Awakening

Heaving a sigh of relief I stop groping the darkness for a moment and close my eyes. I almost fall asleep from the relief but I know I shouldn't do that so I struggle to maintain my awareness as I focus that awareness on the things in my hands. 5 different chips.

They vary in design as I run my fingers over them. I feel the bumps and dips of an intricate pattern inscribed on something that feels a lot like plastic and probably is. These bumps and dips create something that seems almost alien in its architecture yet I know that it's just the language of computers.

Once I feel each of the chips designs, each one filling me with immense relief. I slump over and do a victory dance in my mind. Even if I still have to hide here and even if I haven't made it home yet I just want to sit down and cry. I finally got my robot. I'm finally free of everything.

I once again go through my sort of routine of self-gratification for a while using it as a way to keep my mind off the fact that they are likely searching for me and keeping my mind and breathing quiet. This continues for several hours just patting myself on the back for a job well done and winding down the tension to keep myself quiet while I hide somewhere in the piles of junk.

Occasionally I would hear a junklad goon come by and try searching the nearby areas for me but I just tried my best to ignore them until they left. Sure enough most of the time they would just leave and those that stayed often didn't stay for long. Wherever I was clearly wasn't somewhere they searched often so I suppose I got lucky with where I ended up.

Eventually the searching in this area stopped entirely and I hadn't heard a junklad for a good while by now. I wasn't naive enough to believe they stopped searching for me entirely nor did I believe this was over but it was more likely they had more important places to search and with the leader gone more important things to do.

The only issue would be if they used capturing me as a way to keep the organisation coherent. That would mean I'd have quite a bit of difficulty coming back here in the future. I might need to move my home a bit further away from their base if that's the case but I guess I can think about that later.

That was my train of thought as I tried to once again grasp at the darkness around me to find an exit. By this point my eyes had recovered and the only reason I still couldn't see anything was because there was no light in here.

Even feline vision has it's limits. I can't see without any light only in low-light areas. So in this area where there's not even a little light coming in through the massive piles of metal I find myself reaching out in the darkness for some sort of path out.

It took me nearly an hour to actually find an exit as I stumbled through metal pathways and enclosed spaces. Oxygen wasn't a problem or anything since I know there are holes in the piles of junk but it was still a little frightening being stuck in what was essentially a metal coffin that entire time.

Eventually however I found my way out and at some point in the junkyard I didn't really know. Luckily I can just find my own scent and follow that back to where my home is. So I started tracking the weak smell I left behind at the places I visit often to try and find landmarks to make my way home.

This also took a while but was eventually completed and finally I found my way back to my home. I searched under the piles of junk next to my home feeling rather annoyed that I have to put it here. When my hand couldn't find it I got a little scared and put too much strength in the arm currently digging through the junk pile.

The pile ended up collapsing in on itself and I was incredibly panicked I hadn't found my door opener yet. Searching frantically as the mound collapsed around and nearly on top of my arm I started desperately searching the mound and finally got my hand on something cube-like just before I yanked my arm out and the pile collapsed where my arm used to be.

Still panicking I might've picked up the wrong device I look in my hand but found my familiar cube like object with a little button on it and sighed rather loudly in relief. Once that kerfuffle was over I opened the door to my home and went in before closing it again.

As I watched the metal all magnetise back into place as something of a door I could feel the tension drain from me until eventually the door was shut and I collapsed onto the floor. I ended up sitting on a few metal objects that really weren't comfortable but I didn't really care.

I was finally safe. I finally made it home. I started to shake like a leaf. Was it relief? Was it the natural human reaction to killing someone for the first time? Maybe it was just the anxiety catching up with me.

So why then? Why do I feel the need to dance? Why do I feel the need to get up this instant and celebrate? Why do I feel like I'm liberated? Like shackles that were once holding me back have shattered?

"More importantly" I whisper to myself. I turn my head towards one of the knives on the ground and look at it's blade. Absolutely pristine, I clean them often before going home. But the biggest question is.

"Why am I smiling?" I ask myself an excitement in my tone I can't quite hide. In the reflection on one of my daggers I see my own face. The face that looks back at me doesn't seem like the face of someone who's just now realising the weight of a human life.

The smile on her face is dazzling. Even to my eyes. She looks like she's just got her favourite toy and she can't wait to play. There's a hint of malice in that smile that makes me shiver. But I'm not scared of her. For some reason.

"I'm shivering in delight. This is going to be fun." I squeal like an overexcited child. Then as if it was the most natural thing in the world I once again start to laugh. I laugh all grown up. I truly have grown up. Just you watch old man.

My walk to the house is significantly faster than usual. That might have something to do with the fact that I skipped the whole way there with a little dancing on the way. It might also have something to do with the fact that I just feel like the world has so much more colour in it now. As though a world of greys has lit up and shone with possibility.

Because of this I occasionally waved to people as I passed by and thought about how I could make them kneel before me if I tried. Every time I waved to someone my smile would grow larger and my steps lighter.

By the time I made it home I was beaming like a child and I hopped through the door as I opened it. When I entered the room I realised that the old man was still home and even mother was up by this point. Apparently my little episode of realisation took me quite a bit longer than expected so dinner will be happening soon.

"Welcome back honey!" Mother called from her seat at the table where she sat drinking what I can't quite confirm is either tea or coffee across from the old man. Her beaming smile matched my own in intensity and looked shockingly similar. This might actually be the first time I noticed a similarity between myself and my mother. I guess there's a lot a new perspective can do for you.

"Hey mum" I replied with my own brand of cheeriness matching her own. Seeing that she raised an eyebrow but seemed to smile a little more when she saw me. She's always been a bit too happy for her own good but today I can see why. I wonder if I always inherited her nature and I just repressed it along with my own?

"You seem rather happy did something happen today dear?" She asks with a little tilt of the head. I should totally try that. It looks adorable to me now that I'm actually looking at it and I'll bet it could put someone under your thumb if you used it right.

"You can tell?" I sheepishly scratch my cheek and look away trying to match the cuteness my mother is exuding. How's this? I think to myself as I check her reaction out the corner of my eye. Sure enough she looks absolutely ecstatic, I can see the maternal instincts in her eyes practically bursting at the seams.

"Of course honey. I am YOUR mother after all." She smiles like she fulfilled a lifelong dream as she says those words. I'd bet she's wanted to say that one for a while.

"Look dear she's so happy it's infectious. Isn't that great?" Mother asks the man across the table from her. This time I don't get an instinct to drop my smile as I look in his direction. I'm in too good a mood to care about you old man. I think to myself turning my smile towards him.

The old man currently reading a newspaper and likely paying absolutely no attention to us suddenly looks up and at the beaming face of his wife in puzzlement before turning to the door. The moment he spots my smile however he almost leaps out of his chair and into a combat stance. As quickly as that happens however he relaxes and sits back down in his chair.

Sighing he speaks to me in a voice that makes it sound like he's still got a bit of fright left in him from my sudden apperance. "Don't scare me like that sweetheart. I didn't notice you come in." Even as he says those words it almost seems as though he's confused himself about something and has decided not to think about it.

I however just ignore his reaction and laugh it off. "Don't worry daddy. It's only me." I giggle with another sweet, sweet smile. For some reason though my sweet smile makes his face tense up. In fact, I'm fairly certain that all of his muscles just tensed up as though he was about to jump into a volatile combat situation.

"Oh my, we can't have you so tense dear. You need to relax when you're at home at least." coos my mother in a fawning tone before getting up having finished her drink of whatever bitter sludge she was drinking and walks up behind him.

She lays her little hands on his shoulders and starts to massage them back and forth with her masterful fingers. He flinches for a moment when her fingers touch him but when she starts massaging his shoulders he starts to relax and melt into his chair a serene look on his face.

"I guess I've been a bit tense recently. Thank you dear." He drawls out practically slurring his words as he continues to melt at the simplest movement of my mother's fingers.

"Hey, I'll help too." I pipe up thinking this one of the best opportunities I could think of. I swiftly come up behind the old man like I'm stalking my prey and wrap my fingers around the back of his neck. Hehe I wonder if I could snap it from here.

As that thought runs through my head however I feel a tremor through my hands and the old man suddenly tenses up again. Only to relax a moment later as mother's fingers do their magic and he melts into his chair once more.

I start to slowly rub the back of his neck trying to get rid of the tenseness in his muscles and occasionally squeezing a little too hard and imagining breaking it. Every time I do this the old man would freeze up or tense his muscles and then relax them once again a moment later as mother's magic fingers did their work.

I could only see it through the reflection on the table but every time after he tensed up he would get this utterly bewildered look on his face like he had no idea what was going on and he would occasionally shake his head as though to banish this feeling.

I thought it was hilarious and at one point I burst out laughing as he shook his head which caused both him and mother to look at me strangely. I ignored them though and kept laughing for a little bit before calming down. They asked me about it but I just brushed them off and that was the end of the conversation.