11. I miss him

LARA'S POV

I'm sitting on the balcony of my room in Monaco looking out to the sea and with one of my hands on my abdomen. It had been a month and a half since I started working and two months since I had spoken to my husband, and even though I managed stress better, I'm still somewhat stressed about not knowing anything about Cameron, at least something the others didn't tell me.

During this time, I decided it was best to focus on managing stress as it wasn't good for either me or our child, but from what I could tell, Cam is doing great during this time, which I'm happy to hear, but it hurt me he won't let me help him.

After a while, I heard the sliding door to the terrace open, letting me know Eli entered and most likely want to tell me something, because she came in very quietly, and she only does that when she has something on her mind.

"Do you think we could go home?" I stop looking at the sea to start looking at her, because even though I missed being at home, with Cam and my family, I'm not sure I want to go back right now and I don't feel completely prepared to go back.

"I know you're thinking you're not ready, but you are, and Cameron is better, you saw it yourself." Maybe she showed me the video of Cam in rehab, and I know he's doing great in that area, what worried me is that he's angry with me for leaving.

"He's not angry." My best friend responded, "I said it out loud, right?" I asked even though I already knew the answer "You have, that's why I'm telling you. Cam understands why you left, but in case you decide to come home, you might want to go to your grandmother's house for a couple of days." She responded and I frowned. "I don't understand."

"Cam has to understand you won't always put up with all his tantrums and stupidity, and the only way to know if it's true he's getting better is for him to redo everything he did to be with you the first time." She replied, "Are you saying I have to let him do all the work he did in the first place when we both know he doesn't have to?"

"That's right." Eli nodded. "Why?" I asked "So he realizes that he won't always have you." She assured, "But he will." I assured, because I won't separate from Cameron for anything in the world. "And does Cam know that?" I asked "I want to assume so."

"Well, in this case we're not going to assume. Cam knows he overdid it those last few months, so at some point he's going to have to fix it." My best friend stated, "But I understand why everything bothered him." I said, thinking to myself, "Well, not me, and he better get his act together to get you back, because if not, I'll kill him."

"I don't…" I started, but she just smiled. "He doesn't have to get you back, I know, but let's let him think about it." I rolled my eyes and focused my gaze on the sea again. Eli's leg started to move, causing me to quickly focus my gaze on her again, because I didn't understand why she's nervous now.

"What are you not telling me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow for emphasis. "Have you told Cam you're pregnant?" She questioned, "No, not yet, but what does it have to do with...?" I began, "You could say it slipped my mind." Eli whispered and the size of my eyes increased. "Eli!"

"I know, I know. I didn't have to tell him, but it slipped out." she said quickly "And you expect me to listen to you when you tell me to let him conquer me again? He must be hating me right now." I protested, crossing my arms. "He's not doing it, you know what he thinks, your own sister tells you."

"What Bianca says has nothing to do with it, it doesn't mean he isn't hating me right now." I responded, "Well, I can assure you he's not doing it. He calls you every day for something." The British responded, "Maybe to ask for explanations of something that I shouldn't know from someone other than me?" I asked, irritated, "No, he calls you because he misses you and loves you, Lara. You know."

"I might know, but either way, I don't know if I'm ready to go back." I whispered, "What are you so afraid of?" I questioned, "That he stops improving or recover the way he did these weeks?" I admitted, "He won't stop getting better." My best friend assured "Why are you so sure?"

"I know Cam. It is true the last couple of months he hasn't been himself, but he realized that he could not continue like this and has been improving so you come home to him. I'm completely sure it will get better once he can see you and talk to you." She responded cheerfully "I don't know…" I started, because I really don't have the slightest idea what to do "Come on Lara, I know you miss everything from home."

"You miss Bianca, don't you?" I asked, "That has nothing to do with this at this moment." She said and I denied, because I knew it had everything to do with it. "It has a lot to do with it. If you want you can leave, you don't have to stay with me." I assured "But I want to do it. I'm not leaving without you, Lara."

"I know how to take care of myself. Plus, I have Sam, you know he doesn't let anything happen to me." I protested. "Would you answer the phone when it rings?" She asked and I shrugged. "Depends on who calls." I admitted, "Anyone who isn't Bianca or Cameron." she insisted "I would answer."

"Are you sure?" Elisabeth asked, raising an eyebrow. "Completely, although maybe I would think so about you." I said jokingly, "And you want me to leave like that?" She asked, bringing her hand to her chest. "Irony Eli, of course I would answer you." I assured, "I'm not so sure about it."

"Yes, I would, seriously. Better, why don't you go home and go to Bianca? I asked, settling into the seat. "Why am I supposed to ride next to her?" he questioned "One, you miss her, and two, you're ready to talk about where your relationship is going." I assured, "Do you think I'm ready?"

"You're no matter how hard it is for you to see it and I know Bianca regrets what she has done and she won't do it again." I assured, because I knew it was like that. "If you're so convinced, why don't you talk to her?" she asked "I talk to her, but let's just say it bothers me that she did it." I admitted "Me too and I talk to her."

"And just like you, I know what it feels like." I responded in a whisper "What are you talking about?" She asked, "A couple of years ago, I had a boyfriend who also had been with another girl." I said "And that's why it took you so long to agree to go out with Cam…" she practically assured, but I denied "It didn't take me long to accept, but it may be I didn't realize he had feelings for me from the beginning."

"Because you closed yourself off from believing in love." She assured "Basically." I responded with a shrug. "And is there anyone else besides me who knows that information?" She asked and I denied "Why?" she asked again "Because no one needs to know, or are you going to tell me you would like us to know?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Maybe not everyone, but I would tell someone."

"Well, I didn't need that." I assured "Okay, then I'll go, but don't take too long to come back or I'll come for you myself." She threatened. "I know." I said laughing, "I'm going to pack my suitcase. Are you absolutely sure you don't want to come home right now?" she asked once more "I'm sure." She sighed and after a couple more seconds, went into the house to pack his suitcase. When she finished, Eli came over to me and sat down looking towards the horizon.

"When is your flight leaving?" I asked. "In a couple of hours." She responded "Do you need a ride?" I asked "No, it's not necessary, you can stay on your precious balcony." Elisabeth said laughing "Ha ha." I imitated a laugh. "Don't you spend a lot of your time on the balcony?" She asked, raising her hands in the air. "So what?" I questioned, trying to understand what he was getting at. "Nothing, I was just saying, but I'm going to go away. Are you sure you don't want to come now?"

"Completely." I assured "Okay. Call me every day or I'll come for you, and take care of yourself, or I will come for you and take you home if necessary." She threatened "I will, don't worry." she got up, kissed me on the head and then left. I spent a little more time on the balcony and then went for a walk to stretch my legs. I'm walking along the shore when my cell phone started ringing. I look at who's calling me, and when I see it's Eric I don't hesitate to answer.

"Tell me I'm not interrupting anything important." He asked, "You're not. What do you need?" I asked curiously. "I know you wanted to clear your head and all, but do you think you could come to Monaco for a couple of days?" He questioned and now I frowned. "I could go, but why?" I asked even though I'm already here.

"We didn't find the optimal configuration for the car, and I think you're the best one to get in the car and find out what it is." He responded "Did you drive it?" I asked, surprised he's asking me, "I did it and I can't find it. You know it's hard for me in Monaco, and the race is in a couple of days." He admitted, "I can go, but I doubt I can get in the car."

"I'm sure you're dying to get in the car again." he said, laughing, and I laughed, because that's how it is. "And I do, but believe me, I doubt I'll be able to get on one. Just let me consult my doctor and I'll tell you." I said "Doctor? Is everything okay with you?" He asked in a worried tone and I laughed "It is, don't worry. I'll tell you as soon as I get there."

"Are you sure everything is okay?" He asked again. "It is, I promise." I assured "Okay. When will you arrive? This way I can go to the airport to get you." He said, "Well, however long it takes for the plane to get back to the airport." I responded, not remembering how much time it took more or less for the plane to arrive from home. "Don't you know how long it takes?" He asked confused. "I just don't remember right now." I admitted, thinking about calling Serena to see if she can call the doctor who recommended me here to make a place for me on her list, even though she would also call mine later.

"Alright. You let me know when you will arrive." He asked, "I'll do, bye, Eric." I hung up and the first thing I did was call Serena to send me the number of the doctor's office, but she said to call mine while I arranged everything with that doctor, which I ended up being grateful for and doing what she had told me.

After an hour on the phone with my doctor, I texted Eric to tell him to come pick me up in my hotel room and start looking for a way for Eric not to say anything to my sister, because the last thing I want was is she found out that all this time the deaf and mute girl was me.

A little over an hour later, I hear someone knocking at the door, so I take a breath of air and open the door, leaving me in sight of my best friend whose eyes widen. "Shit" was the only thing. What he said, probably looking for ways to deny what he was really seeing, "Come in and I'll explain it to you," I responded, moving aside so he could pass and a few seconds later.

Once I close the door, I can see my best friend pacing back and forth with his fingers intertwined in his hair. "What the fuck is going on here, Lara?" He asked confused, "Sit down," I asked, sitting in one of the armchairs and waiting for him to do the same.

"What's happening, Lara?" He asked again and I sighed. "Many things, but I guess right now what you want to know is why I'm here lying about who I really am," I responded, knowing that's the question he had, and something confirmed not much later. As my sister tells me, things between Cam and I are not good. The thing is, Eli and I had gone to Santorini so we could clear our minds with everything happening... but I couldn't stop thinking about what's happening, so I met with Serena to help me find a way that would allow me to work on something I could do and without anyone bothering me, much less the press," I admitted and Eric leaned back in the chair, intertwining his fingers.

"I understand the part where you had to pretend to be someone completely different for the press, we don't want Cam to think your relationship is on the edge of a cliff closer to falling than anything else, but what I don't understand is why you haven't said anything to your sister or me" he noted "I needed to have peace and for no one to bother me. Plus, if the press found out, I would be lost. That doesn't mean I don't trust you, it's just it's the best for me at that time." I assured, because I knew no one on the team would say anything if they knew I was really me and not Serena and Sam's niece.

"I can't believe it was you all this time. Why does Sam spend so much time with you?" He asked curiously "He's my babysitter. Since Serena couldn't be with me all the time and if Eli was there, you would start to suspect who I really was, Serena asked Sam to take care of me and give me everything I needed."

"I said it's strange that Sam spent time here because of his supposed interest in the team. He had never been interested enough to start now" he murmured and I denied, because it could be at first, he didn't care, but now he did. "He is telling the truth. Serena asked him because Sam planned to be at the grand prix for a long time."

"Come on Lara, Sam had never been interested in F1 to begin with now" my best friend protested, rolling his eyes "No, I had never been interested. I had bought the team because my wife loves F1 and then during the divorce I gave it to her for the simple reason I was angry with her. I knew I didn't have the slightest idea and I thought I would sell it since I didn't have the slightest idea how to wear it, but once again, she showed me she's capable of getting what she wants, and thanks to your friend here, I'm learning to appreciate and like it" said Sam with a big smile on her face and sitting in the armchair that was next to me.

"How did you get in?" Eric asked with a frown. "With a key," he said, showing the key card to the inside of the room. "Why do you have a key to Lara's room?" my best friend continued questioning "Because we sleep in the same room, and before you think anything strange, I do it because Lara always vomits at night and when she's extremely hungry, it's easier to be in the same room than in the other side of the hotel." He answered, shrugging his shoulders, but with the smile still on his face.

"Eric, Sam helped me throughout this time and is a good roommate. The only time he disappeared from the room is when Eli is here, and even then, he always brings me my cravings" I admitted, grateful that Sam is like that and helped me despite the early hours of the morning "Okay, I appreciate everything you did for my best friend, but now I would like to know what you're doing here," said Eric. "I came to ask my super friend if she would like something to eat or go for a walk."

"No, thanks Sam, but you can stay, we're going to talk about something you might like," I responded with a big smile on my face. "And what is it that I might like?" He asked curiously. "Let Eric tell you," I said, going to see the aforementioned. "We need to get Lara in the car to find out what the fuck is wrong with the car" he responded and this time he didn't seem to be so excited about the idea of me getting in the car. "Did you talk to Serena?" asked Serena's boyfriend. "I told Serena about the situation and she thinks before doing anything I have to make sure everything will be okay with the baby and me."

"Shit, I hadn't thought about that. You can't get in the car like that," said my best friend, beginning to search for options in his mind. "At the moment I need to talk to the doctor they recommended, but my doctor said there was no problem with a couple of laps." I responded, shrugging my shoulders. "Are you sure he said that?" Sam asked next to me and I couldn't help but laugh "Of course I'm sure Sam. You know my child is one of the things I love most in this world," I responded, knowing that he would remember all the conversations we had in those moments when we were both sleepless.

"I know, but do you think you can fix all the problems in just two laps?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "And that's why I want the simulator set up first. In it I can find out what's happening knowing there neither of us will take risks, I will suggest changes and then I will try them in those couple of laps I can do" I said with a big smile on my face "Tomorrow you will have the simulator as it is the car right now" he replied "Let it be this afternoon. In the end you just have to check the simulator is as the car is."

Eric frowned, not understanding what I'm talking about, which made me laugh as did Sam. "Do you think I was just walking around in the middle of everything doing nothing? How do you think Serena was suggesting some changes?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "I already said it reminded me of you," Eric said with a smile on his face and denying it. "Clearly. Sam, I feel like candy, could you go get me some?" I asked, turning to this "What happened to the ones I bought you this morning?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "I already finished them, could you go get some more?" I asked again and he laughed "Serena couldn't see candy in front of her when she was pregnant with Jackson, and yet you gobble them up like it was nothing."

"And now when she comes, she eats my candy," I pointed out. "You're right. The same as always?" He asked and I nodded. "I'll be there in about half an hour. Are you going to be here?" He asked, getting up from the couch. "I have no idea, but you have my location," I responded with a smile on my face. "Okay, see you in a bit Lara," he said, giving me a kiss on the temple that made me remember Cam, and even though I didn't feel the same as when my husband did it, it made me miss him. "Ask Serena when the doctor's appointment is, please," I asked and he nodded.

With that, Sam left the room, grabbing the phone and closing the door behind him, making sure it was locked from the outside. "What do you mean you share a location with him? What has happened in these months that I'm not understanding?" He asked, frowning, and I explained everything to him, including why I share my location with Serena, Sam, and Eli, which he hadn't liked at all even though I had only fainted from exhaustion and stress.

"Did you talk to Cam?" He asked after I told him how I had been doing during these months. "No," I admitted, looking away. "Do you ever plan to get back with him?" He asked and I frowned, trying to understand what he meant by that. "Why wouldn't I go back to him?" I asked "How did I see you so connected to Sam…" he started and I snorted, understanding where this was going "You thought I was cheating on my husband and with Sam? I said annoyed "I would never…" he started "Claro que non o dixeches, pero está claro que o suxeriches Eric (Of course you didn't say it, but it is clear you suggested it Eric)" I said, making a fist.

"Lara, don't be angry," my best friend asked, leaving his hand on my knee and I pushed it away. "How not to get angry. You just suggested I'm cheating on my husband and the love of my life with my boss's boyfriend! How do you expect me not to get angry?" I said trying to keep my tone down "I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure that wasn't the case. Cam wouldn't take it well if it were true," he said as an excuse, but that only made me angrier. "Not all of us cheat, Eric. And wouldn't Cam take it well? Come on, I have every right to do whatever the hell I want after how he treated me. Do I have to take that well?" I asked, getting up from the couch and going towards the windows.

"No, you don't have to, and that's not what I'm trying to say. Don't take anything I just said into account because it's not what I'm trying to say and I can't find the words to express myself. Excuse me." He asked and I took a deep breath before turning to see he didn't really mean any of that.

"Let's not talk anymore about my situation with Cam and it's better to call someone to check that out" I asked, going towards the room "Where are you going?" He asked in a worried tone, "Go to sleep. Call Serena so she can tell you where the simulator is," I said, practically kicking him out of the room, hoping he would leave me alone.

After an hour, Sam came to the room, giving me the bag of candy and just telling me to stop by the doctor's office since he would see us the moment we arrived. During the car ride we were in silence, until it parked in what I assume was where the doctor's office is, and just as I was going to get out of the car, Sam closes it, leaving us locked inside.

"What's wrong Lara?" He asked, settling into the seat. "What's supposed to happen?" I asked with a frown. "We both know you're angry about something, and I don't want you to leave the car angry," he assured and I snorted. "Eric just happens to think I'm cheating on my husband with you, that's what's happening." I said frustrated "But we both know that's not true" she pointed out "Of course I know! But he suggested I'm cheating on my husband," I exclaimed.

"Lara, that would never happen. I already cheated on Serena once and I know what it's like to be without her. I wouldn't let that happen again; I can assure you. Besides, I see you as if you were my daughter, and I wouldn't even sleep with my daughter dead, I can assure you that" he said with a laugh and a small smile appeared on my face "You're not that old" I pointed out "But I'm only one year old younger than your father would be. Of course, I could be your father, and this time with you have taught me things I never thought would interest me and you taught me what it is to love someone" he admitted and this time I laughed "I didn't teach you anything, you were already with Serena when we got to know each other more" I replied "But it's thanks to you I'm with her again. Your relationship with Cam taught me that."

"I miss him, Sam," I said after a few seconds of silence. "I know you miss him. How about we go see him once we're done here?" He asked, giving my hand a squeeze. "What if he's mad that I left him?" I questioned "He won't be, and if he is, leave him to me. I swear I'll get him on track and make him realize he's losing the woman of his life" he said seriously and I laughed "I'm exaggerating right?"

"Just a little bit, but we'll blame the hormones. The non-hormonal Lara would be more than sure her husband wouldn't be angry with her for leaving the situation you were in" he assured and I sighed knowing it's true "Okay, I would like to go home and see my husband" I admitted. and Sam's smile widened "I'll prepare everything once you get on the simulator" he responded and I nodded "Thank you" I thanked "Anything for my adopted daughter" he replied "Now let's go see the doctor, he must be waiting for us" he said, opening the car doors and once out of it, linking our arms and giving me a little squeeze in it assuring me everything would be okay.

After the doctor told me the same thing as my doctor, Sam and I went directly to the circuit where the simulator is waiting for me. I spent hours immersed in it. During those hours I also suggested some changes that could be good for the car and I hope would work, but I couldn't be entirely sure since it wasn't the same.

When I finished in the simulator, I went down to the pits and once I got to where the mechanics were, I could see how they were looking at me, confused, like everyone around the pit when they saw me. "Guys, I need you to do me a big favour." I said, and everyone's eyes increased their normal size by two. "Lara?" asked Carl "Indeed, but now isn't the time for distractions. Can you do me a favour?" I asked with a smile on my face "Whatever you want." One of them responded quickly, "Put the car together for me." I said with a big smile on my face, probably happier than I've been in the last few months. "Eric didn't say anything about you riding."

"I'm going to do it. How long will it take you?" I asked, "The car is assembled, we just have to maybe lower the seat a little and move the mirrors. If you want you can get on now for the mirror thing."

I left my phone on the car and got into it. When I told them they should lower the seat a little, I got out of the car and went to the break room to put on the overalls since, apparently, Sam and Serena had made sure my things were in my break room.