8. On Her Own

Ayana thought about what was coming next. She wanted to take this next step with courage and love rather than fear and doubt. The path was hers to take, and she was going alone.

"Will I really be ready for this?" she asked Ignisia again.

"You were born ready, Ayana." Ignisia's response was firm and comforting.

The thought of trusting in herself filled Ayana with a deep sense of peace and security. She knew she was meant to take this journey; she could feel it in her being.

"Do I need to keep my clothes on?" Ayana asked hesitantly. "Can I… can I just be fully free?"

"You may wear whatever you like. For the sensation of feeling fully free, simply let go of all constraints. Clothes are useful in social situations, but they can restrict your energy from flowing through your astral body."

Ayana paused, giving herself time to consider. A voice from deep within her reassured her that this was the right decision and all would be well. She slowly started taking off her clothing one piece at a time until she was standing in complete freedom. It wasn't cold, but rather quite pleasant, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Ayana smiled, relieved by her complete surrender to trust. She realized that everything she needed was already inside her. She wanted to feel herself, sense herself, remember herself. This was her way of experiencing it more intensely.

It was time to say goodbye. "Not for long and not for real," Ignisia reassured. "We remain together in our hearts and through our telepathic connection. Call me whenever you need my guidance, and I will always be there for you. I am only ever a thought away."

Ayana whispered, "Goodbye, my dear. I… love you."

"I love you too, my light and my love."

Ayana's words seemed to bring the fire fairy butterfly to life as it began to spin around in an eight-shaped loop, illuminating the otherwise pitch-black surroundings one last time with her fiery wings, before she flew away. Ayana was left in complete darkness, feeling a sense of anticipation and puzzlement. She had been sent on this strange mission to travel through this part of the caves alone, and was not sure what to expect.

She continued her journey through the initiatory caves, cautiously, taking one step at a time. Ayana felt her strong connection to the surrounding walls, as if they were a part of her. The energies of the place moved through her astral body like a gentle melody. She was in harmony and at peace. For her, this was a place of bliss, an invitation to the unknown. It unleashed a sense of liberation within her soul that she never knew existed before.

As she began to feel more and more a part of the cave and its magic, she discovered that within her, doors had opened that she had never known existed. She found a deep connection, to herself, to Sanuela, to Ignisia, her family and her friends, with everything she knew and with everything she was.

She was never truly alone. Every soul she had ever known was right there with her, whenever she thought of them. It became true what Ignisia had said about projecting her inner worlds onto the black canvas. She was surrounded by an outside realm of her inside world.

Navigating around had become difficult. She could see an entrance to something right in front of her, and her hands reached out. When she felt only stones, she realised that the entrance was only projected from her higher-dimensional vision onto the blackness in front of her. She had to learn to live and navigate in two worlds at the same time: physically on Sanuela and through her visuals in some other planes. With practise, she learnt where the path through the mountain was going by feeling it with her inner senses. She just needed to remember to follow these more than the visual impressions.

It was fascinating to playfully explore these alternate worlds. Although it was warm in this part of the caves, she tried to project images of intention. Would it feel warmer if she imagined herself sitting beside a cosy fireplace? It worked almost immediately, and at one point she even felt as much heat as if she were in a sweat lodge. When she switched to images of cold, she felt a sudden shiver.

What made it really work for her was not to overthink it and get into too many imaginative details. Instead, she would simply give a slight intention and let the experience unfold. Then, she would submerge into another realm, just to see how effortless it would be to switch.

Sometimes, Ayana felt another presence around her; not from the physical realms, but much more ethereal. She came to the understanding that Ignisia was showing up now and then, even when she wasn't thinking of her. Ayana was able to sense her, although she wasn't physically there. It had a calming effect on her; she knew that she would always feel her close if she wanted to.

As Ayana slowly moved forward, many hours had passed. She slept and meditated, ate and drank. Her projected images were sometimes fading away and then coming back again, always showing new fragments of herself. She knew that she had to confront some memories of her past that were holding her back and weighing her down – the deep-seated regrets and guilt, as well as memories of wrongdoings that she had been trying to ignore for years. She knew that it was time to forgive herself for any wrongs she had done, no matter how large or small.

She pondered how frequently she lost trust in herself, how challenging it could be to believe in her abilities and skills. Ayana had to constantly remind herself that she was strong enough and that she could look back at her life with courage and honesty. She knew it was time to reconcile with the past and forgive herself for all the moments she had gone astray. But it was easier said than done.

She thought of her former lover and all the grief it brought her when they parted. Ayana felt like she had been shattered into a million pieces by his betrayal. Her heart had fluttered with rage and longing, like a caged bird desperately trying to escape. For months, her mind was a maelstrom of mixed emotions; anger, sadness and a still-burning flame of hope warring in her chest.

Now, quite literally in her darkest moments, she felt the pieces of her being coming back together, as she tried to forgive him for his role in the story. Ayana could feel the remorse bubbling up in her chest as she thought of all the errors both of them had made that had caused their relationship to crumble. She wanted to remain angry, but her heart knew it was wrong. She couldn't shake the feeling of regret that had been growing ever since he spoke the words that ended it all. Despite the arguments and disagreements they'd had, she urged herself to forgive him for leaving her and accept that it was the choices they had both made that got them here. In her heart, there was still that spark of love and acceptance that refused to be extinguished. It felt like the whole world had been broken apart, yet somehow she had to try to overcome her anger and accept him for who he was.

The next step was even harder. She thought of all the times she had hurt someone, intentional or not, and slowly confronted every feeling of guilt and regret she had buried deep inside her heart over the years. Her chest felt tight, and her throat constricted as she thought of all the negative energy that was holding her back. She realised she needed to make peace with these painful memories and learn to forgive herself if she ever wanted to be liberated.

She began constructing bridges between her fragmented self, peeling away layer upon layer of repressed traumas. She inhaled deeply, and as she exhaled, she watched as all her negative emotions and thoughts were slowly released from her body until nothing but a feeling of peace and liberation remained.

She focused on this sensation as it radiated from her heart outward, like a light filling every corner of her body with love and understanding. Ayana knew that this was what she had been seeking all along: inner peace and self-acceptance. She smiled, feeling lighter than ever before.

Finally, Ayana learned to let go. Everything. She released all the outdated strictures of societal norms. She let go of the hurt. Of all the old beliefs that had weighed on her like a heavy chain, dragging her down. She became nobody and in that, she became her truest, deepest Self.