hmm it’s been a while

As some of you may have noticed(if anyone reads this) this is when I air out my thoughts whether shower thoughts or just rants

I want to be a bartender one where I can trade drinks for stories.

I wish I could open up a bar where people can come have a drink and relax, have a cool basement with all the fancy stuff. It's my lifelong dream. I had an episode where I wanted to end it all and I would like to say I came out stronger out of it, scarred at best. Slight fear of heights to but it's okay now I crave a adrenaline like a junkie and getting high up does it just fine.

because of it, now I can place things into perspective.

Whether I take my life or give it my all for my dream matters not the choices taking me there are what matter. The people I influence are what matter.

I have no issue admitting I'm a coward.
I recently started dating a girl and say that things were not working out but instead of talking things out I started ghosting her(I know I should I apologize and set things straight but I'm afraid it's a bit too late)

I believe I should fix this awful trait but I have no clue where to start apart from just manning up
In other news.
I've been trying to work for my dream right now. I'm doing my military service which will help me get my schooling and start buying property. After my service is done I'll go to bartending school so I can get my license and go to university for my electrical engineering degree. From there it's only up if all things go well maybe date a couple of nice girls on the way up. Who knows maybe I'll make a name out of myself have a family to keep me going.

Cant forget about a dog I need a nice big dog.

I guess I could go back to my odd dreams instead of this bigotry but I'm not sure I'm not a very good writer and I do not enjoy writing as much as I do reading .
I have been learning German too about 200 words so far and it's a work in progress better than when I started Russian that language kicked my ass.

I will go back to dreams, talking about a couch I bought interest no one though I still wonder who would read this.