom quite often.

Grabbing one of Katies shirts and my pair of shorts that we most likely left here after hanging out i instruct him to cover his eyes which he does before quickly changing and sitting down in front of him with the towel wrapped around my hair.

'you can...open your eyes now,' I chuckle realizing they're still closed.

'oh..right.' he opens them before giving me the guitar, 'here play something,'

'you think I can play?' I mess around by aggressively stringing the strings. He quick to stop me.

not like that! You'll break it.' He places his hands on mine to stop me before repositioning my hands, 'this is C it's like 321, this is B7 it's like 2134, this is Em it's like 12 and finally this is G it's 213...if you play C B7 Em G, once then C B7 Em. Repeat that and i'll sing okay?'

Attempting to follow his instruction i'm surprised as I begin to play a tune repeating the cords over and over before recognising the song and getting excited since it's one of my favourites.

'just the two of us...we can make it if we try,' he sings along laughing, 'just the two of us-,'

'just the two of us. You and I.' I finish his sentence. Stopping myself from playing I look at him in silence before he clears his throat.

'Anyways.' he changes the topic taking the guitar putting it down besides him.

I watch him move back slightly so his back is against his bed, I do the same sitting next to him. 'you know it's crazy that we're almost seniors. It's scary.'

'honestly I don't know if I want to think about it,' I joke.

'no i'm being serious Bry, I don't know if I even want to leave school,' I look over to him seeing him focus on the open door. 'i've seen too many people drift apart after highschool and I really don't want that to happen to us especially since..'

'since what?' I keep my eyes locked on him, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

'I have my secrets.' He crosses his arms proudly.

'Al, we've been friends for ages spill.' I laugh at him, 'when have I ever told anyone one of your 'secrets'?'

Hearing my phone ring from my duffle bag I know it's my parents, it must be around 2pm since I got here slightly late at one twenty. Usually i'm home by now and arrive here at twelve thirty and only spend forty or so minutes here with him. I'm behind time.

Noticing the ringing too Alex turns his body to face me, 'okay...you need to pinky promise me that nothing will change and you won't tell anyone...because I just honestly need to let it out,'

Frozen not really understanding the context of the situation I fix my posture crossing my legs before pulling out my finger and folding it between his. 'I swear on everything.'

I have romantic feeling again,' He lowers his voice searching my eyes for a reaction, 'but this time it's really bad.'

'Are you going to drag me into suspense or-,' I tease him but he quickly cuts me off.

'I really fucking like katie.' He speaks up hastily, 'and before you say anything yes I know it's bad but I have for a month...or three- but usually it's gone by now- but it hasn't and I really don't know what to do.'

My smile fades as my finger grows limp. I had always managed to work past Alex's little crushes since he'd always avoided them making it easier for me to handle, as selfish as that sounds. But hearing him say it's someone he knows and not only that my best friend stings a little.

Especially since she's one of the most important people in my life.

'why?' I try to keep my voice calm.

'I don't know Bry, I really don't know.' He holds my hand in his, 'Maybe it's because I've been alone with her a lot recently and I...'

Watching him try to find the words I feel jealousy bubble up in my gut. Which is interrupted since my phone begins to ring again.

'we've been alone together just as much as you have with her.'

But I didn't say that out loud obviously.

'I get how you feel...I won't tell her a thing since pinky promises aren't spoken and stay unbroken.' I force a smile ripping my hand from it and bringing my pointer finger up across my bottom and top lip to my nose. Motioning to how I'll stay quiet. 'But I really should go or my mum will kill me.'

Getting up off the ground I take the towel off my hair hanging it on the doorframe before picking up my bag and leaving the room immediately feeling tears form in my eyes.

I don't think theres anyone unluckier than me.