Chapter Hundred and Twenty

Finally, I had made up my mind, it was a very big decision but it was for the best. I stood and watched myself in the mirror, now that I had made this decision. I feel more alive, I was going to leave here, a place I felt so much suffocated. I couldn't continue to stay here without breaking down again, it reminded me of so much I wanted to forget. The smells, painting, and every place in this house reminded me of something I had wanted but couldn't get now. I just need to leave but any time I remembered that I was leaving Sunny behind my heart broke a thousand pieces.

I looked back at myself in the mirror with scissors in my hand, my hair was growing back and I have to do my work by cutting it back again. Immediately I remembered the way Andrew had always buried his face in my hair the sweet feeling it left behind and now it was nothing but a memory. My heart broke a thousand pieces again remembering that memory again, I raised the scissor to my hair without wanting to remember any of the sweet memories. I cut my hair and watched it fall to the ground, whatever would make me forget the past was what I want to do now. 

When I had my hair above my shoulder I stopped and dropped the scissors to the floor still feeling empty and numb, I just couldn't wait for the day I'll leave that would be the best solution to forget. I slide to the floor and wrapped my arm around my body to give it the comfort that I needed, this pain would eventually stop that's what I hope for if I stop remembering all good memory. I kept staring at my lean figure in the mirror, would I be a bad mum when I leave my daughter here but I can't stay either. I can't bear staying here anymore...

I walked down John's office the next day, I didn't know what his reaction would be if I finally told him what I have decided. I pulled the door to his office open and walked in, as usual, he was with Scott when I entered. Scott looked up at me and winked I smiled and ignored him a doer to take a seat opposite to John. "Is there any reason you cut it short? John asked leaning back in his seat. "Let's just say that I prefer to have it this way", I touched my hair and did my best to smile" Yoh don't have to do that fake smile on me, I know when genuine and not full of hidden worries.

"You know a lot" I smiled this time not forcing myself into it. "Let's say when you're old enough some knowledge would come naturally to you" "Okay, I muttered, " Like me"  I heard Scott say ", You, not half his age" I teased and watched him frown his face. "That's not fair and I promise to get back to you, excuse me" he winked again before leaving, I chuckled as I watched him leave. "So tell me why the sad face and troubled mind. "I had decided what I want".he raised his eyebrow at me and gestured me to continue speaking. " I have decided to leave, I think it's a best decision to start afresh," I said

I watched his face lit up in a smile "That's good", he grinned and watched me for a while. "If that is what you decide to do, that's fine" I nodded and stood to leave. "Becca, he called and I turned  "You leaving by the end of the month", I smiled and whispered thanks to him before walking out of the office. I wondered what I would be giving to my daughter on her birthday, I wanted to surprise her this last time that I'll be spending with her. I wanted to make it a special birthday party for her, I just want her to remember me anything she's thinking of her birthday. I total love that Tara would overdo things just to get my daughter on her side but I don't mind as far as Sunny would be happy for me.

And whenever I come back I would be taking my daughter back with me then, I'm going to pay them back fairly just the way they truly deserve. I walked back to my office before a junior worker came to inform me about a meeting, this life was going to take me away from the life that I have wanted to live and build but at least it was going to make me forget a lot of the painful memory that I couldn't achieve. I sign and headed for the conference meeting where buyers who I wanted to sell Sam's company are already waiting. I have no use if what he has but I was going to make him cry when he finds out that I had sold it to one of his enemies.

He was going to pay dearly, I would make him feel the pain that I felt this whole time, he was getting what he truly deserves. I was going to send him the video or let him find out on his own, it depends. I laughed remembering his last mad expression. " I'm never going to back down in tormenting you live Sam, like I said this is just the beginning of your suffering and my revenge on you" I walked into the toom and watched the smile on her both men face, they should be very happy when they were about to get what they had wanted for long. 

Scott who was present in the room walked up to me. "Do you really want to do this? He whispered to me. " More than ever" How about getting a profit from them yearly when you sell", I smiled at the Idea. "Sounds interesting...

I came home later at night and sat by the fireplace with all the pictures I have taken in years with Andrew, it was time I get rid of them all. I took them out one after the other remembering all the memories that associated them with it but knowing that the simple life that I wanted wasn't achieved. There was a picture we took at the Ice cream shop and another one at the zoo. There were a lot of pictures of Andrew, I stare at the lips remembering his sweet the taste was, that smile had started to mean the world to me. I didn't waste my time staring more at it because it just reminded me of the throbbing pain and how Sunny absence has created a hole in my life and also in my relationship. 

How could ever love again after the hurts and pain or go about smiling as if everything was okay and good? I couldn't do it, I couldn't continue to live that happy when my real happiness had been taken away from me. I burned down every picture of him and left only one we took together, I should have burnt it but I couldn't understand my feelings, why I left it. I stare at it for a while before stuffing it away and grabbing a bottle of wine to drink, I think this would help for the night.

I carried the bottle of wine to Sunny's room, it was still the sparkly clean just way she left it. I had made sure to clean the room often, I missed my daughter so much. I missed reading bedtime stories, cooking for her, I missed my daughter's voice her laughter. I looked at the pink clock on her bed it was still 7 pm maybe she's still awake, I just want to hear her voice again. I picked up my cellphone and dialed the house number, I listen to it ring a few times waiting for it to pick up. 

" Hello, Tara's voice rang through the receiver "Who is this? She asked. "This is Becca and I want to speak with my daughter". "It is late, you know that," She said in a cruel voice and I tried my best not to hide the anger in my voice. "And she is my daughter, you know that? Their was silent for a few minutes before I heard her calling Sunny over. "Good evening mum" Just hearing her voice brought tears to my eyes. "How are you doing baby? " I'm fine mum, I'm okay". "I'm so happy to hear that, I wanted to hear your voice before you go to bed, what are you doing? " Umm, I'm watching carton, it's a new series" "It's the late baby you should be getting ready for bed"

"But I'm not sleepy and aunt Tara said that it's okay". " And your mum is telling you to get ready for bed, you can watch as much as you want tomorrow without anyone bothering you",  "okay mum" she replied, "Promise me, baby". " I promise, mum,  Sunny called "Yes, baby". "I missed uncle Andrew so much will he come to my birthday I swallowed hard and the pain came back. "Your uncle is not in the city now but I'm sure he'll send you a wonderful gift". ", Really?  "Yes, of course, you should go to bed okay, I come to visit soon, did you hear?  " Yes mum, bye.

The phone disconnected and I let the tears in my eyes slip, I was happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because I had heard my daughter sweet voice and sad because I have deprived Andrew of her, what sort of mother am I, I wish I might speak with her all night. I stood up and walked by the window side where I drinks and let my emotions bare. I'm going to find a way to be happy even if it is by punishing my enemies.

I fell asleep in Sunny's room, It still have my daughter's candy scent. It was the only way not to drive myself crazy by missing her. If I was missing her so badly now, how will I feel when I travel without seeing her for months and years will I be able to stay without my daughter, without my real happiness. I sigh, Even in my sleep, I was troubled with these thoughts, I have to leave here but without my daughter. I wish the year would have stood still when I was still with my daughter, If I had known I would leave before Sam knocked on my door that very day. But now there wasn't time to regret and wish for, I just have to pay back what was done to me.

The next day, I didn't bother cooking or arranging the house, I have to look for the best gift to give it my daughter, and that is what matters now. Just the only thing to make my daughter happy, first her godmother would really want to pick out things for her. Even though I had distanced myself from everybody it was very hard to distance myself from Emily. I picked out a lot of things, things that my daughter would love and cherish I couldn't wait to see the joy on her face. Just as I was about to turn I bumped into someone "You should always look where you're going"  "Sam! " Are you that surprised to see me

"I don't have time for the likes of you" I tried to walk away but I felt his strong grip on me. "Not so fast Becca" "I think it's better to let go of you'll be ready to lose more funds and companies," a voice said behind us, I looked up to see Scott behind him with a gun pointed at his head "I wouldn't mind shooting you know that enemy... " I think you better listen to him Samuel! or else you'll like to spend some weeks in the hospital" Sam glared at me in anger. "Let go now!