Chapter 9

________________________

He cared so much for me, but I did not have the guts to tell him how I really felt. My friends blamed me for being so uncaring and insensitive. They said Cliff gave it all for a loved one but I only shoved that aside. My age-old mantra was "Don't give too much away; save enough from losing."

________________________

"David! Wow! Where have you been? Haven't seen you around for ages," Madison greeted.

I texted the girls that David and I were hanging out in the campus park that late afternoon. They joined us when their last class was over. Madison went on to catch up with David. The other two brats bugged me to look for Cliff when they noticed that he was not around.

"Where's Cliff?" Hillary asked.

I shrugged.

"Oh, I don't know! I am not a detective for missing persons. The dude was grumpy since this morning. Maybe he killed himself already," I said.

"What? Mr. Nice Guy was grumpy? Did something happen?" Sidney asked.

"I got a feeling you've done a crime again. What did you do this time?" Hillary said.

"Nothing! Well, I bumped into David this morning. Had a good chat while Cliff was on the phone with his uncle," I started, recalling the events that transpired this morning.

"And?" They asked in unison.

"David invited me for lunch. Of course, I agreed because we have not seen each other long. I missed my friend! And then Cliff just stormed away and left me," I explained to them, feeling exasperated.

They were silent for a while as they stared at me. It was as if they could not believe what I just said. They looked at each other. Sidney blinked and turned to me again.

"Duh! Isn't it obvious? You accepted a lunch date with another guy in front of him. Of course, he'd be grumpy... AND jealous," Sidney said.

The three of us were almost whispering to prevent David from overhearing the conversation. We were a few steps away from him and Madison.

"Jealous? That's ridiculous! I mean... what for? And it wasn't a lunch date. David is my friend, we're just catching up. I missed the guy," I said.

"You literally ditched him out front for another guy. And not just some other guy. A guy who obviously likes you in an intimate sense. Well, guess what, sister? Guys know a competition when they see one," Sidney said.

"Oh, that's just stupid! And what about him? He had lunch with Katherine, too. I saw him with that evil squad," I said in my defense.

"There, you said it yourself. He was WITH her squad. At least they were not on a lunch date. And wicked stepsister must have dragged him against his will seeing that he was alone," Sidney said.

"Well, he's not the only guy friend I have. I am not ruining any of my friendships just because he's throwing a petty tantrum," I said.

My blood was almost at boiling point.

"Hey! Do you hear your own words? Seriously?! How come you're still considering Cliff as ONLY one of your 'guy friends'? What about the many special moments you shared together? That's still just simple friendship to you?" Sidney said.

Her words struck me like a knife. All of a sudden, it felt like I committed a heinous crime. I looked down and sighed heavily.

"Oh, poor Cliff. To have fallen for someone so—" Hillary started then stopped as she met my eyes.

I glared at her.

"Oh, I can't listen to this foolishness," Sidney reacted, frustratedly raising both his hands in surrender.

"What?" I asked Hillary, my brow raised. I shook my head and continued, "You know what, you guys are not helping my state of mind."

We automatically dispersed when Madison and David joined our huddle.

"Hey, what's going on here?" David asked, putting an arm around my shoulders.

"Nothing. We were just messing with each other," I said to him, smiling.

"Alright. Steph wants us to wait for him. He'll be joining us for dinner," David said.

Yup, the two guys were friends with each other, too. They were even in the same college department.

"Yay! Let's dine somewhere outside the campus," Hillary said. She clapped like an excited kid.

"I, I can't come with you. My appetite has left me. I'll just go finish my digital projects," I said.

My voice was so lifeless. Before they could even react, I walked away from the group. I wanted to be left alone for a while.

Alone that night in my apartment, I could not help thinking about Cliff. I sat on the couch in the living room. My eyes were fixed on my phone at the center table. I prayed for the little screen to light up with a notification for Cliff's message. But there were none — no texts, no calls, no notifications. #SadFace

I felt the guilt eating me up inside knowing that I had hurt him whether I meant it or not. I did not like the idea of having a cold war with Cliff. Somehow, it just did not feel right.

I had never felt this way with my other guy friends. I was totally fine with not talking or seeing any of them for a long while. It was okay even if we forget each other forever. Oh, just kidding!

However, I would admit that it was different with Cliff. I missed him immediately if we had not talked or seen each other for hours. I missed him even more in times like this when we were obviously not okay. Why couldn't we just be okay all the time? Why couldn't we understand each other a little bit more?

I picked up my phone and dialed his number. The urge to talk to him was deep. I badly wanted to hear his voice, to know that he was okay, and to seek comfort in hearing him say that he was not mad at me anymore. I hoped.

I heard the other line ringing. The ringing went on for what seemed like an eternity. Until I heard the busy tone that made my heart sink. Did he just ignore my call?

"Dinner? I'm starving," I texted him.

Minutes passed. There was no reply from him. I placed my phone back on the center table. And then I slumped down on the couch like a sad fetus.

Seconds after I closed my eyes, my phone beeped. I immediately got up to reach it and, in my haste, I hit my knee on the edge of the center table. I bit my lip as the pain surged from my knee up to my brain.

I sat on the carpeted floor, rubbing my bruised knee. This was probably what they called 'karma'. I wanted to cry because of the pain. When the pain subsided, I reached for my phone. Then I tapped on the screen and smiled when I saw Cliff's number.

"Eat. I'm busy," Cliff replied. It was brief and devoid of any emojis.

I sighed heavily in defeat.

I was about to place my phone back on the center table when an idea came into my mind. So I got up instead, grabbed my jacket, phone, and wallet then headed out the door. Good thing I had not changed into my pajamas yet.

I went to the nearest diner and bought some takeouts for two. Then I walked into the university grounds and onto Cliff's on-campus apartment. I got this confident feeling that he would not be able to ignore me if I would go and talked to him in person. Because, yeah, he's THAT nice!

I walked silently toward the front door of his apartment. For a while, I hesitated on whether to back away or move forward. And then, with a shaky hand, I pressed on the buzzer. I was nervous. What if he does ignore me? Oh! I'd slap him! Don't you dare, Cliff!

"Si? Un momento por favor (Yes? One moment please)."

I almost jumped back when I heard his voice from inside the unit.

Then I heard his footsteps approaching the door. I felt my heart just did cartwheels! I held my breath when the knob clicked and the door slowly swung open. And then I saw him. His smoky gray eyes flickered with excitement for a second but suddenly turned cold and indifferent as he stared back at me. He, too, was speechless.

"Buenas noches (Good evening)," I forced myself to say with a smile.

He remained silent. But I saw hope because, at the very least, he did not close the door to my face.

I held up the paper bag of takeouts and frantically said, "Dinner? I bought food for two. Tastes just as good as me... uhm... I-I mean..."

Awkwardly, I bent my head down and bit my lower lip. Gosh! What the hell did I just say?! That was embarrassing!

He heaved a sigh. My heart leapt when he opened the door wider and finally spoke. AT LAST!!! His voice was cold and unemotional, though.

"Entra y sientate (Come inside and sit down)," he said.

I did not understand what he said. But it looked like he just invited me in, seeing as he stepped aside from the entryway. So without another word, I entered the unit. Whoo! That wasn't so hard.

Once inside, I immediately headed to the kitchen. Then I started preparing the food I bought on the table. I knew he followed behind me. I felt the piercing pressure of his gaze with every move I made.

"How was your day? We haven't had much time to talk this morning," I said, hoping to break the awkwardness.

He leaned before the half wall by the kitchen entrance, his hands folded in front of his manly chest. He looked intently at me as I turned to face him, an awkward grin on my face.

"How were your lunch and afternoon dates?" he asked, an obvious sarcasm in his tone.

I looked down with downcast shoulders. The sound of his disappointment echoed in the kitchen air. I bit my lower lip to stop my tears from falling. Confused, I could not decipher what it was that I felt at that moment.

"Please, Cliff, can we not talk about that? This awkwardness is killing me. I can't stand it. I'm really sorry," I said.

He heaved a heavy sigh. Then he took slow steps towards me. His hands reached up and held my upper arms. Then he bent forward and planted a kiss on my forehead.

I closed my eyes when his arms moved to lock me in a tight embrace. My hands automatically lifted up and I hugged him back. I tried hard to stop myself from sobbing.

"Esta bien, querida, lo entiendo (It's okay, darling, I understand)," he said, his husky voice almost a whisper.

Minutes later, we were okay again. He now laughed at my stupid jokes, like he always did. I found how a simple KISSpirin was the only cure for his ailing heart. D*mn! I did not even break a sweat!

We finished dinner and then cuddled on the couch in the living room. He hugged me from the back as I leaned on his chest. The TV was on but our attentions were on each other. We talked about nonsensical things at first until it got a little bit serious along the line.

"Can I ask a favor? If it's fine with you," he said.

"What is it?" I asked.

I turned to face him. His hands remained on my waist, not wanting me to move further away from him. He looked serious.

"I don't like it when you kiss your so-called guy friends. Or hold hands with them, especially not in front of me. And I hate it even more when you go on dates with someone other than me..."

"...I'm sorry, bella. But I really can't bear the thought of seeing you with another guy. I miss you the second you're out of my sight. Then I wonder where you are and who you're with. I don't like it. I just want to be the only one beside you... always," he said.

His words cut through my heart like an invisible knife. I lifted a hand to touch the side of his face as I looked at him. I felt tears forming at each side of my eyes.

"Cliff, I'm sorry... I'll do my best not to disappoint you again. I want us to always be okay with each other. And thank you so much for always making me feel special. I want to do the same for you, too, but I'm sorry... I make stupid and reckless decisions... and I just keep on disappointing you. I hate myself so much for that," I said.

Unstoppable tears streaked down my cheeks as I spoke. He cupped my face with his hands and lovingly wiped my tears using his thumbs.

"No, mi amor (No, my love). Your smile. Your voice. Hearing you call my name. Your presence in my life alone makes me feel special and thankful. It's all I ever want from you," he said.

He kissed my forehead, then my nose, and then down to my lips where I kissed him back with the same deep longing. What started as a cold night went on to be warm and passionate with the two of us right there on the couch. We both wanted and needed each other, both not wanting to let the other go.

How come his possessiveness doesn't irk me at all?

I had never surrendered like this to a guy before. I was selfish. Indifferent. Never trusted anybody. And pushed people away at the first sign of emotional attachment.

But, bit by bit, Cliff tore down the walls I built around me. He came into my life like a gentle rainfall. Then he turned my harsh winter into a nurturing spring.

And like age-old sangria, I could not stop sipping from the wine glass of red intoxicating intensity. It was highly addictive no matter how I tried to steer clear of it.

An all-consuming fire had started within me. And I probably had been burned already even before I knew it.

________________________

Neo, my long-time crush, asked me out for coffee one day. I immediately said yes, absentmindedly forgetting my date with Cliff. We were in a café when my phone rang. I heard Cliff's voice over the line and my heart sank. I hated myself for being so stupid... again!

________________________

Months of bliss passed quickly. It was the rainy season again. We were back into our busy campus schedules. Despite the hectic days, Cliff and I always made sure we had time for each other almost every day.

We ate lunch together and spent fun afternoons with our friends in the campus park or sports field. And on nights when we were not so busy, we shared intimate moments and ended up cuddling either in my place or his.

I was contented and happy. I wished for things to always stay that way. But then, fate had another surprising game to play. And before I could even stop myself from another stupid mistake... I did it again.

I sat on a campus bench along the pathway to Cliff's classroom as I waited for him that afternoon. He was still in a class and I could not wait to see him.

We had the plan to go off-campus. He wanted to ride around town with me in his car. He told me that he had not really explored New Orleans, LA yet.

"Fan the air, people! I smell a slut nearby."

I looked up when I heard the familiar voice that filled the atmosphere with mockery. It was Katherine and two other girls from her squad of mischief. She glared at me in disgust. She probably wondered why I was in their 'territory'. #Bullies

"Shut up, Kath! We all know who the real slut here is," another familiar voice spoke. This time, it was from a man.

I looked to the opposite side and my eyes instantly brightened. Neo and his smoldering look! He was my crush ever since I stepped into Tulane University. But somewhere along the way, we became distant. We did not meet so often anymore. And it was because of Katherine and peer pressure. A varsity captain and cheerleader love team? #Trending

The sight of Neo still caused me butterflies in my stomach. He was tall, in good shape, strong-willed, and smart. The university's basketball star. A smart athletic scholar. A total campus heartthrob! What's not to lust?... I-I mean 'like'.

"Neo?! Did you just come to her defense? Are you out of your mind?" Katherine said in an outburst of emotion.

She was obviously disappointed at the man she believed was on her side. I wondered what happened between them. Lover's quarrel? I doubt it.

"I'm not. I'm just fed up with you being bossy and bullying people around, particularly people who are keeping quiet on a bench and minding their own business. Can't you do the same, Kath?" Neo said, stopping in front of me. His calm voice exhibited conviction.

"It's okay, Neo. Don't get involved. I'm used to her nonsense anyway," I said to him.

"You're kidding, right? Now come over here, hotshot, and I'll forgive you. Please, get away from that slut right now," Katherine scorned.

"Stop it, Katherine. It's not nice to call people names like that. And even if you won't forgive me, I'm not coming over to you. I'm fed up with your games," he said.

I saw Katherine's anger flare up. She started approaching like a lioness glaring at her prey. I stood up preparing to face her head-on. But then, a hand gripped my wrist and pulled me away. I found myself running off with Neo. He dragged me alongside him.

We ran on the big campus for quite a while until we reached the back of the McAlister Auditorium. Panting and almost out of breath, we stopped and looked at each other. Then, out of the blue, we just burst out laughing.

"I can't believe you just said that to her... in front of her squad," I said, shaking my head while laughing.

"But I did and it serves her right," he said.

"I thought your love team was doing fine. After all, you do look good together," I said, teasing him.

He gave me a disapproving look.

"Yeah, everyone thought Katherine and I were dating. But the truth? It was all just for the show. I did not care at first. I wanted things to be okay between her and me. But then I realized that she really was just using me to boost her reputation," he said, shaking his head in disbelief.

I nodded in silent reply. How can I comment on that? I cannot think of anything good to say! I do not have the guts to tell him, 'I told you so! But did you listen?'

I just stood there silently staring at him. He looked like a sportswear model that just came out of a magazine centerfold. I was starstruck.

"Hey, no offense meant. But Steph told me one time that Kath is your stepsister. Is... is that true?" he said.

My daydreaming consciousness was suddenly awakened by his statement.

"N-no offense taken. It's alright. And, yeah, it's true," I said. I'll kill Stephen the next time I see that irritating jerk!

"Come! Let's go out for coffee. I know this newly opened café near the gym outside the campus. They make really good lattes and macchiatos," he said.

I automatically smiled and nodded in agreement. At that moment, I was giddy and felt like I could go with him wherever he would 'drag' me to. He took my wrist again and gently pulled me along with him.

And just like that, I let Neo take me on an exhilarating, mind-stopping ride on his motorbike. Little did I know that it was but a fleeting moment. A passing fancy that made me forget what my heart truly wanted.

"Oh, I missed this! I mean the two of us having coffee again. You're the only one I can get along with when it comes to coffee. Thanks, Fiona, for joining me here today," Neo said.

"Seriously! It's been a long time since our last coffee together. Cheers to coffee addicts," I said, raising my coffee cup.

We sat opposite each other in the café, enjoying our coffee together. We shared a big slice of red velvet cake in the middle of our table.

"Thanks for the treat. And for inviting me. I'm glad you still remember how I like my latte," I said, smiling.

"Of course, aside from my mom, you're the only other woman I know who likes their coffee that way. It's why I like you, you remind me of my mom," he said, chuckling.

I laughed. We had so much fun chatting that, when my phone rang, I forgot how distinctive that ringtone was. Ugh! Who's this Pokemon? Such a nuisance!

"Sorry. I'll just take this call," I said.

Neo nodded silently before happily sipping his coffee.

I casually took the phone out of my sling bag and stood up. I went to the sidewalk beside the glass window outside the café. I tapped the screen of my phone and then put it next to my ear.

My heart immediately sank when I heard Cliff's voice on the other line. Right. We were supposed to meet after his class. How stupid of me! How the hell have I forgotten him?! What do I do now?

"Donde estas, bella (Where are you, beautiful)?" he sweetly asked.

I could not think right. #PanicMode

Absentmindedly, I turned my head towards the glass window of the café. And then I was reminded of Neo's presence inside. He smiled as he looked at me. I instinctively smiled back at him. Then I turned to the sidewalk again.

Biting my lip and closing my eyes, I answered Cliff on the phone.

"I, uhm, I'm sorry, Cliff... I remembered I-I'm piled up with stuff to do for the rest of the day. I'm sorry, I don't think I can go on with our plan now. C-can we go next time? If-if it's okay with you," I said.

I silently prayed that he would not notice the anxiety in my voice.

"It's okay, bella, you don't have to worry. I understand. Where are you now? I can help you," he said.

"No, Cliff. I-it's fine. You don't have to bother. I'm fine. I-I'm, uhm, I'm with my study group," I said.

It took seconds before he spoke again.

"Alright. I'll just see you tomorrow then. You're free tomorrow, right? It's Saturday. I'll pick you up at your place, and then we can go ride around the city," he said.

"Okay, see you tomorrow," I said.

"Te extraño, amor (I miss you, love)" he said.

I held my breath and fought back a sigh of regret. I understood what he told me in Spanish. Because he said it to me a few times before.

"I miss you, too, Cliff. Take care," I said before ending the call.

I went back inside the café and returned to my seat opposite a smiling Neo. Once again, the fleeting fancy in front of me drowned my heart's true desire. I was caught in the hypnotic spell of laughter and infatuation.

I woke up late the next morning. I checked my alarm clock on the bedside table. It was almost nine o'clock. I groggily got out of bed and forced myself to take a bath.

I slept very late last night trying to browse the internet for my research. I misplaced my book sometime somewhere yesterday afternoon. And I could not find the darn thing anymore.

I was preparing a light breakfast in the kitchen when I heard the buzzing of my apartment door. I smiled, assuming that it must be Cliff. He did mention yesterday that he would pick me up today for a ride around the city.

"Si! Un momento por favor (Yes! One moment please)," I said imitating Cliff's words. He always said the same thing every time he answered the door of his apartment.

When I opened the door of my apartment, though, my smile stiffened. Neo stood before me, all sweaty, with his big sports bag hanging on one shoulder. He looked ruggedly handsome. He smiled in relief when he saw me.

"Good morning, sunshine!" he said.

"Neo, hi! W-what are you doing here?" I asked, still smiling.

He inhaled in contemplation before he spoke.

"I'm wondering if I can ask you for a slight favor. You see, I was working out in the gym nearby. It's the peak hour and their showers are full. But I'm kinda in a hurry. So, I was hoping... uhm... I-I hope it's fine... if you... could lend me your shower for a bit," he said.

He put his palms up together as if to pray. "Please, sunshine?"

I burst out laughing at the way he pleaded. He looked really cute.

"Alright, Neo. Come in. The bathroom is upstairs," I said, inviting him in.

I was already eating breakfast in the kitchen when Neo stepped down the stairs in his bathrobe. I could not take my eyes off him. His muscled chest was slightly exposed. And the exposure got a bit wider as he moved about, wiping his hair with a small towel. Oh, temptation, stay away from me!

"Mind if I rest down here a bit before I head out? I won't stay long, I promise. Is that okay with you?" he asked.

"Huh? O-oh! Yeah, it's okay. I don't mind at all. Feel at home," I said.

Coming back to my senses, I returned my focus back to the food before me.

"You're just eating breakfast now? Well, hey, someone woke up late! And, wow! That looks like a whole day's meal. Your appetite has become voracious, I see," he teased.

I laughed and said, "You're welcome to join my breakfast if you want. I usually prepare a lot more than I can eat."

Neo was about to reply when the apartment buzzer went on again. I stood to answer the door, but he stopped me with his hand.

"No, I got this. Just go on with your breakfast. That's good, actually! A few more meals like that and you'll evolve into Chansey," he said, laughing as he went to answer the door.

"I'm fine with that! Chansey is adorable," I answered. Aside from coffee, we both liked Pokemon characters, too.

A minute later, Neo called me out.

"Hey, sunshine! Sorry, bro... Fiona, someone's looking for you," I heard him say.

I got up and headed to the door. Neo smiled at the person outside as he opened the door wider. He automatically placed an arm around my shoulder when I stood beside him.

"Who's that Pokemon—" I swallowed the rest of what I was going to say.

My heart stopped and my smile slowly faded. I paused speechless at the person standing before me by the doorway. His face was serious. And his gaze traveled from me to Neo, and then back to me. My world literally stopped as I stared back into Cliff's eyes.

Oh.My.God. I am so dead!