Chapter 161: What I have with me, is me!

  "Why are you saying all of this to me,  your mother."

  "Which makes it worst! I can't do nothing to you at the moment. The last thing I want from you or anyone is your silly and fake sympathy. Just leave Mom, you are not making me feel any better!"

  "Jordan, I promise you that will find her and your sons. I promise you that."

  "Just get out Mom, you're not helping can't you see?" I yelled out "Leave me alone!!!"

I threw the mug to the ground as it broke into pieces, I threw the lamp at the large mirror, I pushed everything item on the dresser to he grounded as well. I dragged the sheets and pillows to the ground, grieving in pain. Mother was startled, she closed her mouth with her hands not to scream.

  "Go! Y'all should let me be, go away!" I yell throwing the other lamp towards her direction then she exited hastily.

I was devastated sitting on the ground beside the bed holding my forehead, sobbing silently. Crying over Gia had become a part of me somehow but I wouldn't let it last, I assured myself but for how long? 

I switched off my Phone regardless of the meetings and appointments I had.

Minutes on,

Someone walked in while I was drinking myself up.

  "Holy Molly!" Was the first thing I heard from a familiar feminine voice then I looked up.

  "Why are you here? You're actually the devil behind everything, how many times do I have to tell you?" I blurted out angrily as Nessa knelt beside me then attempted to hold my arm. "Let go!" I yelled as she used her both hands to close her ears. "Leave already! I didn't ask for your pity"

  "This is not cool Jordan, i know you to be crazy but this is crazier than I thought! What has come over you?"

She asked, maybe she has no idea what has happened.

  "Go!" I yelled again but she insisted on staying, she placed my chest regardless of my scream, she held me tightly that I gave up the fight. What's the point, I was emotionally and physically worn out. We were silent for minutes, I was somber and silent.

  "I don't know how to start but all of these isn't it!" She began calmly "That's exactly what people do, they come and go like you've never cared for them. When my fiance left me on the aisle, I felt like my world had crumbling. He promised me the finest things of life every damn day of my life, he texts and calls me every morning and night to remind me of the love he's got for me. He engaged me while I was at work during a live session, he made me feel special. On the day of our wedding, he professed his love for me that morning, get snuck into my room like teenagers do. We exchanged kisses like we were missing something, he smiled at me while I walked down the aisle, his smile assured me of everything you could think of. He held my hands in his and kissed my knuckles, the priest began with the vows....he was still smiling at me, sending butterflies down my spine. When it was his turn to make his vows, he looked me in the eye and said he couldn't do it. He told me that he's never loved me Jordan, he left me clueless. Distraught. Devastated. I felt the world caving in, then I wondered if he's ever loved me despite the smiles, sex, kisses, hugs, romantic texts, expensive gifts and many more. He showered me the finest things but having him was an impossible mission for me, he left and never came back even when I'd stare at my phone, waiting on his text or call or apology.

He ruined my life into the tiniest pieces. He took everything I could ever share with man, he never ever returned." She narrated then some drops of her tears dropped on my face then I raised my head.

  "Nessa?" I called out calmly

  "No Jordan, don't say sorry. Don't sympathize, don't say you understand 'coz we all feel different pain but in the end, someone left us when we least expected." She wiped her tears "Some things happen but we can't always ask questions, we'd never find the answers to those questions. Don't ask why she left, don't blame yourself or anyone for what happened, did she ever love you?"

  "Gia loves me..."

  "That's exactly how he made me think, I thought he did..."

  "He's not Gianna, both different basis!"

I said then we maintained our silent first another minute then she began again.

  "I want you to know that I'll be that one person that'll never leave you..."

  "Why?" I blurted, I didn't want to ask that.

  "I don't know, I just wanna be there for you thru this rough path, i wanna be around you! Just it!" She said sweetly then placed her head on my shoulders, intertwining her fingers tightly against mine.

I couldn't explain what the difference was between Nessa and others but for some unknown reasons, I let Nessa stay.

My sons were at the top of my thoughts, will I ever get to hold them or speak to them like we always do or not? How Gianna treat me this way like we never shared love, did I ever matter to her or not, was she only pretending to love me or not, if this was a threat then who was behind it? Like Nessa said, no one would give me answers to my questions to why ask for the impossible.

I don't think I can live a normal life with my wife and kids. 

  "Will you ever forgive her for this?" She  asked while I remained silent. "You don't  have to answer me now, time will tell but for now," she turned me slow with an intent stare "let me take care of you, Jordan! You deserve more than a medal, she's lost a real man and she'd never find another like you! That's a promise!"

For whatsoever reasons that made her say all of that wasn't a problem but I wanted answers to questions.

Several weeks on,

Thursday,

11:55am,

Nessa and I sat on the sofa while the team prepared against the live show. I was off minded but I stared at everyone doing one or two things then she waved her hand before my face then I turned slowly to her. 

  "I'm sorry...I just noticed your off mindedness, are you okay?" She asked

  "How can I be?" I heaved a deep sigh rubbing my palms against each other slowly. "It hurts to this moment, how can I ever live without my sons, they look up to me." I said coldly almost whispering then I turned away.

  "We'll find a way out, but for now...let's focus on the moment. Put the past behind you for a few seconds, then we go somewhere to talk. Is that...that okay?" She inquired calmly rubbing my shoulder lightly then I nodded lightly.

  "Ready? We are live in 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. Action!" The director blurted

  "Good day Miami. How do you do, this lovely noon. Its your one and only host Vanessa Tinkers and I have here with me, the Lion's cub, the CEO of the outstanding and invincible Khaleefa Industry..." She spoke courteously turning to me slowly

   "Jordan Kareem Khaleefa!" I said accordingly forcing a faint smile.

05:18pm,

The Humpty restaurant,

We had gone almost half way eating, there was no appetite but Nessa would insist that I do no matter how hard I try.

  "Jordan?"  She called out then I raised my head slowly to meet her gaze. "Could you at least give respect to the innocent delicacy, Its only trying to serve you well!" She teased them I smiled halfway.

  "It understands how uninterested I've suddenly become, not to worry!" I said, she smiled running my cheek lightly.

  "It's crazy how the world goes round, don't it?" She asked then I nodded in affirmation, she wiped her mouth "And we never seem to rotate, we're still like the still waters." She added, her British accent tingles me all the time. 

  "Why's that?"

  "Simply because we've got no destination, yes? We sort for the physical time travel not the in-depth one."

  "I wanna believe you though!"

  "Anyways, have you heard anything good enough from the inspector?"

  "Oh that!" I cringed a little. "Im not the only one corrupt here, am I? He's not responding to me as he ought to, he keeps assuring but there's no traces of My wife and kids. I guess I shouldn't expect much, its not necessary!"

  "C'mon Jordan, they are doing their job. They don't have to loud it, it should have subtle. Anyone can claim he's known their whereabouts, take the handsome rewards and there, its nothing at all." She explained correctly

  "That's it, logically but not basically. I can't help but wonder why Gia ran out of sight with my kids, she could leave but not with my kids, I love them so much, more than words could describe. Is that too much to ask?" I got pissed off.

  "It's not too much to ask when you've the right too! I'm also wondering like you are, it's not smart. In this era that we're in, women don't do such things especially when they have all they want, plus the love they've been seeking. You love your children which I understand but....your wife....do you love her that much? I mean..."

  "I love Gianna more than you can ever assume, she's made me different person."

  "Do you love her for what she's done or what exactly..."

  "For everything that she is!" I snapped, she's being unnecessary emphatic on this. "Why? Do you think that I don't love her like I always say?"

  "Not about that..."

  "Then what?" I was getting agitated

  "You care for her always even when you should be mad at her, you should rage...learn to put you first!" She was pissed as well "This is not fair!"

   "What's not fair?" I got confused somehow

  "Let her go for a minute, let her out of your mind for once. Focus on you...and how to find your sons not her!"

  "And what does that makes you? A saint?" I almost yelled.

She stared at me in utmost distaste, she was hurt by my words. I just realized that i may have been too direct, somehow. She stood up walking away then placed some dollars on the table then I followed her scurrying.

  "Ness...Message! Nessa! I did not mean it that way....Nessa?" 

She was walking down the empty street wrapping her as against her brown overcoat, I heard the sounds of her heels echoing.

I started the car then followed her as fast as I could. 

  "Nessa? Nessa?" I called out following her abreast whilst in the car

  "Leave me alone Jordan, you'd be better off that way!" She blurred coldly without looking towards my direction.

  "Ness please, can I at least...take you home? Just this once?" I pleaded again. The last time i pleaded with someone was Gianna and here I was pleading.I swerved a bit faster than pulled over in front, she couldn't go further.

  "I could really go over this car, don't play with me!" She blurted with a faint smile

  "Well. I won't let you! Let me take you home Nessa, my call!"

  "It better be!" She snapped them entered the car as well drove away maintaining a deep silence, I focused on the road while she looked through the mirror.

We arrived at her classy apartment, it was fit for a classy and sassy spinster like herself, the interiors were of great taste, rise gold and white

 This was actually the first time I entered her home and it overtook me. 

All my life, I've lived In gigantic buildings, nothing like a three room comfortable apartment, it all seemed new and catchy to me. The silence that intervened was monumental, just the way I preferred it. I sat on the rose gold sofa looking around while she headed to the wine cellar. The paintings, portraits of her parents and other older journalists were all around, she's got passion In what she does. She was too unlucky in the matters of the heart but every other thing was perfect. She returned to me with two glass and a bottle of tequila.

  "I hope you don't mind! I could cook up something if need be!" She said politely as she placed the bottle and glasses on the table. She hook off her shoes stretching her toes then leaned back on the sofa with her hands above her head and lastly sighed in content.

  "Forgive my manners, do you feel comfortable anyways?" She asked

  "Er..." I stopped

  "Well, you should Jordan! Welcome home!" She added them poured some drink into the glasses respectively.

  "You live here all alone?" I asked

  "I wish I don't but I do! Sometimes, I really want to have my own child, maybe I wouldn't have to feel lonely."

I beamed.

  "Children are blessings, mother would always tell me that! I once took that for granted but when I had mine, I understood it." I explained them she smile, we remained silent for some seconds then I rose up instantly walking towards the portraits.

   "John Augustus....Defoe....Jean Loret," I turned to her "I see where you got your enthusiasm. From the best out there!" I smiled a little then she stood next to me

  "They made a difference, and I wonder what difference I'd make when all this is all over. I wanna be them but the little I can do is follow in their path of greatness..."

  "That's the spirit! Like my father would always tell me, nothing is enough once you keep going, you just gotta keep going until your last breath." I said

  "He's a wise man!" She snapped "As well as your grandfather, Dr Khaleed Khaleefa! I have written a lot of articles about him, the changes he's made in terms of finance and race, He's brought lots of equality in every dimension. More reasons why the government never seem to get a hold over him, his indeed A Man of Steel!"

  "That's one person I wish I had met, He's explicit and quite stern in discipline and morals!" I added as we turned to each other. "If we keep praising and hailing our icons then who'd hail us in the end?"

  "People only see the wrong in us, the mistakes we've made, our imperfections. They don't see the good in us, they fail to see us as humans not perfectionists. They forget the crosses we bore for them only because we got one single thing wrong. Just Humans!"