Chapter 40 - Uncontrollable Rage

The next day, Kara wakes up as has been usual over the last week, and only feels a small amount of anger for Lena once more. As usual, Kara just thinks she has cooled off from being extremely angry at the brunette from the day prior, while she was just letting her rage bubble up at work. Kara still has absolutely no idea that her rage/anger is being massively exasperated by James drugging her. All Kara believes is that she still just doesn't have a handle on her emotions, and she is still very annoyed at Lena. She just hopes that as time passes, her rage will decrease, as living like this, even in the middle of when she thinks it's justified, just isn't nice. Kara doesn't think she is an angry person, or full or repressed rage or anything. Of course Kara has been through so much in her life that it would be understandable if that were the case. Kara could just have a bunch of repressed rage from being the sole survivor of anyone who had lived on Krypton before the planet exploded, with Clark not really counting, as he was only just born before everything happened. Then Kara could also be carrying anger from the fact that not only did her planet explode, but her parents sent her away placing such a heavy burden on her shoulders to care for her baby cousin, even though she was only 13. Then Kara could also have repressed anger because for a while when she got to Earth, she just thought she had failed the one thing her parents had asked of her. For a long time Kara blamed herself for being trapped in the Phantom Zone for 24 years, and not being able to raise Kal-El. It was actually Eliza who finally got her to realise that it wasn't her fault. Kara believed that maybe if she hadn't spent as long a time saying goodbye to her parents, her pod would have left Krypton right alongside Kal's. But Eliza told her that she couldn't have known that, and even if she had known, she should have still spent those final moments with her parents, as otherwise if she didn't even get to say a quick goodbye, it would have just eaten her up inside for the rest of her life. But even though Kara is aware that she could be a person that has a lot of repressed anger and rage because of all those events that have transpired, as well as others, she doesn't feel that is the case. Kara believes that she has a very positive outlook on life, and through the years she has been able to deal with all her issues with the loving support of Eliza and Alex. Kara knows that having Alex and Eliza to support her, and talk with, no matter how insignificant she may have thought the issue may be, was better than any therapy. It may have taken Alex a while to warm up to Kara, but once she did, she was, and still is, Kara's rock. So because of all that, Kara really doesn't understand where her sudden rage and anger, which seems uncontrollable, has come from. All Kara can really put it down to is that she hasn't ever experience romantic love before, only with Lena, and this may just be the feelings that come as a result of the pain caused by it.

After Kara wakes, she does her usual morning routine of getting herself ready and then Alura, and then walking Alura to school before heading off to CatCo. Alura is still upset over everything, and Kara knows that is a reasonable response, as Alura obviously became very attached to Lena, so not seeing her again is really hurting the girl. There are times when Kara considers that maybe she could just let Alura see Lena again, on her own, on brief small visits without her being present. But whenever Kara has those thoughts after she drops Alura off at school, they soon die down as the anger towards Lena builds inside her throughout the day.

Today, as usual, Kara arrives at CatCo and gets on with her day, just trying to focus her mind on her work for now. Kara has found recently that she feels the most at peace at the beginning of the work day, as it is when her mind is the most focused, and she is not as angry. Kara thinks this might be because on most days she gets to CatCo, then about an hour in is called away on some Supergirl activity, which ultimately may just trigger everything for Kara. After all, even though Kara has not seen Lena since the day she tried to come to her apartment, she is still wearing the Supergirl suit that Lena made for her, so it acts as a reminder every day. Then even on mornings when Kara isn't called away on a Supergirl activity, Kara has found that as the day progresses, she just gets worse. Kara just thinks this is because, while she may not have to go and do a Supergirl activity, the stress of expecting it may act just as much as a trigger as the Supergirl activity itself.

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This Tuesday morning Sam has just woken, having spent the previous day and night with Lena. The two women just talked long into the night, with Sam doing most of the listening, just letting Lena get everything out of her system. Sam realises that the emotional toll of it all really must have weighed on Lena so much, and just completely exhausted her, as it is currently 10:30AM and Lena is still asleep. Sam is aware this is shocking because she very much knows her friend is an early riser, and not just by setting her alarm early, but just by waking up early automatically as part of her body clock.

Yesterday, after Lena explained everything to Sam, in as much detail as she could, or at least could remember, the two just talked through everything, with Sam just being there for Lena. Sam made it clear to Lena, that while she did make a mistake in regards to her response to Alura referring to her as 'momma', and Kara's anger with her was justified, the extent to which Kara's anger went was not. Even though Sam spent the previous afternoon and night telling that to Lena, she knows that Lena will never agree with it, at least not out loud. Sam knows that it may eventually just be some thought that crosses the back of Lena's mind, that she just thinks about in the background, and that might be as good as Sam can really do. Other than that, Sam just spent the remainder of the evening being there for Lena, just giving her someone who was willing to offer her unconditional comfort, a shoulder to cry on, and just a presence to be around.

As Sam waits for Lena to wake up, she calls Alex to see how she and Ruby were getting on, and by the sounds of it, Ruby is having a blast. Ruby is so excited to tell Sam that she met Supergirl, and even got a photo with her, with Ruby being overjoyed that Supergirl knew her name. Then Ruby also explains how she is having the best time with Alex, as Alex not only bought Ruby some pyjamas for the night, but some new clothes as well for the next few days, which she let Ruby choose for herself. Then after that Ruby explains how she and Alex spent the rest of their day in the park, and then went back to Alex's apartment to watch scary movies, while eating junk food. Sam does breathe a sigh of relief however when Alex informs her that Ruby fell asleep within the first 2 minutes of The Shinning.

"Well, it sounds like you both had a great time yesterday." Sam smiles into the phone. "Yeah! Alex is the best, mom!" Ruby says, happily.

"How much did Alex pay you to say that?" Sam teases.

"20 bucks." Alex replies.

The three ladies then break out into a laugh.

"Alright you two. Alex, I'm going to come over and pick Ruby up soon, I'm just waiting for Lena to wake up. I hope you don't mind?" Sam asks, knowing she is asking a lot for Alex to continue to look after Ruby further into today. "Not at all! I actually don't have work today, so you can take as long as you need. I don't really have anything else to do today. I was just gonna do some cleaning, go shopping and then pick Alura up from school later today, and bring her home to Kara's." Alex explains.

"Can I come? I wanna see Alura!" Ruby asks, happily.

"Uhhh..." Alex says, not knowing what to say as she doesn't know how long Sam is going to be.

"Alex, can you take me off speaker so I can talk to you in private?" Sam asks.

"Sure." Alex says.

"Alright Ruby, you be good with Alex. I'll see you later." Sam calls out before Alex takes her off speaker.

"Okay." Ruby replies, knowing her mom probably wants to talk about Lena and Kara stuff that she doesn't want her to overhear.

"Alright, you're off speaker. It's just me now." Alex says.

"Okay, are you sure you don't mind looking after Ruby for a bit longer?" Sam asks.