Conflicting realities

"I am in Kasla's class." My heart pounded as Lyra considered our little outing after school a date. I know it's presumptuous, but I couldn't deny it any longer. 

'Urghhh, why do I have to catch feelings? This must be a girl thing.' I already knew I liked Lyra before, but I thought I got rid of those feelings long ago. Yes, I adore her as a close friend and I now have a second chance. However, there was a sense of guilt that washed over me. 

It also made me retroactively feel shame for staying in the same bed as her. 

'THIS DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT AT ALL!!!' Once again, the issue of me becoming a girl arose. It really was just a me problem and I've started to see myself as one, but in the back of my head it haunts me. 

"Hmm, I think I am in the same class. Are you alright Saki? Your face is bright red." Lyra leant her face right in front of me, wondering what was wrong. 

"O-oh it's nothing, don't worry about it. Let's head to class." Nervously fidgeting, I had no valid excuse as to why my face was red. I wish there was an easy answer as to what to do with these feelings, since I might end up resetting again. 

'I can't imagine the pain that would come with that.' Imagining what could happen in the future there will most likely be a time when I want to start over and if it goes back to day 1, I don't know if I can handle doing everything again. 

It will be difficult to pretend that I haven't gone through everything. 

'Maybe its just the burden I have to carry for a happy future.' 

"If you say so, if you aren't feeling well, then let me know right away." Lyra didn't push further, but as she turned around, I swear I saw a smirk appear on her face. 

'Was she teasing me?' I didn't know how to feel, Lyra wasn't stupid so she probably already knew what I might be feeling. 

"I-I will." 

'I need a wall to bash my head against.'

'Why does the female Saki have to be so cute? It seems like she is already falling for my charm, which would make sense if it were the same Saki. He always fell instantly for any cute girl that talked to him.' Although it felt weird to hit on a best friend who used to be male, a part of me enjoyed it. 

Another bonus was that I knew what kind of person Saki was, so there was a very low chance she would betray me. Plus, she was the only commoner in the academy, so I knew she wasn't raised by snobs like the nobles. 

'I'll have to see how this cafe date goes, then it might not be a bad idea to ask her out. That way, I might be able to move out of my parents mansion and live with Saki. It will be a risk to my title, but at this point, I could care less.' 

Nothing stopped me from leaving already, but if I had a more established relationship, I could save myself from living in hotels and being constantly on the move.

I also knew everything that Saki liked, so I was confident I could easily crumble the walls that Saki likes to put up when anyone tries to get close. I did it before so I'm sure I can do it again and this time go even further. 

'Urgh, maybe its a curse that I know he used to be a guy.' I never liked guys, so it felt a little gross, but at the same time, Saki wouldn't know that so it isn't a problem, right? It was slightly awkward for me to see Saki in a romantic way. However, I'd be lying if I said that I never wished he was a girl. 

'Also a kitsune too... feels like this world is trying to tell me something.' I bit the bottom of my lip as kitsune were one of my favourite races in fantasy. 

'This feels almost evil... Well, my feelings are genuine and it isn't like she will ever know.' 

*

Once again, there wasn't much to this class, but this time with the addition of Lyra. It felt a whole lot more comfortable and I did every exercise with ease. I still seemed to catch the attention of Kasla, but that was what I wanted. I never got the chance to really explore what the deal was with her. 

'Now this just feels like some eroge game and I'm getting all the endings.' 

"Hey what colour was yours?" Conveniently Lyra and I were the first to finish so we had the chance to chat. 

"It was a golden yellow like my flames, sort of like the sun." Thankfully, I had calmed down and could put together a coherent sentence when talking to Lyra. 

"Cool, mine was blue, of course. However, it looked like space? I guess a way to describe it is astral blue. It was as if I were staring directly into the night sky." Lyra described what she saw and I couldn't help but notice how we were polar opposites. 

"I see, its like I am the sun and you are the moon. Kind of poetic, if you ask me." Although technically this isn't the case, it was fun to think of it that way.

"Kind of like Yin and Yang." Surprisingly, Lyra mentioned a concept I didn't think existed in this world, causing me to raise an eyebrow. 

"O-Ohh um, its a thing from a different culture, you probably don't know about it." Lyra noticed my reaction, thinking I had no idea what she was talking about. 

'It would make sense I wouldn't know about it, this world already shares religions almost exactly so it shouldn't be a surprise something like this also exists.' It wasn't outrageous, as there was Adam and Eve already, so assuming they use the same names for other cultures, then Yin and Yang can very much exist in this world. 

It might even be what Mana was initially thought to be in a different part of the world. It was actually kind of cool to think about. 

"Ah, okay, that makes sense. Felt like you just spoke a foreign language haha." Playing into the act of not knowing what she was talking about made me question again what is common knowledge in this world. I thought I was getting pretty close, but it seems there are still quite a few gaps that I have yet to realise. 

I knew it would take a while to fully grasp it, but there are still a few surprises. 

"It's from a whole different place that is quite far, so it isn't well known here. Anyway, I wonder what kind of team we would make in a dungeon." Lyra moved the conversation along and although she acted a little weird, I shrugged it off, not thinking much of it. 

"Well, I don't know how fire and ice will work together, but at least we will have each basis covered when it comes to enemy types." There was no way we could combine our magic as they cancel each other out, but that also meant whenever one of us lacked something, the other could cover it. 

"True, I have more defensive capabilities, while you are a lot more destructive." Lyra looked a bit disappointed but that's the reality of having conflicting elements. However, my colour did appear to be a rainbow at first, so maybe I have an aptitude for multiple elements. 

"Probably best to wait until we can actually have permission to enter the dungeon." I still barely had any idea what fighting with magic was like, so who knows? We might be more compatible than I thought. 

"That is at least a few months away. I can use my mana just fine, how about you? From the test, it seemed like you had good control." That's right, I held back during that test, but that was literally the only thing I could do. 

"Not much more than that. I can certainly try, but I haven't had the chance to really train." It didn't seem to hard to learn, as it heavily relies on your imagination. However, I still needed to practice shaping my fire and making it viable for combat. 

"I could always teach if you want." Lyra offered her services, which came as a surprise.

'This will be a great way to experiment, as I doubt I will be able to in the practical magic class.' By training with Lyra, it would give me a bit more freedom and be a good chance to practice working together if we manage to get into the dungeon. 

"If you are willing to teach me, then I have no reason to say no."