Epilogue

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A year had passed and I still always think of the times when I let the opportunity to swear on my love slip away. I keep on asking this, though, "Did I really need to lose him just to realize how much I valued him in my life?"

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"Are you alright? How was Cliff's memorial day service?" Madison asked on the other line. Her voice was filled with genuine concern.

Forcing a smile, I sighed and said, "It went fine. I'm okay."

"Alright, good to know. We weren't there with you, though. We're really sorry, sis. We're all tied up in our OJT," she said.

"It's okay, Maddie. I totally understand," I said.

"Are you sure you're okay, sis? I hope you really are. You really need to forgive yourself now. It's been a year, Fiona! Cliff won't be happy if you keep on punishing yourself for nothing. What happened to him wasn't your fault, not even anybody's," she said, sounding very worried.

I heaved a sigh. Even if I explain to them a hundred times about the heaviness that I still felt in my heart, they would never understand it. I was just thankful that they were always there for me, making me feel that it was not the end of the world yet.

"I'll be okay, Maddie. Maybe not yet... but eventually, in time I know I will be," I said.

"Alright. Just don't ever forget, sis, that we'll always be here for you. Even if you shoo us away. Even if you hibernate for 48 years. And no matter where you hide on this darn planet. Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with your annoying best friends forever," she said.

A smile automatically flashed on my face. My friend's words made me teary-eyed. Damn! That was touching! #ThatsWhatFriendsAreFor

"Thank you, Maddie. I know y'all don't plan to leave me alone even for a while," I said with a chuckle.

"Oh, by the way, David asked about you this morning. Said he's preoccupied with projects so he couldn't go with you to Alexandria for Cliff's memorial. He sends his regards, though," she said.

"I know. I talked to him on the phone a while ago," I said.

"So who did you go with?" she asked.

"Cliff's family. And there's Stephen, and Neo, even some of their varsity teammates. Kath also came along," I answered.

"Really? Wicked stepsister was with you?" she commented.

I laughed a bit at her reaction.

"What? Really, she's not wicked anymore. We're okay now. We talked it out in Alexandria," I said.

"Wow! Really?! Alright, you have to tell us everything that went on between you and her during Cliff's memorial. So, don't go M.I.A. on us tomorrow," she said. #MissingInAction

I rolled my eyes and smiled genuinely. My girl friends and I had a prior agreement to meet tomorrow for lunch. It would be at the Latin diner, where we ate with Cliff and Stephen during the sports fest last year.

"Yeah, sure, I won't go MIA anymore. I promise," I said.

"Okay, sis. We'll see you tomorrow," she said and ended the call.

I was having trouble sleeping that night. So I got up and decided to organize my closet. Lately, my place had been a mess. I was not in the mood to clean and arrange my stuff.

I removed the bottom drawer of the closet and placed it on the bed. It only contained boxes of souvenirs and memorabilia. There were old printed pictures of me and my girl friends in one box. There were also pictures of Stephen and me that were taken way back in kindergarten. I laughed as I went through them one by one.

My face softened when I saw my framed family picture. With mom and dad at my sides, it was the happy portrait of a complete family. I held the framed picture up and carefully placed it on the bedside table.

When I turned back to the drawer of souvenirs, I paused at the sight of a familiar small box. I opened it and automatically smiled. My friendship bracelet! The one that was similar to what I gave to Katherine before. Only now do I remember that I hid it. I thought I had lost it.

Carrying the bracelet in one hand, I stood up from the bed. Then I opened the window to let the cool air in. I leaned forward and placed my hands on the window sill. I breathed the night air in. Relief flooded my lungs and brought a smile to my face.

Then I put the bracelet on. It still fitted my wrist perfectly well. I smiled again, recalling what happened to Katherine and me yesterday in Alexandria after Cliff's memorial service...

"Kath, can we talk? Please," I called as soon as Cliff's family and relatives had left the memorial park.

I was the first one to reach out to her.

I finally gathered up my guts and lowered my pride. I realized that I must do this once and for all. We badly needed to talk. We needed to say what we should have said to each other a long time ago. I learned my lesson the hard way.

She stared warily back at me.

Ever since Cliff died, Katherine never bothered me again. She just walked past me every time our paths crossed on campus. She was in full silent mode.

I sighed and spoke again. "Don't worry. I won't cause any more trouble. I'm so tired of that already."

"Alright! I'll go tour with the rest of the guys, gotta leave you, ladies, alone for a bit. Text or call if you wanna go home," Stephen said before he turned around and walked away.

I stepped closer to Katherine when only the two of us were left.

"Tell me honestly, why did you come here with us today?" I asked.

She looked at me for a moment, as if she could not believe what I just asked her.

"My God! Do you really need to ask?" she said.

I did not reply. I waited for her to continue. I just kept on staring at her. She sighed before she spoke again.

"Fine. I feel... I felt guilty, okay? I felt guilty for trying to steal your time away with Cliff. Yes, I tried to seduce him, but all he talked about was you," she said.

My tears automatically fell down my cheeks. I bowed my head as I listened to the rest of what she had to say.

"He kept on asking about our past together. What you were like as a kid. What sort of silly stuff we did before. All he wanted was for us to be friends again...

"And because of that, I envied you more. So I'm sorry... I'm sorry 'coz I messed up your relationship. I took away some of your quality time together. Well, because I didn't really expect that... Oh, God! I never expected that your time together was limited," she said.

Her voice broke into a sob. My hands rose to cover my mouth as I burst into tears. I could not stop myself; there was a surge of heavy emotion in my heart.

Katherine stepped closer. She pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged her back just as tightly. We stayed like that for a minute, just weeping in each other's embrace.

When we finally let go of each other, I looked right at her and spoke.

"I'm sorry, too, Kath. For being so insensitive. I failed to notice that you were already hurting. I turned a blind eye when our friendship started to fall apart. I was selfish and prideful. And I'm sorry that I hurt you with the things I said before," I said.

She shook her head and replied.

"No, you were right, Fiona... I was angry when my mom became your dad's mistress. I was so angry when I realized that someone else had taken over my dad's role in our lives. And I was furious when I became aware of what the people around us were gossiping about...

"I was filled with anger for so many reasons. And it hurt me more because you were my best friend! I lost my best friend the moment you became my stepsister. I never needed a sister. I needed a friend...

"My confidence was dwindling. But you remained smiling. You still had your real mom and dad. You still had your friends. No bullies to remind you how your mom was having an affair with a married man, and how it broke apart a nice family. I was spiteful. I resented you so much...

"So I should be the one apologizing. Fiona, I'm sorry for feeling that way. I was the one who ruined our friendship," she cried.

"No, Kath. I'm sorry, too. I was so insensitive and selfish. I never should've given up on you right away. I should've stayed more and fought for our friendship. I should've made an effort to understand your pain. Because that's what real friends do. I'm so sorry, Kath," I said.

We both burst into tears again. I reached out to her and hugged her tightly. Only now did I realize how much I missed our friendship! It was as if a thorn that had been buried in my heart for years was finally pulled out of me.

It felt so good to accept Katherine back into my life. Maybe we would not be able to regain our former closeness, but at least we both could say that we were good now. It was alright. Because I learned that some things in this life were impossible to revive. And all that remained of them were the memories.

I breathed deeply and exhaled in relief. This time, I knew I would find my way back home come summer break. I missed my parents so much! And I would make sure to tell them that when I get home.

'But which one, Fiona? Your dad's... or your mom's? ... ... ... Okay, both! I'll give each of them enough of my vacation time.'

Now sitting by my bedroom window, I did not notice it was already midnight. My attention was just on the darkness outside.

Rain went on pouring and I kept staring at nothingness. The booming thunder echoed along with my agony. I slowly turned my gaze onto the bedroom wall hoping to see two silhouettes, but there was only one. The other one was long gone.

Tears fell down my cheeks in absolute regret and unfulfilled longing. The rain gave my love to me, but the storm took him away without any warning.

All I can say to those who once loved and those who love still...

"Express what you truly feel, appreciate genuine affection when you have it. And don't leave anything left unspoken... for you will never know what will come after. One second they're there, the next time they're not. And before you know it, they're gone forever."

Believe me, I'm speaking from experience.

— End —