Good-for-nothing

17: GOOD-FOR-NOTHING

That day was vividly imprinted in our memory like a smoldered iron pressed against our skin. Our pack's prejudice and aversion dissipated. We were finally admired and acknowledged as an alpha worthy to lead the pack. We thought we finally won. But we ended up losing everything right before we could even start savoring the pride and dignity that we had just rebuilt.

We lost the pack that we were supposed to lead.

We did not have an idea of how long we kept running with our cousin, Ulmer. We never settled down in one place, adding distance between us and our home. Rain or shine, through drought and rot, we kept going.

Every night we'd have the same horrible dream. I didn't want to sleep but at the same time, I didn't want to wake up either, because the nightmare that my wolf and I kept having was reality.

Awake or asleep we were still the same cowards—running from the past and escaping from the present.

"I got food," Ulmer drawled, tossing a jackalope right in front of the fire we made for the night. "I'm not sharing it so hunt for your own because I'm starving!" he groaned.

"Ulmer won't share food?" Fenris whined in my thoughts.

"You know how he is Breux. We're not sharing shit with this stronzo (son-of-a-bitch) if we ever find food," I replied.

I would be lying if I said that Ulmer wasn't always like this. He was conceited and inconsiderate even before this even happened.

He was a self-serving asshole right to the core.

He despised me and I couldn't care less about him if he was suddenly mauled by dragons. Ever since we were kids he would spark a competition between us to humiliate my wolf and me.

Over the years he made the entire pack his admirers. While he was acknowledged, Fenris and I became isolated and treated as…just being there.

From the pack's viewpoint we were:

'Nothing special.'

'Sorry excuse for an alpha.'

'He's just the chief's son with alpha blood on him.'

'Ulmer is better. Ulmer will lead the pack after Alpha Culgan.'

Basically, Ulmer was every parent's dream child. He was every omega's wet dreams and every alpha's rival. My wolf and I were every parent's frustration, every omega's turn-off, and every alpha's laughingstock.

The reason why my pack detested us so much was that my wolf had no domineering features of an alpha. If an alpha wolf had no intimidating and authoritative aura, he could not run a pack of riotous, ferocious, and sanguinary wolves.

Furthermore, werewolves were naturally-born to hunt and engage in roughhousing. My wolf was too affectionate and mellow for those kinds of activities. He would rather play with butterflies and chase the newly born pups all day than to "Do mean stuffs".

To their eyes, we were a walking disaster and a disappointment. We had zero survival instincts of a werewolf. We were merely born to smear our race's predominance in this world. What pained us the most was the shame we brought to our papa.

"Droog, why do they hate us so much? Did Fenris do bad?" He asked me every time Ulmer and his circle of suck-ups corner us.

Whenever this happened, I would never ask Fenris to switch up with me. I couldn't bear to see him suffer. I never hated him for not fighting back. No matter how many bones they break from me and no matter how many times my flesh got torn, I did not see the sin in my wolf's gentleness and compassion.

"You got beaten up again? It's no surprise– you and your wolf are consistent losers," Conall, my sibling of thirteen blue moons, scoffed.

I was being treated by noona (grandmother) in my room. Two of my brothers must have heard from Ulmer and his suck-ups that I got ganged up again.

"Stop it Conall. Why do you always side with Ulmer? Caleb is our big brother!" Claude, who was ten blue moons of age, reprimanded.

"Isn't it obvious? Look at him, he's just too pitiful to watch. He and his wolf should just disappear. How can you stand being associated with him?" Conall queried, glowering at me from head to toe.

The tension between Conall and Claude escalated. Claude shoved him with rage.

"Because he is my brother and he is nice, unlike the scourge you so idolize!" Claude spat.

"Brotherhood and being nice won't get you anywhere in the world! He and his wolf are weak and pathetic. You and papa, molly-coddling them, is only making things worse!" Conall snapped.

I had to stop Claude from lashing back because their arguments made me feel like a piece of shit.

Noona was quiet throughout the argument as she applied the herbs on my wounds that had scarred already. I told her that it wasn't necessary, however, she insisted. The only thing I was proud of was having a faster recovery period than the rest of the pack.

That didn't mean I enjoyed getting pummeled like this.

"Don't bother, Claude, I know that I'm a disgrace," I told him gently.

Claude flinched from my words. He was always there for me whenever Conall would belittle me. The youngest glared daggers at the other, shoving Conall out of my room and causing noona to chuckle.

"He really has a very unusual way of showing concern for you."

Was her hearing impaired?

Conall grew to know how harsh everyone was to my wolf and me, gradually, he became distant and verbally abusive. He stopped playing with us. He would be the first one to tell me how and when Ulmer will clobber me. He disowned me as his brother a long time ago. He gazed at me like I was the cause of every person's constipation in the world.

"Conall is very much angry with us droog but Fenris still likes him very much. He is brother and brothers should not be mean to each other," my wolf said with an upset and sad tone.

"The world doesn't work with kindness, Breux. We were outsiders from the very start," I explained it to him.

"Then how can we get inside?"

Another reason why our pack hated us so much was my wolf's tendency to be rather…slow. Fenris was like my twin but he never grew in maturity with me as we aged. My pack said that the Moon Goddess Yotz cursed him because he sinned while he lived as a star beside her.

Whatever the reason for it I did not care– I love my wolf. Fenris may be doltish but he still knew how to treat people with respect.

"For them to let us in, we have to act like them. We have to do things we don't want and become people who aren't really us."

It was better if we stayed the way we were than pretend to be some people that we will never embrace.

There weren't really many options for us or rather, we really didn't have options to begin with. With how Fenris was, we cannot survive a day outside. We keep taking blows but not giving any back. Being a passive alpha with a motto of 'Life goes on and tomorrow is another black-eye and broken ribs,' definitely did not correspond with the blood we had running through us.

Papa entered my room before dinner. "I heard what happened."

"Hello, papa! Fenris misses you so!" my wolf greeted through the pack link, causing our papa's expression to become less stern than usual.

"Hello Fenris, lively as ever," he commended.

I sat up and had my head lowered in shame.

"Forgive me for being weak."

Papa released a breath and sauntered to sit at the edge of my bed. A long line of silence went on between us until he finally broke it with another sigh.

Whenever he relinquished that audible breath, I always had this idea that he would finally hit me. He was a well-respected alpha, but the wolf spirit given to his son by the Moon Goddess was tainting his name.

I was afraid that papa would give up on us. The only people who hadn't scorned us yet were him, noona, and Claude.

Mama gossiped around with other omegas and I think that made her distant from me. She couldn't take the shame I brought to our family. I would frequently hear her and papa argue. She ranted about how Ulmer was gaining the favor of the pack over their son. She treated this as a competition. She hated that I was constantly losing ever since it started.

"You know in this place we live in, kindness takes a lot of courage," papa stated, patting my head. "There is nothing wrong with being kind. There is nothing wrong with being good to others. But son, the goodness in you and your wolf is damaging. It is just too much that I perceive it as being naive," he calmly lectured.

I raised my eyes to meet papa's sharp ones before inclining my head. I understood him very much yet I can't make Fenris do something he was so against. I tried it once and twice and even thrice but he was forever unyielding. I learned to accept his childishness and went along with it.

"As you and your wolf grow, you're going to be choosing options against your will no matter how much it goes against your principles. Life is a gamble at times; laws will be broken, and life will continue testing how much you can leave behind before breaking," he finished just in time for Conall to enter.

"Dinner is ready," my brother told us with a blank expression on his face.

"What did papa mean droog?"

I wanted to make Fenris understand papa's words that would create an impact on him. Without the cooperation of the spirit wolf, I had no strength to protect myself or the other people around me.

If someone we love gets hurt in the future, we won't be able to defend them. We would be as helpless as the victims.

"Breux, what would you do if someone hurts papa?"

Fenris snickered. "Papa won't get hurt. Papa is strong."

Okay, he had a point there.

"Then what if someone hurts Claude or Conall or the baby inside of mama?"

I sat down with everyone and began to eat while conversing with my wolf.

I earned a saddened whine from Fenris.

"Fenris would be very sad. Fenris will tell them to stop."

That can't be enough against someone as lowdown as Ulmer.

"What if telling them to stop isn't enough? What if they hurt them even more?" I persisted.

What would my wolf do in times of desperation? What if it wasn't me who was getting harmed the next time? Obviously, I wasn't considered valuable enough to cause urgency on Fenris' survival instincts. What if someone else would trigger the might of a werewolf in us?

I should really feel bitter about it, but I already got used to my wolf's lack of action when I was beaten up and bruised.

"Fenris don't know. I'm sorry droog. Fenris not a good boy," my wolf whimpered.

No, this was exactly what papa said.

"That's the root of our problem, Breux. You're just too much of a good boy that…you're becoming bad…" I sighed.

Did I even make sense? Even Fenris made a: "Huh? Fenris don't understand. Droog ate too many cherries" on my conclusion.

Morning came and I let Fenris take over for a run. We needed to take a break from the pack just for a little while. My wolf was quieter than usual. He must have been thinking about the pack, about us, and just about everything related to the shit storm we call a "life of an alpha."

Was there someone out there in the world who wouldn't hate my wolf? There must be someone who wouldn't judge him for his…tamed qualities.

"Droog, can we pass by the butterfly area?" he asked me.

"Sure, but we have to go back before lunch, or else mama will get worried."

"Fenris will be quick!" he assured.

He sprinted excitedly towards the area in the forest that had the most butterflies. Once we arrived there, my wolf sniffed the air.

"People are hiding," he whimpered.

"Here you go boys, butterfly wolf is here," Ulmer announced.

He came out from the bushes along with his circle of friends who snickered in response.

"How's it like to become an alpha of these pretty dainty insects?"

Damn it, they just wouldn't give us a break.

"Fenris, let's switch now."

"N–No…Fenris won't let you get hurt anymore."

"Fenris!" I snarled, when one of Ulmer's friends kicked my wolf's side.

"Come on, let's play," Ulmer teased.

"Fenris don't want to play. Leave Fenris alone!" my wolf communicated, causing them to snicker in amusement.

"You're such a dimwitted wolf. You're weak, stupid, and an overall eyesore," Ulmer spat.

This was putting me on the edge. "Get us out of here, Fenris!"

My wolf twirled around, headbutting one of the men blocking the way. It wasn't enough to make him unconscious but at least my wolf didn't say "Excuse me please let Fenris through!"

"Get that coward!" Ulmer barked out.

They transformed into their wolf counterparts, wildly pursuing us. They used their special abilities to tip Fenris out of balance. Fireballs, ice needles, explosions, and lacerating winds were all used.

What knocked Fenris out was the lightning which definitely came from Ulmer.

"Stand up Fenris! We have to go back to the village!" I urged him.

I kept on trying to take over the physical form but my wolf was resisting.

Our hunters had us surrounded. Ulmer was the only one who hadn't changed yet. Once he was close enough, he spat at my wolf's face and grinned.

"Shred him, he heals quickly anyway," Ulmer ordered.

I was petrified.

"Shit Fenris! Shit! Get up! Get up!" I screamed.

Fenris released pained whines and yelps when wolves mangled him on every limb and pulled all at the same time. I kept yelling at him to get up, to run, or to just do anything.

I couldn't bear to see him take all of this pain. My wolf…My wolf never held animosity to anyone. He wanted to make those around him happy and to cheer up pack members whenever they were down. Even when we were shunned most of the time, he never held a grudge.

"Please Breux, stop being a good boy. We have to get them back just this once. You can't…you can't let them do this to us any further, Breux. Please…Please!" I pleaded.

My voice thickened with despair.

He didn't respond to me. His whines ceased despite the continuous infliction of damage on him. Blood coated my wolf's black fur and the wolves released his torn flesh as soon as Ulmer was satisfied.

"You know why we came here for you? Blame it on your brother, Conall. Your little shit of a brother threatened me that if I didn't stop hurting you, I would end up with a snapped neck. I thought the boy had more brains on him, but I guess he's just as dimwitted as his older brother," he laughed.

He knelt down, yanking Fenris' tattered and bloodied ear.

"Let's make a deal. When you get fully patched up, I'll challenge you for the pack leadership. You will accept my challenge, I will win the challenge, and then maybe I can stop tormenting you…if you live after the match that is," he offered.

He dropped Fenris' head to the ground. A blue butterfly landed right beside my wolf's nose. Ulmer rose and crushed the innocent insect right before us. I was appalled, disturbed, angry, and so afraid.

"Breux…Breux can you hear me?"

I consistently received beatings from them. I never let Fenris experience that kind of physical torment. I didn't want anything or anyone to harm him.

A shuffling in the bushes pushed me into another state of panic with the fear of Ulmer coming back to finish us. Just after the person came into view, I didn't know whether to dread or feel relieved.

Conall knelt where Fenris and I could see him. His fists and jaws were clenched.

"I was always angry with you and I still am…" he seethed.

His eyes brimmed with tears.

"But I could never bring myself to hate you."

A sob escaped Conall. My vision of him became blurry because Fenris' eyes started to fill with tears.

"You always try to be nice to everyone but you don't realize how much you're hurting those who really care about you. You never stand up for yourself! You would rather get yourself disgraced like this!"

Conall stood straight, rubbing his eyes vigorously.

"If you won't stand up for yourself, I will! If you won't take on his challenge, I will! And if I beat him, I'll fight you next!" he growled before sprinting away.

Ulmer was the second choice for the leadership with me being the first. If Conall would challenge him for that second place, it would be an official match. Anyone could compete as long as the interested competitor is twelve blue moons old.

Conall had no chance against him. I doubt Ulmer would go easy on him seeing how furious he was with Conall's bratty mouth.

"Fenris, you have to get up. Ulmer will kill Conall, do you hear me? He will kill Conall!"

My fright and worry grew bigger with Fenris' unresponsiveness with each passing time. I didn't know what to do anymore. Had I lost my wolf?

I never ventured Fenris' feelings after being shunned so many times. He knew what everyone was saying about him but I would always tell him another interpretation that was sugar coated.

I knew he was different. I treated him like he was something delicate. We were stuck in one body yet we handled the issues relating to us separately.

I made it seem like everything was alright and that I could handle anything without his help. I didn't trust him. I didn't become honest with him. In the end, I was one of those who judged him wrongly.

"Fenris…Can you hear me? I know that we were always rejected. Our worth was always degraded. We were called a failure, a disappointment, and a curse. I made it through all that because of you. I don't care what other people say about us. I will never ask for a better spirit wolf. I believe you more than anyone else in the world," I told him confidently.

From now on, whatever mishap we would come across, I'll tell you straight ahead that it would be a shitty road to go through.

"Breux, can you hear me?" I asked him, hoping that he would respond.

"Yes, I can hear you," my wolf spoke through the pack link which startled me.

His tone was different. I almost didn't recognize him.

"If the rest of you can hear me, we challenge Ulmer to a fight of death. May the Goddess guide the alpha worthy of the title."