Dealing with Death

Hahahaha!

Laughter echoed throughout the hall, spilling into the classrooms adjoining it. This wasn't normal laughter. Not the type that laughed with others. This was a malicious laughter. A laughter pointed at something, at someone. That someone sat hunched on the ground, his backpack sprawled in front of him with its contents spilled out all over the floor. The top of his head, covered in black hair that hung low over his eyes and face, was drenched. That water continued until it had permeated his entire wardrobe and purchased against his skin. He was well and truly, from head to toe, soaked.

The students that circled around him laughed uproariously, as if his misfortune was the most hilarious thing to ever grace this planet. Perhaps misfortune was an inapt term. Him being soaked wasn't an accident, it was entirely on purpose. It's probably fairly easy to figure out what is happening. The boy who was kneeling on the floor was being bullied, constantly, increasingly, his every moment at school became a walking nightmare.

There was no one on his side, no one to talk to or share his pain, only the tormentors, and those who laughed along with them. Yet the worst of it all, was that the reason for all of this, in absolute, undeniable cause, was his best friend. His one and only childhood friend, and the girl who he had at one point loved. In elementary, they were as close as twins, sticking together constantly like two peas in a pod. In middle school, in the midst of puberty, they split apart, forming groups with their own genders and slowly drifting away from each other. Not so much that they never spoke, but enough that they were no longer attached at the hip. But when they entered highschool, everything changed.

The summer leading up to it they had no contact, not for a lack of trying on his end. And when they finally arrived at what was to be a fresh start, she acted as if he was a stranger. No, worse than that, she actively pushed him around. Making him fetch her things, forcing him to do her homework, and yelling and hitting him when he tried to stand up to her. She toyed with the boy who had feelings for her until he had no more feelings left in him except for sorrow.

The boy who was sitting in a puddle of water that slowly expanded, swallowing the sprawled out backpack and its spilled out contents looked up at the face of his long broken crush as she laughed along with the other, no as she laughed at him. Slowly opened his mouth, he spoke quietly, in a voice that could barely be heard, a voice that could barely hold back the tears, and asked a simple question.

"Why, Aya?"

His lips were barely able to form the word for name of the girl he was speaking to, the girl who he had loved. Her eyes glared down at him, superiority, arrogance, and above all glee, were the emotions that the boy could see floating in her eyes.

"Why? That's what you want to know? Because I wanted to, so what? Are you going to cry?" Her harsh words dug deeper and deeper into his chest, gouging out the remnants of his heart until there was nothing left.

"Let's go, Jaime isn't worth any more of our time." Even when she spoke his name the vitriol still spilled out extensively. The crowd left as quick as it came, following the one who led it all, Aya. Leaving a seemingly small frail boy, covered from head to toe in water, kneeling on the ground.

It was already the end of the school day, that commotion had come about right after the end of their last period. Aya clicked her tongue in annoyance, she had done it again today. It really was all her fault. At first, in Elementary they were as close as could be, and she looked forward to playing with him every day. Then in middle school, with puberty and the rushing of emotions, came confusion and fear so she slowly backed away to figure out what it was she really felt for him. Then by high school, she had figured it out, but had no idea how to act on it. She loved him, she realized that on the last day of middle school as she watched him hoist his diploma high in front of his parents.

But she panicked, she couldn't bring herself to even speak to him, to Jaime. She avoided him all summer, and when they started the new school year, she pretended to be a stranger. She wanted to hit herself, that act would only push him away further and she knew it, but she couldn't bring herself to speak to him. That was, until she saw him speaking happily to another girl.

She could deal with his guy friends, they could never become his lover, but when she saw him speaking to another woman she cracked. Her reputation had grown as a social butterfly, and she used this to spread some rumors about him, just enough so that girls would lay their hands on him. But it wasn't enough, the girl he had already spoken to didn't stop, she watched them get closer for weeks until she couldn't stand it anymore. She started talking to him under the pretense of catching up but really all she did was force him to do her bidding, fetch her drinks, do her homework, anything to keep him occupied away from that girl.

And while she did so she slowly began turning the girl away from him, she would openly talk bad about him, tell them stories that made him look bad that had never actually occurred. She had only meant to scare the girl away but by then it was too late. The only way she knew to interact with him now was through bullying. And the bad rumors didn't stop at just the girl. They spread and spread and spread until the whole campus had heard all the made up things she had spoken about him. The friends he made distanced themselves and he slowly became isolated.

If it was just this, maybe she wouldn't feel so bad. But it got worse for him. The guys who had their eyes on Aya picked up on her behavior, and began to follow her lead in an attempt to garner her attention. Threatening notes, 'kick me' signs, it was relatively harmless at first, but it quickly escalated. Dead rats in his locker, on his desk, verbal abuse, physical abuse, there was only pain awaiting him at school.

I really should apologize to him. But every time I try I just revert back to my same old insulting self. Sigh… what am I going to do, it's already Junior year and I've only gotten farther from him.

She walked home with those thoughts swirling around in her head. She was greeted by her loving parents who went through their default routine, asking about her day, making sure she did her homework, and finally eating dinner as a family. Except this time was different, instead of beginning to cook they started to dress up.

"Are we going somewhere?" Aya asked.

Her parents nodded. "Do you remember Jaime? You two used to be such good friends… We are going over to his place, we are still good friends with his parents and it's been a while since we've caught up. Maybe you and Jaime can catch up too?"

Aya cheered inwardly, maybe if it was at his house, she could act like she had in the past. And maybe she and him could become friends again.

Jaime drew in a deep breath before opening the door to his house. His clothes and hair were still soaking wet from what had happened after school and he dreaded the worried conversation that would follow. He hoped that his mother and father would be in their own room, doing something else so that he could sneak past, but he had no such luck.

"Honey, welcome ho-" his mother's words cut off when she saw his state. "OH MY GOD. Jaimey, baby, are you alright? What happened?"

Jaime forced a smile onto his face, it was a smile he had practiced so well that it was indistinguishable from the real thing. The one thing he never wanted to do was make his family worry.

"Oh it was just an accident, ma. I turned a corner too fast and slammed right into some people moving a water bin, I'll be fine after I shower and change."

His forced smile never even wavered as he spoke lie after lie out of his mouth, but what else could he do. In the end, he just grinned and bore it. He used his time in the shower to let out his growing tears before heading downstairs in freshly changed clothes. When he saw the table being prettied up and his parents in nicer clothing he asked what was going on.

"Oh, do you remember that pretty childhood friend of yours named Aya? Well she and her parents are coming over today to eat with us. You don't mind, do you? It's been forever since we've last seen each other."

"No." A blatant refusal slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it, but he quickly cleared his throat and recovered his mistake. "I mean no, I don't mind. They are free to come whenever."

His mom leaned over and kissed him on the top of the head. "Thanks, sweetie. Who knows, maybe this is your time to reconnect with your friend?"

"Right, yeah maybe." He spoke in a quiet voice before moving off to his room. Shit. He quietly cussed within his mind. I don't know if I can handle this today. Today's bullying had been worse than normal, as new bruises lined his chest and back from where he had been hit over and over during lunch break, and the incident right after school ended. It was too much for one person to endure, the only reason he was able to was because he was completely at ease at home. But the very leader of his torment was breaking in on the worst day possible. It was just his luck.

They arrived right on time, her parents, and her, the one who made him a hollow shell of himself. The dinner went well, the parents talked, Aya talked. They laughed, he didn't. They had a great time, he did not. Finally, the dinner was done, he was almost through this, when his mother hit him with a bombshell.

"Hey Jaimey, how about you take Aya with you to your room and play for a while, I'm sure this boring grown up talk isn't interesting to you."

He opened his mouth to refuse, desperate to stay with his mother, but Aya beat him to it.

"Yeah, I agree. Come on Jaime, let's go." Her eyes shone with predatory malice, her gaze allowed no arguments or disagreements. Jaime resigned himself to his fate before smiling towards his parents and beginning the trek to his room. Aya followed close behind, not speaking until they were behind closed doors. She quickly sat on his bed, and he simply kneeled in the center of the room, keeping his gaze on the floor.

"Jaime." He kept his gaze on the floor, he dared not look at her. "Hey look at me when I'm speaking." She slipped into her aggressive tone. No no no! Stop, you're here to apologize, not make things worse. He looked up at her, noticing the slight blush that was on her cheeks. He dismissed it, labeling it as something unimportant, and simply waited for her to speak.

"W-well, um, you see, the thing is… I-I'm s-s.. I'm s-..." Oh, it's no use, I can't say it! "S-screw you! Press your forehead to the ground and beg forgiveness!" Jaime quickly slammed his head into the ground, hard enough that there was a slight amount of blood.

"My deepest apologies." He said in a quiet voice. He almost never raised his voice above that octave around Aya anymore, not after she scolded him for it.

No, why? Why, why, why, why???!!! Why can't I just apologize to him. Sigh… I'm helpless, at this rate he'll leave me behind after high school. Ah, what should I do…

The two sat there, one higher than the other, and one with his head pressed to the ground, for the remainder of the visit. When Aya finally left, Jamie couldn't even feel relieved, he simply felt tired. Tired of everything.

"Whew. That was nice. We should do that more often." His mother spoke, unaware of his inner thoughts. "Was it nice seeing your friend again Jaimey?"

"Yes, it sure was." He spoke desperate to keep his happy persona for just long enough to fool his parents.

"Then maybe I should invite them over over the weekend. Or maybe we could go over to theirs."

Jaime kept his false smile pasted to his face. "I would like that, mother." Before turning and retreating to his room. I'm so tired.

The next day, before leaving for school his mother broke the 'good' news. "Jaimey, Aya's parents agreed to meet on the weekend so look forward to it!"

Jaime smiled and nodded his head, not trusting his voice to stay steady right now, then left the house for another day of hell. It started off small, a foot in front of him trying to trip him, a push from the crowd, a hand ripping his backpack open, spilling papers everywhere. He was used to these things by this point, they didn't even phase him. But once again at the end of the day, something happened.

He was pulled into an already empty classroom and beaten, first it was two then three then four men who punched and kicked, all he could do was lie in the fetal position and endure it.

Why, why, why, why? Why must I endure this? What did I do?

His thoughts slowly evolved further and further into hate, but even that didn't last long. His thoughts became incredibly simple.

Someone, please, save me.

Just then, the door flew open and there stood Aya. She was angry, she had been waiting for Jaime to appear to talk to him, but grew more and more worried as time passed, she eventually pulled a man aside and asked where he was and he pointed to the classroom and simply said he's getting what he deserves. As she got closer she could hear the grunts of students and the impacts of fists and shoes.

He's being… beaten? No, the bullying has gone this far? What should I do? Oh I know, I'll save him, like a gallant knight, and maybe he'll forgive me for what I've done.

She threw open the door and the sight she saw horrified her; half a dozen people had all grouped around Jaime, kicking him as he lay unmoving in the fetal position. His eyes held a glimmer of hope that maybe, maybe she would stop them and maybe this hell would end.

"Stop!" she spoke, her words growing that hope inside of him. Making him think that maybe, just maybe she would go back to her old self. But her next words dashed that hope. "He's too dirty to be touched, let's just leave him be." His last ray of hope, his last glimmer that he had held onto over the last two and a half years of hell, vanished. It evaporated into thin air. It left, just as the people left this room at the behest of Aya, his hope left him because of Aya, closing the door behind her in the exact same way she closed the door to the room.

Aya once again clicked her tongue in annoyance, this time she was far angrier with herself. It's fine, today's Friday, we'll meet on the weekend. I can make everything right then. I'll get everyone to stop and we can be friends again, just like the past. She had these thoughts as she stepped out of the front door of the building, smiling slightly in her delusions.

All of a sudden she heard gasps around her, she looked up, and it seemed everyone was looking back at the four story school building she had just exited. There was a sudden scream, no in actuality it wasn't one scream it was many but the sounds all mixed together into one.

Thud.

A heavy thud impacted right behind her, on the sidewalk surrounding the school building. Aya tensed up, scared of whatever that may be.

Wh-what is it?

She questioned as she slowly turned, only to see the splattered body of Jaime on the ground. He had jumped from the roof of the building all the way to the solid concrete sidewalk below.

"J-Jaime?" She spoke as she fell to her knees with tears in her eyes.

What have I done?

The next events flew by quickly for Aya, almost as if she was in a trance. The next thing she knew she was sitting in a hospital room with her and Jaime's parents, all of them tear stricken as they looked at the boy unconscious on the bed.

He was alive, just barely, but whether or not he'd wake up was an entirely different story. Jaime's parents finally spoke after a long silence.

"Why? Just what made him do this? No, who made him do this? Honey, you saw the doctor's report, he was beaten up regularly at school, he had poorly healed bones and ribs all over his body, and even some fresh wounds from today. I-I have to know who." Jaime's mother spoke in between sobs, her desperation evident. His father didn't speak, he only pulled Jaime's mother into his chest and petted her hair slowly, comforting her. His eyes burned with rage and anger, only surpassed by sorrow and sadness. All of a sudden there was a knock on the door, and a girl walked in. It was the girl that Jaime had been friends with, the one that started Aya's jealousy, and the one who eventually turned against him herself.

"Who're you?" Jaime's father spoke with spite in his voice. He didn't even bother hiding it.

"I'm sorry for interrupting, but I figured this was something you needed to hear." She looked towards Aya, her eyes shining in resolve and guilt. Aya's own eyes widened.

No, no you can't! They'll hate me for it!

She inwardly pleaded but made no move on the outside. Perhaps she wanted to be hated.

"Um, I don't know how to say this nicely, but Jaime was bullied everyday, relentlessly, and by everyone. There was no one on his side, and no one who would stop them, he was harassed and beaten everyday, for the past two and a half years. Even I, who was his friend at first, participated. Everyone did." Her words shook Jaime and Aya's parent's to the core. After all, who wouldn't be shaken hearing that.

Jaime's mother was the first to speak. "T-that can't be true. After all, Aya is there. She's his friend right? How could he have no one? And he had me and his dad, why didn't he tell us?"

The girl closed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm sorry ma'am, but the one who started the bullying and led the pack was Aya herself."

Jaime's mother's gaze whipped to Aya's face desperately searching for any hint of it being false. "Sh-She's lying, right? You wouldn't, right?" Aya simply kept her gaze downwards, even her own parents looked away from her.

A loud slap rang out. Jaime's mother struck Aya across the cheek, a red mark in the shape of a handprint lingered behind. "Get out. All of you, out."

Aya raised her head and opened her mouth. "I'm so-"

"I SAID OUT! NOW!" Jaime's mother's shaking hand pointed towards the door. "No wonder he couldn't tell us, he didn't want to ruin our friendship with your parents, of course he wouldn't, he's always been kind like that." Jaime's mother began crying into her husband's chest once more.

Her husband, Jaime's dad, looked upwards at Aya's retreating figure. "Do not ever come near him again, or so help me god I will kill you myself." The anger and hate in his eyes only grew larger and larger the more he looked at her. All Aya could do was nod and leave. Her own parents didn't even talk to her for a few days, and when they finally began to talk again it was monotone, detached. It was what she deserved. The whole school was in uproar, as students began questioning why they bullied him in the first place, the guilt of their actions slowly unraveling them from the inside out. A week later school was back in session, but the atmosphere was far different. No one laughed or played, hardly anyone spoke, and everyone acted like Aya didn't exist.

After that week of internal turmoil, they had all arrived at the same conclusion. The only reason they bullied him was because of Aya, so to atone they would no longer interact with her. This went on for three weeks, as the attitude of the school slowly began to lighten again, but Aya was still left in the dark, ignored by all. And then, finally, he awoke. After a month-long coma, Jaime finally woke up.

His first sentence upon awaking was "Fuck, I'm still alive." Hearing her son speak, his mother quickly ran up to his bed and hugged him deeply.

"Don't say that, please don't say that. You're not alone, I'm here, dad's coming, we're here for you. Please don't say that." Tears poured down his mothers cheeks, forming a puddle on his chest where her head lay.

Right, how did I forget. My mother and my father, how sad they must have been. I really am a terrible son.

Tears trickled down Jaime's face as he embraced his mother weakly. He still hadn't recovered from the many broken bones and surgeries. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"That must be your father, I'll go let him in." His mother stood up and opened the door but instead of his father, in the doorway stood Aya, her gaze at the floor. "You! Why are you here, leave before I hit you again."

Aya dropped to the floor in response, slamming her head against the polished tile, "Please, I know it's my fault, I know I have no right but please let me apologize."

"You have some nerve." His mother's words were filled with vitriol.

"It's okay mother, why not wait outside for dad and let us have a little time alone." Jaime spoke with a resolute tone. Now that he wasn't going to die, he needed to confront Aya one last time. His mother bit her lower lip in thought before reluctantly agreeing. And leaving the room to just the two of them.

"So, what did you want to say, Aya."

She walked up to the side of the bed and hugged him tightly. He didn't have the strength to push her off.

"Please get off me, I just want to hear what you have to say, I'd appreciate it if you didn't touch me again."

She nodded and backed off sitting in the bedside chair with her head bowed.

"I'm really sorry for everything I did. All the rumors I spread, all the times I talked down on you, everything I did I'm really sorry. I know you probably won't believe me, but I'm telling the truth when I say I did those things because of my jealousy and my love towards you because I have been in love with you for a long time and seeing you with another girl made me lose my mind. I'm really truly sorry."

Jaime sighed. "So what. Am I supposed to forgive you? I can't, I don't know if I ever will be able to. You were my first love you know, if you had just asked I would have dated you in an instant, but now that first love has been torn to shreds by the very person I loved. Did you know how much of a hellish experience my highschool years were? Every single day I was abused, both physically and mentally, and yet I sucked it up because of that small hope that maybe, just maybe, you would return to your old self. All the way up until you stopped my beating purely because I was too dirty for touching."

"N-No, I didn-"

"It doesn't matter. You said it. You single handedly destroyed my life. The trauma I most likely have from this won't be easy to deal with, not to mention relearning how to even interact with people. It doesn't matter how sorry you are, I cannot forgive you, not now and maybe not ever. Now please leave, I hope we never meet again."

Tears streamed down Aya's face but she didn't argue or complain. She simply stood and nodded, before leaving. Shortly after his parent's entered, they each took one of his hands and said in unison. "Let's move, we'll go to a different city and get a fresh start and maybe, when you're ready, we can come back."

Jaime smiled, his first genuine smile in a long time. "That sounds nice."

– Ten Years Later –

Aya once again looked at the four story building in front of her. It had become a habit of hers, so that she wouldn't forget for even a single moment what she had done. She had grown up since then. Had her own happy and sad moments, but never once did she take a lover. She promised that, until he finally forgave her, she would never move on.

"This brings back terrible memories." A male voice spoke behind her, Aya spun around, shock evident on her face.

"Jaime." A slight smile appeared on the man's, Jaime's, face. Aya saw a woman and child shortly behind him.

Jaime saw her look at them and spoke. "Ah I suppose I should introduce you, Aya, this is my wife, baby, this is the girl I told you about, Aya. And this little girl is my daughter, her name's Ayane, after you."

Aya was taken aback. "After me, but why? After all I did, why would you?"

"Because," Jaime pulled her into a hug, "I forgive you. It took me a while but I did."

Aya grasped the edges of his shirt and wailed, truly crying for the first time in ten years.