The Well

"Hello, Doctor Smith." We ended up going to the hospital since I feel guilty last night, I know that even if this is hard for me, this is harder for my mom. "Oh, Miss Avara."

He shakes hands with my mom. "I brought these for you." She says showing the fruits that she bought a while back. "Thank you." The doctor smiled.

To be honest, they looked cute together. "This is my daughter Amelia," the doctor smiled at me. "She's such a young fine lady." He complimented me.

"It's nice to meet you, Amelia, I'm Doctor Smith your mom's doctor."

I nod my head. "It's nice to meet you." He smiled once again before he came back to take a sit, my mom pulled me closer to her.

"You see, my daughter has congestive heart failure."

The doctor looked at me hearing those words. "I'm surprised that you look healthy for someone who has heart failure."

He said and he was right, I've always been worried about my health that's why I do all kinds of treatments and exercises.

"Please, let me know more details about you."

____

"Mom, I told you I don't want to stay here," I said. "Please, Doctor Smith advises you to stay here and continue your treatments."

I breathed heavily. "Mom, the reason why I went here is to spend time with you, I didn't come here to be stuck in the hospital." My tears started to fall, I wipe them quickly.

"Let's just accept my fate mom, please, I'm begging you."

I found myself kneeling on the floor while holding her hands. "Amy...get up." She said while wiping my tears.

"Fine." She said before she hugs me. "I just...I can't...I don't want to see you struggle."

"...it was all my fault that you've been suffering ever since when you were a child, it's my fault that you didn't have the freedom to play and act like what normal kids do,"

I looked at her. "Mom." I hug her tight. "I love you." I don't want you to feel bad about what's happening to me, you did a lot of sacrifices already to help me live longer, and here I am today. "I love you more, Amy."

We hugged for about 15 minutes before we decided to let go "I will just go and talk to Doctor Smith." She said caressing my shoulder assuring me that everything will be alright. "I'll go get some fresh air mom," I said before we parted ways.

I went outside the hospital and went to the small park, the cold breeze of the air hits my bare skin making me shiver as I pulled my sleeves down and sit on the bench under the tree.

I closed my eyes.

"It cannot be treated?" I asked the Doctor. "I'm sorry but in your case, you need a heart transplant." My heart started to tighten.

A heart transplant? Where the hell am I going to find a heart? How could I even ask someone to give me their heart? This is all madness.

"We need to do the surgery as early as we can, don't worry we'll try to fㅡ."

I breathed heavily. "How many days do I still have?" I asked him. He looked at me again, "Don't lose hope, Ms. Avara." He said.

"Please."

"Without a heart transplant or a mechanical heart pump, most patients with end-stage heart failure will live no longer than 6 months, but as for your case while you are still waiting for the heart transplant you need to keep your body active, live healthier just like you're always been doing..."

I went out.

"Babe."

It was Jacob. "Please, stop," I told him trying to push him away. "Amelia, let's talk, I know that I'm a dick for calling off that wedding."

I closed my eyes. "Jacob, I have no time for this." He holds my hand before he wrapped his arms around me. "I just want you back."

"I'm dying, Jacob," I whispered to him, and he slowly let me go. "What?"

"So please, I want to be alone."

I went to my car and drive my way to the mountain, this is my secret place.

I stare blankly at the cliff. Maybe if I die like this it will be easier to die.

It was quiet, and I couldn't help but wonder: "Why am I here in the abyss surrounded by darkness," as I envisioned myself in the deep well where everyone attempts to escape. Why are they making their way out of here while I'm standing still and staring at them? Even though I have a ladder next to me, I can't hold it and step on it. I questioned the Lord, "Lord, if you are there, why is life so hard for me, why am I continually shrouded in darkness when there is no light?" Why is it that none of these situations can be resolved easily? Why am I always late for everything? Why am I the only one who's suffering?

All of this has a significance, that not in every situation will someone pull you up, and not in every situation will someone aid you, which is why there is a ladder next to you, that you must learn to stand on your own two feet and do everything you can to help yourself rise because there is light but you prefer the darkness, not everything will be easy, there is light and darkness, the sun may go down but the moon will rise to bring light to this dark world. This demonstrates how they all represent different aspects of life; it is up to you whether you choose to rise, look after yourself, and find a way out, or whether you choose to remain in the dark, complain, wait for grace to arrive, waiting without trying to find a way to enter the light but instead to wallow in melancholy and self-doubt.

The voices inside my head, I can hear it again.