Chapter 38

"Do you think we'll ever leave here?" Castiel asks his boyfriend.

"Do you want to?" Dean counters. "At least here, no one's dying. I mean, we have to put up with the other angels and demons, but they pretty much leave us alone. I don't see a problem."

"Usually, you would want to be out hunting," Castiel observes.

"Usually, I wouldn't have you," Dean replies simply.

Castiel gives him a halfhearted smile.

Sensing something's wrong, Dean asks, "Hey, Cas, what's up?"

He looks as if he's about to answer, but instead just says, "Nothing."

Dean can't help but remember how, a couple years ago, he probably would have said the ceiling. Oh, how he's grown.

"Okay, but what's wrong?" Dean asks.

Knowing there's no point in not telling him because he'll keep asking, Castiel decides to save himself the trouble by just answering now. "People are dying while we're here. There was a time you'd do anything to save them. You always said it was part of the family business. What happened to that?"

"That 'family business' started when my mom died," Dean tells him. "Now she's back — both my parents are. I started hunting when my family was torn apart, and I can stop now that we're back together."

"So that's it?" Castiel says in disbelief. "You're going to stop hunting, just like that?"

"Well, I don't really have a choice right now, but yeah. When this is done, I can't see any of us going back to hunting. I mean, my parents are back together, Sam has Jess, and I've got you. Call me crazy, but I don't think any of us want to risk losing that. I know I don't."

"And what about all those people who die because you didn't try to save them?" Castiel counters.

"Why's it my job to save them, anyway? Why should I be the one risking my ass to save everyone else all the damn time? I've been doing it since I was four. I'm almost forty, Cas. I think I deserve a break."

"People are counting on you, Dean," he insists. "Even ones who don't know you, who don't know the supernatural yet. You can't just leave them to die."

"Why not?" Dean demands. "Why do I have to give up everything for them? Why can't behappy for once? I think I've deserved it. I've more than deserved it."

"Yes, you have, but the second you stop caring about everyone else, you stop deserving it. Hunting is in your blood, Dean. It's what you were raised to do, trained to do. You can't just give that up."

"Yeah? Watch me."

Castiel sighs. "Dean..."

"What, Cas?" he snaps.

Castiel just looks at him for a moment before shaking his head to himself and turning away. And Dean knows he should go after him, plead with him to come back and stay with him. But all he can do is watch as he walks away.

~~

"Trouble in paradise, I see?" Balthazar guesses.

Castiel sighs as he sits down on the floor next to his brother and good friend, pulling his knees up to his chest. "Dean and I had a fight."

"Oh, no," Balthazar replies, his sincerity questionable. "Whatever happened between you two?" Yeah, that's definitely not as caring as he could be.

"Dean wants to give up hunting," Castiel replies simply.

Balthazar almost chokes on his wine. "He ? But that's his whole thing: big, brooding monster killer dressed as a lumberjack. Next you're going to tell me he's getting rid of all his flannels."

"No, that was not mentioned," Castiel tells him.

Balthazar gives him a "really?" face, which he doesn't notice. "Why's he giving up hunting? Does he think he's good at anything else? Because I've yet to see that."

"He doesn't think it's fair that he has to risk his life for everyone else's," Castiel explains.

"When has life been fair to any of us?"

"Is he wrong, though?" Castiel asks. "Should he stop hunting?"

"You know how things would be without the Winchesters, Castiel. The damage from the apocalypse would have been catastrophic, to say the least. As much as they screw things up, and they do, a , the world needs them. Give them a few weeks in the real world. They'll find their way back to hunting somehow."

"I hope you're right."

"When am I ever wrong?"