The abyss also gazes into you

"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he does not become a monster. When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you"

-Frederick Nietzsche

Three years later

The day of her 21st birthday was very different for Mishti. She had been attending the University of Columbia for the last three years; majoring in Fashion Design and loving every single minute of it. But she wasn't enjoying the whole college experience like it was meant to be enjoyed, because her family wouldn't allow her to stay in the dorms or attend any parties, except for the ones where Ananya or her brother accompany her.

Mishti had no idea where all of this was coming from, she had always been sheltered and her father was overprotective of her as compared to Pari. But ever since her eighteen birthday he had become worse, he treated her like a porcelain doll that could shatter into pieces any minute.

But today was going to be different. She was turning 21 and her father had allowed her to go with her friends to one of the hottest clubs in Mumbai, of course, Ansh was going too, but tonight she didn't care, because Veer would be there as well.

For the last few weeks something had been growing between them, it was as if he was finally realizing she was more than Ansh's little sister and was acting differently around her. She sometimes caught him staring at her for too long and it always managed to send thrills down her back, although they weren't anything like the shivers that ran through her body every time she remembered the handsome stranger from her party three years ago. Mishti was ashamed to admit that she had touched herself many nights to his memory. She had never seen him again or even knew his name but he had imprinted himself in her brain.

He wasn't here and Veer was, and she loved Veer, so tonight was the night Mishti Khanna was going to finally lose her virginity.

"Are you ready sunshine?" Ananya asked walking into Mishti's room wearing the hottest blue dress she had ever seen.

"You look amazing Anu"

"I know" the young girl answered and twirled around her room "you know who else looks fantastic? Veer"

"I bet he does" Mishti answered with a dreamy expression. She was sure that there was nothing in this world that could look bad on Veer Verma.

"Are you excited?"

Mishti nodded enthusiastically before brushing her hair once again. She decided to curl it and let it fall loosely around her shoulders, it made her look even more similar to Pari but she didn't care. It was her birthday and she wanted to make an effort.

"Tonight is going to be awesome Mishti" Ananya threw an arm around her "I see only good things in your future".

"How many times do I have to tell you you're not psychic Ananya" Mishti chuckled.

"Mock me, you'll see I'm right soon enough"

The girls left the room in a fit of giggles, earning a nasty glare from Pari, who was climbing the stairs, but for the first time Mishti didn't care, her sister could glare at her all she wanted. Ananya was right, only good things could be in her future.

They arrived at the Tryst nightclub and were led to a very VIP section of the place. Mishti felt important and grown up for the first time in her life.

She danced away with Ananya until she abandoned her to go and make out with her brother, leaving Mishti with the other college friends she had invited. The alcohol kept flowing and for the first time, Ansh turned a blind eye and let her do whatever she wanted.

The night was still in full swing when she let herself fall on one of the big white lounge sofas of the club. Her feet were killing her and she was more than a little bit dizzy, she wasn't a big drinker and had exceeded her limit tonight, something she would surely pay for in the morning.

Her mind instantly went back to the handsome brown-eyed stranger from her party. She could still remember the veins in his arms as he mixed her drink, the musky smell of his cologne, and his wonderful sex eyes. Because if there was something called sex eyes, he had them.

Mishti closed her eyes as she felt her nipples pebble and dampness appear between her legs at the mere thought of him; the way he had grazed her breast and had breathed her name. Maybe it was the alcohol in her veins but she couldn't help herself and she rubbed her legs together to try and release the ache between them.

"Are you okay?"

Veer's voice brought her back to reality and she opened her eyes to find him staring at her with a frown, a blush appeared on her face as she nodded at him, "Only a bit dizzy".

"You should take it slow," he said before sitting down next to her.

"I know"

He leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear, "Happy Birthday".

"Thank you" Mishti moved her face an inch closer until their noses were almost touching each other. Even though her mind had been consumed by the handsome stranger moments earlier, now she couldn't see anything but Veer's golden gaze, "I like you", she blurted out in a moment of complete disinhibition.

"I like you too" he smirked, before taking her lips in a kiss that escalated too quickly. His hands tangled in her hair, as his tongue went inside her mouth. Mishti moaned at the contact and moved so she was closer to his body, a heat was growing inside her and she needed someone to quench it but when his hand landed on her bare thighs and started creeping up her dress she stopped abruptly.

"I'm sorry," she said as she broke apart from him.

"It's okay" he touched her cheek softly "I got carried away".

"No, it's fine" she shook her head, "I just freaked out".

"It's all right Mishti" he smiled at her tenderly, "wait here I'll go get you some water"

She groaned and threw her head back as she watched him leave. Mishti had longed for this moment her entire life, then why had she stopped it like that? Why hadn't it felt right?

Even after they returned home, she kept cursing herself and Ananya was sleeping soundlessly next to her. She had wanted Veer her whole life, why did she had reacted that way?

That night, those brown eyes plagued Mishit's dreams.

Mishti woke up the next day with a severe hangover. The minute her eyelids opened, she felt the force of a thousand hammers on her temples, and she swore never to touch a single drop of alcohol ever again.

Ananya was no longer sleeping next to her so she guessed her friend had gone to find Ansh. Mishti still didn't know what to think of the relationship between those two, she knew Ananya was in love with Ansh, but he still saw other girls besides her and her friend was aware of that fact. But it was all way too complicated for Mishti to ponder over right now, especially when she felt like her head was being split open.

Luckily for her, there was a tray on her nightstand with toast, orange juice, coffee, and two ibuprofens next to a large glass of water, Mishti knew immediately that it was Ansh's doing and she whispered a little prayer for him. She didn't care about his manwhore ways, he still was the best, big brother ever. Mishti took the pills and drank the water greedily before attacking her breakfast.

Afterward, she took a much-needed shower to get rid of last night's funk and was sitting in her bathroom, brushing her hair when Pari burst in wearing the devilish smirk that Mishti hated so much, "Dad wants to see you".

"Me?".

Pari nodded as her fierce eyes pierced Mishti, "He sounded angry too, I wonder what the little princess did this time".

"I didn't do anything!" Mishti said defensively.

Pari shrugged and the smirk only grew on her face "Then go, don't keep him waiting" she said before abandoning the room.

Mishti put a hand on her chest and tried to steady her heart, had her father figured out what happened between her and Veer? No one else had seen them and she doubted he was going to go blabbing things to her father.

Pari was surely messing with her, her father probably wanted to tell her something about her birthday present and nothing more. Everything was going to be okay. Mishti tried to reassure herself as she walked out of her room and went in the direction of her father's office.

She stood in front of the closed, oak door and took a deep breath before knocking softly. "Come in", the clipped voice of her father answered. Something was off and Mishti felt an uneasy feeling travel through her body as she walked inside the office.

"Pari said you wanted to see me".

"Walk closer," he said and Mishti's eyes traveled to her mother. Her father was sitting behind his desk on his big cushioned, reclining black chair and her mother was on one of the two black chairs placed on the other side of the desk.

She had tears in her eyes and a chill ran down Mishit's spine, as she watched her.

"Daddy what is it?", the concern in her voice was something she wasn't able to hide.

"Mishti sits down we need to talk" his hard eyes stared at her like they never had before. Mishti had the feeling that she wasn't seeing her father right now but Ishaan Khanna, the mafia Don.

"Mom, why are you crying?" Mishti tore her eyes away from her father and walked closer to the petite form of her mother.

"Mauli can you please leave us alone?". Her mother nodded and got up without even looking at her, the only sign that she acknowledged her presence was the reassuring squeeze she gave her arm as she walked past her.

"Mom!" Mishti whispered as she watched her disappear behind the door, "Daddy what's going on?"

"I've kept you sheltered for so long Mishti, but this will have to come to an end today" Ishaan's voice faltered a little at his last sentence, as a distressed look crossed his face.

"What are you talking about?" Mishti asked with a frown as she looked at the seat her mother had left vacant.

"'Three years ago Mishti I got myself into some big problems… I'm not going to dwell on those, but there was a price on my head". Mishti gasped in horror at his words but he dismissed her concern with a wave of his hand, "The only reason I got out of it was because of the Chatterjees".

Mishti stared at him questioningly, she knew very little about the business her family was in but she had heard that name from time to time, either from her father's lips or Ansh's. She knew they were important but she had no idea what they had to do with her.

"You have no idea of the power that family holds…they had my back and we made a deal, I promised something in return and they have come to collect". He looked at her with something resembling pity and for the first time in her twenty-one years of life, Mishti felt actual fear slowly creeping in and crippling her.

"Daddy?", she whispered, "…what did you promise them?".

"You", he hung his head, unable to hold her stare.

Mishti gasped in utter and complete shock, "What?".

"Ronobir Chatterjee, the eldest son of Udayveer Chatterjee asked for your hand in marriage and I agreed".

"You what?".

"Don't make me repeat myself Mishti", Ishaan said with an edge in his voice.

Mishti huffed indignantly as she rose from the chair, "Dad this isn't the dark ages, we're in the twenty-first century, you can't agree to marry me to someone. You have no say in who I marry".

"In this case I do Mishti", he said harshly, as he banged his fist on the big mahogany desk.

"No you don't", she refuted as she paced back and forth in front of the desk.

"Don't you understand Mishti? Ronobir Chatterjee holds more power than anyone in this country", Ishaan stood up as well, "he is the head of all the Dons, the most powerful of them all".

"So what?" Mishti snorted petulantly, "I don't care if he's powerful, you can't ask me to marry some old guy just so you can get power".

"He's 32 Mishti, hardly an old guy," Ishaan said with a roll of his eyes, "this isn't just about power, it's about honor. About promises. We live by code and we respect that code, no matter what"

"Why can't Pari do it?" Mishti bit out as she stopped her pacing, "I'm sure she'll be thrilled to be a mafia queen" her words were dripping with disdain.

Ishaan chuckled, "Pari offered. Unlike you she knows the importance of this matter, but Ronobir wants you, not her".

Why me? Mishti wanted to ask but kept her mouth shut. What could be so special about her that this man wished for her? She wasn't sexy or bold, those were adjectives that belonged to her sister, every man always wanted her sister then why didn't this one? What made him want her?

Ishaan walked to her and held her by the shoulders, "And if you love your family you would do what I'm telling you to do".

"You can't ask me that" Mishti whispered.

His brown eyes, similar to hers bore into her, "I'm not asking you, I'm commanding it".

"I'm not a child; I'm 21 you can't order me around!", she released herself from his hold and walked back.

"Oh really? Who's paying your tuition, whose house is it that you live in? Who gives you money for all those things you like to buy". He was giving her condescending looks and Mishti hated it, her father had never looked at her that way.

"I don't want your money", she spat out.

He rolled his eyes, "Don't be ridiculous Mishti", he circled the desk once again and went back to his chair.

"If this is what it costs, then I don't want any of it".

"This is for your family".

"Family? My family would never ask me to do something like this".

His eyes softened as he looked at her, "Don't be naïve Mishti. You've always been my little girl, I've always wanted to protect you from the outside world but you must realize certain things, you must realize the world we live in".

"Of course I do, I'm not stupid".

"Then you must know everything comes with a price".

"And why do I have to pay this price?".

"Everyone in this family does sacrifices, not only you".

Mishti stayed in silence unable to articulate an answer. Her mind went back to the times she had heard her mother crying at night and had seen Ansh's bloodied face or the wounds no one wanted to talk about.

She looked at the floor, "I don't want to".

"Then you want us all killed?".

Her eyes watered as she raised them to stare at her father, the one man she had trusted her entire life with, "How can you say that?".

"Because that will happen if we don't conform with this. I made a deal with Ronobir Chatterjee, Mishti, and he will not be swayed, he is the boss of all bosses, we can't refuse him", her father's stance was no longer the one of an angry man, he looked defeated and pleading.

"You made a deal, not me!", she shouted as furious tears streamed down her face. The whole world was closing in on her and she felt like she was choking.

"You are to be his wife or we're all going to be six feet under in a matter of days".

"Don't say things like that" her voice wavered.

"It's the truth princess" her father whispered crushed, "you're right, I can't force you. But are you going to turn your back on your family?".

She stared at him for a few seconds, "Of course not", Mishti whispered before storming out of her father's office, sobbing as if her heart would break. She found Ansh and Veer on the way out but refused to stop even when he called out for her and made a move to grab her arm.

Yesterday Ananya had told her that she could only see good things in her future but she had been wrong. There was nothing but pain ahead of her, Veer had kissed her yesterday and now she was facing a future with another man, a man she didn't even know a single thing about.

Mishti had been born in a world full of crime and blood. And now it was her time to pay the price.

Her eyes were swollen and her jaw hurt from the continuous tears she had shed since the minute her father had spoken with her. Mishti was lying on her bed in the fetal position with her head buried in the pillow, as sobs kept wrecking her body. She thought that after three straight hours of non-stop crying her tears would dry up, but she was wrong, with every passing second, the fear and anxiety grew until she felt like she was choking, the walls closing in on her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

She heard a knock on the door and seconds later, Ananya walked in carrying a tray filled with chocolate mint cookies, "I thought you could use some of this".

Mishti eyed the tray and an involuntary smile formed on her lips, "Thank you", her voice was hoarse as she spoke.

"Ansh told me," Ananya said as she placed the tray on top of the bed and climbed on it, "he's as shocked as you are. the only one who knew about it was Pari".

"Of course", Mishti muttered remembering the beaming smile Pari had when she walked into her room, "the bitch".

"I'm so sorry Mishti", Ananya said sympathetically. Mishti nodded as she cleaned her nose with the sleeve of her shirt and sat cross-legged in front of her friend.

"Why is he doing this to me Ananya?", Mishti took a cookie and twirled it around in her hand, "I thought my dad loved me".

"He does Mishti", her friend reached out and placed her hand on her knee, squeezing it softly, "I honestly don't think he had a choice. Even though people don't tell us a single thing, we know about the world we live in; about the things our parents do. It's not fair and I don't like it but it's how it is Mishti".

"I hate it!".

"I know and I know you don't want to do this, I don't think your father wants it either but you'll do it anyway Mishti because you love your family", she said softly as Mishti nodded taking a bite of her cookie trying to contain the tears that threatened to fall again, "family always comes first in this world".

Ananya was right and Mishti knew it, no matter how many tantrums she threw or how many tears she cried, in the end, she was going to do what her father was asking because she loved her family with all of her heart and would do anything to save them.

"I asked Ansh about him. The Chatterjee own one of the biggest chains of restaurants in the country, they're originally from Italy", Mishti nodded at Ananya's words, 'restaurants' the façade for the disgusting world they lived in, "apparently they have power over pretty much everything".

"Go figure", Mishti muttered.

"And he's cute. I googled him", her friend told her, "want to see him?".

She went to retrieve her phone but Mishti stopped her, "I don't want to see him Ananya", she said harshly, "I don't care what he looks like. He wants to marry me… either way I'm going to make his life a living hell".

"Mishti!", Ananya moved closer and gripped her friend's knee tightly, "he's a Mob boss, not a regular guy, he's like your dad".

"So what?", she answered petulantly before taking another cookie from the tray.

"I heard that they call him The Ice Man".

"So I'm to marry an X-man?" she asked with a raised brow and Ananya gave her a chiding look.

"He said it's because he's cold and calloused" Ananya took a deep breath before continuing, "and because his eyes turn to ice when he's about to kill".

Mishti almost choked on the cookie she had been eating, "Why would you tell me that Ananya? Bappa!" There was a catch in her voice and Ananya almost felt sorry for telling her what she had.

"That's what they say!" Ananya said defensively "I don't even know if that's true but I want you to be careful. He's not a good man Mishti", she gave her a soft look "You're stubborn and feisty and while I love all of that about you, I don't want you to make your life harder than what is already going to be".

"Well, I hate him" Mishti dropped the rest of her cookie back on the tray, "I don't even know him and I already hate him" she spat out, venom dripping from her words.

"I know I'm so sorry Mishti" Ananya whispered as Mishti leaned forward and rested her head on her friend's lap.

"I don't want this Ananya" Mishti cried as her best friend caressed her hair softly.

Only a few hours ago she had been so deliriously happy, she had turned twenty-one and the boy she had loved all her life had kissed her for the first time, her future had looked so promising. Mishti hated the turn her life had taken in the last twenty-four hours; she hated her father and the world they lived in.

But most of all she hated Ronobir Chatterjee!