The man's reasons

After I was as certain as I could be that Mainframe wasn't actually going to say anything more I looked around the floor for a space where I could sit without landing on any weapons and got to thinking.

I'm fairly certain my earlier judgement is correct in the fact that she was probably telling the truth. It's hard to get a read on someone when they're sending their voice through an intermediary especially a robotic one but it's fair to say that logically speaking she wouldn't have any reason to lie to me.

Well she could think I'm gullable enough to believe her without testing anything and then I agree to have this chip so she can just control me but she didn't seem like she respected me that little. Plus if she wanted to trick someone like that I figure there are other more important and talented people she can do that to if her station is what I think it is.

All of this points to the idea that she is actually telling the truth and killing the old man is going to be nigh impossible without her help. The thought makes me scrunch up my face despite knowing that it isn't set in stone yet. I mean this robot could probably manage it if it got to pelt him with shots from a distance for a good half an hour or so but there's no way the old man would just sit there and let me pelt him.

Either way I have to test if what Mainframe said is true. Even if I believe her I still have to check for safety's sake. The question though is what do I do if she is telling the truth? If she's lying then I can just ignore her as she clearly doesn't respect my intelligence enough to treat me well if she were to have absolute control over me as her invention would allow.

Though really I don't have any proof about that either but if I went into what ifs like that then I'd be here for the rest of my natural lifespan and likely longer. So assuming the chip exists and she's telling the truth what do I do?

Do I accept her offer or do I attempt to find my own high grade weaponry. Either by purchasing it or making one. Assuming they are that high grade I wouldn't be able to find the parts in the junkyard and I doubt I'd be able to just look up the schematics for one so I guess I'd have to invent my own.

That would take a significant amount of time if I managed it at all. So that's a last resort. Another option would be purchasing one but I probably don't have the business acumen to acquire that much money in a short amount of time. Even if I was a talented businessman getting one off the ground would likely take considerable time and effort and I'm not sure my situation will stay stagnant long enough for me to do that.

So essentially I've got three options. Option one. I accept the deal and work under Mainframe. A considerable risk to my personal safety and likely to mean I have to follow someone's orders for as long as I live. In exchange however she is likely to give me a fairly good wage and outside of given missions, she is likely to give me enough freedom I don't feel like a bird in a cage.

Always assuming she doesn't just 'toss me in the mines' as she put it. I'm clearly not going to decide on this now so I get up and open the door to my home before heading back to the house. I can think about this on the way and changes in my situation can inform me of my judgement as well.

So while I walk the wasteland I think about option two. Option two is I abandon my lifelong dream of murdering the old man and his star-crossed then live out my existence as I am now. I'd be hiding my nature and likely have to suffer for the rest of my life but I'd never be in danger of dying. My life and personal freedom would be perfectly safe albeit not particularly fun.

Mainframe said there were other candidates so I imagine she wouldn't be particularly bothered if I turned her down which means doing so wouldn't make me any sort of powerful enemies. Essentially this is the most cautious option and the least likely to get me into mortal danger. Though I suppose there's still the chance the old man just murders me by accident one day.

I continue contemplating as I arrive at the grav-tube and hop in. Watching the scenery in front of me helps me sink into an almost zen state as I think about my predicament. The final option which is the best of both worlds. I wait and build up either money or parts and knowledge before using those to build the high grade shield draining item Mainframe talked about.

It would likely give me the safety of not being beholden to anyone since I wouldn't have to implant Mainframe's chip. It would also give me my life's goal of murdering them. The issue being that it would take forever to accomplish and even then it might not be possible. I suppose I could live out my life normally that way but I would be living a life with a sort of fake goal if that were to happen.

The goal of murdering the old man and his star-crossed would never really get accomplished and I would only use it as a way to motivate myself through the day's tribulations. A pitiful existence really but a stable and safe one.

Having contemplated all the options at this point I realise I'm at the plaza and do a quick hop and roll out of the grav-tube. As soon as I exit the faux vacuum of the grav-tube the noises of the plaza hit me full force and I do wince back a bit. It also halts my train of thought in place and snaps me out of my efficient contemplation.

The sound of people's feet hitting the ground, Gravity engines running and conversations are all around me and they are rather distracting after having been in essentially silence in the grav-tube. As such I walk through the plaza and towards my house in a bit of a daze trying to grab onto the little trains of thought that just exploded on the rail tracks.

Looking around and trying to find something to focus on I just see the bunker-like houses that the government gives out. Alongside a few unique houses that look like they did when the bunkers weren't a thing. They're just made of bricks stacked together and look a little like cupcakes. A few of them actually have windows in spaces that really give them the home-cottage vibe.

Obviously the people in those houses care more about style than functionality given that windows were taken out of house construction quite some time ago because of how unstable they made them. Nowadays if you want something similar to a natural light source you just use lightbulbs called artificial suns.

They're not actually as hot as a sun obviously but they can grow plants through photosynthesis and are just as bright as the exploding stars so people don't really care. I suppose my choice is similar to their own in a way. Do I want to have a fake goal? Do I want to complete my real goal at the cost of the rest of my life? Do I want to just ignore my own nature and live out a peaceful existence in this dump?

It's a matter of mental gymnastics honestly. Which is similar to aesthetics in a way. That or I'm just seeing parallels to my situation everywhere I look because of how much I'm trying to think about it. Either way it helped me get back on track.

So after some more deliberation and no real answer forthcoming I find myself at my bunker door once again. It's not scary like the time the old man got home. It's not insignificant like the time I came back from killing the junklad leader either. Right now it seems like it's my impasse.

Which path do I choose? Which door do I open? With no answer to those questions but nonetheless going inside or I'll just get nowhere I come face to face with my goals right in front of me. Well this is certainly one way to help me make my decision I guess. I thought to myself.

"So there you are!" The old man roared facing me from across the room. He was staring at the door even before I came in which means he either sensed I was coming beforehand or was already just waiting for me to come home.

Either way he didn't need to shout at me. Still I had a smile on my face. Though the rush from the other day was diminishing it was still present and I could use that to make my usual smile a genuine one.

I wasn't just smiling at the old man of course. Next to him was mother flapping her wings nervously behind her. Her smile was still there but it looked a little stiffer than usual. Yet she seemed only slightly nervous so I guess she thinks this isn't going to devolve into more training after the state I was in yesterday. How naive.

"Indeed here I am" I say sweetly as I close the door behind me. It's just polite and we wouldn't want the neighbours to call child services like mother did that one time. One call can be misconstrued as a prank or misinterpretation but multiple calls and they'll start doing some actual investigating.

"Did I not tell you to stay at home since it's dangerous out there!" He booms the vibrations from the sound once again shaking me down to the bones. He's really got a voice on him I'll give him that. That was the only thought that goes through my head at this moment because I know what comes next and I'm once again preparing for it.

"Yes you did" I say without any emotion behind my voice. It was still child-like as I try to keep it all the time but there was nothing behind the statement. I tried to keep my emotions unreadable and my face smiling the entire time.

Seeing me not even attempt to deny that I disobeyed him he just sighs and suddenly all the gusto leaves his body. I was expecting him to not stop shouting until fists were raised so my eyebrow moves itself a little.

Just enough to show through my smile but not enough that most people would be able to tell I was confused. The old man seemed to pick up on it though because he continued to explain. "After seeing you in the state you were in yesterday morning I think it's best we talk this out once and for all."

The supposedly unreadable expression on my face suddenly cracks as I stared at the old man in shock. What?! You want to talk things out now? This has been going on for 7 years and you finally want to talk about this now?! You insolent little…

My boiling rage however was quickly suppressed by his next statement and my usual calm returned. Because seeing my shocked expression the old man started to pour his heart out. "IT'S NOT LIKE I WANTED THIS!" His shout resounds throughout the room even louder than the previous ones and it actually hurts my ears a bit but I focus on that sense anyway since this is likely important.

Heaving a few deep breaths he continues to speak about this more than he ever has before. "This was supposed to be a way to change your nature. You're a monster. I never thought I'd say that about my sweet little angel but YOU… ARE…. A… MONSTER." He once again starts shouting at the end and it hurts my ears even more but I still continue to listen making sure my smile is back on my face.

"I thought if I showed you that you get paid back what you give out you'd change your ways. I didn't expect or really want you to become a soldier like me. I would've been proud if you did but I wouldn't want that for my little girl. But I at least wanted you to be an upstanding member of society. That's the job of a father after all. To instil the correct morals into their children to live by." His explanation is now far more calm. Rather it seems almost resigned. Like he's started and can't quite stop now.

"But no matter how many times I 'trained' you…" He put his fingers up in quotation marks around the trained part.

"you just wouldn't change. You would continue to tell me just to leave people behind for my own sake. So I would train you once again hoping to beat that habit out of you like I beat those kinds of morals out of my battalion. We get people like you all the time and we call them duds. But I've dealt with so many I treated you like just another dud in my battalion. Perhaps not the right reaction to have with my own daughter as I didn't set a very good example abusing my own little girl. Well that's hindsight but it's almost a conditioned response by this point to beat the morals into duds."

So he really does know that he's not just 'training' me. Honestly I did wonder if he even knew what he was doing. Turns out he didn't just know, he even knew why he was doing it. Yet he still continued. Does that make this better or worse?

"But seeing you in the state you were yesterday and having noticed the lack of change in the last few years. I've figured out that you clearly aren't a member of my battalion. Whether or not you're a dud is yet to be determined but you are my daughter not a soldier and thus far less used to the army's rigorous training. So I'm taking a different approach." He says before suddenly he gets down on his knees and makes his face level with my own. It is perhaps the first time we've truly been face to face in several years. Or at least, it's certainly the first time we've seen eye to eye in all of my recent memory.

Then with utmost sincerity lacing his face and voice he says "I'm sorry dear. I do hope you can forgive daddy for hurting you." His words freeze me in place. Is this what I want to hear? Is it just the push I needed to abandon my goal and live happily ever after? Or is this hypocritical nonsense the push I need to go over the edge.

Either way there's only one reply I can give. I look straight into his eyes and say "Don't worry daddy. LETS START FRESH!" With as cheerful a tone as I can muster. My head is a bit too clouded to tell if I actually sound cheerful but I'm too busy thinking to actually care. My mind is filled with possibilities and different routes to take.