Chapter 23- It was I who had once made her smile

"Get up, your slacking!" my coach yelled blowing onto the annoying whistle tied to his neck

It was Thursday past midnight. I felt seethed out. My mother had been a monster lately when it came to my motorbike training.

I didn't picture my life being the way it is right now. I'm losing the people close to me to keep up this facade of perfection. A life where cameras shine through every corner I pass as the normal citizens admire and idolise me. I no longer enjoyed signing photographs and felt like I were a shady individual who put out an inaccurate representation of who I was.

"It's past midnight, can we please end it for today? "I asked trying to stay awake," I have an exam tomorrow, it's as if you guys have forgotten that the ivy league school doesn't rest."

"Your mother said I am to not let you leave until you have mastered at least 4 new skills."

"I am not going to, I can't feel my body nor can I feel my hands or legs. It's cold, I'm hungry and stressed out can you please not make riding a agonising journey for me."

He sighed calling my mother who eventually for me allowed go home. Being pushed like this may leave me with no choice but to leave.

"I can't do this anymore, the career and school are not balancing as they use to."

"We'll cut down some of your tutorings."

"Then I'll lose my position…. You know what just. I'll bear with it."

Since Qadira left it has been hell for me. With the arrival of Zainul the masked teen, Zayd sitting on my head and Layla trying to woo me. I still may have my fame, good boy image and top place but at the cost, it came it did not feel worth it at all.

"We need to talk, "I said taking a seat at the kitchen table, "I can't live like this…"

"You knew what you were getting yourself into Zain, you asked for it and now are complaining about receiving it. "

I smiled picking up my backpack. I never thought that my mother of all people would refuse to understand and work through my issues with me. She was right though I had indeed asked for it, now that Qadira is no longer beside me all that I do feels 10 times more taunting. I rode to school stopping at the garage to fill up my tank and found Zayd and all his little followers having a pit stop as well. Qadira yelling at the back with that violent Erica girl. I tried to leave before they recognized me but Zayd had walked toward me patting me on the shoulder, "Good morning!" he yelled calling over his rats

I smiled pushing his hand of my shoulder,"Morning," I responded evading eye contact.

Qadira stood at the back enjoying a doughnut, watching the cars pass through the petrol station we were in. I don't know what hit me at that moment, but I had pushed Zayd to the side along with Erica and some other girl. I grabbed Qadira into my arms taking a whiff of her scent before letting go of her and returning to my vehicle. It was short but I desired one of her hugs more than anything. With everyone's jaw dropped I sensed frustration in Zayd's eyes. I avoided his gaze, paid for my petrol and left the station immediately.

My heart racing as I rode down the road, I arrived settling into the busy classroom and questioned my behaviour before fulfilling my duties. I often saw images of her in the classroom. She haunted me. Not only here but at home as well, I would miss her and see her pass through my front door with a bunch of sweet dishes to try out or hear her footsteps heading toward the room we always sat in fighting over math. I believe that these will drive me to absurdity one day.

"Why did you hug her,"Zayd said walking into my classroom

He was wearing a leather jacket and had his biker boots on

"What are you on about?" I asked standing

"Answer my question…"

"It's none of your business, I'm not in the mood for you."

He approached my table flipping it before leaving. Now, that had to be a fit of jealousy. I picked up my books along with the stationary that had fallen, unable to comprehend what had just happened someone had already posted the video. That was enough to start the little love triangle story going all over again.

I couldn't have prayed more than ever for privacy. My mother not happy about the hug told me that I needed to be more careful and that Qadira doesn't have a good reputation anymore.

"It's because of me that she doesn't have one! "I said banging my fists onto the kitchen counter, " If you had asked me how I wanted to deal with everything then maybe, maybe I wouldn't be stealing hugs from her in gas stations or stalking her in bus stations. Maybe I would be able to face her without feeling like a jerk and maybe just maybe would she help me and save me from crumbling because pretty soon… I might lose myself."

I stormed out of the kitchen and grabbed my bike keys and helmet leaving the house. I saw Qadira again at the school's track with Zayd. I wish I could blur the lines a little with the boundary she had set.

I rode toward them ignoring them. In no mood for a fight or disagreement but Qadira had approached me, and I had noticed that she was wearing the beautiful necklace I had gifted her.

"Your mother wanted me to tell you that you are to go home asap! " she said showing me the text messages

She then walked back toward Zain where they proceeded to snack and joke around while he rode through the track. Qadira had a bike now as well so after a while of laughing with Erica and her other friend she got on and joined Zayd on the track teasing him with her speed. They raced around happily… uneasy and unsure of what to do I left the track.

Boys cry to right… please say they do because my face was filled with plenty of tears. It was I who use to make her laugh like that. I sat at the city bridge with a beverage at hand trying not to get caught. It was dark so i hoped no one noticed me. I pulled out a packet of cigarettes lighting one and as I blew out my first cloud of smoke, I coughed a little but felt the weight of my world lessen a little.

This… I wonder who will be made into a scapegoat for this.