Chapter 2 - Hypocrisy is controversial

The next day awaited me.Darkness hid anxiously on such a beautiful day.Mixed emotions ran indecisively through my head - not knowing if I should be happy or sad.

Eventually, we got there and walked slowly just to slow down the outbursts of sadness hiding behind everyone's false smiles.Everyone's eyes were cloudy, showing symptoms of rainfall.No matter how slow we walked, time caught up to us.

There we were, standing before her grave whilst waiting for someone to break the silence. The rainfall had arrived, presenting itself as sorrow.I stood there frozen, as I questioned God's ways.God was a killer who always got away with murder.Not to mention how hypocritical he was - one of his commandments stated that killing is a forbidden act.It only left me to believe God was a sinner too.I looked up at the sky with anger being the topic of my facial expression.It was hard to accept that she's really gone to where she truly belonged. God was to thank her for that.

Knowing very well that she was a religious person, we invited prayers into our thoughts and mouths.My hands hugged each other to ensure that I held tight to his blessings.Could it be that I was a hypocrite too?We were drowning in the depths of prayers as well as that of sorrow too.It felt like this pain was too pure and could never be healed no matter the cost but maybe with your life.

Time did its thing and slowly faded once again, allowing us to head home.Every step I took were ones towards thoughts of her.She was still alive in my mind and heart, haunting me as if she was a ghost who blamed me for her life being taken away too quickly.I missed resting her small body in my hands as well as all the memories of her which lived in my mind.

As I took the next set of footsteps, something wondered within me.I felt the strength of my intestines being tested by spikes.I was forcefully coughing and crying because I tried to witness my own death.Little did I know that a fool was seen in me in the vision of those surroundings.My breath was elevated, and reached higher altitudes.I tried to descend it to the lowest altitude.Just before I died, I surrounded myself with different sets of prayers, hoping to be blessed with God's forgiveness.The same God I mocked.The same God that allowed me to be an atheist a while ago.