1.7. Feeling dirty

Once it was time for my meeting with Kevin, I took out my notebook and put on a jacket. I was about to get out of the suite when Amory grabbed my wrist. I turned my head towards him with an impatient look.

"What?"

"Do you really need to go?"

I stayed silent for a while. I could see on his face that he didn't want me to go and meet with his stupid half-brother.

"Yes, I have to. I'll just give him that and come back."

He frowned.

"I'm worried about you. Let me accompany you."

"You can't. If that reassure you, just look at the security cameras and intervene if something happens… Okay?"

He finally let go of my hand —reluctantly— but his gaze was determinate and his eyes were shining in a raging fire.

"I swear if he hurt you, I'll kill him."

I felt a shiver down my spine. However, I didn't know if it was of fear or joy. I guess the later was the most accurate. I nodded and ran out of the room, leaving a stunned Amory behind after kissing his cheek swiftly.

When I arrived at the restaurant, Kevin was waiting for me at on of the table in the corner. I walked on his direction and sat in front of him. He looked up from his phone and put it in his pocket while greeting me.

"Hi Angel, are you feeling better?"

I nodded with a small smile.

"Yes, I think I ate something I wasn't able to digest last time. I'm completely fine now, thank you for your concern."

He smiled and put his hand on mine.

"I'm glad. I was extremely worried about you since you weren't answering me. I thought the worst had happened."

Oh? And by the worst are you talking about raping me while filming and giving the tape to my uncle so he can threaten me and kill me once he has what he wants? Because I can't see what's worst than that. Dying would be a dream compared to that.

I held back my venomous words and forced my face to blush in a shy manner.

"Thank you. It means a lot coming from you."

A flash of overconfidence passed through his eyes. That's crazy. He just needs those few words to think that he's above everybody else. I sneered inwardly. Let's break his illusion, then.

"I thought about last time and realised that I had overreacted. I'm sorry, so… here."

I handed him the notebook and his face fell. He was so disappointed that he couldn't even hide it. But he quickly regained composure. He might thought that even if I gave him the notebook, he can still fuck me but unfortunately for him, that's never going to happen.

He got up, dragged his chair next to me and sat again. His hand was still holding mine while the other was placed around my shoulders. I felt like throwing up but covered it with a embarrassed smile.

He started to play with my fingers.

"You know, I always regretted how our relationship ended…"

He let go of my hand and started to massage my wrist.

"Sometimes I wish we could go back in time and start over…"

He shifted to my breast, playing with my mother's necklace. His face was close to mine, too close. I couldn't react, I was petrified.

"But that's impossible, right?"

His finger slid down my torso, going lower and lower. I cursed inwardly. Damn it! Move! You shitty useless body you better move, right now!

"Will you give me another opportunity to prove that I can be a good lover, mmh?"

When his hand came to touch my thighs, I snapped. I waved my hand before his eyes and he stopped his movements, gaze unfocused.

"You had sex with me at the hotel after I refused to give you the notebook again."

He nodded.

"You sent the tape to Richard and then went home."

He nodded a second time.

"Once you're home, you'll hide the notebook in your room and forget about it as if I never gave it to you."

He nodded a third time.

I waved my hand again and his eyes regained focus. A idiotic pleased grin spread on his face as he thought about the supposed good time he just had with me in that hotel room. His hand brushed my thighs and I accidentally made a grimace of disgust but thanks to his still dazed mind, he didn't notice.

"I'm really happy you were willing to give me a new chance. I have to go now. I'll call you later."

He tried to kiss me in a surprise attack but unfortunately I wasn't fast enough to dodge and it landed on my cheek. He left and I stood there, wordlessly.

Tears ran down my face as my body shook violently and I almost vomited. I felt so dirty at the moment. Those unwanted touches reminded me of all those dreadful memories of my past lives. It didn't matter how many showers I had taken since I still felt their dirty hands on me. It didn't matter how much time passed, I would still have nightmares at night. I would wake up drenched in sweat, shivering and suffocating.

I chocked on my cries.

I want to die. If only I wasn't immortal, if only I haven't been punished by this system. Why am I even punished for anyway? Yeah, I wholeheartedly want to die.

But I couldn't. And the only feeling left was a stifling loneliness in the middle of all those universes. That's right, I wish I had someone I could lean onto. Someone who could help me go through all of this.

Someone who could support me on my way to the end of my life.

Someone who would care for me and would always wonder if-

"Are you okay, sweetheart?"

I looked up at Amory who had put his jacket on my shoulders and was stroking my arms in a soothing manner. His kind gaze was piercing right through me, exposing my bare soul. More tears flowed out of my eyes as I snuggled inside his embrace.