19

Nnamdi

I realize how wrong I was when I said that to him, why was he so angry?, we could have this conversation In a more logical way.

I got so worried. He wasn't calling or texting, he wasn't even coming to church any more, he ignores me when he sees me In the Fields, and Basil will keep on asking to know why we weren't talking. He said we behaved like "boyfriends", he joked but he wasn't far from the truth. If Basil noticed this about us maybe others did too. And it can be very bad. I needed to tell him to tune things down but I couldn't, he snobs me acting like I didn't matter anymore to him. It broke my heart into several pieces of pain, seeing someone I shared beautiful moments with, turn into a stranger overnight.

I met with Grace after sometime, she was so happy to meet with me. When she hugged me, I didn't hug back. I realized and regretted that I never loved her, she doesn't make me feel so good and warm, she doesn't make me so hard that i could die and I wanted to be adored and cared for.

"Am sorry" I started, we were in church, at the last pew. " let's break up" I broke the bombshell.

She looked shocked. " why? What did I do?"

" you didn't do anything" I assured her " the problem isn't you. It's me. Am sorry"

" But we can make things better. I can make you feel better" she pleaded

My heart broke for her, Am at fault and I hated it, I made her a fool by keeping her in the dark, " I wish we could, but we can't"

She swallowed her pain hard, "I hate you" she whispered and i understood her

" I know, am sorry" in her case, I hated myself too

She stood and left without any other word.

I stayed in the church for a long time, gazing at the cross and wondering why am stuck with this mess. If this was a sin, why does it feel so right?. Was this God's plan or the devil's just being himself?

Everyday without Daniel made my breathings hard, I felt a choking feeling around my chest and the only solution to it was Daniel.

I met with Grace again. She wasn't at first interested in seeing me, but at lest she stayed to hear whatever I had say. " I know you hate me for lying to you. But I wasn't lying when I told you that I love you. I do and will still do. It's Just that am still confused about a lot of things" I was trying to relieve my heart of its ache.

" Do you know the hardest thing about all this?" She asked " I was here. Everyday. Every time, I always have been here but you swept it under the carpet as if it was nothing to you. I don't think I will get over this quickly. It breaks my heart that I still love you and you don't. I can only forgive you when I get over you. So please I need a lot of time."

Painfully, I nodded.

It was better I give her all the time she wanted.

It's time I focus on my heart and make peace with it.