Chapter 101: Gur shgher?

(Magnus POV)

I was having the most magnus-ifent dream, one where I dreamt of the good times with my mother.

That was until I awoke to the sight of a goat licking my face.

Alarmed, I scrambled back while wiping at my face, trying not to get goat spit in my mouth.

As I was scrambling, I took in the landscape of where I was. All around me, trees were growing impossibly humongous, with the shadows they cast leaving way for little light.

Similarly, massive mountains stood in the background rising towards the skies peak.

"We're in Jotunheimr." said a familiar voice.

I turned around to see Sam, stretching and yawning as if she had just woken up from a long nap, and Hearthstone, who sat on the grass, his face aghast.

Judging by their faces, they had also received special treatment from the goat.

Speaking of, said goat stood to the far side of Hearthstone, bumping repeatedly into his shoulder.

He looked like he could care less.

"What happened?" I asked Sam, dizzily.

"Well, when Percy disappeared through the weird rift, he left us to deal with the dwarfs." She replied.

"The dwarfs?" I asked, puzzled.

Apparently, they heard rumor from Junior that the competition had been rigged. Signed Hearth

"I wish I had hands." said the goat.

My attention shifted to the aforementioned goat with a look of surprise on my face.

"What the-" I began.

"Magnus, this is Otis. Otis, Magnus. Otis is the sacrificial goat to Thor, who slaughters him and his brother, Marvin, every day for a feast."

"Oh," I replied, "Then how is he alive?" I pointed at the goat.

"We regenerate every day, so it's not a problem," said Otis, "By the way, would any of you like to slaughter me?"

"No," said Sam, sternly, "Anyways, Magnus, you fended off the dwarfs using Sumarbrander, and also ended up healing both me and Hearth of our wounds."

"I fear that both of these actions led to your fainting."

"How long have I've been out?" I asked concerned.

"A day." Otis casually said.

"WE LOST DAY?"

"That right, compadre!" My sword, Jack, exclaimed from his runestone, "Whenever you let me take control of your swings, it all comes back to haunt you when you return me to pendant form which might or might not result in you blacking out."

"That sucks." I said.

"You're telling me," said Jack "I never got to get that hot sword's phone number!"

That's the least of our problems. Signed Hearthstone.

"Did the Elf just curse in sign language?" asked Otis.

"We're getting off-topic," said Sam, calling us all to attention, "Magnus, somewhere along the way, we got separated from your Dwarf friend."

"Blitzen," I helpfully said,

"Where could he have gone?" I puzzled.

"He is most likely with my brother," Otis added, "I saw him tumbling out of the sky earlier along with all of you, shouting 'I never got to wear Adidas!' or something like that."

"That sounds like him." I said, grimly.

"Lucky for us, it seems that Thor is also where your Dwarf friend is," said Sam, "Or at least, that's what the goat said."

"Thor, I love that guy!" shouted Jack

"Do you know him personally?" I questioned him.

"Yep, we used to be the life of the party!"

"One time, he drunk so much beer, walked up to Freya, then took her to-"

"Too much information!" I interrupted Jack.

Ask the goat to lead the way. Signed Hearth

"Have you all decided to kill me yet?" Otis asked.

"No, but you can lead the way to Thor." I said.

"Of course, the one time I'm NOT needed for a slaughter." said Otis, somewhat annoyed.

"Good to see you're still as cheery as ever, Otis!" said Jack sarcastically.

"Blitzen has the rope and the spear, so we have to hurry." said Sam.

"Mhm," replied Otis, "Besides, my master might need your help."

"When isn't he ever." mumbled Jack.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I suppose you'll find out when we get there," said Otis, "Now, if you're all done having a couples debate, and don't want to slaughter me, we should get going."

I had never heard such sass before, much less from a goat.

And I used to live on the streets.

"Great, another problem." Sam said, rolling her eyes.

Agreed. Signed Hearthstone But we have to do it.

"Alright," I complied, "But before that…"

"Where's Percy?" I asked, confused.

"We have no idea, Magnus," replied Sam, "Remember, he fell through that strange crack. With no way to track him, all we can do now is move forward.

"Let's go!" shouted Otis, already a good distance away from us.

Don't worry, we are sure to meet up with him. Signed Hearth, encouragingly.

"Thanks, buddy." I mumbled.

"Yeah, and meanwhile, I'll act as the fill-in for his ego!" said Jack.

"Sorry, but I don't think anyone in the Nine Worlds could complete such a task." said Sam.

And with that, we followed a seemingly deranged goat out of the clearing of trees.

(Time skip, the afternoon)

Who could have predicted that I was the one who had the save Thor, all by cutting off a Giant's nose hairs?

"Can we take a break, we've been walking for hours!" I whined.

Of course, I was ignored by everyone. Even my own egotistical sword.

From day till evening, Otis the goat had been guiding us through the exotic landscape of Jotunheimr, which ranged from skyscraper sized trees to wildlife the size of cars.

One time, I swore I saw a hummingbird, the size of a small dog, fly around in the air, its wings creating an incessant buzz.

"Every aspect of Jotunheimr is larger than that of Midgard." said Sam when she saw my puzzled look.

"No kidding…" I murmured.

We continued to walk for what seemed like another hour until we reached a slanted slope adorned with gigantic grass.

From there, a river flowed downhill at rapid speeds. It looked truly familiar to the bodies of water flowing around Boston. Except this one wasn't polluted.

"I believe this is where Marvin said to meet him…" said Otis, uncertainly.

"It had better be, or you'll be lucky if I don't kill you." said Sam, ticked off.

Through the entire journey, she had managed to get branches and bugs stuck in her hair.

Including the time she fell in a ditch, but we don't talk about that.

Out of all of us, she seemed to be the only one with bad luck.

She looks like she got dumped on the road. Signed Hearth

Let's keep this between us or she'll kill us. I signed back.

"Otis!" said a mysterious voice.

We all did a 180 to see yet another goat coming towards us, and more surprisingly, everyone's favorite Dwarf. "Blitzen!" I shouted.

Both me and Hearth rushed towards him and enveloped him in a bear hug, squishing him.

"Nice to see you, kid," said Blitzen, "And you two Hearth."

"Now can you please let go of me," he squeaked, "I feel like my back is being broken."

Don't ever scare us like that again. Signed Hearthstone.

"Or you'll regret it." I added.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." said Blitz.

"Are you three done?" said Sam.

I turned around to see Sam sitting on a patch of grass, looking uncomfortable as Otis and Marvin greeted each other in a weird fashion.

They were bashing their heads and bleating at the same time, except they became dazed whenever they hit their horns.

Goats are weird, amiright?

As we walked over there, Otis and Marvin ceased their peculiar greeting and Sam got on her feet. We ended up making a little circle on a patch of grass and began to discuss the plan.

"So, these are the heroes who are going to save our master?" asked Marvin.

"Supposedly," said Otis, "But if you ask me, they're lacking in bone."

"You're the only spineless creature here, Otis!" shouted Jack.

"Jack, please be quiet," I pleaded, "Anyways, what is it we have to help with?"

"Well, according to what Marvin told me, Thor is drowning." said Blitzen.

"A god is drowning?"

"Yes."

"That's impossible." I said.

"Actually, it's happened quite often before," said Sam, "At any rate, we'll have to save Thor should we desire his help, I believe."

"That girl is sharp," said Marvin, whistling, "Though I have no idea why you want our master's help, you'll have to save him."

"Let me guess, if we don't, everything we love will be destroyed."

"You're correct." said Marvin.

When is it never one of those cases? Signed Hearth

"So, where is Thor?" asked Sam.

"Over there." answered Otis, raising a hoove to point towards a far end of the river.

At that point, I could see a humanoid figure flailing their arms, trying to stay afloat in the water.

He held onto one of the branches that got stuck between a few stones at the sides, but I saw that tree was pushed to its limits.

"That's Thor?" questioned Blitzen.

"I know," I said, "I imagined he would look more like the Avengers' Thor."

"Everyone thinks that, even my master's fellow god friends." said Otis, rolling his eyes.

"Right…" said Sam reluctantly, "Now, the question is, how are we going to save him?"

"That's for you all to figure out." bleated Marvin.

"I think we deserve a break." said Otis, "Don't you Marvin?"

"Indeed, brother," replied Marvin, "Let us leave these heroes to their important work and go frolick."

"Well said."

"Wait!" I shouted,

Before any of us could respond, Otis and Marvin took off in a flash and disappeared without a trace.

In the distance, their bleating could be heard, almost as if they were mocking us.

"Well, I suppose being killed everyday will make one uptight." said Jack, breaking the impending silence.

"Goats, I'll never trust them." said Blitzen, scowling.

They are the most cunning of animals. Signed Hearthstone.

"Good riddance," said Sam, "Now, without any distractions, we can come up with a plan."

"Do you have one?" I asked.

"Of course!" She exclaimed.

Sam gathered us all together and told us her plan, part by part.

After all was done, there was silence for a few seconds until Blitzen expressed his concern.

"No way, nuh-uh!" He shouted.

"There's no way this could work!" cried Blitzen

"It's the only way." Sam insisted.

"It does sound convincing, and it seems like it could work." I said,

"Magnus," started Blitzen, "There is no way that we can make a raft, sail you over to Thor, and have you use Sumarbrander to pull him aboard and back! You could die!"

I agree, too dangerous. Signed Hearthstone

"Come on guys," I pleaded, "Blitzen, I undoubtedly trust your ability to create a raft that can withstand those tides. And Hearthstone, I have unwavering belief in your magical prowess."

"We DID survive on the streets for two years, and with no one besides ourselves." I said.

Both of them stood there silently, uncertain of what to say.

"...Fine," said Blitzen.

"We'll follow your lead, but you had best come back in one piece." He said sternly.

Or we'll kill you. Signed Hearthstone.

"Deal." I said.

"Now, it looks like everyone agrees," said Sam, "Shall we get started?"

"Let's go!" offered Jack.

At that moment, I know Percy would've given me some words of encouragement, such as "If you die, I'm gonna come get your soul from Hel."

Comforted by that thought, I nodded my head, and we got to work.

(Timeskip, the evening)

As the sun was setting, I thought back upon every memory where I had something to regret, and knew that this idea would take the gold.

I was riding the through moat that Blitzen had made. (Apparently dwarves are good with digging) on my raft we had made out of wood we collected from the trees. Which sounded easier than it actually was. The trees here are gigantic and dragging one branch took all of our power, Hearth and Blitzen combined some magic to make it extra floaty.

With good hope I sailed towards Thor.

As I was progressing, his shouts for help grew louder and louder.

One time, a wave the size of a tree almost swept me off the raft, but Blitzen had made it very sturdy.

"You can do it Magnus!" I heard Sam shout from the shore.

"Don't die!" yelled Blitzen.

"Keep your eyes on the prize compadre!" Jack shouted, capturing my attention.

"For what?" I responded, looking around.

A few feet away from where we were currently, Thor was thrashing around in the water, flailing his hands in an effort to keep himself afloat.

"For that!" said Jack, "One drowning Thunder God in need of saving!"

"Never fear, for the Godbusters are here!" said Jack,

I rolled my eyes at him, "Just get me closer, please."

"Aye." Jack started to act as the oar of the raft and begun to steer us towards Thor.

When we were close enough, Thor's bulging eyes landed on us and he opened his mouth as if to say "Who are you guys", but went underwater.

"Thor!" I exclaimed, "Jack, a little help here?"

"Aye sir!" Jack plunged head first(?) into the water in an attempt to grab Thor.

For a moment, everything in the world went still except for the chirping of bugs, the rustle of leaves, and the churning of the tides.

For a split second, I looked over towards the shore and saw the worried faces of my friends. Hearthstone was crossing his fingers, Blitzen was fiddling with the buttons of his tie-dye shirt, and Sam just looked on with concentrated eyes.

Then, bubbling erupted from the water as Jack flew out with Thor in tow.

"One God in need of saving, complete!" shouted Jack.

Both of them fell onto the raft and for a brief moment, the balance was disrupted before it was righted with Blitzen's automatic 'floaty' system.

I could hear cheering from the shore.

Thor coughed up water a few times until he was done, then he looked up at me.

He had a enormous red beard upon an all-too-big face. The rest of his body was muscular, but not on the lean side.

"Ah, are you my rescuer?" puzzled Thor, "Well, I must thank you for your heroic act, boy. Though I'm afraid an autograph will have to wait."

"...What?" I asked, confused.

"Alas, we have no time for idle chatting!" said Thor, "I must take revenge on the Giant that attempted to drown you?"

"A Giant tried to do this to you?" I asked

As if right on cue, a huge roar erupted from the very end of a river.

When I looked over there, my mortal mind couldn't comprehend what it was seeing.

A huge humanoid figure with blue skin encompassed the horizon and rose over the mountains.

I had the feeling that what I was seeing was only half of the truth, and that the entirety of it would destroy my mind.

I looked over at my friends and saw the horror on their faces. My guess was that they could see the Giant as it truly was.

"Let us end this, foul beast!" said Thor, as he begun to rise into the sky.

When he finished flying upwards, he floated a few hundred feet above the raft.

At that moment, when the Giant roared, Thor lifted his hand and snapped his fingers. For a second, nothing happened.

Then, arcs of thunder and lightning curved from the clouds above and struck the Giant's humanoid body in a blinding fashion.

"Thor always did love theatrics," said Jack, "As well as that show, Full House!"

"...What are you talking about?" I said, still shocked at such a display of power.

"I'll tell you later." Jack promised.

When all was done, Thor floated back onto the raft and blew on a makeshift finger gun.

In the background, the Giant had toppled, capsizing the mountains under its weight.

"And THAT," shouted Thor, "Is how you kill a Giant, my friend!"

"Nice job as always!" said Jack.

Thor looked down upon my sword.

"Sumarbrander, is that you?" Thor said, in awe.

"Yup!" Jack agreed, "And I brought an entourage!"

The Thunder God looked past where I was standing to look over at the shore.

I also turned around to see Sam, Blitzen, and Hearthstone standing there, looking as shocked as I had.

It looked like Otis and Marvin had returned also, and were clapping their hooves nonchalantly.

"Well, well," said Thor, interrupting my thoughts, "It seems there is much to be talked about."

"Very well. I shall invite you and your friends back to my place for dinner!" Thor exclaimed.

"Really?"

"Yes. Think of it as a thank-you gift," said Thor, "And while we're there, you can get my autograph, which I'm sure you've been dying to get!"

With that, we begun to sail back to shore.

...

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A/N so this is the autograph