Chapter 5 - Nevertheless

In my culture, courting is a massive process in a relationship.

Sometimes it takes years of courtship before a woman would give her sweetest yes to the man.

I am aware that it isn't how it goes in this country. I think it's quite the opposite if the movies are to be taken seriously.

The next day after our second date, I posted the picture I took of him walking on both Facebook and Instagram. A hint and a tease to my mom who is dying to know what I feel about him.

I ended up not telling her as much not because it is deliberate but because our work is starting to get crazy busy that I only want to rest when I get home.

A few days after, we finally got a chance to talk once again.

When her face pops on my phone, her squinting eyes came into view once again.

"Hi, anak! How are you?" She said as soon as she saw me on her phone.

"I'm good mom, I'm tired though. Work's been so busy I get less time to sleep or eat recently."

"What?! You still have to make sure to eat when you get a chance!"

"Yeah, I will. Just wish it would be easy. I mean when I get home, I can't even cook or order out. I'm just too tired I usually end up sleeping."

"My poor child. I know it's difficult but you have to push through and take care of yourself. I'm not there with you to tend to your needs anymore."

"I'll try mom," I said, smiling at her worry for me. "Anyways, how are you?"

"Well, we are fine. The house is starting to be built. What I would love most to talk about is the guy you recently posted on Facebook! Is this the same guy?"

"Yes, mom. The same guy. I'll be seeing him tomorrow again."

"Really? Why didn't you take a photo of him facing the camera?"

"Well, he doesn't know! And also, I didn't want to expect anything but he is amazing. Mom, I think if he asks me to be his girlfriend, I might say yes. Will that be okay with you?"

"Honey, of course. Don't mind me, you don't need permission from me anymore. You're already old enough to make your own decisions. I'll support you no matter what. If he is your happiness then go for it. If you guys end up together, I'd be excited to see your babies!"

"Moom!"

We both laughed. Moments like this make me miss her a whole lot more than I allow myself. I guess it truly is difficult to be parted from your best friend.

On our third date, Drayce took me to a movie date.

Both of us have a thing for action blockbusters so both of us decided to watch The Fate of the Furious together.

This will be the first time I'll be watching a movie with a guy beyond friendship. So when Drayce pulls up the armrest between us, I didn't know what to do.

"Come closer to me." He says.

I normally hate it when someone tells me what to do but with him, I ended up just doing it. I scoot a little bit closer as he leans towards me while wrapping my shoulder with his muscular arm.

I've never been this close to a man yet somehow, this feels comfortable. How can this feel so comforting?

After the movie, we decided to stay in the mall and eat. As we wait in line, I fish out my phone from my purse as it kept going off from notifications. Turns out, my mother is having conversations through comments on the picture I posted of Drayce.

I shook my head.

"Oh, I don't think we're friends on Facebook yet," Drayce said.

I immediately looked up and spoke. "Yeah, we haven't."

"What's your name in there? I'll add you."

As I spell my name in there, I suddenly feel a bit panicked that he might see the photo I posted of him that he was unaware of. Until we realized it was our turn to give our orders.

After eating, I suddenly realized I'm craving something sweet. I think Drayce noticed especially when he spoke. "Want some ice cream?"

My eyes lit up as I smile. "Yes please!"

As we eat our double scoops of ice cream, Drayce began to speak. "So you're an only child, right? Were you close to your parents?"

"I certainly am with my mom. My dad and I have an estranged-ish relationship. I grew up only seeing him one month a year so we're not that close. How about you?"

"Well, I didn't grow up with my mom as I told you before but I think she's overcompensating now by making it up to me. Nowadays she won't stop talking about when will I give her a grandchild."

After he takes a spoonful of ice cream, some of it got around his lips making me chuckle. "You have some ice cream on your lips," I said. He tries to wipe it off, only that he failed because he wipes only one side of his lips. "Here let me."

I took a napkin and reach in to wipe off the ice cream on his lips.

This felt so intimate yet I don't feel uncomfortable at all. Everything I thought would be so awkward or too intimate felt natural with this guy and somehow, when our eyes met, both of us are smiling.

After immediately consuming our ice cream, we walked around the mall to continue our conversation. "Grandchild? But I thought your brother has a child already?"

"Yeah, but I think he prefers to see a grandchild from me since I'm older." I nodded and ended up being speechless. "Though the question seems to have been rather consistent after she found out I'm seeing you."

I snapped my head towards him after hearing him say the last bit. "Y-you talk about me to your mom?"

"Yeah. She's already pushing me to marry you or something."

I nervously chuckled. I feel delighted in knowing he talks about me with his mom but also shy because I honestly don't know how to act on this point. "Oh, well, you are 27 after all. I understand your mom would be rushing you to marry or something." I said as I look away with my cheeks starting to burn.

"I just might. That is if you're not going to play with my heart."

"I don't want to play with anyone's feelings," I said quietly.

Suddenly, he stopped making me follow suit then he lowers his head and smile at me. His face inching closer to me. "Then are you ready to be serious with me?"

I wanted to say yes, but words fail me. However, he must have seen the affirmation in the eyes as his grin grew wider. "Come on."

After a while, we decided to stay at his apartment to rest for a while. When I got there, it was clean and organized. Something that I wasn't expecting from a guy living on his own.

"Welcome." He said. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Water would be nice," I said as I sat on his leather sofa.

He brought me bottled water and sat next to me. "So this is my place. I want to take you here so we can discuss something about us."

It was then that I started feeling nervous. "W-what about it?"

"To be honest, I'm starting to fall for you but the thing is, I wasn't expecting to find you. Before I met you, I made this massive decision of moving to Texas in a few months to start working on our degree. Will that be okay?"

"I think so," I said, unsure of how things will go. When I look up at him though, all I know is that I like him so much and I feel so comfortable despite my lack of articulation.

"Really?"

Before I could nod, he already moved closer to me to kiss me but I leaned away. Not because I don't want to but because I don't know how. I was about to explain to him I have never kissed anyone before when he spoke. "You don't have to be shy with me anymore. You're my girlfriend now."

It may have been the most unromantic way of asking me to be his girlfriend but to be honest, I like it that way. His way of asking me is how he is. Simple and straight to the point. I always have a feeling that he isn't the kind of guy that would be effortful with romance oozing out of him. He's different and he's real.

So even when I don't know how to kiss anyone, I kissed him back.

Present day

I have hated sleeping alone ever since I've been with him. I have become so comfortable with him around that I have forgotten how to be alone anymore.

Maybe it hits differently because he didn't exactly do anything to make me hate him.

Breaking up with him is the only option, as he said.

As I lay on the bed, I think back on the things he said earlier after his report to the military base.

"I'm being sent over for a classified mission. I don't know how long I'll be gone but my chances of going home are pretty low. But if I make it out, this will become a great future for my career. Because of that, I don't want you to wait for uncertainty. I want you to live out your life without me..."

Who would have thought that tonight, both of us bear news? Only one of us was able to share, however.

I wish I could have told him I was pregnant with his child, but if I did, it will only make him regret the choices he's made. He's been serving in the military most of his life if I can't bear to make him choose.

Besides, I can't expect him to come home when he doesn't even know it himself if he can. I'll just have to be strong now, for our child.