Clinquant

Eyes are the mirrors of our souls, our thoughts, and our wishes. They portray a vision without our consciousness. Iris is said to enlarge when met with the eyes of the important person in the heart.

Dean and Roman stopped meeting each other's eyes. Dean couldn't bear to see Roman's soulless eyes. He would often glance at him while standing afar with makeup artists.

He notices the man's monotone, the disappearance of his smile, the gentle nod feeling rigged, the shoulders slumped, and the plaster on his leg. Even though the doctor advised him to rest for a month, he still wanted to come to work. Being an accountant, wasn't his job to stick to his laptop? Why does he need to visit the studio to talk with Liam? Couldn't he call and speak with the man?

Liam sighed, watching his friend slowly step toward the studio's exit while using the elbow crutch.

Each step was careful, steady, and calculative. A file clutch in Roman's free arm. He nods to the employees greeting him. His gaze focused on the shiny floor.

"Man! What is his problem? Liam knows why he chose to walk all the way here.

"Can't he just accept it?" He mumbled to himself, watching the makeup artist fixing Dean's makeup.

"Pick a berry off the mistletoe for every kiss that's given. When the berries have all gone, there's an end to kissing." Liam sang songs to himself, humming the tune as he worked. The staff laughed among themselves. However, they like Liam being carefree more than scary.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

Dean's eyes lingered on the exit without blinking; he wanted to talk with Roman. However, how can he when he understands the man will never let him stand near him? He heaves a sigh, looking down. He has to step back and respect Roman's wish, no matter how much it hurts him. He doesn't wish to name this feeling. Perhaps a few things are meant to end just as they started, out of nowhere.

Dean forced himself to smile. He steps into the camera zone. He has to continue living as though those happy memories, those days talking, hugging, wiping tears, and encouraging, never happened. He is perhaps back to square one. Yet, he doesn't feel the negative, self-loathing emotions anymore; could they have lessened?

He posed in front of the camera with a new set of perfumes. The company had been widely gossiped about, and production had increased drastically. Perhaps the latest perfume collections will be exported, too. Demand increased, and so did Dean's salary. He is now earning more than sufficient for himself and his family.

That could be why Dean found himself standing in front of the CEO's cabin.

"Excuse me, sir," Dean says, opening the door slightly and peeking inside.

The CEO looked up and smiled. "You may, Mr. Dean. Please have a seat." The CEO gestured for Dean to sit on the available chair.

Dean has never been to the CEO's cabin, nor has he ever seen him in person. Now, sitting in front of the company's owner makes him nervous.

The model crossed his fingers, wishing not to get fired from his job yet. He doesn't want to become a nomad again.

"Congratulations! Mr. Rayden." The CEO said, forwarding a file to the mentioned man. "You have been selected as our international ambassador. We are aiming to reach a global audience. With careful selection and agreement between the board of directors. We have come to this conclusion." The CEO leans back in his chair. "You can take your time and let us know."

Dean takes the file with trembling fingers, his grip tightening on the bone of the file as he reads through the conditions and terms.

"I should travel to different countries and stay there?" Dean asked with shocked eyes.

The CEO nodded with a smile. "This is a big opportunity, and the stay will be for a year. We'll provide you with all the facilities from home, food, and clothing. You don't need to worry about it."

Dean's breath hitched. He tightened his grip on the file, tenderly pushing himself up with cold blood running in his veins. He fisted the side of his chest. "I'll..."

The CEO understood the trouble of thoughts and nodded. "There is no hurry, no forcing. You will depart if you agree on the 2nd of January."

The CEO's words bombard Dean's mind with countless thoughts until his mind turns blank.

"Ok, sir."

Dean closed the door behind him and stepped through the corridor.

This is a big opportunity. Not many are blessed with such chances. For all the things that happened in the past, maybe his life was preparing him for this day. But why doesn't he feel happy? Should this make anyone feel delighted, over the moon, or something? Why does his heart fall into the depths of his chest? Why does it feel so heavy?

We often hear that whatever happens, it happens for a reason, for a lesson. What type of lesson is this moment teaching him? Perhaps, to choose himself over others?

But does he deserve this title of international ambassador? Is it too heavy for his inexperienced shoulders? Maybe he should drop it and decline the offer. The company deserves better than him. What does he have within the company that chose him? Perhaps they got confused.

Dean nods to himself. Just like a delivery can happen to his door even though it's ordered by his neighbor. Perhaps he should be returning the item to its owner, who is not him.

Dean was so into his thoughts that he didn't notice a person taking a right turn. Dean's foot stomps Roman's right foot.

Roman hissed, closing his eyes tightly. He raised his right foot for a second, giving all the pressure to his left foot. Alas! The pain sends an electric current to his spine, and goosebumps erupt on his skin. He pressed his lower lip between his teeth.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't see you. I—I was thinking, I don't know how it happened. I mean, it happened because of me. I always cause you trouble. I'm sorry." Dean rambles, hugging the file and bowing his head.

Roman forgets his pain and forwards his crunches to push himself towards the man.

He quickly held Dean's face with his free hand. "Hey, hey, shush."

A pair of teary eyes match with another concerned pair. A shaky breath left from Roman's soul.

"What happened? You can tell me anything," Roman whispered, trying to wipe Dean's eyes before the tears could fall.

The model's lips wobbled, and he clutched the file tightly, looking down.

Roman noticed the silence, whispering. "I'm completely fine. See, I'm standing fine. Don't worry."

Dean shook his head. He looks away and steps aside. "I'm fine, sir." Stuttering, moving away from Roman's gentle touch.

Dean walked past Roman. His every step took Roman's breath away too.

The steps paused, and Dean took a second, turning around. His eyes locked with Roman's.

#if only you could stay,

I will tell you everything.

I will listen to your silence,

Will you be by my side?#

Roman nods his head, raising his right arm.

Dean wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. He shook his head, avoiding gaze. He took a step back, another, and the next one turned his heels, and finally, he was out of Roman's sight.

#different paths in life,

But, there's none to reach,

To hold your hand,

Will you be by my side?#

Roman turns around, stepping closer to the CEO's cabin. His body moved forward; however, his soul was still present where he was.

The line that brought them together is increasing with each step they take away from one another.

Roman knocks on the CEO's door. Eyes glancing at the hallway for a second, the feet stepped inside, closing the door behind him. The CEO awaits a piece of news, which became very difficult to swallow.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

People chattering under glow lights. Some people are meeting for the first time by clinking champagne and wine glasses with a short conversation. Eyes lingering on every person walking through the door. There are bright smiles along with loud laughter.

In the crowd, a pair of eyes searched every individual. The white wine glass grasped between his fingers, yet time slipped past any grasp. The eyes skimming through the crowd locked with the clock hung on the high wall. Roman looked down, smiling at any person smiling at him. He couldn't find himself talking out of his mind even in the chatter.

When the eyes flickered towards the door one final time. Roman thought of leaving the venue early with an excuse for his injury. However, Dean stood at the door, right hand in his pocket. The Marron suite shines with a big, luxurious chandelier that is kept at the side just 5 inches from the polished floor.

His brown eyes found the pair of eyes watching him. Both of them avoided each other's gaze. Roman turns around as though keeping the glass on a table. Dean steps down the stairs with a small smile.

Liam clicks his glass with a spoon, gaining the attention of them and others.

"Our champion is here! This is a successful party and New Year's party, and let's say it's a good luck party for Dean, too!"

Dean's eyes find Roman's back with a bitter smile.

Probably this is for the best. The further I stay, the happier you will stay.

Roman's wide eyes flickered around as though searching for anything other than the clench of his heart to focus on. His throat clogged with ragged breath. He took a deep breath through his mouth and tried to calm himself.

He chose his happiness. I should support him.

The crowd erupts with happy cheers. Congratulations are showered on Dean, and the party roars with zeal. Ethan watches them with sad eyes. He feels a head leaning on his shoulder. Chris hugs his waist.

"I can't see them like this..." Ethan whispered, holding Chris's hand tightly.

"The universe conspires for you to meet the one meant for you," Chris whispered, gliding his fingers between Ethan's with a tender smile.

Ethan gave a gentle nod to his partner for the night. "They'll meet again, hopefully."

Roman pushed himself through the crowd. His every step was carefully taken with the help of the crutches. The grip tightens on it with every step closer to Dean.

Dean smiled and thanked every person congratulating him. His hands felt numb with every handshake.

"Congratulations!"

The model turns around to thank the individual. His fake smile disappeared with every flicker of his eye on Roman.

# Whatever is in my heart,

This is all yours.

If I say this from my beat,

Will you stay by my side?#

This moment perhaps stopped for both. None could from their place. All this while they avoided each other. Sometimes glancing at the other person with the curtain of eyelashes.

Roman sent carrot cake to the crew for discounts and asked Liam to schedule things according to Dean's schoolwork.

Dean asked his brother to keep the fruit juice, reminded him about the medicine, and asked him to take on more work and handle it while letting Roman rest.

Roman noticed Dean's silence. Perhaps he didn't do the right thing by walking up to the man avoiding him. "I—I just wanted to congratulate you," he quickly added, turning around with a heavy heart.

Dean parts his lips. Yet, not even a whisper could be heard in the crowd. His eyes could only follow the man walking away. He knows his feet shouldn't follow him. He should respect his silence.

Turning on his heels, the model's eyes locked with his brother's. Ethan glares at him, and he doesn't understand why he is doing so. Ethan shuffled through the crowd with furrowed eyebrows. He held Dean's hand, pulling his brother along with him.

"Br-Brother? What happened?"

Ethan forced a laugh. "What happened, you ask?" He pulled the man to a corner of the hall. "Nothing is happening; that's the biggest issue here."

Dean couldn't pinpoint what Ethan was talking about. He frowns deeply.

Ethan crossed his arms with a huff. "Why didn't you reply to sir?"

Dean's brown eyes widened with realization. "Uh, I was about to speak--"

Ethan nods, "Yeah, my brother who can speak non-stop on his favorite topic. But he cannot speak with his favorite person. Should I believe that?"

Dean gulps nothing. His eyes find the floral pattern on the floor beautiful.

"Don't keep quiet, Dean. What did Sir say to you on that day?"

Dean flickered his eyes over Roman, who was sitting in an available chair. His eyes were on the dance floor, where people forgot their existence and wished to live for the moment.

"Your eyes can find the one you are looking for. But your heart doesn't look; it knows everything," Ethan added.

"I'm scared..." Dean whispered, turning his attention to his elder brother. "I couldn't stay back to hear him asking me to leave. So, I did it on my own."

Ethan nodded, understanding the weight of Dean's words. Sometimes, taking that leap is the only way to truly find yourself," he replied softly, returning his gaze to the vibrant crowd swirling with laughter and joy.

Ethan closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. "But, are you stupid? Did you conclude everything on your own? You understood that sir would ask you to leave. You decided on his behalf and left. If you are this stupid, I think you got lucky to win the case."

He sighed, feeling the weight of Dean's fear settles heavily in the air between them. "Sometimes, it's better to take a risk and make a choice than to sit back and let others decide your fate," he countered, his voice steady, but his heart raced with uncertainty.

"Go, freaking talk with him and get over it. I can't see you or sir this way. You both have lots to talk about. Yet, nobody is making enough effort for it." Ethan frowns, holding Dean's arm while adding further. "You sure have no feelings for him, right?"

Ethan sighed to himself, watching Dean's shocked eyes. "What? Were you expecting I wouldn't know anything? You think I will repeat the same mistake?"

The elder brother paused, remembering the time that all the symptoms were present. His brother was losing himself, growing in the thorns of sadness, the grief in his eyes. "I cannot repeat it. I can't neglect it again," he whispered with a shaky gaze. He couldn't focus on anything.

Ethan furrowed his eyebrows and widened them with an idea. "Hey, Dee. Imagine I gave you 1100 money. Just imagine, okay?

Dean couldn't understand why the money was interrupting their conversation now. Nevertheless, he nodded. "Okay."

Ethan clears his throat. "Now, for some reason, you lost the 100; just think you lost."

Dean frowns, nodding. He watched his brother with curiosity.

"Now, will you use the 1000 I gave you earlier to get 100 back?"

Dean shook his head. "No, brother. I will tell you the truth instead of wasting so much money to gain 100."

Ethan smiled and patted Dean's shoulder. "That's what I mean: don't waste your current happiness on negative emotions. Face the problem and solve it."

Noticing Dean's silence, Ethan further added. "Look, I want you to take your time and make the right decision. The decision should solely focus on your happiness."

Dean nodded, "Okay, brother."

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

Roman smiled, watching his son make a face of awe. "Did you like it?"

[Wow, Papa. Everything is so pretty.]

Roman chuckled, turning the camera and showing the hall.

[Why didn't you take me with you?]

Roman turns the camera to himself. "It's for big people, dear."

Ayan jutted his lips, turning away with a huff. Roman saw his mom kissing Ayan's hair.

[Papa said he'll take us to the park, right?]

"Yes, we'll go tomorrow after I come back from work. Evening picnic."

[Okay! Tomorrow we'll go.]

Dean heard everything, standing a few feet away. He thought to speak to the man in the park tomorrow.

Ayan got a glimpse of Dean.

[Teacher?]

Roman swiftly turns around to see the man. However, he was out of sight. Narrowing his eyes, Roman peeks through the crowd.

[It never happened that Dean talked with Ayan, right?]

Roma asked, watching her son's eyes searching for the soul.

"No, Mom. Perhaps he—"

[How about you try explaining your thoughts to him? Won't it be better if you have a proper conversation with him?]

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

The evening breeze skimmed through Ayan's hair, forcing the father to tie the woolen cap and enclose his ears properly and tightly. A basketball was held in between the hand of the tiny boy. The boy dear to his grandparents is sitting on the bench, hugging their thick sweaters to themselves.

"Try to bounce the ball every second. You can't hug it for a long time." Roman explained to his son.

The 5-year-old has bright, shining eyes and is determined to learn it. "I'll be like Papa. I'll be the best bagket man."

The old couple laughed at the adorable mispronunciation.

"Yes, you will be. Unlike your dad, who gives up without trying his best." Neil said, getting a nudge from his wife. He watches his wife throwing a glare at him.

"Stop talking nonsense," Roma whispered, glancing at Roman. The man's gaze held a pair of uncertainty, as though he understood what his father was trying to point at.

Roma quickly smiled. "My son is the best, unlike you, who doesn't know how to cook properly."

Neil gasped loudly, hearing tiny giggles from his grandson. "You just didn't laugh at your grandfather, young man." He stood up in an attempt to catch him.

Ayan squeals, running and hiding behind his papa, holding his hand. He peeks from the side, watching his grandfather searching for me.

"Where did he go?" Neil talks loudly, peeking under the bench, turning stones, and going around the bushes.

Ayan held his mouth to hold his laughter. His big eyes locked with his papa's, and he swiftly placed a small finger on his lips. Roman followed the gesture with a smile.

Ayan looks around to find a better place to hide. His eyes fell on a shadow. The dark slither of a human getting bigger and bigger. The boy steps back with wide eyes. He held his father's pant, who was watching the boy with a loving gaze.

Roman frowns, noticing the fear in his eyes. His fractured leg does not allow him to duck down and hug the boy. He followed Ayan's gaze towards a shadow. His eyes narrowed, pushing his son behind him. He held the crutches tightly and stepped forward. Before, he could mutter a warning to the intruder. His voice caught in his throat along with his breath.

A figure became clear, which widened Ayan's smile, the fear seeping away from him.

"Teacher!" Ayan shouts, running towards the man and hugging his waist tightly.

"Teacher, I missed you," Ayan says, With a wide smile and shining eyes.

Dean takes Ayan in his arms, gaining a squeal from the boy.

The brown-eyed man scans Ayan's face, holding the boy's face gently. "I missed you too," placing a tender peck on his hair.

Ayan quickly hides his face in his palms. Dean chuckled, "Oh baby, are you still shy with your teacher, hmm?"

The old couple remained silent, watching the newcomer and their son. Then, they turned back to each other. "We have to do something," Neil whispered to Roma.

"But, they aren't four-year-old kids that we can push each other."

Dean didn't expect to see Roman's parents too. He felt too small and bad about himself. He has their daughter-in-law's heart. He was unable to tell them the truth either. For sure, they must be hating him.

What was I thinking by coming here? I ruined their happy time. I shouldn't have listened to my brother. I did the wrong thing. I--

"Hey," Roman whispered, pressing the base of the crunches, and pushing himself towards Dean. "Are you here by," Roman looks around, "coincidence?"

Dean quickly shook his head. "I wished to apologize properly."

Roma nudged Neil away. With a smile, she stepped towards Dean and said, "Ayan, how about we scare Grandpa before he catches us?"

Ayan made a thinking face by keeping his finger on his cheek and gently tapping it.

Ayan shook his head. "No, Grandma, I'll stay with Papa. Papa is hurt. Ayan will stay with Papa."

Roman ruffled Ayan's hair.

The boy smiled brightly and held the ball. He threw it on the ground, and it bounced up to the sky. The five-year-old giggles, running after the ball.

Roma smiled at Duo, where Dean was looking at the ground. She gestured for Roman to talk with her eyes. She felt satisfied when Roman blinked his eyes.

Dean fisted his palm, feeling the icy cool finger turning his palm colder. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm so—"

It was probably the warmth of the soul, perhaps the tender hug, or, most of all, the gentle heartbeat. Whatever it was, it took Dean's breath away.

The tender caresses on his arm, a chin resting on his hair. The warm breath suddenly calmed all his negative thoughts. The words that were ringing a while ago have dissipated into thin air.

"Why are you sorry? There's nothing you could do about it, right?" Dean breaks away from the hug, taking a step back.

"It... It all happened because--"

"Because of people's selfish thoughts. You were nowhere in the picture. You didn't know about Amelia either. How could you blame yourself?" Roman steps forward. "Don't you love yourself?"

Roman held Dean's face, pressing their foreheads together. "Do you hate me so much that you'll belittle yourself?"

Dean's shaky hand held Roan's fingers. He shook his head with a sniff. "I could never hate you."

Roma's thumb tilts Dean's face to meet his gaze. "Do you love torturing me?"

The sigh of relief washed away with cold water on his heart. He shivered while shaking his head.

"Avoiding me like the plague, not noticing my presence, watching me, and pretending not to know me. You think I don't know who asks your brother to worry about me?" Roman whispered, clenching his jaws while pushing himself away from Dean.

Dean looks away. "I thought I should just—"

"Thought? How could you think about leaving me without asking me? Doesn't my opinion matter here? If you thought to go away, why did you come into my life?"

Dean shook his head with a teary gaze. His eyes burning with pain, which is held back for a long time. "You don't understand," he whispered, his voice trembling. "I thought it would be easier for both of us if I just disappeared, but the truth is, I can't bear the thought of losing you." His words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken fear and longing. "I need you in my life," he added, a hint of desperation creeping into his tone as he took a step closer, hoping to bridge the emotional distance that had grown between them.

Dean stopped his steps with a frown. "But what if disappearing is the only way to protect us both?" he whispered, uncertainty lacing his voice as he grappled with his own feelings.

"Your accident, it happened because of me. Your wife..."

"Shush," Roman placed a finger on Dean's lips. "We can't keep living in the past; it's suffocating us. We need to find a way to move forward together." His eyes flickering with Dean's eyes. "Weren't you the one telling this?"

Dean's heart raced as he searched Roman's gaze for reassurance. "Yes, I did say that," he replied softly, his resolve wavering. "But how do we move forward when the shadows of our past still loom over us?"

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