The kiss

Jin had no control over his body. That itself was strange enough, but even more surprising was the fact he didn´t mind it. He didn´t feel even the slightest hunch of disapproval, when his hand finished the intended move, catching Kame for the right arm just below the shoulder, when his feet moved, coming closer to the stiffened bartender and his head lowered to get to those lips, which seemed as the most attractive thing in the world at that moment. He didn´t think about what he was doing; he just didn´t want to let the other one leave the room.

Already since the day before, his mind was overfilled with blurry memories of the gentle hands touching him and of the soft voice calming him down. When he was ordered to stay in bed on the clinic, he couldn´t chase those thoughts away, wondering how it would have felt like if he was more conscious on that night.

And now, Kazuya´s presence was like a strong magnet, which was slowly drawing him closer and closer, which Jin hadn´t even realized, until his mouth reached the destination for which his heart desired.

*

Kame´s eyes went wide in surprise, when Jin´s lips touched his. He didn´t quite understand, that something like this was really happening, but he couldn´t even make his brain to think and figure it out.

At first, he froze in the time and space. It was not that he didn´t secretly yearned for this – it was just too unexpected. Kame´s common sense tried to tell him that he should rather push himself away from Jin, but that order was stopped by the indescribable feeling, which changed the original defensive purpose of his hands and he let them rest on the firm chest in front of him.

Jin´s mouth was dry and hot and tasted after the rum, which was added in his tea. His kiss was short, hasty and very awkward, but it revealed some of the hidden passion at the same time, and that brought the crazy shivering into Kame´s stomach.

Jin pulled away breathing out heavily, painfully anxious expression in his features, but he didn´t release his firm grip even a little.

Their looks met again, falling into each other, finding almost equal volume of burning emotions in them.

Then, it was Kame, who gave up on his own body control. He couldn´t bear it anymore. He was not able to stand there motionless; it was too much for his poor restraint, onto which he was clinging since the moment he had realized that he was attracted to Jin. He let his desire go free, not even realizing that he was holding it back for a very long time.

There was no space for logical thinking, when he leant to Jin for another kiss. He pressed against his slightly open mouth so vigorously, that it almost made them both fall down. Fortunately, Jin found his balance fast and placed one hand on Kame´s waist, making him steady. He was stiffened like a stone for a second, which squeezed Kame´s lungs with horrible uncertainty, almost causing him to choke on it.

Then Jin´s body softened again and he captured Kame´s offering lips as if he wanted to conquer them once and for all. Any doubts disappeared into nothing. Kame wrapped both of his arms around Jin´s neck, going to meet his efforts and when he felt a probing touch of Jin´s wet tongue on his lower lip, he invited him inside his mouth without any hesitation.

They turned their minds off. There were only various emotions swirling in both of them like a tornado and strong attraction, which took the reins over their actions. Their kiss became passionate, when Kazuya´s tongue started to fight Jin´s one over who would have the upper hand.

Kame almost couldn´t breathe, as the hotness and desire were flooding him. It felt so good that he never wanted to break that connection.

When Jin´s left hand went down, joining the other one around his waist and pulling him even closer, so that Kame could feel the older one´s firm body like never before, the blood came rushing into his head and strange weakness captured his knees making them to shake. Kame just thought that he would fall apart into tiny pieces, if Jin ever let him go...

*

Kame was so slim and suddenly seemed so vulnerable that Jin wanted to secure the younger one in his arms forever and didn´t give that feeling any second thought. That incredible passion, which was brought out by Kazuya´s kiss and by his body, made him shiver. It woke up something so strong inside of Jin, that it felt like he would suffocate on it if he stopped kissing the other one.

How the hell was even possible that it felt so damn exciting and... good?

Jin felt Kazuya´s fingers back on his neck and his tongue playing with his own, obviously not willing to stop any time soon. When he let his own passion to express itself into the kiss, grabbing the younger one for the waist, Kame shook from head to toes and he surrendered to Jin´s demand, giving up their match and letting him explore his mouth freely. Somehow, Jin found himself not satisfied with that, he wanted more, he wanted to feel more from Kazuya...

When they finally broke the kiss, both at the same moment, it was when they were completely out of breath.

For a few long tense seconds, Jin wasn´t able to create any proper thought in his mind. He couldn´t keep either his breath or heartbeat calm and it was pulsating in his ears so hard, that he was sure the younger one heard it. His body was flooded with feelings, from which he recognized mainly excitement, nervousness and… desire.

He was the first one to open the eyes, which he didn´t even remember closing.

Kazuya´s dark eyelashes, an interesting angle of his eyebrows, a small proud nose, the slightly opened pink lips – all of those were the decorations of the beautiful face to which Jin was so close he could feel the warmness from its skin. Not to mention it was not only the face, which trapped him in the amazed state. It was the tickle of the younger´s hair, his hasty breath, the warm touch of his small palms on Jin´s neck, the fast movement of the other´s chest so close to his own and the slim waist for which he had grabbed Kazuya before. Lastly, but not least, also the arms, which were wrapped around Jin´s neck, the fingers of one buried in his hair.

There were so many perceptions Jin could feel just from that one person in his arms that it was shocking for him. He didn´t know what to think about it, he couldn´t even think. Until Kazuya´s eyelids moved and revealed his eyes too. Their color was so yellow, that it looked like they were glowing and Jin was hopeless against those eyes. Kazuya´s eyes…

"That was…"

Jin stiffened as if he just turned into an ice statue. It was Kame´s hoarse voice, which brought some thinking into his mind.

What did I just do? I kissed… Kame?

That was a stupid question, of course he did! He kissed another… man.

It was hard to admit that, but somehow Jin felt the urge to capture those lips in front of him for some time already, definitely since his meditating lonely trip through the woods. In the end, he couldn´t resist. Hell, he wanted to have them again right now, to kiss them so that their owner would lose his breath… Knowing how Kame took care of him, when he was sick, and now being alone with him in this small room, Jin couldn´t stop that urge to taste his lips anymore.

But… But he expected that Kame would stop him. That he would resist, fight back, anything. And that would make his stupid imaginations give up finally. The opposite happened though. Kazuya not only didn´t stop him, he didn´t pull away. He returned Jin´s kiss…

Oh, no… This... Was not... Right. This is… Wrong.

It was a furious fight, which took place between his pounding heart and what he felt and between what his logic reasoning and education said. And mainly what was implemented into Jin´s mind as good manners, those were screaming loud at him, that what he did was awfully bad. Despite the fact that his heart was saying something completely different. He was suddenly too scared to hear it; he couldn´t accept that something what felt so good couldn´t be bad.

Kame probably saw this inner fight of his, because his dazed expression changed slowly, into the non-understanding first, and concerned and then into the upset one. The younger one froze as Jin let his hands go of him slowly and took a step back, so that Kame´s hands fell down alongside his thighs without the shoulders to lean on.

"I… I´m… sorry," that was all what Jin was able to get out of his mouth.

*

Kame knew it. Deep down, he knew that he shouldn´t give in to his foolish hopes. No matter what Jin felt, no matter that he was the one to initiate their first kiss, the older one was not going to accept this.

"I shouldn´t have done this... This is so wrong. Kame, I´m really sorry. This is..." Jin kept blabbering helplessly.

I shouldn´t... I´m sorry…

That was an ice-cold shower on Kame´s dizzy head. Jin probably let himself be carried away at that moment and as soon as he did realized what happened, he regretted it. That only made Kame´s throat narrowed, stuffed with the bitter feeling. But one word which came from Jin´s mouth was the worst.

Wrong. Jin considered what they just did as something wrong.

Kame himself felt many things, when those full lips were in the hot contact with his own, but thinking about it as ´wrong´ was definitely not among them.

Jin was standing there more than two steps away already, as he moved from Kame hastily, his whole stance tense, ruffled hair half-covering his face, avoiding his eyes.

"I´m… I´m really sorry…" Jin mumbled desperately, when he didn´t say anything.

That was not what Kame would like to hear. Everything what he wanted to tell Jin before he turned back from the door, everything what was flooding him as an avalanche and made him so excited, he buried it deep down and made himself forget about it. He had to, he wouldn´t have been able to even speak if he didn´t.

"Stop apologizing," he said in a harsh voice, he couldn´t recognize as his own. "Just stop."

*

The grating tone full of suppressed emotions pinched Jin in the chest, and made his stomach squeeze. With a bad feeling, he raised his eyes to look at the bartender, but Kame was the one looking away this time. His soft expression, which was there only moments ago, disappeared in nowhere and the small wrinkle between his eyebrows and a stiffened jaw replaced it.

"I think I should go," that cold voice, which seemed not to belong to Kazuya at all, spoke again.

Jin´s lips were still a little wet from the kiss. He parted them as he intended to say something, but his brain was like an empty barrel. He had no idea what he should say.

Kame turned away, opened the door, left the room and closed them again. Jin stared at the door, dumbfounded, feeling torn apart into two. He wanted to run after him and stop Kazuya from going away, but he also heard the other part, which was yelling at him to stay on the spot and not ruin anything else. Because I screwed up big this time, right?

Jin sat down on the bed slowly and his eyes spotted the mug, which he put on the nightstand in a rush, when he went after the younger one; the mug with Kazuya´s special rum tea…

He liked the handsome bartender, he was attracted to Kame and he felt so damn well, every time he was in his company. But Jin still couldn´t comprehend fully, how they ended up... Kissing. They shouldn´t do something like this. It was against... Against what he was taught, against what was considered as normal. It was not right to have this kind of relationship with another man.

But... Why the hell it felt so good then? Their kiss awoke such an overwhelming feeling in Jin that he still felt his knees were shaking.

He did something stupid, but... Why didn´t Kame stop him? The younger one returned his kiss; he was completely open to what Jin did, and... And he seemed so hurt when he left...

Jin covered his face with both palms, leaning down onto them absolutely helpless.

What the hell did I do? And what will I do now?

***

The opening of the main door and the following steps were so quiet that if not for creaking of the rusting hinges, which were holding the door on its place for some years already, neither the aging woman nor her young visitor would have realized somebody just came inside the house.

Lena let go of her cup with the hot tea, smoothing her sleeves hastily and brushing some invisible dirt away, before her eyes focused at the kitchen´s entrance with excited expectation shining in them. Rosie noticed that sudden change in the girl´s behavior and observed her pretty face with the aching sympathy.

It was brighter than the Sun itself how much fond of her son Lena was, at least to Rosie, as another woman. It didn´t seem that Kazuya realized that or more likely, he wasn´t interested in the girl that way. He liked her a lot, but as far as Rosie knew him, Lena was like a younger sister to Kazuya. Even though, she still hoped that he might find some more liking in her. It would have been nice to have like a daughter-in-law this polite and cheerful girl.

Rosie was so afraid that the incident with that hundred-time-cursed Math Grenet discouraged her from involving with their family ever again, as Lena didn´t come over even once since then, but in the end, she came, with an apologetic smile and temptingly smelling content of the small basket.

By the corner of her eye, she caught the slim figure´s appearance, to which Lena reacted with the shy smile and greeting.

"Good evening, Kame..."

"Welcome home, dear," Rosie turned to look at her son, too.

"Good evening," Kazuya responded in a voice, which seemed somehow strange to Rosie right away. He also remained at the doorstep, not moving toward her and placing a loving kiss on her cheek as he usually did.

"Lena brought some fresh cakes, would like to have some?" she asked her son, observing his face carefully.

"No, thank you," he said. "I ate in the saloon."

This response made Lena obviously disappointed and Rosie worried. She knitted her eyebrows into the concerned line.

"Did something happen?" Rosie asked.

"No, nothing´s wrong, don´t worry, Mother," Kazuya said in a way, that made Rosie even more suspicious. She could always tell when her son was trying too hard to cover something up. "I´m just tired a little..." he continued and looked at the gloomy girl at the table. "I´m sorry, Lena, let´s meet up some other day, all right? I´d like to go to sleep early today."

"Ah, don´t worry about that, I understand," Lena tried to act too, nodding encouragingly. "I´ll come over again soon."

"Thank you," Kazuya appreciated it and without saying anything else, he disappeared in the corridor.

Rosie looked at the girl, whose smile vanished almost immediately. That made her upset a little. No matter the circumstances, her son shouldn´t have behaved like that, turning Lena down, when she finally gathered her courage and came to see him again.

"I think I should rather go," the blonde girl said sadly and got up.

"Oh, wait a little! You still have some tea left, dear..."

"Thank you, Mrs. Rosie, but my mother is waiting for me," Lena excused herself, and after taking her plaid, she left with her head held low.

*

Kame just barely took his coat and shoes off, when there was a slight knock at the door and a face of his lovely mother appeared in the gap, as she opened them.

"Kazuya? Can I speak with you for a moment?" she asked in a serious tone.

"Of course, Mother, come in," he invited her, sitting on the bed and keeping his eyes down. "Did Lena go home already?"

"Oh, yes, she did..." Rosie responded, crossing the arms on her chest. "She came to see you, so she had no reason to stay longer when you behaved like you did."

Kame straightened up, when he heard an accusation in the mother´s voice.

"As I said, I´m tired," he said apologetically.

"You should have a better explanation, my dear son," Rosie interrupted him firmly. "Poor thing, she was so disappointed. Do you have any idea what it had to be like for her to come here again? After what happened with the deputy?"

Kame sighed a little, trying hard to stay calm, as there were still a lot of emotions rushing in his head: "I´m glad she´s all right and..."

"I bet she is scared!" his mother opposed. "She´s not stupid! She knows that Math Grenet is focused on us!"

That statement made Kame more pissed than guilty and he got up on his feet: "What do you think about me, Mother? That I want her to be in any danger? She didn´t have to come then! Who asked her to?"

"Kazuya!" Rosie gasped for a breath. "Don´t be so harsh! She just wants to help! She likes you!"

Kame was frowning upset, not even thinking about an apology. He didn´t have any spare energy for this. What was he supposed to do with the girl´s feelings? He had already said more than once that he liked her, but like a sister and nothing else. She was not attractive to him, unlike a certain handsome idiot with revenge in his head... But he couldn´t let it slip from his mouth, not at that moment. He rather kept silent, avoiding his mother´s observing look.

"What happened to you?" she asked again after a pause.

"Nothing!" Kame exclaimed, barely keeping his voice away from shouting. "Can´t you just leave me alone?"

The tense silence fell on the room then. Kame was staring into the mother´s eyes now, seeing that she was worried and that he hurt her. He already regretted it. She had nothing to do with his mood. He hadn´t even realized how much upset he was, until he snapped at her.

Kame took a deep breath and came closer to the gray-haired mother, who was one of the most important persons in his life. And he intended to lie to her...

"I´m sorry... I really am," he said, placing both hands at the smaller woman´s shoulders. "I think I need some rest. Can we leave this conversation for later, please?"

Rosie stared at him for a while, not quite convinced, before she nodded in understanding: "Of course... We can talk later."

"Thank you, Mum."

She caressed his hands, before stepping out of the door: "Good night."

With that, he was finally left alone. Kame stared into nothing for a while, before he turned back to his bed, made two heavy steps and let his body fall on it, hiding his face in the sheets.

Unfortunately, it didn´t help even a little; he couldn´t hide from of it. He couldn´t deny how shaken up he was, he couldn´t make that hot intense feeling go away. He still felt that wet warmness on his lips, it was like those firm hands were still on him. He was damn sure he would never forget how that kiss from Jin felt. And no matter what it brought in the end, despite that he was turned down right away, Kame couldn´t force himself not to want more.

When he saw the young gunslinger in the saloon´s swinging door for the first time, he would have never thought that Jin Akanishi would make his emotions turn upside down so easily. And now, he ended up here, huddling on his bed, giving his best not to start crying like a fool in love...