10th Chapter

Jessica

Actually, not that much had happened... well, better said, so much had happened that I didn't know where to start. With my feelings and the thing with Jannik? No, not there, I had made my decision. While I wanted to spend time with him and get to know him, I also just wanted him to not always be this arrogant guy that maybe he wasn't.

Our friendship was just weird now. Not between Finnja and I, we talked about everything and she always supported me with Jannik, where I always asked her to be completely honest, which she was since the flirting thing with Sara. Also with Ariana everything was ok, well, although this Eren really confused her. Very often she almost had nervous breakdowns when she thought about him, but whatever.

It was Sandy who was bugging me. Ever since I didn't sit in class with her this year, she didn't feel like really hanging out with us anymore. You could just tell, she wasn't the silly fun Sandy. No, she was always talking some nonsense, laughing fake, not listening to us at all and looking at Lukas every three seconds. Untrue three seconds. Although I didn't watch Lukas that often, he really didn't stare at her very often. Every time she said that Lukas was staring and smiling at her. But it didn't seem that way. Sometimes I wondered if he even wanted anything from girls. It also annoyed Finnja, she always sighed....

With Jannik it went on as I expected it: Of course he was still running around with Laura, his ex, after all he can't change his character and his friends just like that. Nevertheless he looked at me very often. And of course he always tried to make me jealous. Whenever he did that, he looked over at me, but I always acted as if I didn't care. Sandy, who I also didn't tell anything to in the meantime, of course didn't come along and always wanted to warn me that he was flirting with someone. I know," I would shout at her and she would laugh. Even when I tried to explain the situation to her, she laughed. It didn't make sense to do anything with her anymore. That's why Finnja and I now only talked on the phone alone.

Inside it annoyed me of course that Jannik was like that. I did not want it and nevertheless I did not give up. All the time I suppressed this dull feeling of jealousy.

The only thing that distracted me from all this was that Finnja had started texting on Snapchat a few weeks ago with a new-teen-year-old guy from Switzerland. At the beginning he was always very sympathetic, but after he had already sent a hundred pictures of his six-pack and wrote such things as: "I want to visit you and hug you" or "I really like you a lot" and other perverted topics, we realized that he wanted more than just a friendship. Finnja had been pretending all along to be an eighteen-year-old who would study teaching. She also only sent edited pictures from Pinterest to come across as an adult. Of course, Finnja wondered if he was really serious, that is, if he was really that gullible to start a relationship online.

, "Jessica, just text him and pretend you're eighteen, too. Let's see what he does!", Finnja suggested. I found this idea so awesome that I immediately followed him on Instagram and started writing with him. I was also eighteen, studying at a drama school and single. And little by little he always wrote the same thing as Finnja. I want to hug you", "I want to protect you", "You are so pretty". You are so pretty" and so on.

What an ass!", Finnja kept saying. Yes, of course, what did you expect. He thinks he can play with us, as if he can. We play with him!", I said laughing. It was the best distraction from Jannik and the whole thing. But at the same time it was just embarrassing and so bottomlessly stupid. After all, he told me his sex fantasies very often....And we had to play along. We set ourselves a date. Since fall break was coming up and we were going to go together on Halloween anyway, we decided that I would spend the night at Finnja's house and we would make a vlog of how we did our makeup. And of course tell the guy that we had screwed him over. But for that we had to get together with him first....

This also happened very quickly. After Finnja was already with him and had to write with him in the morning and in the evening, I told the guy that I had apparently been raped. Yes, I had already exaggerated, but I wanted to get pity, so to speak, to be able to get together with him. But he turned out to be an even bigger asshole because instead of supporting a girl in a situation like he just said I should go to the police. He didn't care that I could have been pregnant, he somehow didn't know anything about life yet. He had never been to the club, did not drink alcohol and did not even know how a pregnancy test worked.... What upset me even more was that he claimed that women who had already been raped were to blame because we didn't dare tell the others. How I would have loved to just hit him!!!

Of course we had to go on like this and when I was with him too, the plan was set. Sandy didn't feel like hanging out with us at all on Halloween and made up some excuses instead of just clearly stating that she was with her cousin.

However, over the next few days, such blatant things happened. First, Finnja told me what she felt, completely annoyed by Sandy. Somehow Sandy is just annoying me. Because, I mean, the thing with Lukas, all the time she says he would look at her, it's not even like that! And all this raving, she can't talk about anything else!" Hm, yes, that's true, but I also talk about Jannik all the time!" She hesitated for a moment, then answered: "Yes, but with you it doesn't bother me somehow..." I already had a slight suspicion, did she want something from Lukas? I hoped not, it would be so hard, if immediately two would stand on him...

Yeah, I have a crush on him. Although, I don't know, I think he's pretty, but..." I started to grin slightly. So I did. "Just tell Sandy! I mean, otherwise she'll notice anyway!", I urged her. No, absolutely not, otherwise I would disappoint her too much! Finnja was sometimes really too caring. Instead of fighting for herself, she just did nothing. She was afraid that Sandy would notice if she made a move on him. And telling her wasn't even an option for her. It was so complicated, way too complicated. Actually I wasn't on any side, but sometimes Sandy annoyed me so much that I preferred to be for Finnja.

Another really crass thing happened. One day during the last lesson Paul, Jonas and Lukas were annoying Jannik and apparently said something so insulting to him that Jannik was just sad and annoyed. Then they took away his pen as well and he was so sad.... But I victim just thought it was fun and started laughing a bit. Only when I saw that he had tears in his eyes, I knew that I had seriously hurt him. Although it felt good to be the one hurting someone for a change, I felt bad. And since Jannik followed me on Insta a few days ago (where I saw that, I couldn't get my life together) Finnja advised me to just ask him if everything was ok with him. After I got half a heart attack and finally wrote to him, I told my cousin everything all the time and she also supported me. Then after a few minutes came this reply:

,,All good :-) is sweet of you to ask:-)"

I couldn't believe it, I threw my blanket all over the room and screamed all over the city, I was so dizzy and yet I was so happy. After twenty minutes I went back into the chat to look at it. And he was online too. Suddenly I saw that he had only now liked the message. He had also only now looked at the chat again. My heart jumped again and I was so happy!

How great it was, it definitely stayed that way. When it was now only one week until the fall vacations, Jannik was not in school. Every day I hoped that he would come, but he did not. He was sick, Lina had told me. What Lina, who knew Jannik very well, had also told me was that Jannik and Laura had never been together. It calmed me down, but at the same time a rumor about Laura and Jannik came up again among the others in chemistry class, which I then ignored.

How much I missed Jannik. And I wouldn't see him for another whole week because of the autumn vacations. No matter how annoying maybe his character was, I missed hearing someone who had the weird funny laugh. I missed the voice that always had to comment on something. I missed the happy yelling from him in gym class. That empty seat next to Luke, I hated it. How I would love to see him. I always imagined how I would react if he suddenly stood in the doorway. And yet he was the biggest asshole, the one who was always flirting around, the one who always wanted to have everyone and yet didn't know what he wanted. Honestly, very often when I saw him with Laura and then he looked at me really obviously, I realized that he didn't know what he was feeling. Maybe he was confused, maybe I had just suddenly burst into his life. But how was I supposed to know what he was thinking? Even though I had slowly figured out his behavior. He was so uniquely complicated that my brain didn't know what to do.