1. The Discovery

I looked at the paper in my hands. I couldn't believe it. I was gonna die soon. I just continued to stare at the paper as if I couldn't understand what it was saying but I understood very well. I looked at the doctor who gave me a look of pity, furthermore confirming what I was feeling. Leukaemia. I had Leukaemia. Cancer of the blood. Blood cancer. My life is officially over. Now I had a time I'll die. Why me. What did I ever do to you nature? Why did you not pick anybody else? I just kept on looking at it till I saw a wet patch on the paper. Then another. And another. And another. Gosh, I'm crying and I don't even know it. I looked at my parents who where by my side. Mom eyes were red. Dad's, well I couldn't see his face because his head was hung low. I looked at the paper then the doctor, finally deciding to talk.

"This isn't true." I said, my voice coarse due to the son I was trying so much to hold. The doctor continued giving me they pity look. 'Don't fucking look at me like that man,' I yelled in my head. I couldn't say it out loud. It won't come out as intimidating as I want it to be.

"I'm sorry sin but it is." He replied. 'I'm not your son'. I don't know why I can't say it out. Maybe it's the restrictions in my voice or I don't know, I don't have the mind to day them out. He's an elderly anyways. Then my mom spoke. Yelled actually.

"MY SON IS NOT GOING TO DIE." She yelled. "You are a doctor, fix this." She said, her voice dropping a lot of volumes.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but there's nothing I can do." The doctor said.

"What do you mean there is nothing you can do. You are a doctor. Doctors fix things. They help people to get better. What do you mean by there's nothing you can do?" She argued.

"Cancer can't be treated ma'am, you can only manage it so you'll be able to live long." Be explained, but mom was having none of it. I got it. I mean hearing your child has a time limit to life is devastating. And worst is, I'm the only child of my mom and dad. Why do you always have to ruin everything nature. First, I found out u got an F in arithmetic, which is I'm possible because I'm the best, making fail and repeat 11th grade. Now I'm such with cancer. What's wrong with me?

"But doc, isn't there anything at all. I mean, he's my son. I can't let him die doc. Please. You've got to help us. Imagine it was your own son and only at that." I heard. I looked at my dad. He looked and spoke calm. Too calm. But when he faced me, I saw his eyes. They were red and they spoke volumes of how he's feeling. I looked at the doctor with hope this time. At least there has to be something to cure it. Anything. Why will there be a disease that can't be cured. They should have a cure to everything. That's why they all read medicine. To become doctors and find cure to everything, right?

I looked at the doctor. He was crying too. Its got to be a good sign, right? He's feeling pity for my family. I'm so confused. Fuck.

"I wish there was something I could do, but no matter the cancer you have, you'll always have limited lifetime because cancer doesn't have a cure, and if it dies have it's gonna be a miracle." Those were the final words if the doctor before we left home.

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I opened my eyes slowly, not because of the blinding light of the sun, but because I want to know if I'm still alive.

It's been two months since we found out that I have cancer. Two months of living in fear of when I'll die. Then I stopped living in fear. If I die, I die. Life has become grey for me now. It's bleak. I can't see anything about me future. My once bright and beautiful future is now dull and ugly. Why am I still alive. Why can't I just die so I know that I'm gone instead of me to me waking up, thinking of when I'll die. Life's hopeless.

I stood up from my bed to do my morning usual routine. Wake up, (slim possibility), brush my teeth, bath, go downstairs to eat breakfast, back to my room again, sleep, wake-up (another slim possibility), play some online video game, go downstairs for lunch, back to my room, sleep again, wake up (still another slim possibility) read, watch some movies on Netflix, play some more online game, go downstairs for dinner, back to my room, take my pills, sleep, then wake up in the morning. I take pills to manage my cancer and I only do it because of my mom. She's worried sick about me and I don't need that to happen. I'm afraid she'll get an heart attack.

Then for school, I stopped. Two reasons:I can't go back to that school to repeat 11th grade. Not gonna happen. Second, because I don't want anybody to miss me. Not that there is anyone who would miss me anyways. Well except my best friends, Jeremy and Anika. I'm kinda like a nerd in my school which is kind of impossible for me to fail. But I'm not going anymore. It's useless. Life's useless. I don't know why I'm still alive. It might sound selfish of me but I wish it was someone else. Not me. Living in fear of when death will take me is not something I love doing. I hate my life and I wish it would end and I don't care how selfish I sound, I just want it to end.

I went downstairs for breakfast. Mom had already made breakfast. Dad was at the table, reading his daily newspaper. I treated him. "Morning Dad"

"Son," was his reply. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, my night was good. Thanks for your concern." Came my sarcastic remark. He laughed. Mom came in with a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs.

"Morning Mom" I said. She came to me and gave a kiss on my head. "Morning my love." She replied and dropped the plate in front of me then went back to the kitchen.

"You mom didn't ask how was your night?, How come she doesn't get a sarcastic reply?" Dad whined. I rolled eyes, stiffening a laugh.

"That's because I love her." I replied. I saw my dad raised his eyebrow. "Ohh, I see what you are doing, and let me tell you it isn't working." He said and we looked at each other, starting an intense staring competition. Then we burst out laughing. Mom came out of the kitchen and dropped the remaining plates with food on the table. Sha sat down, mumbling boys under her breath. Then we started eating. The air around us was tense. I could even cut it with a butter knife. Something's off.

"Spill it." I said. I knew they want to tell me something but they were finding it hard to tell me. Dad looked at mom. " I'm not saying it." Okay, not what I was expecting but now I was curious. Mom glared at him. "You will say it to him. You are the man of the house."

"But he doesn't listen to me." Are they arguing about me while I'm here? Mom mumbled something that I couldn't hear. Then she faced me.

"Mikey," she started. She only calls me Mikey when she wants me to do something for her. I raised my eyebrow questionably. Then she continued, "Your father and I want you to go to St. Ives." I looked at her, eyes wide. St. Ives. What does she mean St. Ivies.? Like the St. Ivies? That school's expensive. How do they want to get the money? I waited for them to continue. Surely this has to be a joke.

"Well, you father and I had saved money to move into a new apartment but since we found out about your...." She choked out a sobbed. I know what she want two say. My illness. It's so obvious. She just continued sobbing so dad had to finish whatever she says. "We decided to spend the money on you." No. I didn't want this. I dont want this. How can they waste their life saved money on me that'll soon die. I was about to say something but mom spoke up, "We know you don't want this but please, do it for me, for us. Please." She pleaded, tears falling from her eyes. I clenched my jaw.

"I'll do it." Not for my self but for you. I said to myself.

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Done with the first chapter. Please vote and tell me what you think.

Love Phoenix .