Chapter One

London 1877

Sarah stood stiff as a board as her personal maid Mary dressed her. Looking at the lilac fabric through the floor length mirror, Sarah stared at herself, judging every character flaw.

The small spatter of moles on her cheek, the unnoticeable bump at the end of her nose, the small gap between her front teeth. It was hard for her not to judge herself. She knew that even if she didn't, someone else would. Letting out a sigh she shifted to the side to admire her personal maids handiwork. Sarah gazed into the mirror, she looked pretty, acceptable, marriage ready. The mere thought brought a bitter taste to her mouth and a churning in her belly so as not to empty the contents of her stomach she redirected her gaze towards the gown she was spotting for the evening. It was lilac, a lovely shade that favoured her looks.

There was a stark difference between the color of the fabric and her chocolate skin that made the gown all the more enchanting.Her outward appearance was appealing to suitors all round but once any of those suitors discovered that she was a woman with more than half of a brain, they left, most probably because they were intimidated by women who knew matters of politics instead of the usual debutantes who spoke only of embroidery and housekeeping. She let out a sigh at the thought. The mere thought of marriage had always elicited a negative response from her but ever since her elder brother's passing a few years prior, all the responsibilities of the first born had been thrust upon her shoulders and as scary as it was, she knew it had to be done. She was expected to continue the family line, bring forth the family heir but that was proving to be quite difficult. Apparently all the eligible bachelors in London were either pompous prigs or dull as mud.

Although one would think her picky and problematic, she was just telling it as she saw it, granted there were few interesting choices in the bachelor pool but as always the young debutante was never awarded a say. Not that Sarah was an ordinary debutante, when she was forced into the spotlight of the marriage market by her viscountess grandmother she had compromised with her grandmother to be allowed to select her own prospective suitors. Her grandmother had accepted her condition at the time but had later come to regret that choice immensely.

That was simply because even in Sarah's second season as a searching debutante she still had many suitors interested in her but she hadn't found the perfect match. The perfect match would be a man who wasn't just after her dowry or her family's wealth. If Sarah was going to be forced into marriage then she wanted love, something like what her grandparents and parents shared. Nothing less.

She looked up from her reflection when her mother entered the room already dressed for the evening.

"Darling you look beautiful."

At the sound of her mother's voice she

smiled and replied, "Thank you Mama. I hope to impress tonight, it is the first ball of the season after all." Amelia smiled at her daughter, stepping up behind her and hugging her from behind, looking at her through the mirror.

"You will dazzle my dear. This is your season darling. You will find a husband. I can assure you that."

Sarah looked at her mother, an older version of herself and she let out a sigh as she left the older woman's embrace and walked over to her vanity where her jewelry was laid out for the evening.

"You can't assure me of that, mother. I have yet to find a man who is good enough and frankly I'm getting tired of searching." Sarah finished off with a breath that clearly stated her displeasure.

Amelia walked over to her daughter and sat on a chair facing her. Signalling Sarah to sit down. She watched as her daughter sat down on the bed.

"You are right darling, I can't assure you that you will find a husband this season but that is simply because you choose not to give the multiple suitors at your door a chance." Amelia pointed blame at her daughter with her words and the look on her face. Sarah who had decided to recline indelicately on her bed sat up at once. "I give them plenty of chances, I simply choose not to settle. That doesn't mean that I'm picky."

"I didn't say that darling." Amelia defended herself, hiding her smile.

"But you thought it, I can tell." Sarah accused with a smile on her face, even as she rose and sat across her mother.

"I want something like what you have Mama. I want to be loved and cherished. I want to have children who I will raise with pride in my heart and a smile on my face. Like you and Grandmother." Sarah spoke fondly, a wistful look on her face.

Taking her daughter's hands in hers, Amelia looked into Sarah's eyes. Beautiful brown orbs identical to hers, smiling at her second born, she said. "You will find someone my dear Sarah. Someone who will love and care for you more than anything. When, that I am not certain but what I am certain is that you will. What you need to know is that love cannot be rushed, it is a slow burn that cannot be hurried. Men like you father and grandfather are hard to find. They are unique, they are different from what you are used to. For instance, your father is a Lord but he insists on working, unlike most of the Lord's in London." Amelia spoke as she stood, grabbing a hair brush she started brushing Sarah's hair gently. Straightening the wayward curls as she spoke. "You father and I met at a ball. I was searching for a husband and he was in no way interested in finding a wife, but love found a way in, now look at where we are. I know I've told you this story before but I hope it will give you the hope that you deserve. The hope you're searching for. I know marriage has never really been a priority for you but with the right man at the right time you will truly see what a blessing it is. You don't have to lose your independence to gain love. Look at your Grandmother."

Watching her daughter's crestfallen expression through the vanity mirror, she stopped brushing her hair and sat down next to her daughter.

"Grandmother met your grandfather while eating oranges from a neighbor's tree, she claims she didn't steal them but we both know the truth." That earned her a small smile from her daughter.

"Even after getting married to a viscount she never lost her identity, she's still a tough old bird who stands for what is right. A tough old bird who loves you immensely." Letting out a sigh she placed a kiss on her daughter's forehead before saying, "we want what's best for you darling."

"I know Mama, but that's what is pressuring me even more. Most of my peers got married in the last season. Beth is already a mother and I am yet to find a suitable husband. Grandmother told me that I had until the end of the season to find a husband or else the title of viscount would be passed on to cousin Tony. I need to be married and with child by the end of the season, that was her ultimatum."

Amelia fiddled with her gloves as she spoke. "Yes, she informed me of your deal. You need not overthink it my child. Your grandmother wants the best for you and she is also willing to take you under her wing and chaperone you this season. I think it's a marvelous idea. You'll be able to bond with your grandmother even more."

Sarah looked at her mother in shock, on her face was a look of fear and insult.

"Mother! Why would you even allow that. Now that I have refused to settle and marry in my first season, grandmother wants to fully control my second season , where she will no doubt insult and scare away my suitors deeming them unnecessary even before I'd have a chance to talk to them. You simply cannot do this Mother." Sarah was at the point of begging when her mother spoke. "There is nothing I can do my child, as matriarch and Viscountess she has more say than I do, seeing that you will be the mother of the next heir."

The look of despair on her daughter's face was enough to break Amelia's heart so she tried to make it better by providing an alternative.

"She has however been out of London for the past few weeks, she said that if you had not found a husband by the time she was back, she would personally play matchmaker. You still have time to find your love. Granted it's a little short but people have fallen in love in less time."

Sarah let out a groan at her mother's displaced optimism and said, "mother, I had an entire season and still didn't find a husband. What makes you think that I will in a few weeks? Besides, all the suitors that are knocking at my door are all those I rejected last season. The same old, same old. No one new. I am going to die alone." Sarah finished as she slouched in a defeated posture that would have gotten her an earful from her mother had she not been genuinely sad.

Trying to liven up the situation and to keep herself from commenting on her daughter's posture, Amelia said, "I heard that Jonah is coming back home. It's been rather long since we saw him, he was only a wee little boy back then."

Sarah sat up straight and looked accusingly at her mother, "if you're thinking what I think you're thinking then you truly disappoint me. I'd rather die a childless spinster than marry him. I mean, I haven't seen the man for 8 years and I still hold a deep loathing for him." Sarah was out of breath by the time she was done talking. Earning a small smile from her mother who then checked her time piece before saying. "We need to finish getting ready. The ball starts in an hour. The journey promptly takes about forty five minutes and we need to be fashionably late."

Watching as her mother stood and walked towards the door, Sarah remembered, "Mother, would it be okay if I delivered a package to the Holland house before we leave for the ball. Beth is there to greet her brother. It will be much easier to give her the package than to have to travel to her home. I promise, I won't be long."

Amelia gave her daughter a nod before leaving the room. Leaving Sarah to put on her jewelry in a hurry to finish dressing.

~

Holding a wooden box in hand, Sarah walked out the back door of the house choosing to use the garden instead of the front walkway to talk to her friend. Walking through the connected gardens, Sarah walked up the hind steps of the Holland town house. As she waited for a response after knocking she looked around the garden. The fence between their houses were fairly shorter than those around the houses. With swings hanging off a huge tree that stood in the middle of the two properties.

When a maid opened the door, Sarah declined entry and asked to speak to her friend.

After a minute or two, Beth walked out of the house and walked towards her. Both women shared a long hug as they reunited after so long without seeing each other.

"I missed you so much my friend." Beth spoke with tears in her eyes.

"I missed you too my dear. Im sorry it's been so long, I heard that you came to greet your brother. He's back from his travels isn't he?" Sarah spoke as they walked toward the swings and sat.

"Yes, in deed he did. I would invite you to come greet him but I recall that you never really got along." Beth spoke, a sly smile colouring her features.

Sarah let out a laugh and said, "that would be putting it mildly. If your brother and I nearly burnt down a barn at seven and eleven years old, what do you think we'd do if we were ever in the same room now." Both women erupted into laughter.

After the laughing died down, Beth inquired about the box Sarah was holding, who in turn gave it to her.

"I've been working on them since I found out that you were pregnant. I'm sorry it took so long but apparently when it comes to knitting I'm like an ape with a fork." Sarah smiled as she watched Beth coo at the small baby socks and hat that she had spent months trying to knit into perfection. They were adorable and perfect, complete with the knitted version of the Holland Crest.

With tears in her eyes Beth asked Sarah would like to see the baby. "I would love to but Mother is insistent on my attendance of the Olridge ball as my re-entry to the marriage market. She insists that there are more suitors at the first ball than the last one. I actually spared a few minutes to come see you. Tomorrow I will be over for tea so I can see my little nephew."

Soft goodbyes were uttered as both women felt the sadness of being parted once more. Once close confidants now mere acquaintances who could only spare few minutes for small chats.

Sarah hiked the collar of her fur coat to obscure the could blowing her way. The cold was rather insistent but even as Sarah got in the warm carriage seated next to her younger brother and across her parents, she realized that she'd much prefer the physical coldness of the street than the emotional and mental coldness that she would have to endure at the balls she so detested going to.

....