Letter 3

"Why are you staring so intently at her? You don't want her to be afraid of you, do you?"

Jemina tormented and doubted herself. Why on earth did she ever consider doing that? She couldn't even recall. They didn't talk to each other after that day when they kissed, that evening they shared together, all alone. Being quite busy, they never thought to exchange phone numbers or social media usernames. The memory of how hurtful she had been to Yeona at that moment was too much for Jemina, especially when she kissed her without even asking for her opinion. She was awful for it, yes, but she was genuine. The emotions that suddenly and unexpectedly erupted in her at that time were new to her. They eventually blossomed fully within her after a few weeks. They became overwhelming, gradually expanding to the point where she felt like she was drowning. The need to share them quickly emerged as the only way to make herself feel better.

She couldn't help but believe that Yeona felt the same way. No, not just because she had allowed the kiss that day. It was more because Jemina occasionally noticed Yeona gazing in her direction during class, and they would sometimes make accidental eye contact. She couldn't simply dismiss it as a coincidence. Jemina also noticed Yeona's warm complexion turning slightly red—her cheeks, nose, and ears. She wanted to believe it. She hoped that one day all the small fantasies running through her mind would become as real as that kiss.

Since leaving the envelope on Yeona's table a few days ago, Jemina's heart had been beating fast continuously. Every break between classes became the most stressful moment of her day, the moment she was so cautious about. They always seemed to pass by so quickly, which was both unfortunate and perhaps fortunate—it was hard to explain. She waited, with seconds and minutes feeling painful to her. As the bell signaled the end of the breaks, she felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. Her emotions were conflicted, but she wanted to believe that Yeona was also writing a letter to her, which might explain why nothing had happened even at the end of the week. Expressing one's feelings through writing was a complicated process, requiring finding the right words in the right order and attending to various details. Yeona writing to her wasn't as far-fetched as it might have seemed. Yeona had mentioned that one of her pastimes involved writing letters to people whom she would never give them.

"Why are you daydreaming so much today?" One of her classmates teased her.

"You've had that foolish look on your face lately. Are you okay, girl?"

"Oh, it's nothing important."

Jemina gradually moved on from the memory of that letter. That Friday, towards the end of the day, she received a notification while rushing for her bus and initially didn't pay much attention to it. When she finally had a chance, she glanced at the name of the person who sent the message and realized it was from Amber. She deleted the notification without even bothering to read it.

When she finally arrived home, she collapsed on her bed and let out a long, loud sigh. When people asked her in middle school if she had a boyfriend or a crush, she always replied that she was simply focused on her education to pursue her dream job. Boys were never something she was interested in, and yet, before falling passionately in love with Yeona, she had never imagined herself as anything but a heterosexual girl. So, when these feelings started to develop, she struggled to accept their genuine nature. She began her reflection by attempting to "justify" it. Yeona gave her a lot of attention and support. That had to be the cause of her feelings, right? It was so obvious!

However, fooling herself was not as helpful as she had hoped. Jemina was not an idiot! Despite her lack of attraction towards men and her limited knowledge of love, she knew deep down. Like practically every teenager her age, she occasionally watched American teen romance movies or at least had friends who were in relationships. After a few months of her feelings blossoming, she eventually accepted these sensations that were blooming in her heart and taking up more and more space in her soul.