Chapter 10

Lana's pov

For the next two days, I have been sleeping

I couldn't characterize the reason wether it was exhaustion or an escape.

I barely ate, I only got up to drink water and pee. My head always felt heavy, my body resined to bed strangely, my thoughts turned into dreams and nightmares.

I cried myself to sleep a couple of times, until tears felt pointless at some point to me, I remembered almost every memory between me and my dad, I hated how naive I felt when some signs were obvious. How he always introduced me to every man he worked with, how the many many debates and arguments  we had about him wanting me to work with him in the company, how dating wasn't allowed in our household, how arranged marriage was the ideal method he wanted for me and Aria, our fights usually end with silence from my side or his when I get too stubborn.

Yet, I knew somehow that he would eventually introduce me to my husband-to-be one day, I just couldn't expect when.

Apparently, he didn't even introduce me, he fucking sold me like a pack of cigarettes.

In mommy's letters, he threatened to kill nannah if she disobeyed him, he threatened to throw her out of the house and take me and Aria where she can never find us unless she shuts her mouth.

He was a terribly good actor, he had nothing on his mind not plans but the power, money,and fame.

Aria, to me she's a victim not the enemy, she will always be my little sister, I raised her.

She's brainwashed..awfully fooled.

She'll soon fall into one of his traps, no one will save her then, not even me.

The only rope that kept me hanging was the beloved, small family I thought I had, now I am all alone, the agitation and betrayal were intolerable, I felt my heart squeeze in agony each minute passes by, the many times I wished somebody would pinch me to realize that was all a nightmare, but as time went by the testimony of the opposite killed something inside me.

I felt desperate. Eager to talk to anybody..I need my best friend..Natalia.

I was about to call Freya at once to ask her where can I find Lorenzo, but it was already 4 am in the morning, the poor thing works her ass off all day. I just couldn't wake her up. I needed a distraction or I will go crazy.

I saw coconut on his bed, sleeping peacefully.

I thanked god that Lorenzo brought him here with me.

I couldn't believe my eyes when he said there's a surprise for me in my room the other day.

I honestly, didn't take his word seriously, i though he was just messing with my head like he always do.

But once I led my eyes on my little coconut I whooped in delight and I immediately forgotten about my distress until we both snuggled on my bed out of exhaustion.

I climbed out of bed lazily, headed to the kitchen to eat something, anything would do. I tipa-toed out of my room, glanced at Lorenzo's closed door, sighed in relief, continued my way to the kitchen downstairs, It was dark. Pitch black dark, but not in the scary type of way. Or maybe I got used to the place. I don't know. The moonlight gleamed through the big porch window at the back, I was able to see most of I could reach. I opened the fridge's huge door, my eyes got wider at the amount of ice cream that was packed in there. This must be heaven.

I stood still trying to decide a flavor to begin with, salted caramel it is I guess, I grabbed the big Ben & Jerry's ice cream jar, jumped high to make it to the top of the dark blue kitchen island.

The surface was damn cold, My butt shivered and chill rippled to my shoulders. I sat quietly admiring the sound of silence I have always longed for. I can hear absolutely nothing. Not even the crickets in the garden.

I ate god knows how many ice cream scoops in pure tranquility, my mind went finally numb of all the overthinking and tiring probing thoughts.

I decided to let go for only some minutes.

I closed my eyes. Imagined my mother's beautiful face in front me, smiling.

Her green eyes had that sparkling charm.

Her dimples added an appealing touch to her smile.

Her restful look was always my favorite thing about her.

I felt my heart beats regulated slowly.

I knew deep down, that if she was in my place right now, she would do everything in her potential to be safe and secured.

She's always told me so.

Use what you have now, don't think of what you've lost, or you'll lose yourself,too.

To my ridiculously ironic fate, Lorenzo is my safe side now.

I don't know anyone else who could protect me from Luca nor my own father.

Natalia is too weak to handle all of this, Aria is in dad's side, she would do the opposite.

There's no way out of this place..not by choice either.

Flashes of our kiss crept on my mind, my heart went crazy again, ugh no matter how many times I remember my heart won't just accept it. This even wasn't the insane part, it's that I craved for more of it.

I have always known that he wanted to kiss me, he constantly looked at my lips, when I am angry in particular.

My body grew rigid to the thought of his bare chest lingering my own.

His soft luscious lips hovering over mine.

I tried brushing past the thoughts but with no success, all up until I almost had a heart attack when I heard his husky voice on my right with him leaning on the door frame.

- what are you doing ?

There he was crossing his arms revealing his hard bare chest, as he was only wearing his pijama black pants, heat flowed through my cold body.

The smirk on his face has not yet disappeared, his intense gaze was fixed onto my hand I put on chest trying to catch my breath after my high pitched scream.

- What the fuck, Lorenzo ? I almost had a heart attack ! What are you doing here ? That's creepy.

His gaze traveled and landed on my naked thighs, he drew closer to me, each step made every muscle in my solidify. I tried looking away but I couldn't expect his next move, I can't trust that.

He locked me between his hands which rested on the kitchen counter on both sides of me, his face inches away for my own, I could smell his breathe and feel the warmth of his body from the far. His aura was powerful.

We kept our eye contact strong and steady before he spoke with his gruff voice,

- You're the one who's sitting in the dark, alone. At four and a half in the morning ? That's creepy.

- I—uh, I was hungry that's all.

- I could tell..you're full now ?

I could never dare to look anywhere else except his brown sharp eyes, irresistibly alluring, full of storms of lust.

With me sitting on the counter, I was still shorter I had to raise my head to look at him.

His thumb slid over my bottom lip cautiously.

I stuttered.

- I-uh..I think..I think I am full.

- Well, I am not.

He rigidly tamed my bottom lip in less than a second, I startle at his sudden movement with my eyes open and his closed.

I froze.

He ignored my motionless lips, continued his hungrily movements clasping every edge of both of my upper and lower lips. The tingly erotic sensation hit me as I gave in eventually to the mellowness of him. I wouldn't stop myself for more than three seconds with him.

He never asked me, but he's my first kiss.

The ecstasy of the first kiss.

I have always saved myself till I feel like it with somebody.

All the guys I have dated, behind my father's back, were nothing of his sort.

No one had his dominant presence.

His silence was commanding.

His body was impressively tense.

His firm grip had me missing it once he releases me.

I never felt like this before.

I fisted a handful of his hair at the back of his head, the other hand rested on his left bicep. He must have taken it as an invitation to cup my cheeks with his rough hands. He kept on shifting his head left and right.

His hand roamed upon my back sending shivers down my spine, he glided it under my satin white top, once our skins touched I felt the inexplicable arousal. My thighs immediately clenched as his hand worked its way and squeezed my left thigh and a growl escaped his mouth. I felt a lubricant wetting my laced panties, I now realized i didn't wear my bottom shorts, foolishly thought everyone was already sleeping.

However, Thoughts of him using me were maddening.

I was fragile, alone, and weak.

What could it be other than that ?

But he saved me.

My brows crossed uncontrollably in confusion.

I wanted to stop.

I need to stop.

To my surprise, he stopped.

I felt sudden coldness batter me.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw him still standing in front me, panting heavily while leaning towards me resting his hands on the counter.

- look, lana. I am not an animal.

- W-what ?

- I am not using you. If you want me to stop, I will. Because I promise you, if I lose control, you'd beg me not to.

- I-don't..

- Look at me when I am talking to you !

I couldn't raise my eyes to him just yet, I felt my cheeks burning. I am a mess. I wasn't drunk. But it felt like it. I tried catching my breathe. But he pressing his thumb and index down my chin to firmly raise my head to him.

-  What did I just tell you ?

- ...

- Words,lana !

- To look at you.

- No..do you want me stop ?

My mind kept screaming only one word.

No, No I don't want you to stop, I need that embrace.

No, lana. No.

- y-yes.

He took one step backwards.

- You look at me differently, as if I am using you, I am not,Lana. This isn't the way I think of you

I didn't say a word. Just lightly panting, with my eyes never leaving his, I gave him a ghost of a doubtful look, he turned his back on me and left.

I could have said No, actually I wanted to say no. But I don't owe him anything except for a thanks of saving my life. I don't owe anyone anything. Yet a part of me misses his glare, his body heat, his grip, his lips.

I jumped down the counter and felt my numb legs shake in pain and cold. I left the kitchen and went up on the way to my bedroom, I heard his bedroom door close quietly, I sighed deeply.

This must be killing him.

In fact, it is killing me.

For the past two weeks I have been fighting for my own rescue, for the past two days I have been fighting for my own survival.

A lot has changed around me.

A lot has changed inside my head, heart, and soul.

I now stand at the enemy's side pleading for his protection from my own family.

As fucked up as it seemed.

Without Lorenzo's help, I would have been traumatized for the rest of my life.

Unexpectedly, I found myself standing outside his door. My legs drew me towards his room instead of my own.

This is dangerous.

My mind is now as numb as my heart.

I want nothing more than to feel that warmth again.

I'd kill for it if it implies to.

I sensed tears began to form in my eyes, running down my cheeks.

I opened the door hesitantly. Not giving a single damn of what's going on around me.

I wanted warmness.

I wanted his touch.

I craved his desire blended with my own.

In his dark space, I found him laying on his bed, one forearm on his forehead, another on his toned abs.

He felt my presence, he removed his forearm from his eyes, I moved involuntarily towards him in delicate steps till I reached him, he stared right at me in the most compelling, tantalizing way.

Yet, he remained steady.

His eyes met mine, with tears glowing down my cheek, he looked concerned.

He sat up straight on the side of the bed, not breaking his gaze for a second, in a worried look.

- what's going on, lana ?

- N-nothing.

- Why are you crying ?

- ..I-wh-would you leave me like..like my family did ?

He arched his eyebrows and immediately grabbed both of my legs, I straddled him.

I grabbed in return his shoulder for support, tears kept rolling down my cheeks as he held me closely and said

- never. I would never leave you, lana. I would do anything to keep you safe. I would kill anyone who just think to hurt you.

I kept looking for honesty and assurance in his eyes, his concerned look gave me all the answers I wanted, I looked at him questioning my own fears, my own doubts, they seemed pointless at this moment.

He cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. I waited for him to kiss me, but he stayed roving his hands down and up my arms in a calm, comforting course.

- kiss me.

-  ....

- kiss me and don't stop.

- My muse, my pleasure,baby.