Book I, Act VII: Back to Square One, Chapter VIII

Edited by: Bieverdog AO3: GalavantingGoose

Book I, Imbalance

Act VII: Back to Square One

Music: Blue Spirit ATLA / The Dai Li theme

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqYUvxLpvlA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz37OClF02k

Chapter VIII

When she opened her eyes, she could barely distinguish where she was, no longer felt cold chains attached to her; but still, her body was numb, too tired to move. She heard the sound of a distorted conversation; but in that gray cell, something caught her attention–the flash of color in a red dress lying on the floor. She crawled towards it, becoming short of breath as she could finally see it well. As her breathing quickened, she began to look around the room frantically–

Her hand was pricked by a metal object, and she looked down to see a bronze, twin-flame crown. She crawled to a corner and covered her face, trembling.

"What is it, daughter? You are not alone; I am watching over you." She threw the crown in the direction of her mother's voice; but for lack of strength, it fell a foot from her feet.

"It really grieves me to see you like this, Azula. So beautiful, so intelligent. How did you get into this mess?" Azula tried to cover her ears, but she could still hear her voice; so, she dug her nails into her head.

She felt a misty hand gently trying to stroke her hair, and she recoiled. "I know how you feel. It worries me very much that you feel this way about yourself and me: a monster and a jailor. if only you knew how wrong you are…Contrary to what you think, daughter, I didn't get you into this." Azula shuddered, felt too weak to respond, but the word screamed in her head: Liar.

She opened her eyes, brimming with tears. No one there. The red dress had been replaced by dull gray sheets sprinkled with caked blood, the crown with a tin mug. She rose in pain and fell, trying to catch her bed. As she tried to crawl her way up, her hand caught on an object; and she slipped back, hitting her chin on the ground. She tasted copper and spat blood. Ignoring the pain, she lifted the object to eye level: the charred face of a rag doll.

"You never liked your own toys, did you? Always trying to take your brother's."

Azula tried to heave the doll, but her body was a traitor too. Mentally sighing, she inched to the base of her bed and slumped down to sleep away the interrogation.

"I remember a time where you two got along. Feels like ages ago, doesn't it? Like a different lifetime. Never did know what drove you two away. But even after all you've done, he still loves you. I know that, Azula."

She clutched her head. "It's funny: you always thought yourself ahead of others, knowing their intentions with only a glance; yet you are so blind to the people closest to you." She threw her pillow in the direction of the voice with all her strength, but she didn't hear the thump. She shook her head; it was still on the bed. Her eyes drifted towards the door as she saw the face of her mother walking away.

Her hearing went back to normal, and the room now felt brighter. She could make out the words of a conversation outside.

"--this is a good idea?"

"That man is crazy if he thinks she should be there. She should be kept in solitary." She gasped, coming to her senses, and the guards fell quiet, slowly peeking through the door.

One whispered, "I think she's awake. Quick, go get him!" She felt the twist of two locks and hurried steps as one remained with her gaze fixed on her. Shortly after, what sounded like a parade marched towards the door.

The doctor crouched to her eye level. "Finally. You were out for quite a while, you know?"

Her voice was hoarse and screechy. "Wh-what have you done to me?"

The doctor leaned closer to listen, taking out a small notebook from his bag. "You may feel a bit weak; it is only natural, merely a safety measure so you don't hurt yourself or others. I hope you understand."

She narrowed her eyes. "What did she promise you?"

The doctor paid her no mind as he prepared the notebook. "I've brought some questions; I'd like you to answer them, please."

Azula snarled weakly. "How long has she been talking to you?! Look at me! Tell me–"

The man smiled politely. "What is your name?"

She looked around the room for signs of her mother. Everywhere, she saw her things. She felt her there, knew she was there hiding. Coward. "I know you're there, Mother! Show yourself! You can't hide from me now–"

Her voice broke as the doctor leaned in closer. "Please answer the question."

She spat on him. "Oh, you know who I am, but that's not what you want, right? Whatever she promised you, it's a lie! She's a traitor, a liar! You–" He sighed, cleaning his boot, and got up, gesturing towards the door. Two guards entered.

"Hold her down." They wrapped their hands tightly around her arms, backing her against the floor as the doctor flicked the tip of a syringe. She could only watch, too frail to fight back, as he jammed it in her neck. The cool liquid coursed into her body, blurring her sight.

She heard the voice of her mother. "Prepare her for another session tomorrow."

She took a deep breath. The sound of the seagulls could be heard in the distance, and the sun was shining brightly at her back. Her hands were covered with sand, for she was sculpting it, and she took more from a small pit she had dug. "Zuzu, look! I made the palace." Azula stood tall with her hands on her waist.

Zuko knelt beside her and gawked at the sand tower in awe. "Oh, can I help you make the city?"

"Sure! You make the volcano."

He ran up the beach to their mother sitting under an umbrella with their father. "Mommy, look what Azula made!"

"It is very pretty, my dear. Ozai, look at what the children have made."

Their father was scribbling in a book. "Hmm? Yes, very nice."

Azula was focused on making the tower walls as Zuko made a circular mound encompassing them for the caldera. She grinned. "Once we finish, we can even build Harbor City and the Gates of Grandad Azulon. Then we can defend it from the Earth Kingdom!"

Watching, she was thrilled to remember the project.

Their mother smiled at them. "Now don't you waste all your energy on your palace. Remember: we have a play to attend tonight. It's your favorite."

"Can I wear my Dragon Empress mask?" Azula looked at her with pleading eyes.

Zuko crossed his arms. "Why do you always get to wear it?"

She huffed as if offended. "Because she's the best character, and I'm obviously the best, Zuzu."

Zuko glared at her. "No, the Dark Water Spirit is!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

Their mother laughed. "Children, none of you will wear a mask; otherwise, they'll mistake you for the actors. How about you do it yourselves tomorrow?"

"Your mother is right; it would be a shame for a Prince and Princess of the Fire Nation to be mistaken for a third-rate actor."

"Yes, father, we understand."

***

Azula awoke at the sound of a leak. She was so tired, weak: she didn't know how long she had been there hanging like a puppet. She couldn't even feel the pain in her body anymore, her mind barely alert. She saw a red spot in the corner of her eyes; and no matter how hard she tried to follow it, it always moved. But she already knew who it was; she surely enjoyed watching her suffer. In the end, she gave up, her gaze focused on the only thing that moved in that room: that incessant and barely rhythmic drip. With every drop that fell, she could hear screams all around, quickly silenced and replaced by others. There were too many; she did not recognize them; she could only hear their pain. Some were calling her; and she tried to ignore the voices, but they only cried louder.

She had nowhere to run, could not silence them, was forced to listen to them for what felt like an eternity as she silently judged. Perhaps this was Mother's twisted form of justice. She would not rest until she drove her mad.

The sound of the leak was replaced by the sound of footsteps in the hallway. She barely looked up as she listened to the opening of the locks and the creaking of the door as it opened. Suddenly, the room was filled with people coming and going, bringing equipment, and working while she hung there, ignoring her like a stain on the wall. At last, he entered, walking slowly with his bag in hand, analyzing her from the moment he walked through the door. He stood in front of her, his eyes focused on hers as he looked down at her.

''I've got to admit you've been a challenging patient; nevertheless, one cannot innovate without some complications along the way, wouldn't you agree?" He nodded to the people behind her, and she felt her body drop to the floor as they released her chains as if she were a rag doll, holding her down and tying her firmly to a chair.

Azula was a captive audience of one as they strapped her down and clamped her wrists with iron bands.

She could hear her mother's voice merging with the doctor's. "You should take relief in knowing it is vital research. You'll help countless others down the line… eventually." He looked at her matter-of-factly. "It won't be pleasant; we all have to make sacrifices sometimes. You'll feel like a brand-new person." She felt a prick in her neck and felt the liquid course through her veins; it felt as if it had awakened her entire body. She drew a big mouthful of air; her heart raced, felt like it would pop out of her chest; the numbness, the pain all rushed back. Her eyes darted across the room wildly, and the voices screamed louder.

Azula shivered uncontrollably in her seat. "Please… make them stop, make them stop!"

He smiled politely as he reached for his bag. "Of course. But first, I must trouble you with some questions." The doctor opened his notebook and stared at the pages blankly.

She jumped in her seat, trying desperately to cover her ears to no avail. "Please, please–"

The doctor's voice eclipsed the screams. "Who are you?"

She found it hard to concentrate, her head twitched, unable to focus on a single place. "I– I'm… Azula."

A scribble. "Good. Are you satisfied with your stay here?" He raised an eyebrow.

She huffed, running out of breath. "Why are you– Ah!" The shock felt like fire in her veins.

A slash. "Incorrect, please increase the charge. Are you satisfied with your stay here?"

"W–"

"Her heart rate is too high already, sir. We–"

The doctor raised his hand, and he slashed again. "Incorrect. Are you satisfied with your stay here?"

Azula's body contracted, and she writhed in pain until it passed. She breathed desperately as her heart pounded in her chest and stared at the doctor. He was sitting in front of her as if it were nothing, blurred in the light, bathed in red. She whispered blankly, "Y-yes."

"Good." The doctor smiled blandly and made another note before handing her a cup. "Here, have some water. It will help with the aftereffects of the treatment. Are you feeling happy?"

Azula chugged the cup of water. She coughed a little as her body still trembled. Her head felt light. "I… think– I..."

"Incorrect."

Her scream was trapped in her throat, as she gritted her teeth, trying to endure the pain; but it was more than she could bear. For a second, it was as if her body was spent, for her head lolled. Everything had gone dark, but she was still in that room somehow, still aware. In the distance, she heard the voice of her mother. "Administer another dose."

"But sir–"

"She can take it." He turned back to her as his assistant plunged another syringe into her arm. In an instant, she opened her eyes with a start, choking with air. "Are you feeling happy?"

She grimaced and convulsed in pain before going half limp. There was nothing in her mind other than the question. The room–everything else–had become irrelevant. "Y– Y-yes."

"Good. Please have something to eat. I hear you like mochi." His face dulled as he stared at her. "Now… Do you feel safe here?"

***

The substitute stared blankly at the wall while being powdered and freshened for the guest. Just in time. He gestured to the nurses who stood behind her.

"Princess, you have a guest. Colonel Mak is here in the stead of your brother." The doctor extended his hand towards the Colonel. He noticed the girl had flinched slightly at the sound of his voice, and he made a mental note to correct it; but her behavior was otherwise completely normal.

The man took a few confident steps in and stood firm. "Good morning, Princess. I hear you are feeling well."

She turned around, looked at the man, and smiled. "Yes, I am. I'm very happy with my stay here." If only he had his notebook. He hoped someone else was taking notes, for encouraging that behavior had proven most successful.

The colonel knelt closer to her. Did he glance back at me? "I see… Your brother wanted to know if there's anything you needed."

"Here I have no need for anything. They've given me all I've needed..." She smiled and centered her eyes on the wall again. She said it so gracefully, too, but he would have to wait before calling it a complete success.

The officer was silent for a moment. "I'm sure your brother will be very happy to hear that. Is there anything you'd like to say to him?"

She yawned. "I'm a bit tired, Colonel, forgive me. But there's no need for him to worry; I'm happy here."

"Yes, princess, I'll be sure to let him know. Rest well." As Mak walked towards him, he could not help but smile. A perfect success. That man was nothing but a gullible brute. Finally, they would stop meddling with his research. They wouldn't understand if they found out; the Fire Lord would never understand. They did not know what was at stake. He knew he could help them all; he only needed more time. It was a heavy burden he alone carried. No one would succumb to the illnesses of the mind, for he would end them; he would find a way.

He stood thinking by the door until the Colonel was at his side, and he smiled at the nurses and the girl. "Good. Nurses, please make sure the princess gets what she needs to rest. Would you mind joining me for lunch, Colonel?" He hoped he wouldn't have to bear him much longer, for every moment lost would be detrimental to his research. Still, one mistake could send it all crashing to pieces. His gaze settled ill-fondly on the girl as he closed the door.

As they carried the girl over to her bed, she muttered, "I'm very happy here."

"We know. Here, have this; it will help you sleep." She injected a syringe into her arm.

The girl smiled at her. "Thank you. I feel safe here." She grabbed her arm tightly; but her grip slowly loosened, and her arm fell limp.

She looked to the ceiling, her eyes blank; but she still muttered, "I'm happy… I'm–"

"Yes. Sleep now."

Azula closed her eyes with a smile. "I'm happy, I'm safe, I'm feeling better. Happy… Safe… Better…"

"Azula!" The voice called softly.

"Happy… Safe… Better…"

"Azula!" It felt closer.

"My name… is…"

***

"Azula! Come out, wherever you are!" She followed Zuko through the walls of the palace as he ran around room after room calling her name. By now, she knew every little corner of the passages. She contained her laughter as Zuko ran around and stopped at the sound of her footsteps. It looked like he had already given up trying to search for her until she made the slightest noise; then he ran again, thinking he'd finally found her, only to be met by an empty corner.

She laughed loudly this time. "You'll never find me!" Zuko smiled and ran over to the room closest to him. She had already settled for the spectacle, watching through a peephole in a statue.

He slammed the door open. "Aha!..." His expression fading a victorious smirk to a disappointed frown in an instant. "I could have sworn I heard your voice."

She giggled. "That's because I'm on the other side, Dumdum."

Zuko pressed his ear against the wall. "How did you get there?"

Azula sighed. "Don't you ever pay attention, Zuko? It's obviously a secret passage."

"Oh… Awesome."

"Yeah, you can get anywhere around the palace without being seen. Isn't that neat? The servants already think the palace is haunted."

"Cool! How do I get in? Is there some secret door or key? Oh, or puzzle?!" He looked around, excited.

She rolled her eyes. "No, you dummy, it's just a false wall. Just push it harder." He pushed the wall, but it still didn't move. He tried harder; then she unlocked it, and he fell face first to the dusty floor. She silenced a laugh, helped him get up, then closed the fake wall behind him.

"I can't see a thing in here; it's too dark!"

"Did you forget you're a firebender?" She lit a small flame in her palm, though she was certain she didn't need it. She had spent so much time in there that she could navigate by memory.

Zuko sat beside her. "Oh, right. So, this is the reason why you always win at Hide and Explode, huh? Doesn't it count as cheating?"

Azula shrugged. "It's only cheating if the others know you are."

He smiled. "I won't tell anyone, I promise."

"You better; otherwise, I'm sure grandfather will have them rebuilt."

Zuko widened his eyes. "Azula, we cannot call him that."

She walked over to the peephole again. "Relax, it's not like he can hear us. ...Hey, watch this! Who dares enter my room?"

The servant in the room froze in place. "Wh– Who's there?"

Azula puffed her chest. "I can see you there, mortal. I demand an offering of cherry-plums!"

He stood still in confusion and dread. "Ch-cherry-p-plums?"

"Yes. If you don't comply, I will haunt your soul for all of your lifetimes!"

The servant fell on his knees pleadingly. "No, please! I'll bring you the cherries!"

"Go now and fulfill your task." He ran away quickly, dropping towels on the floor.

Azula opened her mouth and clamped it shut in realization. "Oh no… I forgot to tell him no pits."

Zuko raised an eyebrow, slightly amused. "Does it always work?"

"Sometimes. Other times, they just run away. It's fun either way."

Zuko's smile vanished slowly, and he sighed. "I missed hanging out with you. Now you're always training or with those girls."

Azula crossed her arms and smirked. "Oh, someone's jealous? It's not my fault you haven't got any friends, Zuko."

Her brother looked at her askance. "I have friends–"

"Lu Ten and Uncle don't count."

"...Okay, you win, but… you never want to play with me anymore."

She shrugged with her arms crossed. "It's not that I don't want to; I'm busy. We don't get to slack off, Zuko; I have to be the best of the best. It is only the bare minimum for a Princess. It's not like I'll become a master dawdling all day."

Zuko looked down. "...Is it because I'm not as good as you?"

"Uh… No, that would be the reason why we don't train together. It's that I don't have the time anymore. Maybe if you got your priorities straight, you'd maybe–though I highly doubt it–get the chance to train with me."

"That's stupid!" He stomped and threw up his arms petulantly. "I'm the eldest; I should get to do what I want!"

Azula shook her head. "And that's why you'll never get to be as good as me, Brother. You lack discipline, Zuzu, and you're too soft."

He sighed. "Now you sound just like Father. You know, Master Piandao says a warrior is not all that; there's also–"

She scoffed. "The swordmaster? What, did he swing his pointy stick in a few battles? He wouldn't stand a chance against a real firebender. You see what you do? Wasting your time learning how to swing a hunk of metal when the most effective weapon you have is your own firebending. Leave that to the kindling."

She only made Zuko defensive. "He also fought many benders too and won! And those soldiers fight for our nation! You shouldn't disrespect them like that."

She rolled her eyes, looking at her nails. "Earthbenders I imagine, vastly inferior to a firebender. Even a novice like you could defeat one in battle. But perhaps you're right; they make for a fine meat shield for our most important soldiers. That deserves some merit." She smirked.

Zuko looked at her in disbelief. "Azula!..."

She heard the sound of hurried steps and rushed to the peephole. "Oh, look! He finally brought the cherry-plums…" She waited in silence until the servant had left the room and opened the wall.

Zuko walked out sullenly. "I'm not hungry anymore."

She shrugged, with her mouth already full of cherries. "Suit yourself. More for me."

As Zuko walked away, everything froze in place. She could hear the voice of her mother echoing in her mind. "Was it him? Or you? You both seemed disappointed with each other. Too different already to settle things?"

She looked ahead blankly, stuttering, "I– I'm–" She froze still at the sound of the doctor's voice; and she twisted her lips into a smile, for she could think of nothing else.

"How are you feeling today? I'm happy for you; you've made a lot of progress recently. Would you mind if I sat with you?" He placed a chair beside her and sat with his notebook in hand. "How about some questions? I know you like those."

She nodded. "Y-yes, I'm happy."

The doctor smiled politely, setting his notebook aside. "Yes, you are. You know… I think no questions will be required today. I wanted to share some news with you: I think it's high time you get to speak to the other guests. I'm sure they'll be more than happy to meet the new you. What do you say?"

She smiled at him, her hands trembling, and he held them still. "M-my name i-is Azula."

He patted her hand and stood up. "That's the spirit. Now be mindful of others, understood? Remember: it's not good to hurt others. We are all safe here; we all want to be happy, right? But don't worry; I'll be there for you if the need arises. Now you may go."

"Th-thank you…" She was walked into a wheelchair as a parade of guards followed behind her. They trembled; but she was oblivious to their fear, her eyes staring into nothingness as she was carried through the endless maze of hallways. The guards reached a door and opened it. The girl inside startled back against the wall as they came in.

The nurse settled the princess in a bed. "Sit there. Welcome to your new home." They walked outside, not taking their eyes off her. The other girl in the room stepped towards her as the guards left, narrowing her eyes; and in the blink of an eye, she jumped on top of her, gripping her collar. Her brown eyes were furious as she shook her. "You?! I'm going to kill you! You left us! Left us all here to die!" She shoved Azula against the wall.

Azula slowly tried to get up, muttering a mantra. She was good, she had to be. "I'm happy, safe, safe."

Zirin kicked her, and she fell back to the ground face first. "Shut up!" The girl grabbed her by her clothes, turning her around.

She still muttered, "I'm… happy," through the blood dripping down her nose.

The girl raised a flaming fist to punch her but stopped. "What's wrong with you?!"

She squeezed her hands, crying profusely. "My name is Azula."

Zirin backed away and sat against a wall, looking to the ceiling. "...They captured you too…" Azula began to shake, muttering louder. "Hey, hey!…" Zirin ran to her. "It's alright. What did they do to you?" Azula's eyes were fearful as she looked at her as some sort of oddity.

She stayed with her until her muttering died out. They sat in cold silence.