- 6 8 -

"I'll be okay dad." I mumbled into my dad's shoulder who wasn't letting me go since the past twenty or so minutes.

"I love you so much, sweetheart. You know that right?" He pulled away, his identical blue eyes peering into my own when I nodded.

"I do daddy, I really do. I love you too. I just wish things could be different." I murmured and heard his heavy sigh as he stroked my hair tenderly.

"I know, darling. I miss her too." He said softly, his glossy eyes matching my own red ones as I sniffled once and blinked the tears away.

"What are you going to do about... you know...?" He trailed off, looking at me with a strange look as I pursed my lips.

What am I supposed to do?

"I don't know." I whispered and shrugged my shoulder, not looking into his eyes in fear of crying again.

"Does he love you?" He asked when I nodded slowly.

"He does. So much." I said, my voice cracking.

"And do you?" He asked after a few seconds but I didn't answer him, biting my lip furiously.

"I-..." I started, but stopped short.

"He doesn't know, does he?" My father asked me when I shook my head.

"He knows what happened to me, if that's what you're asking. Not who did it to me." I said, knowing Roman would never hide something like this from me if he knew.

I trusted him that much.

"I'm not asking you to leave him, darling." My dad murmured softly when I sniffled.

"I know."

"I'm not asking you to forget him either."

"I know daddy. I'm just... confused. I don't know what to do. This is so messed up." I said, looking up at ceiling as I released a shaky breath.

"I know. I'm not going to force you to do anything, but I will tell you this. Listen to your heart. I will be by your side though it all, whatever you decide." He said softly and I nodded.

"Thank you dad. It means a lot, truly." I said into his chest.

"Kotenok? It's time." Ivan came towards me and I nodded with a sad smile, kissing my father's cheek and let him peck my forehead.

"You've made me proud, my darling girl." He muttered before letting me go with a sad smile, his eyes filled with pain.

"Anton and Alex?" I turned to Ivan who gestured outside and I nodded, turning to Zephyr and Zarina who came to me and took me in their arms.

"You'll be okay." Zephyr said softly as I turned to Zarina who sniffled into my shoulder.

"I'll miss you. But we'll visit, okay?" She said and I nodded as Zephyr pulled her away from me and I waved at them halfheartedly before going out with Ivan.

"Heather. Bud' v bezopasnosti, dorogaya." (Stay safe, darling.) Uncle Mikhail gave me a short hug, followed by uncle Karl and then aunt Kris.

"Ivan, synok, ty pozabot'sya o ney." (Son, you take care of her.) Uncle Mikhail told Ivan, patting his shoulder and Ivan nodded solemnly.

"I will." He said in a promise, giving me a small smile before I said goodbye to my uncles and aunt, turning towards my brothers.

"Come here, darling." Anton said, holding his arm out to me and I sniffled, running into his warm, brotherly embrace.

"You've made us so proud, being our brave girl. Ostavat'sya sil'nym vsegda." (Stay strong, always.) He whispered, kissing the top of my head.

I closed my eyes tightly, letting my tears fall before Alex took his place.

"I'm going to miss you so much." I whispered and heard his hum.

"I know. Me too." He mumbled into my hair, kissing my forehead tenderly and rubbing my back soothingly.

"You'll come visit, won't you?" I looked up at him through teary eyes and saw him nod, his own blue orbs swirling with so much emotion I didn't believe it really was my brother, the same cold person.

"I promise I will." He said and I nodded, kissing his cheek before pulling away from him and looking at Ivan.

"I'm ready." I said releasing a shaky breath and saw his nod as he opened the car door for me while I took one last look at my family.

"Tell Ana I said goodbye." I told Anton and saw his small nod as I bit my quivering lip.

"I'll miss you all so much." I whispered to myself before turning away before I burst out crying again and sat inside the car, Ivan getting in behind me.

We were at the airport within a few minutes and Ivan led me in his private jet with his hand on the small of my back as our luggage was loaded.

"How are you holding up?" He came towards me after speaking to the pilot and putting a glass of water in front of me.

"Better, thank you." I said softly, drinking the water to relive my aching and hoarse throat from crying so much.

"Did you-... Did you tell him?" He asked cautiously while my gaze remained fixated outside at the security.

"No." I spoke after a few minutes and heard his sigh from beside me.

"Do you want to?"

Do I?

"Yes." I replied after a few seconds, knowing it would only hurt him if I left without telling him, again.

Leaving would hurt him anyway, but at least telling him would make it a bit less painful.

Or so I thought.

"You go ahead. I have some things to take care of." He said.

I nodded, watching him leave as I turned on my phone and went to my contacts, my finger hovering over his name before I finally pressed it after a good few moments.

Let's get it over with as fast as I can.

It ringed a few times before he picked up, making the emotions clog up my throat as his deep and velvety voice filled my ears.

"Angel, is everything okay? Why aren't you asleep?" He asked, concern evident in his tone when I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed thickly.

He still cares.

"I-I'm okay. I just-... I really missed you." I said, my own voice sounding foreign to me. There was silence on the other end for a few seconds before he spoke.

"Are you alright? Why is your voice different?" He asked.

"I'm fine, really. Just a sore throat." I chuckled nervously to dissipate the tension as the tears sprung to my eyes.

"Okay. You missed me?" He asked a little hopefully after a while when I hummed, the happiness in his voice making me want to break down all over again.

If only things were different.

"I did. What are you doing?" I asked, looking out the window once again.

"I was working out before you called. What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just... waiting." I sighed heavily, hearing some shuffling in the background before he spoke again.

"Waiting for what?" He asked when I closed my eyes, letting a few tears cascade down my face before I spoke.

"Ivan." I whispered and chewed on my lip at the silence on the other end.

"Why are you waiting for him? Are you going somewhere?" He asked when I hummed.

"In a way. Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Of course, baby." He said softly, my eyes closing at the endearment as I leaned my head back on the seat.

"Remember when I asked you what you would do if a person hurt me emotionally or physically?" I questioned and heard his hum.

"What if... there was someone who did both?" I asked hesitantly, waiting for his response.

"They wouldn't see the light of day again." He answered, his voice suddenly so low and dangerous, it made me gulp.

"Who hurt you, angel? Tell me." He urged as I fought back the tears.

"Someone did but-... if I tell you... I'm afraid I'd already ruin a strained relationship." I croaked out, my voice cracking at the end.

"What? I don't understand, what are you saying angel? Tell me, baby, and I'll fix it." He urged, his voice worried and concerned when I shook my head.

"You can't." I said, a sob breaking free as I covered my mouth with my palm.

"Fuck, baby, what the hell happened? What's wrong?" His voice was more urgent now, more worried, and his words tugged at my heart, my chest constricting.

He looked like him.

"Everything's wrong, Roman. Every fucking thing is wrong." I whispered, my voice breaking as I tried to hold in the sobs.

"I-I have to go away for a while." I said.

"Don't. Don't baby, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it, I promise you." He said when I pursed my lips.

"That's the thing Roman, you can't! You can't fix this! You can't bring my mom back to life, you can't erase my memories, you can't do anything!" I said exasperated.

Why did this have to happen?

"I wish I'd never met you. Then maybe, just maybe, things would have been different." I said, my voice cracking and low when I heard him mutter something in Italian and the sound of keys jingling.

"Don't say that baby. I can't imagine my life without you, I love you, so fucking much. Where are you? I'm coming over right now and we can talk." He said, his voice laced with urgency and need when I heard a car door slamming shut.

"W-We can't, Roman. We just can't..."

"Tell me where you are, goddammit!" He shouted into the phone, making a sob break out of me.

"The airport. I'm so sorry Roman. I have to go now." I said just as Ivan reentered the cabin and glanced at me worriedly and then the phone in my hand.

"Don't you dare fucking leave, or I swear to god Heather I will kill every single person who comes in my way. In our way. Don't fucking leave me, please." He pleaded and I felt my chest constrict when I heard his voice waver at the end.

He loves me, so much.

But does he know?

"I-..." I stopped short, just as Ivan sat in the seat in front of me and looked at me concerned.

"YA tak sil'no tebya lyublyu." I whispered, watching Ivan's eyes widen.

"I'm sorry things had to be this way. Goodbye, Roman." I whispered, not listening to his constant pleading as I ended the call, taking a shaky breath in.

"Give me your gun." I said, watching his confused expression as he took it out of his waistband and gave it to me.

"Kotenok, I swear to god, don't do anything funny or-" I didn't let him continue as I clicked the safety off and fired it, the bullet hitting my phone.

"Done." I said, tossing the now broken device out the plane window and buckled my seat belt once more, ignoring Ivan's baffled expression as I gave him back his gun and sat back in my seat, closing my eyes.

I ignored the constant ringing in my ears as I plugged in my headphones to drown out Roman's voice that rang in my head like a broken record player, the tears falling from my eyes uncontrollably.

Now to get over all this shit.

How does one get over this shit?

* * *

"Heather!" Ivan shouted, his voice echoing in the house as I looked over the view from the balcony.

"In here!" I shouted back, hearing his footsteps near me before he stopped.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked, coming to stand beside me and pulling out a cigarette from his blazer pocket.

"Enjoying the view." I sighed, looking at the sunset as he lit it, putting it to his lips and taking a long drag.

"Enjoying the view my ass. I'm going out, and you're coming with." He grunted when I frowned.

"I'm not going anywhere." I said looking at him when he pursed his lips.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because I don't feel like it." I replied, shaking my head at nothing at all.

"You said that last month." He deadpanned when I shrugged.

"And?" I raised a brow when he took a deep breath, puffing out smoke.

"I need my fake fiance." He muttered when I scowled.

"Hard pass." I said.

"Come on, I need a plus one for the party tonight." He whined like the man child he was when I rolled my eyes.

"Take someone else then." I said crossing my arms when he shook his head.

"No can do. You're technically still my fiance. We haven't really 'broken up' over here. People still think we're together." He explained when I sighed.

"What time?" I asked, not believing I was actually considering it.

"Eight. I'll have your clothes sent to your room." He said.

"Fine. But we don't stay too late, okay?" I asked in all seriousness when he nodded.

"Whatever you say, kotenok." He said rolling the cigarette between his fingers before putting it back to his mouth.

"Anton called." He said after a few quiet moments when I hummed.

"Called me too, in the morning." I informed him and saw his brief nod.

"He's worried for you." He said and I nodded, looking at the guards below on patrol.

"I know. He said he'd visit." I told him when he hummed.

"Alex might come too. Said the Italians were pissing him off." He said when I froze, my movements halting as he looked at me cautiously.

"What's going on there?" I asked after a few moments, clearing my throat.

"Everything's gone to shit. Now that we know who the murderer was..." He trailed off, shaking his head with a sigh.

"Does-... Does everyone know what happened?" I asked hesitantly and Ivan understood what I really meant by that.

If Roman knew his father killed my mother.

"Da." (Yes) He said and I closed my eyes, releasing a shaky breath.

Shit.

"Is everything going to be okay?" I asked slowly, tracing the intricate designs on the balcony railing when he shrugged.

"Can't really say. No matter how much he hates the guy, he's still his father. They won't go down without a fight." He said and I nodded.

I thought as much.

No matter how strained the father and son's relationship was, if there was one thing I knew about the Italians, it was that they were loyal, and valued loyalty and family just like us.

Except...

I shook my head, shaking my thoughts away before standing straighter.

"I'm going in, it's getting colder. You coming?" I asked moving back when he nodded, putting out his cigarette.

"After you." He said and I went in, going straight to my room without another word and flopping down on my bed.

One month without him, and I feel like I can't live anymore.

"I can't breath without you, Roman." I murmured, my voice breaking as I broke down once again for the thousandth time probably in the last month, letting my tears lull me to a restless sleep.

What ever am I going to do?