CHAPTER 16

HAN JIHAN

       "You reek of an alpha." His every word comes out as a hot slap across my face. 

       I

       Reek

       Of

       An

       Alpha.

       An alpha that is not Jungho. 

       No words flee through my open lips. None. So I stand and stare at his lips instead, to catch any words that will fly out of them. because I feel like I lost my voice, I lost it for some time now. And my tongue is just a stiff piece of flush that has lost its power to move. 

       I brace myself for the worst. For the insults, and any vulgarity. But nothing is said or heard. I move my gaze up to his eyes. He's staring at me, more like trying to burn me with his gaze. And I'm basically flaming under those watchful eyes. 

       "What? Suddenly, you are too lost to say anything?" There's no mockery in his voice, but there's something, something in between hurt or disbelief and betrayal. The force it takes to gulp down the rock of uncertainty lodged inside my throat made me swallow audibly. 

       "Alpha. . . I—" I press my lips into a thin line, cutting myself off. What am I supposed to say? 

       This alpha from the town who had asked me if he could court me just touched me without my consent or some random alpha rubbed himself on me?  

        Will he believe me if I tell him any of that? 

        "Now that you have nothing to say, let's get you back home." He says, yale blue eyes look into me, look through me, invade me. 

       "I've got to get home by morning." He is saying with a smile. But it's forced. And it's not for me. It's for himself, out of something I couldn't get a grasp of. He walks backward, then turns fully and keeps walking. I panic. 

       "Hey— are you leaving now? I thought maybe, you were staying here." I stumble out the words. I'm nervous. And I don't want him to leave yet, just like he came. Not before I could let my omega soar in his warmth and scent. He keeps walking, not minding me at all. My desperate attempt to grab his arm made him groan, veer around and flash his red eyes at me. My own go wide as I let go of his arm in a blink. I swallow thickly and take a big stride back. 

       "I can't go home when I smell of someone who is not you. . . I need to block it out. You can go if you want. . ." I say, at this point I know I stuck his nerve, his eyes, they are blood red. I keep my eyes on my toes that are squirming in my chapel.  

       "You are nuts!" He snaps. My toes still and my gaze flees up to him. "I came to get you, I can't go back without you." He adds through his gritted teeth. I bit the inside of my cheeks. The back of my eyes burn. 

       "I need to get Ovle to get rid of the scent. For that, I need to get into the woods again." I look up at him, cheeks hurting from the forceful bites. 

       "It's already late, we can't go back there now. I should just get you home and leave." His voice is hoarse, eyebrows scrunched as he looks down at me. "It's not my responsibility to patch for whatever the shit you did." His words are cold and harsh. Very unlike the Jungho I've seen. 

       But then again, how do I think he would have reacted?

       "What are you waiting for?" Jungho cocks an eyebrow at me. I swallow. 

       "I can't. Please, I can't go like this." 

       "You would have gone just like this if I didn't come to get you." That's right. I would have gone to my home smelling of someone else if it wasn't for Jungho to come.

       "But, I didn't know. . ." I can no longer look into his eyes. Shame clenches a fist around my throat and chokes me. It's as if I'm in a place where the air is forbidden. 

       "Didn't know what? Just say you forgot, forgot to use Ovle and fool your parents and. . . me." I hear him say and all I can see is my toes and this time, it's blurry. And my cheeks are wet, wet with hot tears streaming down them. I duck my head further down, not wanting him to see me crying like a loser. 

       "You should tell them. I won't say now, but soon. Tell them about your alpha and ask them to cancel this arrangement of our marriage." He's saying the things I don't ever want to hear and I just want him to stop before I choke. I can't take his bullshit anymore.

       "Then we both will be saved from being tied down to someone we don't like for the rest of our lives." 

       Tied down to someone we don't like.

       I snap my head up, "What are you talking about?" my voice is nothing but a whisper into the night, eyes wide and watery. 

        I hate myself. . . so much.

       He takes a stride forward and stands barely a foot away from me. "Look, I may have sounded harsh before, but I'm not mad at you for whatever you did. And I think this is the time. We got a chance here to get out of this, and we must use it before things get out of our hands. You feel me, right?" I never heard Jungho talk this much. Also never heard him talk so desperately. His eyes are soft now. That gentleness is here again, to strangle me. To remind me I deserve nothing. It was outrageous to even think he was mine. He's not, he never was and will never be mine. 

        Jungho doesn't want me. He never did.

        It was all me. . .

       "Hey, don't cry. I will help you get rid of his smell. I can scent you if you let me." 

        "Please do." I don't know what my motive is to say that. But I did, making me hate myself even more. 

        I stare at Jungho. 

        And he stares back at me, seeming unsure of moving closer to me. 

       I close my eyes as a lone tear slips down my cheek. 

       He comes closer, and places both of his hands on either side of my shoulder with hesitance. I bite my lips to prevent the tears from keep spilling. He noses on my neck, over my scent gland. He does it for some second and retracts his face. 

       "May I?" Jungho's words breathe over my face. I don't have faith in my voice so I do the only thing I could do now. I nod.

       He presses the warm flesh of his tongue flat on my scent gland and drags it all the way up to my ears. Electric shots in my veins, and travel all across my body. I feel like my body is set ablaze and my soul is floating through the clouds all at once. I'm limb, but then again, I'm shivering in his strong arms. All I can feel is the wetness of his tongue running up and down my neck. I breathe a long puff of air. My eyes shut close. 

         And when he pulls away, withdrawing his hands from me, I almost knock down on my face. I would have if it wasn't for his strong and veiny hands circling around my waist protectively. 

        "You okay?" Even in this dark, I can make out the concern swimming in his now yale blue eyes. 

         "I am." I pry his hands off me, look into his eyes, and say: "And before we go, I wanna let you know that I don't have an alpha. I thought- I stupidly thought you were my alpha. But unlike me, this was all just some arrangements for you, something you want to break free from.  And I don't want to tie you down with someone you don't like, that is me. I won't. You can go and never come back." I press on the last few words. Jungho looks at me stunned. He opens his mouth, then closes it as if suddenly, he forgot how to speak. As if it's not him who talked me into panicking just a few minutes ago. 

        We stand and stare at each other. 

         None dared to say a word. Until he dared: "Then, how come you smell of an alpha if you don't have one?" His voice is timid as if all the words I've said had punched him into exhaustion. 

       "Someone rubbed on me."

       "Who?"

        "I don't think it's necessary for you to know." I watch the tick of his jaw in the moonlight, gaze lowered to the ground. He shoots his eyes at me, and I want to ask him if we're ever going to see each other again. I want to ask him if he really meant what he said. And why he drove all the way here to see me if I mean nothing to him. But I said something else, instead. 

       "We should get going."