Chapter 49

"You do know Christmas is over, don't you?" Amara asks, returning to earth for the first time since she and Chuck left together.

Lucifer just rolls his eyes, sort of just at her existence in general.

"I don't understand why you're always either antagonizing people or hiding from them," she adds.

"Ironic, considering you did the same thing," he replies coldly.

She sighs at the remark but doesn't respond, instead continuing, "Why don't you go at least to make a friend?"

"I have a friend," he reminds her. "I have Gabriel."

"Are you sure about that?"

With that, she disappears, leaving a very confused Lucifer behind. Curiosity getting the better of him, he decides to look for his little brother, starting in the war room. Sure enough, there he is, making out with Kali, but you already knew that because you read the last chapter.

Lucifer smirks slightly at the look on Sam's face when he sees them. He tries to play it off and ignore them, but no one is buying it. Well, a lot of people are, but Lucifer's been inside his head before. He can tell Sam isn't as okay with this as he seems.

Because he's bored and likes baiting people, he casually walks up to the boy and says, "You can't tell me you didn't see this coming."

"I did, and I don't care," Sam replies, almost convincing enough to make Lucifer think he made a mistake. Almost, but not quite.

"Oh, I'm sure you don't," Lucifer says sarcastically.

"In case you've forgotten, I've already got a girlfriend," Sam hisses.

Lucifer glances at Jess, who awkwardly walked away when Lucifer came over. "Yes, that you do. And you two are very happy together, I'm sure. Just like you and... what's her name? Amanda? No, . Remember her, the girl you left your brother for? What if Chuck brought back, too? Would you and your little blonde chick be alright then?"

Sam crosses his arms, glaring down at the angel. "What's your point?"

"My point is, you're kidding yourself, Sammy. You may not fall in love a lot, but when you do, you fall fast and you fall hard. You're not over Gabriel. You never were. And he wasn't over you. Well, now you know how he felt since you ditched him for that blonde bimbo."

Sam scoffs. "What are you, my conscience?"

Lucifer shrugs. "Just telling it how it is."

"Fine. How about tell it how it is?" Sam suggests. "I'm happy with Jess, Gabriel seems happy with Kali; things are fine for us. You're the one that's going to suffer the most from this. Something tells me you and Kali aren't going to get along very well, and who do you think Gabriel would choose, the girl I'm assuming he , or his screwup of a brother stuck in his rebellious teenager phase?"

Lucifer's eyes glow red, and Sam takes a step away from him. On second thought, maybe he shouldn't antagonize Satan.

Michael appears next to them, gently pushing Sam away. "Now would be the time to walk away."

"Yep, got it," Sam replies, speed walking across the room as quickly as possible.

"Oh, what do you want?" Lucifer asks, annoyed.

"To talk," Michael replies evenly.

"Yeah, well, I don't, so... Bye!"

"Lucifer..."

He sighs and crosses his arms. "Fine. I'll give you two minutes and then I'm gone."

"Gone ?"

"I don't know. Somewhere that isn't here."

"That right there is what I wanted to talk about," Michael tells him. "I get that you probably don't want to deal with people, which was fine when Gabriel was around to keep you company, but at best, he'll only give you half his attention now that... the god... is here." His disapproval is clear in his voice, and Lucifer has to agree. "We don't know how long we're going to be stuck here. It could be years, for all we know. You can't spend the next year all alone."

"Yeah? Who's gonna stop me?"

"Well, probably Chuck, actually," Michael replies.

"Chuck can make me sit here, but he can't make me talk."

Chuck appears next to them just long enough to say, "Yes, I can."

Lucifer just rolls his eyes.

"Well, you know he's right," Michael says when it becomes clear that Lucifer isn't going to be the first to speak. "'Thus spake the Lord' and all that."

"What's your point?" Lucifer asks, unable to argue against that.

"You're stuck here whether you want to be or not. You can't go stealing Gabriel away all the time. If he wants to spend time with that god, you can't guilt him into hanging out with you."

"I thought you just said I couldn't be alone, and now you're telling me I can't bother Gabriel?" Lucifer repeats, puzzled. Seriously, where's he going with this?"

"Exactly," Michael replies. "So why don't you hang out with ?"

Lucifer just looks at him for a moment, waiting for some sort of punchline. This has to be a joke. Michael can't honestly want to kick it with him, after everything he's done. But looking at his expression, it seems to be a sincere proposal.

"I'd rather shove an angel blade through my eye," Lucifer deadpans.

"Angel blade or archangel blade?" Michael asks. Would he rather kill himself or hurt himself really badly?

"Either. Both. I don't care."

As if on cue, an angel blade appears in his hand. He inspects it carefully, as if he can't just feel the power radiating off of it. It's definitely an archangel blade.

He looks at the ceiling as if he'll see Chuck when he says, "Seriously?" his voice filled with incredulity.

"You really going to follow through on that?" Michael asks, knowing already that he won't.

"Or I could just do neither," Lucifer suggests. "This isn't an either/or situation."

Chuck appears next to them again to say, "I could it an either/or situation."

Lucifer studies him for a moment, gauging his sincerity. Finally, he mutters, "Guess I set myself up for that one," under his breath before adding louder for them to hear, "I'll give it 24 hours. How's that?"

"48," Chuck counters.

"36."

"Fine. 36 hours with Michael. And I mean actually to Michael. I'm talking 36 hours of getting along with him."

"I can't guarantee the last part," Lucifer replies.

"Well, you better, because those are the terms," Chuck tells him. "Take 'em or leave 'em."

"And if I decide to leave 'em?"

Chuck takes Lucifer's angel blade and twirls it around in his hand, a small smile on his face, Lucifer glares back at him. Michael looks between the two with anticipation.

"Fine," Lucifer growls. "I'll play your stupid little game."

Chuck grins, the angel blade disappearing from his hands. "Great! Glad you're being such a good sport about this!" He claps the angel on the back a couple times. "Have fun!" And with that, he disappears, leaving a pissed off archangel in his wake.