Deception

My cellphone flashed in beep. Someone sent me a text. I read it. 

'I know you're unavailable at this time but I really want to see you...' it said. 

Napabuntong hininga ako. It was from him. At the moment, tila nagtatalo ang utak ko to say yes or to say no. Napalingon ako sa orasan. It's 9 o'clock in the evening. Honestly, I am trying to cheer myself up para makatulog. I have a sadly disappointing day. 

My rightfully lover didn't came. He bailed on me on last minute. I was really hoping to see him today. I thought he will really make all the effort to see me now. We've not seen each other over a year. And this long distant relationship is making me doubt all my feelings for him. When he said he'll meet me after the holidays, I am really looking forward to that. I made all the preparations. I really wanted to weigh in kung ano na ba talaga ang feelings ko between the 2 guys. But he didn't showed up. He just sent me a lousy text that is too good to be true. Masama ang loob ko syempre. That I choose to shut myself the whole day. 

He knows that I am meeting my rightful lover today. Pinag-usapan na namin na we won't be seeing each other until. And he has no other option but to do so. I'm sure hindi pa niya alam na hindi ako sinipot ngayon. But I don't intend to let him known. Sadya lang siguro matigas ang ulo niya. 

Wala sana akong balak na sagutin pa ang message niya. Gusto kong mapag-isa. Yet, he sent another text.

'Please...'

Napapikit ako. Marupok na kung marupok. Hindi ko kayang pasayahin ang sarili ko ng mag-isa. Thus, I replied.

'Where are you?'

'In front of your house, parking lot.' mabilis niyang sagot.

Napatayo ako sa higaan. Mabilis na sumilip sa bintana. Parking lot is just a view from the window. Plus nasa second floor lang ang unit ko. I opened it wide and natanaw ko ang sasakyan niya. I saw him inside the car with window half open. I waved at him. And mustered to come up. Tumalima naman siya agad. I closed the window and sat at the sofa, waited for him expressionless. 

"Did you broke up already?" he said sarcastically as he comes in the door. "What? Nakipagbreak ka agad pagdating na pagdating niya that's why he left immediately? How savage you can be," he added teasingly. 

Napangiwi ako and rolled my eyes. "Like the overthinker you are. Excited ka sa part na yan? Well, I hate to burst your bubble but that dream of yours did not happen yet," sagot ko. 

He's grinning face wiped out. Napatuwid ng tayo. "So where is he?" He said like in an alarmed tone.

I smirk. "Wag ka mag-alala, he didn't came. He bailed on me. Like I am no longer the most important person in his life," I said. Honestly, I am trying to battle myself na sadyang importante lang ang kailangan niyang gawin that he did sacrifice for my time. But kahit anong pilit ko, hindi ko matanggap yun. Maybe because may isang tao ngayon na nasa harap ko na nagpaparamdam sakin na higit sa lahat ako pa rin dapat ang una. Yet, hindi ko pa yun maamin sa kaniya. 

He slowly walked towards me and sat beside me at the sofa. He spread his arms behind my back and pulled me towards his shoulders. 

"Hmmmm... You could've told me earlier. Eh di sana kanina pa ko andito. You didn't come to work today para lang asikasuhin siya yet he bailed on you. Alam mo bang miss na miss kita?" he said widely smiling. 

I smirk saka napailing. This little gesture of his made him win a lot of points in my heart. Kung hindi lang ito sealed ng iba baka totoong kami na. 

"Clingy much? Kung di ka ba naman makulit. Tsaka bakit ka ba nandito? You told me yesterday na this will be your time to be with your family and wife. That you'd weigh in kung ano talaga ang gusto mo. So bakit may pangungulit na namang nagaganap ngayon?" Ani ko. 

"Ikaw ang nag-utos sakin niyan kahapon not the way around. I have told you that I am trying to figure out how to divorce my wife without hurting my family but you told me to do that instead. And I have been honest with you. I can never love you both the same way at the same time that's why I am choosing you. Ikaw tong tanggi ng tanggi," he insists. 

As cruel as it is, this man was truly a heart breaker. It is also scary for me to accept him. Nagawa niyang magloko sa una he can do that to me as well. Thus, I remained to be his 2nd option lang. Para kahit magloko siya ng magloko hindi masyadong masakit sakin. 

"So bakit ka nga nandito?" I asked again. 

His expression straightened up. He reached for my hand and held it. Hinawakan niya ang promised ring namin ng boyfriend ko. Inikot-ikot yun saka tinanggal sa daliri ko. He looked at it and saw the engraved name on the back of the ring. Then he looked at me with a grinning smile again. Isinuot niya ulit yun sa daliri ko but this time hindi sa normal na palasingsingan kundi sa middle finger. 

"Keep this ring finger open. This is now my spot. I'm gonna put a ring on it," he said. I felt the sincerity but then natawa ako. 

"Why? Did you filed your divorce already?" Biro ko. 

Hindi siya ngumiti or tumawa. Bagkus, napabuntong hininga siya and looked up the ceiling tila nagpipigil na mapaluha. Napakunot noo ako. Something worst might have happened. Naalala ko yung text niya. It doesn't have sound but it was like pleading. I was so occupied with the thought na ako lang ang may pinagdadaanan not thinking kung bakit ito nakikiusap na makipagkita sakin ngayon. 

"W-what happened?" Ani ko in full of worries. 

He kept holding my hands as he speaks. "She was cheating on me," he said looking at me straight in the eyes. Natutop ko ang labi in shock. "I mean cheating on me, too. I saw him with another man sa mismong bahay namin. They we're kissing on the kitchen. Our youngest was there," he told the story in between deep breaths. Tila hinuhugot niya ang sarili na kumalma. Once in awhile I saw his jaw clenching. But he pushed hard to remain calm. 

Hindi ako nagsalita. Hindi ko naman alam ano ang sasabihin ko. I just let him speak. 

"I don't know kung sino ang naunang magloko samin but by the looks of it, parang matagal na sila. She thought I am going home late again. So they had dinner together," kwento niya. "Since hindi na ko nakakapgdinner sa bahay lately, hindi na ko hinahandaan ng pagkain sa bahay. I thought nasanayan na lang niya yun but what I saw earlier, it seemed that they have the usual routine," he added with an angry smile. 

"What did you do to them?" I asked. 

"Well, I punched the man in the face. But I hesitated to hurt her. My kids were there. I got out of the house instead and left them. She didn't even bother to run after me. I felt so stupid." 

He was smirking, grinning, shaking his head in anger. As if controlling the rage. I rubbed his back para mapakalma siya kahit papano. 

"All this time, inalala pa natin kung pano iiwasan na wag siyang masaktan. Yun pala, she was enjoying it so much na wala ako sa tabi niya. May iba na palang tumatabi. You know what angers me most? The fact na ako pala yung unang niloloko na hindi ko pa nalaman agad," he said this time a little intense. May diin ang bawat sinasabi niya. 

"So what it's gonna be now?" Sa totoo lang natatakot ako sa magiging desisyon niya. He has his reason now para hiwalayan ang asawa niya. For a thought, inisip kong para yun sakin. But then, ayokong maging rebound. The feelings that I am building up for him is baka magcrashed down kapag ginawa niya yun. 

Humarap siya sakin. Sinalubong ko ang tingin niya. He reached for my lips and kissed it softly and slowly. I respond. It took awhile bago niya pinakawalan yun. I heard his little sighs as he let loose. 

"I promised you na mamadaliin kong ayusin yung para sating dalawa. But, babe, I am asking you to wait a little longer," turan niya. 

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko in confusion.

"This will be a long battle for me. We have to keep our relationship as secret as possible as I free myself from this tied knot. Ayokong isipin ng kahit sino na dahil niloko ako ng asawa ko kaya I resorted to you. I will protect you in any way possible. Don't think that our relationship is something for me to get even. I loved you as you are not because I have been hurt by somebody else," he said with very clear sincerity. 

Napayakap ako sa kaniya. It was truly beautiful to hear. Gusto kong maiyak sa thoughtfulness niya sakin but it was not time for me to celebrate. Thus, I felt that somehow I am so happy to have this man in my life. Kahit hindi pa siya tuluyang akin. 

"Ano ba yan?!" Ani ko in between laugh and almost tears. "Ang pathetic ng lovelife natin. Sadya bang sabay nating maeexperience ang disappointment and heartbreak ngayong araw?" Sabi ko as I wipe some lite tears. 

Natawa siya. "Why are you in tears? Relate ka sa sitwasyon ko?" he said teasingly. 

"Loko-loko," hampas ko sa braso niya. "Pareho man kaming manloloko ng asawa mo, I still have the heart not to do it in front of our families. Kahit yun na lang respeto naman," Honestly, nainis din ako sa asawa niya. How can she be this evil para gawin niya sa lalaking pinangakuan niya ng habang buhay noon. 

"Well, she choose it that way. She lost my respect for her. Kahit yun na lang yung natitirang feelings ko sa kaniya. And also, I had to admit. Masakit ang maloko. Hindi kaya ng ego ko yun," sabi niya. "Kaya ikaw," he bopped my nose. "Pumili ka na, ako ba talaga or yang nakaukit na pangalan sa likod ng singsing mo?" 

Nahilot ko ang ulo ko. "Wag mo ko tanungin ngayon niyan. Alam mong masama loob ko sa kaniya ngayon magiging unbias ang sagot ko. But wag kang mag-alala, bilang 'tong plus points mo," aniko jokingly. 

To my surprise he pulled me up as if lifting me from my sit saka kinalong sa pagkakaupo niya. 

"Gusto kong samantalahin ang pagkakataon ko ngayon. I have to gain too many plus points," he said. As he showered me with kisses. But I have to push him. 

"Nagugutom ako. I haven't eaten all day sa sama ng loob. Nanood lang ako ng tiktok at netflix maghapon para pasayahin yung sarili ko. Let's eat na lang muna," lambing ko. 

"I am eating you now," he said insisting on kissing my neck. 

"Stop!" Pigil ko. "Wag ka makulit! As much as I want to eat you too, I am craving for ramen. Bumili tayong ramen diyan lang sa malapit," tumayo na ko. 

Tumingin lang siya sakin. Tila aapila pa. "Seriously?"

"Ayaw mo?" Banta ko. He pulled me back again. Wala talaga siyang balak tumayo. He took his phone. Searched something then dialed a number and ordered delivery. It took only 5mins. Call. 

"30-45mins daw. So we still have enough time for round one," sabi niya as he submerged his head on my neck. Natatawang nagapatiayon na lang ako.