Thirty-one: Mixed feelings

As soon as Lucas's lips leave his lover's, he gives a half-smile. The girl doesn't react, but she feels her heart racing, but for fear of getting hurt again, she says something she might regret:

-Please don't kiss me anymore-E goes into the house, without waiting for him to reply.

She rushes into her house, goes straight to her room and starts to cry, because she feels that she might be betraying her feelings, feeling something other than for her ex-boyfriend. Marina grabs her headset from the dresser and puts it on random mode.

The sound of Ed Shaared fills her ear, with nostalgic music that makes her want to reflect on her whole life, something she usually does all the time, and she realizes that she needs to forget about him for good and if she really likes Lucas, she needs to make this feeling surface, even if she has decided to leave when school is over, after all if he really loves her he will understand her and maybe one day, when she is older, they can try something else or maybe this feeling will disappear and she will find someone in the future.

She has no way of knowing what will happen to her and decides, after reflection, to let fate chart its own course, without her interfering, only if it is necessary to do so.

After meditating for some time, Marina gets out of bed, goes out onto the balcony and watches the stars. The sky is beautiful, all starry, and if she were one of those people who knew about constellations, she would be able to identify every type of star in the universe, but because she doesn't know anything about these things, she believes that there is a name for each one of them.

As she admired the sky more, she closed her eyes and thought about her biological parents, how they must be at this moment, probably at peace, because they were good people, but the good are not always saved.

Since she was a little girl, she had followed the Evangelical Church with her parents, but she used to be a bit rebellious and because she was the youngest, she ended up getting everything she asked for.

She recalled the day she insisted to her family that she wanted to go to Disneyland. If it were today, everything would be different, she was no longer that spoiled girl from before, dramatic perhaps, but she had learned a lot in her life, to value what she has, that running away from home to see her friends wasn't the right thing to do and, above all, to ignore her feelings for fear of getting hurt again.

Her heart was gradually being filled with a new feeling, with an arduous passion, but fear was getting to her and speaking louder and even though she tells herself she'll let it go, she feels like leaving her house, going to Lucas, telling him everything that's going on in her heart, the confusion of feelings, the sadness at having been hurt and hoping that he'll accept her with all her faults, even if she leaves in a short time, but love can also be kept at a distance, can't it? How many relationships like this last and even have a happy ending? Maybe not many of them manage to achieve happiness, but believing that it will happen is a good start.

Marina is so distracted that she doesn't notice until a few minutes later that her cell phone is ringing on the dresser. She snaps out of her reverie, walks over to the dresser and picks up her cell phone:

-"Hi, Dad, how's Mom?" he asked, his voice a little slurred, and for a moment he had forgotten that he was crying. Luckily Miguel didn't notice the tone of her voice.

-"She's fine, child. Your brother was born very healthy, even though he came prematurely, but thanks to the nourishment your mother has had during these months, he and your mother will be discharged at the end of tomorrow afternoon.

-What great news, Dad.

-When you least expect it, we'll be home again. By the way, are you all right? Is your voice a bit slurred on the call or is it just sleep?

She thinks about telling him the truth, but in order not to worry him, she decides to lie, saying she's just tired and ends the call after a few more conversations with her father.

According to her father, she will stay at the hospital, although she can't stay in the same room as his wife, as it's reserved for women only, and because Marina is a minor, she can't accompany her adoptive mother.

Lying back on her bed, she ponders what it will be like with the arrival of the baby in the family, if they will forget her, if they will treat her differently because she is not their legitimate daughter, but she knows that this is just fear wanting to take over her being and she does something that her heart really tells her to do, she sends a message to Lucas, not very long, but which says exactly how she feels and when she finishes, satisfied with what she has written, she sends the message and goes to sleep, wondering if he will answer her.

The girl woke up very early that morning. In fact, she was barely able to keep her eyes open because she was so anxious for Lucas to reply. So she reached out and grabbed her cell phone from the dresser, checking for the tenth time to see if there was a reply from him and, just like every other time, there was no answer.

She read the message again, thinking that perhaps saying it had scared him or made him think about what step to take in approaching her again with ulterior motives. She decided to read aloud everything she had typed to him, in the hope that maybe, even for a second, he had woken up early and read her thoughts, deciding once and for all to answer her, even if it was with an OK or something:

"Lucas, I know I was a bit rude to you yesterday and ran off after you kissed me, but I was in shock and afraid. Afraid of getting hurt by you again and shocked that I didn't expect that attitude from you. My heart races when I see you, my hands start ringing and a big smile breaks out on my face, but I'm leaving in a few weeks. I'm not asking you to wait for me, because I don't have that right, but I am asking you to try something, even if it's temporary, because the time I spent with you as a friend was good for me, your smile brightened my days and my heart, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to stay away from you when I go back to Sete Lagoas, but I do know one thing, that I like you and that our kiss yesterday was wonderful. As well as my heart being bruised and broken into several pieces, you somehow managed to put it back together, piece by piece, like a jigsaw puzzle. I'll be waiting for your reply, but please don't delay, because just as I love you, I can also make this feeling go away and maybe you'll never see me again. Have a good night. Kisses Marina."

She realized that perhaps she had overdone it with her words and been too honest with him, but the damage had already been done and there was nothing she could do but wait for him to reply. If it's a positive answer, well, she'll have a few more good moments before she leaves.

But if he doesn't respond well, she'll lose him as a friend and a person, but not forever, because one way or another, the past always comes back, even if it's just to remind us of what we did or just to give us a second chance to be happy with the one we love.

We don't all get this second chance, but often those who do don't know how to take advantage of it properly and think that life will give us another chance, when in fact what happened will only remain in the past, in our memories, and we'll probably end up regretting that we didn't fight to make it work instead of looking for a way to start again, to fix our mistakes.

Some people move on with their lives, letting the sadness pass with time. Others prefer to live in the dark, isolated from everything and everyone, thinking that this will somehow solve the problem. Marina chose to take risks, but also to run away from her problems for fear of not knowing how to face reality, because however much real life hurts, we never like to hear the truth. Sometimes we think that everything could be simpler, but how can it be if we don't make it easy either?

Marina spent the whole day lying in bed, thinking and waiting for his reply, but she got nothing, just a message from Miguel saying that they would be home soon and asking her to organize dinner or order something, as they were both very tired.

Without much choice, she decided to look up a recipe for homemade pizza on the internet. From the looks of it, it wasn't very difficult, but it required quite a few ingredients and, not having much time, she gave up on the idea and ordered a ham and cheese pizza and made herself a natural watermelon juice. Afterwards, she tidied up the house, sweeping and wiping it down, then lay down on the sofa and fell asleep until she heard the company ringing.

For a moment, she thought it was her mother with the baby, but was surprised to see who it was. It was Lucas with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in front of him. She cracked a big smile and before she could say a word, he pulled her by the arm and glued his lips to hers, making her melt all over, feeling her heart race, her hands ring and just as he was about to stop the kiss, Marina woke up to the doorbell ringing loudly.

She gets up from the sofa without understanding, but soon realizes that all that, the flowers, Lucas' kiss, was just a dream and when she answered the door it wasn't him but the pizza guy. His countenance even changed. The man, without understanding, just handed her the pizza. She gave him the money and he left without understanding a word.

Marina put the pizza on the table and went to her room to pick up her cell phone, which indicated that there was a message from Lucas, but fear spoke louder at that moment and she left it to read when she went to sleep, even though she was more anxious than anything for a reply, but she couldn't be too sad, because something in her heart told her that it wouldn't be good and she wanted to show Sandra that everything was fine with her, she put her cell phone aside and took only her camera with her to remember this day, the arrival of her new brother, and even if, after their moment of joy, Lucas' message isn't good, at least she'll have had a fun evening with someone who really loves her and cares about her well-being, even if she wants to go back to her home town.